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III Dreams
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“To-day I will make my confession1 and purge2 myself of every sin,” I thought to myself. “Nor will I ever commit another one.” At this point I recalled all the peccadilloes3 which most troubled my conscience. “I will go to church regularly every Sunday, as well as read the Gospel at the close of every hour throughout the day. What is more, I will set aside, out of the cheque which I shall receive each month after I have gone to the University, two-and- a-half roubles” (a tenth of my monthly allowance) “for people who are poor but not exactly beggars, yet without letting any one know anything about it. Yes, I will begin to look out for people like that — orphans4 or old women — at once, yet never tell a soul what I am doing for them.
“Also, I will have a room here of my very own (St. Jerome’s, probably), and look after it myself, and keep it perfectly5 clean. I will never let any one do anything for me, for every one is just a human being like myself. Likewise I will walk every day, not drive, to the University. Even if some one gives me a drozhki [Russian phaeton.] I will sell it, and devote the money to the poor. Everything I will do exactly and always” (what that “always” meant I could not possibly have said, but at least I had a vivid consciousness of its connoting some kind of prudent6, moral, and irreproachable7 life). “I will get up all my lectures thoroughly8, and go over all the subjects beforehand, so that at the end of my first course I may come out top and write a thesis. During my second course also I will get up everything beforehand, so that I may soon be transferred to the third course, and at eighteen come out top in the examinations, and receive two gold medals, and go on to be Master of Arts, and Doctor, and the first scholar in Europe. Yes, in all Europe I mean to be the first scholar. — Well, what next?” I asked myself at this point. Suddenly it struck me that dreams of this sort were a form of pride — a sin which I should have to confess to the priest that very evening, so I returned to the original thread of my
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1
confession
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n.自白,供认,承认 | |
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2
purge
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n.整肃,清除,泻药,净化;vt.净化,清除,摆脱;vi.清除,通便,腹泻,变得清洁 | |
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3
peccadilloes
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n.轻罪,小过失( peccadillo的名词复数 ) | |
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4
orphans
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孤儿( orphan的名词复数 ) | |
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5
perfectly
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adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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6
prudent
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adj.谨慎的,有远见的,精打细算的 | |
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7
irreproachable
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adj.不可指责的,无过失的 | |
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8
thoroughly
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adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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9
meditations
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默想( meditation的名词复数 ); 默念; 沉思; 冥想 | |
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10
consolatory
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adj.慰问的,可藉慰的 | |
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11
linen
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n.亚麻布,亚麻线,亚麻制品;adj.亚麻布制的,亚麻的 | |
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12
craving
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n.渴望,热望 | |
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13
impending
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a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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14
verge
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n.边,边缘;v.接近,濒临 | |
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15
ecstasy
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n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷 | |
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16
attain
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vt.达到,获得,完成 | |
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17
abhorrence
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n.憎恶;可憎恶的事 | |
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18
mingled
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混合,混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 ); 混进,与…交往[联系] | |
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19
detesting
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v.憎恶,嫌恶,痛恨( detest的现在分词 ) | |
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20
longing
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n.(for)渴望 | |
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21
iniquity
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n.邪恶;不公正 | |
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22
nay
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adv.不;n.反对票,投反对票者 | |
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23
vista
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n.远景,深景,展望,回想 | |
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II Springtime
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IV Our Family Circle
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