But she went to the beach with Dick next morning with a renewal¹ of her apprehension² that Dick was contriving³ at some desperate solution. Since the evening on Golding’s yacht she had sensed what was going on. So delicately balanced was she between an old foothold that had always guaranteed her security, and the imminence⁴ of a leap from which she must alight changed in the very chemistry of blood and muscle, that she did not dare bring the matter into the true forefront of consciousness. The figures of Dick and herself, mutating, undefined, appeared as spooks caught up into a fantastic dance. For months every word had seemed to have an overtone of some other meaning, soon to be resolved under circumstances that Dick would determine. Though this state of mind was perhaps more hopeful — the long years of sheer being had had an enlivening effect on the parts of her nature that early illness had killed, that Dick had not reached — through no fault of his but simply because no one nature can extend entirely⁵ inside another — it was still disquieting⁶. The most unhappy aspect of their relations was Dick’s growing indifference⁷, at present personified by too much drink; Nicole did not know whether she was to be crushed or spared — Dick’s voice, throbbing⁸ with insincerity, confused the issue; she couldn’t guess how he was going to behave next upon the tortuously⁹ slow unrolling of the carpet, nor what would happen at the end, at the moment of the leap.

For what might occur thereafter she had no anxiety — she suspected that that would be the lifting of a burden, an unblinding of eyes. Nicole had been designed for change, for flight, with money as

分享到：