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RACHEL
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SUNDAY, AUGUST 4, 2013
MORNING
It’s different, the nightmare I wake from thismorning. In it, I’ve done something wrong, but Idon’t know what it is, all I know is that it cannot beput right. All I know is that Tom hates me now, hewon’t talk to me any longer, and he has toldeveryone I know about the terrible thing I’ve done,and everyone has turned against me: old colleagues,my friends, even my mother. They look at me withdisgust, contempt, and no one will listen to me, noone will let me tell them how sorry I am. I feelawful, desperately1 guilty, I just can’t think what it isthat I’ve done. I wake and I know the dream mustcome from an old memory, some ancienttransgression—it doesn’t matter which one now.
After I got off the train yesterday, I hung aroundoutside Ashbury station for a full fifteen or twentyminutes. I watched to see if he’d got off the trainwith me—the red-haired man—but there was no signof him. I kept thinking that I might have missed him,that he was there somewhere, just waiting for me towalk home so that he could follow me. I thoughthow desperately I would love to be able to run homeand for Tom to be waiting for me. To have someonewaiting for me.
I walked home via the off-licence.
The flat was empty when I got back, it had thefeeling of a place just vacated, as though I’d justmissed Cathy, but the note on the counter said shewas going out for lunch with Damien in Henley andthat she wouldn’t be back until Sunday night. I feltrestless, afraid. I walked from room to room, pickingthings up, putting them down. Something felt off, butI realized eventually that it was just me.
Still, the silence ringing in my ears sounded likevoices, so I poured myself a glass of wine, and thenanother, and then I phoned Scott. The phone wentstraight to voice mail: his message from anotherlifetime, the voice of a busy, confident man with abeautiful wife at home. After a few minutes, I phonedagain. The phone was answered, but no one spoke5.
“Hello?”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Rachel,” I said. “Rachel Watson.”
“Oh.” There was noise in the background, voices, awoman. His mother, perhaps.
“You?.?.?. I missed your call,” I said.
“No?.?.?. no. Did I call you? Oh. By mistake.” Hesounded flustered6. “No, just put it there,” he said,and it took me a moment to realize he wasn’t talkingto me.
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1
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地 | |
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2
guilt
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| n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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transgression
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| n.违背;犯规;罪过 | |
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4
sag
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| v.下垂,下跌,消沉;n.下垂,下跌,凹陷,[航海]随风漂流 | |
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5
spoke
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| n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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6
flustered
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| adj.慌张的;激动不安的v.使慌乱,使不安( fluster的过去式和过去分词) | |
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7
sarcasm
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| n.讥讽,讽刺,嘲弄,反话 (adj.sarcastic) | |
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8
drawn
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| v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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9
remains
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| n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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10
gritted
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| v.以沙砾覆盖(某物),撒沙砾于( grit的过去式和过去分词 );咬紧牙关 | |
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11
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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12
shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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13
motive
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| n.动机,目的;adv.发动的,运动的 | |
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14
bloody
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| adj.非常的的;流血的;残忍的;adv.很;vt.血染 | |
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swells
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| 增强( swell的第三人称单数 ); 肿胀; (使)凸出; 充满(激情) | |
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jaw
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| n.颚,颌,说教,流言蜚语;v.喋喋不休,教训 | |
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frustration
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| n.挫折,失败,失效,落空 | |
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18
bruises
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| n.瘀伤,伤痕,擦伤( bruise的名词复数 ) | |
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19
crumb
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| n.饼屑,面包屑,小量 | |
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trauma
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| n.外伤,精神创伤 | |
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21
skull
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| n.头骨;颅骨 | |
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22
psychiatrist
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| n.精神病专家;精神病医师 | |
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ribs
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| n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 );(船或屋顶等的)肋拱;肋骨状的东西;(织物的)凸条花纹 | |
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24
veered
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| v.(尤指交通工具)改变方向或路线( veer的过去式和过去分词 );(指谈话内容、人的行为或观点)突然改变;(指风) (在北半球按顺时针方向、在南半球按逆时针方向)逐渐转向;风向顺时针转 | |
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25
circumspect
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| adj.慎重的,谨慎的 | |
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26
investigation
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| n.调查,调查研究 | |
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27
killers
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| 凶手( killer的名词复数 ); 消灭…者; 致命物; 极难的事 | |
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killer
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| n.杀人者,杀人犯,杀手,屠杀者 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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inhuman
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| adj.残忍的,不人道的,无人性的 | |
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exultation
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| n.狂喜,得意 | |
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middle-aged
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| adj.中年的 | |
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Vogue
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| n.时髦,时尚;adj.流行的 | |
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glumly
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| adv.忧郁地,闷闷不乐地;阴郁地 | |
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shuffled
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| v.洗(纸牌)( shuffle的过去式和过去分词 );拖着脚步走;粗心地做;摆脱尘世的烦恼 | |
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jolt
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| v.(使)摇动,(使)震动,(使)颠簸 | |
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spine
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| n.脊柱,脊椎;(动植物的)刺;书脊 | |
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brute
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| n.野兽,兽性 | |
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sanity
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| n.心智健全,神智正常,判断正确 | |
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amber
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| n.琥珀;琥珀色;adj.琥珀制的 | |
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41
fully
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| adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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lulled
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| vt.使镇静,使安静(lull的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的,抑郁的,不景气的,萧条的 | |
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underlying
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| adj.在下面的,含蓄的,潜在的 | |
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45
addicted
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| adj.沉溺于....的,对...上瘾的 | |
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46
bereavement
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| n.亲人丧亡,丧失亲人,丧亲之痛 | |
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47
shrugged
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| vt.耸肩(shrug的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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48
reassuring
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| a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的,使人放心的 | |
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exudes
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| v.缓慢流出,渗出,分泌出( exude的第三人称单数 );流露出对(某物)的神态或感情 | |
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50
coaxed
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| v.哄,用好话劝说( coax的过去式和过去分词 );巧言骗取;哄劝,劝诱 | |
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51
forgone
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| v.没有也行,放弃( forgo的过去分词 ) | |
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52
longing
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| n.(for)渴望 | |
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53
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的;有造诣的;达到了的 | |
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tabloid
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| adj.轰动性的,庸俗的;n.小报,文摘 | |
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