火车上的女孩 The Girl on the Train
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MEGAN

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THURSDAY, JUNE 13, 2013
MORNING
I can’t sleep in this heat. Invisible bugs1 crawl overmy skin, I have a rash on my chest, I can’t getcomfortable. And Scott seems to radiate warmth;lying next to him is like lying next to a fire. I can’tget far enough away from him and find myselfclinging to the edge of the bed, sheets thrown back.
It’s intolerable. I thought about going to lie down onthe futon in the spare room, but he hates to wakeand find me gone, it always leads to a row aboutsomething. Alternative uses for the spare room,usually, or who I was thinking about while I waslying there alone. Sometimes I want to scream athim, Just let me go. Let me go. Let me breathe.
So I can’t sleep, and I’m angry. I feel as thoughwe’re having a fight already, even though the fight’sonly in my imagination.
And in my head, thoughts go round and round andround.
I feel like I’m suffocating2.
When did this house become so bloody3 small?
When did my life become so boring? Is this reallywhat I wanted? I can’t remember. All I know is thata few months ago I was feeling better, and now Ican’t think and I can’t sleep and I can’t draw andthe urge to run is becoming overwhelming. At nightwhen I lie awake I can hear it, quiet but unrelenting,undeniable: a whisper in my head, Slip away. WhenI close my eyes, my head is filled with images of pastand future lives, the things I dreamed I wanted, thethings I had and threw away. I can’t get comfortable,because every way I turn I run into dead ends: theclosed gallery, the houses on this road, the stiflingattentions of the tedious Pilates women, the track atthe end of the garden with its trains, always takingsomeone else to somewhere else, reminding me overand over and over, a dozen times a day, that I’mstaying put.
I feel as though I’m going mad.
And yet just a few months ago, I was feeling better,I was getting better. I was fine. I was sleeping. Ididn’t live in fear of the nightmares. I could breathe.
Yes, I still wanted to run away. Sometimes. But notevery day.
Talking to Kamal helped me, there’s no denyingthat. I liked it. I liked him. He made me happier.
And now all that feels so unfinished—I never got tothe crux4 of it. That’s my fault, of course, because Ibehaved stupidly, like a child, because I didn’t likefeeling rejected. I need to learn to lose a little better.
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1 bugs e3255bae220613022d67e26d2e4fa689     
adj.疯狂的，发疯的n.窃听器( bug的名词复数 )；病菌；虫子；[计算机]（制作软件程序所产生的意料不到的）错误
参考例句：
  • All programs have bugs and need endless refinement. 所有的程序都有漏洞，都需要不断改进。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The sacks of rice were swarming with bugs. 一袋袋的米里长满了虫子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
2 suffocating suffocating     
a.使人窒息的
参考例句：
  • After a few weeks with her parents, she felt she was suffocating.和父母呆了几个星期后，她感到自己毫无自由。
  • That's better. I was suffocating in that cell of a room.这样好些了，我刚才在那个小房间里快闷死了。
3 bloody kWHza     
adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染
参考例句：
  • He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
  • He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。
4 crux 8ydxw     
adj.十字形；难事，关键，最重要点
参考例句：
  • The crux of the matter is how to comprehensively treat this trend.问题的关键是如何全面地看待这种趋势。
  • The crux of the matter is that attitudes have changed.问题的要害是人们的态度转变了。
5 lurking 332fb85b4d0f64d0e0d1ef0d34ebcbe7     
潜在
参考例句：
  • Why are you lurking around outside my house? 你在我房子外面鬼鬼祟祟的，想干什么？
  • There is a suspicious man lurking in the shadows. 有一可疑的人躲在阴暗中。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
6 determined duszmP     
adj.坚定的；有决心的
参考例句：
  • I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
  • He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。
7 gratitude p6wyS     
adj.感激，感谢
参考例句：
  • I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
  • She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。
8 bin yR2yz     
n.箱柜；vt.放入箱内；[计算机] DOS文件名:二进制目标文件
参考例句：
  • He emptied several bags of rice into a bin.他把几袋米倒进大箱里。
  • He threw the empty bottles in the bin.他把空瓶子扔进垃圾箱。
9 depressed xu8zp9     
adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的
参考例句：
  • When he was depressed,he felt utterly divorced from reality.他心情沮丧时就感到完全脱离了现实。
  • His mother was depressed by the sad news.这个坏消息使他的母亲意志消沉。
10 doorway 2s0xK     
n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径
参考例句：
  • They huddled in the shop doorway to shelter from the rain.他们挤在商店门口躲雨。
