To answer that question simply: I don't want to have any while I'm here.

To answer it more thoroughly¹ and honestly--of course, sometimes I do desperately² want to have some, but I've decided³ to sit this particular game out for a while. I don't want to get involved with anybody. Of course I do miss being kissed because I love kissing. (I complain about this so much to Sofie that the other day she finally said in exasperation⁴, "For God's sake, Liz--if it gets bad enough, I'll kiss you.") But I'm not going to do anything about it for now. When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

It's a kind of emergency life-saving policy, more than anything else. I got started early in life with the pursuit of sexual and romantic pleasure. I barely had an adolescence⁶ before I had my first boyfriend, and I have consistently had a boy or a man (or sometimes both) in my life ever since I was fifteen years old. That was--oh, let's see--about nineteen years ago, now. That's almost two solid decades I have been entwined in some kind of drama with some kind of guy. Each overlapping⁷ the next, with never so much as a week's breather in between. And I can't help but think that's been something of a liability on my path to maturity⁸.

Moreover, I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane

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1 thoroughly
adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地
参考例句：
The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。 The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。

2 desperately
adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地
参考例句：
He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。 He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。

3 decided
adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的
参考例句：
This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。 There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

4 exasperation
n.愤慨
参考例句：
He snorted with exasperation.他愤怒地哼了一声。 She rolled her eyes in sheer exasperation.她气急败坏地转动着眼珠。

5 merge
v.(使)结合，(使)合并，(使)合为一体
参考例句：
I can merge my two small businesses into a large one.我可以将我的两家小商店合并为一家大商行。 The directors have decided to merge the two small firms together.董事们已决定把这两家小商号归并起来。

6 adolescence
n.青春期，青少年
参考例句：
Adolescence is the process of going from childhood to maturity.青春期是从少年到成年的过渡期。 The film is about the trials and tribulations of adolescence.这部电影讲述了青春期的麻烦和苦恼。

7 overlapping
adj./n.交迭（的）
参考例句：
There is no overlapping question between the two courses. 这两门课程之间不存在重叠的问题。 A trimetrogon strip is composed of three rows of overlapping. 三镜头摄影航线为三排重迭的象片所组成。

8 maturity
n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期
参考例句：
These plants ought to reach maturity after five years.这些植物五年后就该长成了。 This is the period at which the body attains maturity.这是身体发育成熟的时期。

9 membrane
n.薄膜，膜皮，羊皮纸
参考例句：
A vibrating membrane in the ear helps to convey sounds to the brain.耳膜的振动帮助声音传送到大脑。 A plastic membrane serves as selective diffusion barrier.一层塑料薄膜起着选择性渗透屏障的作用。

10 ass
n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人
参考例句：
He is not an ass as they make him.他不象大家猜想的那样笨。 An ass endures his burden but not more than his burden.驴能负重但不能超过它能力所负担的。

11 exhausted
adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的
参考例句：
It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。 Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。

12 depleted
adj. 枯竭的, 废弃的 动词deplete的过去式和过去分词
参考例句：
Food supplies were severely depleted. 食物供应已严重不足。 Both teams were severely depleted by injuries. 两个队都因队员受伤而实力大减。

13 intimacy
n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行
参考例句：
His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切，这有点言过其实。 I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。

14 catastrophe
n.大灾难，大祸
参考例句：
I owe it to you that I survived the catastrophe.亏得你我才大难不死。 This is a catastrophe beyond human control.这是一场人类无法控制的灾难。

15 license
n.执照，许可证，特许；v.许可，特许
参考例句：
The foreign guest has a license on the person.这个外国客人随身携带执照。 The driver was arrested for having false license plates on his car.司机由于使用假车牌而被捕。

16 cumulative
adj.累积的，渐增的
参考例句：
This drug has a cumulative effect.这种药有渐增的效力。 The benefits from eating fish are cumulative.吃鱼的好处要长期才能显现。

17 chaotic
adj.混沌的，一片混乱的，一团糟的
参考例句：
Things have been getting chaotic in the office recently.最近办公室的情况越来越乱了。 The traffic in the city was chaotic.这城市的交通糟透了。

18 irony
n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄
参考例句：
She said to him with slight irony.她略带嘲讽地对他说。 In her voice we could sense a certain tinge of irony.从她的声音里我们可以感到某种讥讽的意味。

19 celibacy
n.独身(主义)
参考例句：
People in some religious orders take a vow of celibacy. 有些宗教修会的人发誓不结婚。 The concept of celibacy carries connotations of asceticism and religious fervor. 修道者的独身观念含有禁欲与宗教热情之意。

20 lust
n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望
参考例句：
He was filled with lust for power.他内心充满了对权力的渴望。 Sensing the explorer's lust for gold, the chief wisely presented gold ornaments as gifts.酋长觉察出探险者们垂涎黄金的欲念，就聪明地把金饰品作为礼物赠送给他们。

21 entirely
ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地
参考例句：
The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。 His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

22 harassed
adj. 疲倦的，厌烦的 动词harass的过去式和过去分词
参考例句：
He has complained of being harassed by the police. 他投诉受到警方侵扰。 harassed mothers with their children 带着孩子的疲惫不堪的母亲们

23 apparently
adv.显然地；表面上，似乎
参考例句：
An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽，豁然开朗。 He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。

24 inevitable
adj.不可避免的，必然发生的
参考例句：
Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。 The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。

25 modernizing
使现代化，使适应现代需要( modernize的现在分词 )； 现代化，使用现代方法
参考例句：
Modernizing a business to increase its profitability and competitiveness is a complicated affair. 使企业现代化，从而达到增加利润，增强竞争力的目的，是一件复杂的事情。 The young engineer had a large share in modernizing the factory. 这位年轻工程师在工厂现代化的过程中尽了很大的“力”。

26 embarrassment
n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫
参考例句：
She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。 Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。

27 infamous
adj.声名狼藉的，臭名昭著的，邪恶的
参考例句：
He was infamous for his anti-feminist attitudes.他因反对女性主义而声名狼藉。 I was shocked by her infamous behaviour.她的无耻行径令我震惊。

28 lewdness
n. 淫荡, 邪恶
参考例句：
That book Yeh-yeh gave me-"On Filial Piety and the Shunning of Lewdness"-was still on the table. 我坐下来，祖父给我的那本《刘芷唐先生教孝戒淫浅训》还在桌子上。 来自汉英文学 - 家（1-26） - 家（1-26） Thou hast borne thy lewdness and thine abominations, saith the Lord. 结16:58耶和华说、你贪淫和可憎的事、你已经担当了。

29 pestering
使烦恼，纠缠( pester的现在分词 )
参考例句：
He's always pestering me to help him with his homework. 他总是泡蘑菇要我帮他做作业。 I'm telling you once and for all, if you don't stop pestering me you'll be sorry. 我这是最后一次警告你。如果你不停止纠缠我，你将来会后悔的。

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