火车上的女孩 The Girl on the Train
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MEGAN

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FRIDAY, JULY 12, 2013
MORNING
She’s forced my hand. Or maybe he has. My guttells me she. Or my heart tells me so, I don’t know.
I can feel her, the way I could before, curled up, aseed within a pod, only this seed’s smiling. Biding1 hertime. I can’t hate her. And I can’t get rid of her. Ican’t. I thought I would be able to, I thought I wouldbe desperate to scrape her out, but when I thinkabout her, all I can see is Libby’s face, her darkeyes. I can smell her skin. I can feel how cold shewas at the end. I can’t get rid of her. I don’t wantto. I want to love her.
I can’t hate her, but she scares me. I’m afraid ofwhat she’ll do to me, or what I’ll do to her. It’s thatfear that woke me just after five this morning,soaked in sweat despite the open windows and thefact that I’m alone. Scott’s at a conference,somewhere in Hertfordshire or Essex or somewhere.
He’s back tonight.
What is it with me, that I’m desperate to be alonewhen he’s here, and when he’s gone I can’t bear it?
I can’t stand the silence. I have to talk out loud justto make it go away. In bed this morning, I keptthinking, what if it happens again? What’s going tohappen when I’m alone with her? What’s going tohappen if he won’t have me, won’t have us? Whathappens if he guesses that she isn’t his?
She might be, of course. I don’t know, but I justfeel that she isn’t. Same way I feel that she’s a she.
But even if she isn’t, how would he know? He won’t.
He can’t. I’m being stupid. He’ll be so happy. He’llbe mental with joy when I tell him. The thought thatshe might not be his won’t even cross his mind.
Telling him would be cruel, it would break his heart,and I don’t want to hurt him. I’ve never wanted tohurt him.
I can’t help the way I am.
“You can help what you do, though.” That’s whatKamal says.
I called Kamal just after six. The silence was righton top of me and I was starting to panic. I thoughtabout ringing Tara—I knew she’d come running—butI didn’t think I could stand it, she’d be all clingy andoverprotective. Kamal was the only person I couldthink of. I called him at home. I told him I was introuble, I didn’t know what to do, I was freaking out.
He came over right away. Not quite without question,but almost. Perhaps I made things sound worse thanthey are. Perhaps he was afraid I was going to DoSomething Stupid.
We’re in the kitchen. It’s still early, just after seventhirty. He has to leave soon if he’s going to make hisfirst appointment. I look at him, sitting there acrossfrom me at our kitchen table, his hands foldedtogether
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1 biding 83fef494bb1c4bd2f64e5e274888d8c5     
v.等待，停留( bide的现在分词 )；居住；（过去式用bided）等待；面临
参考例句：
  • He was biding his time. 他正在等待时机。 来自辞典例句
  • Applications:used in carbide alloy, diamond tools, biding admixture, high-temperature alloy, rechargeable cell. 用作硬质合金，磁性材料，金刚石工具，高温合金，可充电池等。 来自互联网
2 neatly ynZzBp     
adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地
参考例句：
  • Sailors know how to wind up a long rope neatly.水手们知道怎样把一条大绳利落地缠好。
  • The child's dress is neatly gathered at the neck.那孩子的衣服在领口处打着整齐的皱褶。
3 jolts 6b399bc85f7ace4b27412ec2740f286e     
（使）摇动， （使）震惊( jolt的名词复数 )
参考例句：
  • He found that out when he got a few terrific jolts, but he wouldn't give up. 被狠狠地撞回来几次后，他发觉了这一点，但他决不因此罢休。
  • Some power bars are loaded with carbohydrates or caffeine for quick jolts. 有些能量条中包含大量的碳水化合物和咖啡因，以达到快速提神的效果。
4 rumbling 85a55a2bf439684a14a81139f0b36eb1     
n. 隆隆声, 辘辘声 adj. 隆隆响的 动词rumble的现在分词
参考例句：
  • The earthquake began with a deep [low] rumbling sound. 地震开始时发出低沉的隆隆声。
  • The crane made rumbling sound. 吊车发出隆隆的响声。
5 exhausted 7taz4r     
adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的
参考例句：
  • It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
  • Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。
6 runaway jD4y5     
n.逃走的人，逃亡，亡命者；adj.逃亡的，逃走的
参考例句：
  • The police have not found the runaway to date.警察迄今没抓到逃犯。
  • He was praised for bringing up the runaway horse.他勒住了脱缰之马受到了表扬。
7 blurring e5be37d075d8bb967bd24d82a994208d     
n.模糊，斑点甚多，（图像的）混乱v.（使）变模糊( blur的现在分词 )；（使）难以区分
参考例句：
  • Retinal hemorrhage, and blurring of the optic dise cause visual disturbances. 视网膜出血及神经盘模糊等可导致视力障碍。 来自辞典例句
  • In other ways the Bible limited Puritan writing, blurring and deadening the pages. 另一方面，圣经又限制了清教时期的作品，使它们显得晦涩沉闷。 来自辞典例句
8 standing 2hCzgo     
n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的
参考例句：
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
9 instinctively 2qezD2     
adv.本能地
