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Chapter 28
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It is this happiness, I suppose (which is really a few months old by now), that gets me to thinking upon my return to Rome that I need to do something about David. That maybe it's time for us to end our story forever. We were already separated, that was official, but there was still a window of hope left open that perhaps someday (maybe after my travels, maybe after a year apart) we could give things another try. We loved each other. That was never the question. It's just that we couldn't figure out how to stop making each other desperately1, shriekingly, soul-punishingly miserable2.
Last spring David had offered this crazy solution to our woes3, only half in jest: "What if we just acknowledged that we have a bad relationship, and we stuck it out, anyway? What if we admitted that we make each other nuts, we fight constantly and hardly ever have sex, but we can't live without each other, so we deal with it? And then we could spend our lives together--in misery4, but happy to not be apart."
Let it be a testimony5 to how desperately I love this guy that I have spent the last ten months giving that offer serious consideration.
The other alternative in the backs of our minds, of course, was that one of us might change. He might become more open and affectionate, not withholding6 himself from anyone who loves him on the fear that she will eat his soul. Or I might learn how to . . . stop trying to eat his soul.
So many times I had wished with David that I could behave more like my mother does in her marriage--independent, strong, self-sufficient. A self-feeder. Able to exist without regular doses of romance or flattery from my solitary7 farmer of a father. Able to cheerfully plant gardens of daisies among the inexplicable8 stone walls of silence that my dad sometimes builds up around himself. My dad is quite simply my favorite person in the world, but he is a bit of an odd case. An ex-boyfriend of mine once described him this way: "Your father only has one foot on this earth. And really, really long legs . . ."
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1
desperately
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adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地 | |
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2
miserable
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adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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3
woes
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困境( woe的名词复数 ); 悲伤; 我好苦哇; 某人就要倒霉 | |
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4
misery
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n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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5
testimony
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n.证词;见证,证明 | |
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6
withholding
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扣缴税款 | |
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7
solitary
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adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
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8
inexplicable
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adj.无法解释的,难理解的 | |
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9
peculiar
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adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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oblivious
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adj.易忘的,遗忘的,忘却的,健忘的 | |
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decided
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adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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radical
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n.激进份子,原子团,根号;adj.根本的,激进的,彻底的 | |
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unprecedented
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adj.无前例的,新奇的 | |
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intimacies
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亲密( intimacy的名词复数 ); 密切; 亲昵的言行; 性行为 | |
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dimes
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n.(美国、加拿大的)10分铸币( dime的名词复数 ) | |
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ass
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n.驴;傻瓜,蠢笨的人 | |
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curb
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n.场外证券市场,场外交易;vt.制止,抑制 | |
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banter
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n.嘲弄,戏谑;v.取笑,逗弄,开玩笑 | |
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looming
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n.上现蜃景(光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼)v.隐约出现,阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 );隐约出现,阴森地逼近 | |
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bliss
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n.狂喜,福佑,天赐的福 | |
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isolation
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n.隔离,孤立,分解,分离 | |
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corrosive
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adj.腐蚀性的;有害的;恶毒的 | |
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insidious
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adj.阴险的,隐匿的,暗中为害的,(疾病)不知不觉之间加剧 | |
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resentment
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n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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dismantling
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(枪支)分解 | |
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inevitably
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adv.不可避免地;必然发生地 | |
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attachment
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n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附 | |
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blessings
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n.(上帝的)祝福( blessing的名词复数 );好事;福分;因祸得福 | |
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piazza
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n.广场;走廊 | |
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collapse
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vi.累倒;昏倒;倒塌;塌陷 | |
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ragged
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adj.衣衫褴褛的,粗糙的,刺耳的 | |
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bawling
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v.大叫,大喊( bawl的现在分词 );放声大哭;大声叫出;叫卖(货物) | |
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inhale
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v.吸入(气体等),吸(烟) | |
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gasps
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v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 );喘息;倒抽气;很想要 | |
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sob
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n.空间轨道的轰炸机;呜咽,哭泣 | |
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mortified
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v.使受辱( mortify的过去式和过去分词 );伤害(人的感情);克制;抑制(肉体、情感等) | |
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sobbing
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<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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distress
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n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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forth
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adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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cavorting
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v.跳跃( cavort的现在分词 ) | |
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burlesque
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v.嘲弄,戏仿;n.嘲弄,取笑,滑稽模仿 | |
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dignified
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a.可敬的,高贵的 | |
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sculptor
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n.雕刻家,雕刻家 | |
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abridged
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削减的,删节的 | |
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reassuring
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a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的,使人放心的 | |
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discomfort
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n.不舒服,不安,难过,困难,不方便 | |
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kindly
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adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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Chapter 27
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Chapter 29
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