THURSDAY, JUNE 20, 2013
EVENING
I’m sitting on the sofa in his living room, a glass ofwine in my hand. The house is still a total mess. Iwonder, does he always live like this, like a teenageboy? And I think about how he lost his family whenhe was a teenager, so maybe he does. I feel sad forhim. He comes in from the kitchen and sits at myside, comfortably close. If I could, I would come hereevery day, just for an hour or two. I’d just sit hereand drink wine, feel his hand brush against mine.
But I can’t. There’s a point to this, and he wantsme to get to it.
“OK, Megan,” he says. “Do you feel ready now? Tofinish what you were telling me before?”
I lean back a little against him, against his warmbody. He lets me. I close my eyes, and it doesn’ttake me long to get back there, back to thebathroom. It’s weird¹, because I’ve spent so longtrying not to think about it, about those days, thosenights, but now I can close my eyes and it’s almostinstant, like falling asleep, right into the middle of adream.
It was dark and very cold. I wasn’t in the bath anylonger. “I don’t know exactly what happened. Iremember waking up, I remember knowing thatsomething was wrong, and then the next thing Iknow Mac was home. He was calling for me. I couldhear him downstairs, shouting my name, but Icouldn’t move. I was sitting on the floor in thebathroom, she was in my arms. The rain washammering down, the beams in the roof creaking. Iwas so cold. Mac came up the stairs, still calling outto me. He came to the doorway² and turned on thelight.” I can feel it now, the light searing my retinas,everything stark³ and white, horrifying⁴.
“I remember screaming at him to turn the light off.
I didn’t want to see, I didn’t want to look at her likethat. I don’t know—I don’t know what happenedthen. He was shouting at me, he was screaming inmy face. I gave her to him and ran. I ran out of thehouse into the rain, I ran to the beach. I don’tremember what happened after that. It was a longtime before he came for me. It was still raining. Iwas in the dunes⁵, I think. I thought about going inthe water, but I was too scared. He came for meeventually. He took me home.

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