参考例句：
  • As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近，她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》
10 muffled fnmzel     
adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己）
参考例句：
  • muffled voices from the next room 从隔壁房间里传来的沉闷声音
  • There was a muffled explosion somewhere on their right. 在他们的右面什么地方有一声沉闷的爆炸声。 来自《简明英汉词典》
11 blurry blurry     
adj.模糊的；污脏的，污斑的
参考例句：
  • My blurry vision makes it hard to drive. 我的视力有点模糊，使得开起车来相当吃力。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The lines are pretty blurry at this point. 界线在这个时候是很模糊的。 来自《简明英汉词典》
12 patio gSdzr     
n.庭院，平台
参考例句：
  • Suddenly, the thought of my beautiful patio came to mind. I can be quiet out there,I thought.我又忽然想到家里漂亮的院子，我能够在这里宁静地呆会。
  • They had a barbecue on their patio on Sunday.星期天他们在院子里进行烧烤。
13 spat pFdzJ     
n.口角，掌击；v.发出呼噜呼噜声
参考例句：
  • Her parents always have spats.她的父母经常有些小的口角。
  • There is only a spat between the brother and sister.那只是兄妹间的小吵小闹。
14 hips f8c80f9a170ee6ab52ed1e87054f32d4     
abbr.high impact polystyrene 高冲击强度聚苯乙烯，耐冲性聚苯乙烯n.臀部( hip的名词复数 )；[建筑学]屋脊；臀围（尺寸）；臀部…的
参考例句：
  • She stood with her hands on her hips. 她双手叉腰站着。
  • They wiggled their hips to the sound of pop music. 他们随着流行音乐的声音摇晃着臀部。 来自《简明英汉词典》
15 skull CETyO     
n.头骨；颅骨
参考例句：
  • The skull bones fuse between the ages of fifteen and twenty-five.头骨在15至25岁之间长合。
  • He fell out of the window and cracked his skull.他从窗子摔了出去，跌裂了颅骨。
16 ascending CyCzrc     
adj.上升的，向上的
参考例句：
  • Now draw or trace ten dinosaurs in ascending order of size.现在按照体型由小到大的顺序画出或是临摹出10只恐龙。
17 condemned condemned     
adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词
参考例句：
  • He condemned the hypocrisy of those politicians who do one thing and say another. 他谴责了那些说一套做一套的政客的虚伪。
  • The policy has been condemned as a regressive step. 这项政策被认为是一种倒退而受到谴责。
18 bloody kWHza     
adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染
参考例句：
  • He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
  • He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。
19 confrontation xYHy7     
n.对抗，对峙，冲突
参考例句：
  • We can't risk another confrontation with the union.我们不能冒再次同工会对抗的危险。
  • After years of confrontation,they finally have achieved a modus vivendi.在对抗很长时间后，他们最后达成安宁生存的非正式协议。
20 determined duszmP     
adj.坚定的；有决心的
参考例句：
  • I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
  • He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。
21 flirt zgwzA     
v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者
参考例句：
  • He used to flirt with every girl he met.过去他总是看到一个姑娘便跟她调情。
  • He watched the stranger flirt with his girlfriend and got fighting mad.看着那个陌生人和他女朋友调情，他都要抓狂了。
22 flirted 49ccefe40dd4c201ecb595cadfecc3a3     
v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
  • She flirted her fan. 她急速挥动着扇子。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
  • During his four months in Egypt he flirted with religious emotions. 在埃及逗留的这四个月期间，他又玩弄起宗教情绪来了。 来自辞典例句
23 obsession eIdxt     
n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感)
参考例句：
  • I was suffering from obsession that my career would be ended.那时的我陷入了我的事业有可能就此终止的困扰当中。
  • She would try to forget her obsession with Christopher.她会努力忘记对克里斯托弗的迷恋。
24 bruised 5xKz2P     
[医]青肿的，瘀紫的
参考例句：
  • his bruised and bloodied nose 他沾满血的青肿的鼻子
  • She had slipped and badly bruised her face. 她滑了一跤，摔得鼻青脸肿。
25 makeup 4AXxO     
n.组织；性格；化装品
参考例句：
  • Those who failed the exam take a makeup exam.这次考试不及格的人必须参加补考。
  • Do you think her beauty could makeup for her stupidity?你认为她的美丽能弥补她的愚蠢吗？
26 whine VMNzc     
v.哀号，号哭；n.哀鸣
参考例句：
  • You are getting paid to think,not to whine.支付给你工资是让你思考而不是哀怨的。
  • The bullet hit a rock and rocketed with a sharp whine.子弹打在一块岩石上，一声尖厉的呼啸，跳飞开去。
27 croak yYLzJ     
vi.嘎嘎叫，发牢骚
参考例句：
  • Everyone seemed rather out of sorts and inclined to croak.每个人似乎都有点不对劲，想发发牢骚。
  • Frogs began to croak with the rainfall.蛙随着雨落开始哇哇叫。
28 animatedly 832398ed311043c67bec5ccd36d3d468     
adv.栩栩如生地，活跃地
参考例句：
  • Tanya Livingston was talking animatedly with a group of passengers. 坦妮亚·利文斯顿谈笑风生地和一群旅客在一起说着话。 来自辞典例句
  • Then, man-hour case became the tool that the political party struggles animatedly. 于是，工时案就活生生地成了政党斗争的工具。 来自互联网
29 hunched 532924f1646c4c5850b7c607069be416     
（常指因寒冷、生病或愁苦）耸肩弓身的，伏首前倾的
参考例句：
  • He sat with his shoulders hunched up. 他耸起双肩坐着。
  • Stephen hunched down to light a cigarette. 斯蒂芬弓着身子点燃一支烟。
30 clenched clenched     
v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
  • He clenched his fists in anger. 他愤怒地攥紧了拳头。
  • She clenched her hands in her lap to hide their trembling. 她攥紧双手放在腿上，以掩饰其颤抖。 来自《简明英汉词典》

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