I circled round all that day, keeping near to ?vreb?; looked in at one or two farms to ask for work, and wandered on again like an outcast, aimlessly. It was a chill, unkindly day, and I had need of all my walking to keep warm.

Towards evening I made over to my old working place among the Captain’s timber. I heard no sound of the ax; Falkenberg had gone home. I found the trees I had felled the night before, and laughed outright¹ at the ghastly looking stumps² I had left. Falkenberg would surely have seen the havoc³, and wondered who could have done it. Possibly he might have set it down to witchcraft⁴, and fled home accordingly before it got dark. Falkenberg! . . . Hahaha!

But it was no healthy merriment, I doubt — a thing born of the fever and the weakness that followed it. And I soon turned sorrowful once more. Here, on this spot, she had stood one day with that girl friend of hers; they had come out and talked to us in the woods. . . .

When it was dark enough I started down towards the house. Perhaps I might sleep in the loft⁵ again to-night; then to-morrow, when her headache was gone, she might come out. I went down near enough to see the lights of the house, then I turned back. No, perhaps it was too early yet.

Then for a time — I should reckon about two hours — I wandered round and sat down a bit, wandered again and sat down a bit; then I moved up towards the house again. Now I could perfectly⁶ well go up in the loft and lie down there. As for Falkenberg — miserable⁷ worm! — let him dare to say a word! Now I know what I will do. I will hide my sack in the woods before I go up, so as to look as if I had only come back for some little thing I had forgotten.

And I go back to the woods.

No sooner have I hidden the sack than I realize I am not concerned at all with Falkenberg and sleeping in the loft. I am a fool and a madman, for the thing I want is not shelter for the night, but a sight of just one creature there before I leave the place. And I say to myself: “My good sir, was it not you that set out to live a quiet life among healthy folk, to win back your peace of mind?”

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