  • Mary suddenly appeared in the doorway.玛丽突然出现在门口。
11 perfectly 8Mzxb     
adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地
参考例句：
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
12 plunge 228zO     
v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲
参考例句：
  • Test pool's water temperature before you plunge in.在你跳入之前你应该测试水温。
  • That would plunge them in the broil of the two countries.那将会使他们陷入这两国的争斗之中。
13 tack Jq1yb     
n.大头钉；假缝，粗缝
参考例句：
  • He is hammering a tack into the wall to hang a picture.他正往墙上钉一枚平头钉用来挂画。
  • We are going to tack the map on the wall.我们打算把这张地图钉在墙上。
14 sip Oxawv     
v.小口地喝，抿，呷；n.一小口的量
参考例句：
  • She took a sip of the cocktail.她啜饮一口鸡尾酒。
  • Elizabeth took a sip of the hot coffee.伊丽莎白呷了一口热咖啡。
15 isolated bqmzTd     
adj.与世隔绝的
参考例句：
  • His bad behaviour was just an isolated incident. 他的不良行为只是个别事件。
  • Patients with the disease should be isolated. 这种病的患者应予以隔离。
16 dunes 8a48dcdac1abf28807833e2947184dd4     
沙丘( dune的名词复数 )
参考例句：
  • The boy galloped over the dunes barefoot. 那男孩光着脚在沙丘间飞跑。
  • Dragging the fully laden boat across the sand dunes was no mean feat. 将满载货物的船拖过沙丘是一件了不起的事。
17 tilts 0949a40cec67d3492b7f45f6f0f9f858     
（意欲赢得某物或战胜某人的）企图，尝试( tilt的名词复数 )
参考例句：
  • As the kitten touches it, it tilts at the floor. 它随着击碰倾侧，头不动，眼不动，还呆呆地注视着地上。 来自汉英文学 - 散文英译
  • The two writers had a number of tilts in print. 这两位作家写过一些文章互相攻击。
18 flip Vjwx6     
vt.快速翻动；轻抛；轻拍；n.轻抛；adj.轻浮的
参考例句：
  • I had a quick flip through the book and it looked very interesting.我很快翻阅了一下那本书，看来似乎很有趣。
  • Let's flip a coin to see who pays the bill.咱们来抛硬币决定谁付钱。
19 leaching 1e372f36a995d8d1d41109f43f4cfdb5     
n.滤取，滤去v.（将化学品、矿物质等）过滤( leach的现在分词 )；（液体）过滤，滤去
参考例句：
  • The lack of humus and the excessive leaching make this soil almost useless for agricultural purpose. 缺少腐殖质和过度淋滤使这种土壤对农业几乎无用。 来自辞典例句
  • The deep oxidation and groundwater leaching solubilizes much of the loosely bound uranium. 深部氧化和地下水淋蚀使大部分固定得比较松散的铀溶解。 来自辞典例句
20 oblivious Y0Byc     
adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的
参考例句：
  • Mother has become quite oblivious after the illness.这次病后，妈妈变得特别健忘。
  • He was quite oblivious of the danger.他完全没有察觉到危险。
21 irritable LRuzn     
adj.急躁的；过敏的；易怒的
参考例句：
  • He gets irritable when he's got toothache.他牙一疼就很容易发脾气。
  • Our teacher is an irritable old lady.She gets angry easily.我们的老师是位脾气急躁的老太太。她很容易生气。
22 touching sg6zQ9     
adj.动人的，使人感伤的
参考例句：
  • It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
  • His letter was touching.他的信很感人。
23 thigh RItzO     
n.大腿；股骨
参考例句：
  • He is suffering from a strained thigh muscle.他的大腿肌肉拉伤了，疼得很。
  • The thigh bone is connected to the hip bone.股骨连着髋骨。
24 scent WThzs     
n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉
参考例句：
  • The air was filled with the scent of lilac.空气中弥漫着丁香花的芬芳。
  • The flowers give off a heady scent at night.这些花晚上散发出醉人的芳香。
25 astringent re2yN     
adj.止血的，收缩的，涩的；n.收缩剂，止血剂
参考例句：
  • It has an astringent effect.这个有止血的作用。
  • Green persimmons are strongly astringent.绿柿子非常涩。
26 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的
参考例句：
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
27 flickering wjLxa     
adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的
参考例句：
  • The crisp autumn wind is flickering away. 清爽的秋风正在吹拂。
  • The lights keep flickering. 灯光忽明忽暗。
28 guttering e419fa91a79d58c88910bbf6068b395a     
n.用于建排水系统的材料；沟状切除术；开沟
参考例句：
  • a length of guttering 一节沟槽
  • The candle was guttering in the candlestick. 蜡烛在烛台上淌着蜡。 来自辞典例句
29 exhausted 7taz4r     
adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的
参考例句：
  • It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
  • Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。
30 chattering chattering     
n. （机器振动发出的）咔嗒声，(鸟等)鸣，啁啾 adj. 喋喋不休的，啾啾声的 动词chatter的现在分词形式
参考例句：
  • The teacher told the children to stop chattering in class. 老师叫孩子们在课堂上不要叽叽喳喳讲话。
  • I was so cold that my teeth were chattering. 我冷得牙齿直打战。
31 slates ba298a474e572b7bb22ea6b59e127028     
（旧时学生用以写字的）石板( slate的名词复数 )； 板岩； 石板瓦； 石板色
参考例句：
  • The contract specifies red tiles, not slates, for the roof. 合同规定屋顶用红瓦，并非石板瓦。
  • They roofed the house with slates. 他们用石板瓦做屋顶。
32 lighter 5pPzPR     
n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级
参考例句：
  • The portrait was touched up so as to make it lighter.这张画经过润色，色调明朗了一些。
  • The lighter works off the car battery.引燃器利用汽车蓄电池打火。
33 appease uVhzM     
v.安抚，缓和，平息，满足
参考例句：
  • He tried to appease the crying child by giving him candy.他试图给那个啼哭的孩子糖果使他不哭。
  • The government tried to appease discontented workers.政府试图安抚不满的工人们。

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