"I need your help."

Then I wait. After a little while, a response comes, in my own handwriting:

I'm right here. What can I do for you?

And here recommences my strangest and most secret conversation.

Here, in this most private notebook, is where I talk to myself. I talk to that same voice I met that night on my bathroom floor when I first prayed to God in tears for help, when something (or somebody) had said, "Go back to bed, Liz." In the years since then, I've found that voice again in times of code-orange distress¹, and have learned that the best way for me to reach it is written conversation. I've been surprised to find that I can almost always access that voice, too, no matter how black my anguish² may be. Even during the worst of suffering, that calm, compassionate³, affectionate and infinitely⁴ wise voice (who is maybe me, or maybe not exactly me) is always available for a conversation on paper at any time of day or night.

I've decided⁵ to let myself off the hook from worrying that conversing⁶ with myself on paper means I'm a schizo. Maybe the voice I am reaching for is God, or maybe it's my Guru speaking through me, or maybe it's the angel who was assigned to my case, or maybe it's my Highest Self, or maybe it is indeed just a construct of my subconscious7

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点击收听单词发音  

1 distress
n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛
参考例句：
Nothing could alleviate his distress.什么都不能减轻他的痛苦。 Please don't distress yourself.请你不要忧愁了。

2 anguish
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼
参考例句：
She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时，她由于痛苦而失声大哭。 The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。

3 compassionate
adj.有同情心的，表示同情的
参考例句：
She is a compassionate person.她是一个有同情心的人。 The compassionate judge gave the young offender a light sentence.慈悲的法官从轻判处了那个年轻罪犯。

4 infinitely
adv.无限地，无穷地
参考例句：
There is an infinitely bright future ahead of us.我们有无限光明的前途。 The universe is infinitely large.宇宙是无限大的。

5 decided
adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的
参考例句：
This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。 There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

6 conversing
v.交谈，谈话( converse的现在分词 )
参考例句：
I find that conversing with her is quite difficult. 和她交谈实在很困难。 来自《简明英汉词典》 They were conversing in the parlor. 他们正在客厅谈话。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

7 subconscious
n./adj.潜意识(的)，下意识(的)
参考例句：
Nail biting is often a subconscious reaction to tension.咬指甲通常是紧张时的下意识反映。 My answer seemed to come from the subconscious.我的回答似乎出自下意识。

8 torment
n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠
参考例句：
He has never suffered the torment of rejection.他从未经受过遭人拒绝的痛苦。 Now nothing aggravates me more than when people torment each other.没有什么东西比人们的互相折磨更使我愤怒。

9 consolation
n.安慰，慰问
参考例句：
The children were a great consolation to me at that time.那时孩子们成了我的莫大安慰。 This news was of little consolation to us.这个消息对我们来说没有什么安慰。

10 consolations
n.安慰，慰问( consolation的名词复数 )；起安慰作用的人（或事物）
参考例句：
Recent history had washed away the easy consolations and the old formulas. 现代的历史已经把轻松的安慰和陈旧的公式一扫而光。 来自辞典例句 When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul. 诗94:19我心里多忧多疑、安慰我、使我欢乐。 来自互联网

11 irrational
adj.无理性的，失去理性的
参考例句：
After taking the drug she became completely irrational.她在吸毒后变得完全失去了理性。 There are also signs of irrational exuberance among some investors.在某些投资者中是存在非理性繁荣的征象的。

12 jurisdiction
n.司法权，审判权，管辖权，控制权
参考例句：
It doesn't lie within my jurisdiction to set you free.我无权将你释放。 Changzhou is under the jurisdiction of Jiangsu Province.常州隶属江苏省。

13 scrawling
乱涂，潦草地写( scrawl的现在分词 )
参考例句：

14 pinpoint
vt.准确地确定；用针标出…的精确位置
参考例句：
It is difficult to pinpoint when water problems of the modern age began.很难准确地指出，现代用水的问题是什么时候出现的。 I could pinpoint his precise location on a map.我能在地图上指明他的准确位置。

15 embarrassment
n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫
参考例句：
She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。 Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。

16 reminder
n.提醒物，纪念品；暗示，提示
参考例句：
I have had another reminder from the library.我又收到图书馆的催还单。 It always took a final reminder to get her to pay her share of the rent.总是得发给她一份最后催缴通知，她才付应该交的房租。

17 buddy
n.（美口）密友，伙伴
参考例句：
Calm down,buddy.What's the trouble?压压气，老兄。有什么麻烦吗？ Get out of my way,buddy!别挡道了，你这家伙！

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