Windsor Castle July 1172 Marie Helene helped me dress for dinner in the hall. I did not speak, but she saw my face, and the pain there. She was kind enough to say nothing, but laced my gown in silence. The door was always open, but this day Bijou did not try to flee as she had always done before. Her desire to explore the smells of Henry’s castle was overwhelmed by the need to stay by me. She sat on her cushion and stared up at me as I dressed. She seemed to sense my sorrow, as dogs and children can. Bijou came to me, and licked my hand, not for her comfort, but for mine. I wore cloth of gold, heavily embroidered¹, the most elaborate dress I had been given since being brought out of the nunnery. The gown had been very fine fresh from the seamstress’ hand, but Marie Helene had a talent with a needle. She had added to the sleeves in gold thread an embroidered crest², twining my father’s fleur-de-lys with the lion of Richard’s house. I looked down at those sleeves that had given me so much pleasure. I thought to wear a different dress, but I remembered Eleanor’s eyes, and how she challenged me to be the woman she had raised me to be. I swallowed my pride, and left the gown on. I remembered how proud I had been of that gown when Marie Helene first showed it to me, and how I had looked forward to wearing it. Now that joy was ashes in my mouth. Marie Helene placed the filet³ Eleanor had given me over my hair. Tonight my veil was a light gold. The fleurs-de-lys of my childhood blessed my temple where they lay on my brow, and gleamed on my finger where Eleanor’s ring winked⁴ at me in the firelight. I raised my hand and crossed myself, though I had not been at prayer. Marie Helene repeated my gesture before she followed me from the room, down into Eleanor’s hall. I did not see Richard when I came into the great hall, though I looked for him. Eleanor caught my eye and smiled, gesturing that I was to join her at the high table. If she saw the embroidery⁵ on my sleeve, she did not speak of it. “Alais, what a pretty gown. You will outshine us all.?? She met my eyes as if our earlier conversation had never happened, as if I had not stormed out of her rooms without her leave less than two hours before. Instead of stoking the fire of my anger, her calm regard gave me strength. As always, the presence of Eleanor reminded me of who I was. My courtier’s tongue loosened as it rarely did, and I

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