⁶ me, hemade all the right noises, he told me it was probablya load of rubbish anyway. “You know you can’tbelieve half the stuff they print in the newspapers.” Ididn’t make too much of a fuss, because he was theone who suggested she come and help out with Eviein the first place. He must be feeling horrible.
And he’s right. It may not even be true. But whowould come up with a story like that? Why wouldyou make up a thing like that? And I can’t helpthinking, I knew. I always knew there was somethingoff about that woman. At first I just thought she wasa bit immature⁷, but it was more than that, she wassort of absent. Self-involved. I’m not going to lie—I’mglad she’s gone. Good riddance.
EVENING
I’m upstairs, in the bedroom. Tom’s watching TVwith Evie. We’re not talking. It’s my fault. He walkedin the door and I just went for him.
I was building up to it all day. I couldn’t help it,couldn’t hide from it, she was everywhere I looked.
Here, in my house, holding my child, feeding her,changing her, playing with her while I was taking anap. I kept thinking of all the times I left Evie alonewith her, and it made me sick.
And then the paranoia⁸ came, that feeling I’ve hadalmost all the time I’ve lived in this house, of beingwatched. At first, I used to put it down to the trains.
All those faceless bodies staring out of the windows,staring right across at us, it gave me the creeps. Itwas one of the many reasons why I didn’t want tomove in here in the first place, but Tom wouldn’tleave. He said we’d lose money on the sale.
At first the trains, and then Rachel. Rachel watchingus, turning up on the street, calling us up all thetime. And then even Megan, when she was herewith Evie: I always felt she had half an eye on me,as though she were assessing me, assessing myparenting, judging me for not being able to cope onmy own. Ridiculous, I know. Then I think about thatday when Rachel came to the house and took Evie,and my whole body goes cold and I think, I’m notbeing ridiculous at all.
So by the time Tom came home, I was spoiling fora fight. I issued an ultimatum⁹: we have to leave,there’s no way I can stay in this house, on this road,knowing everything that has gone on here.
Everywhere I look now I have to see not onlyRachel, but Megan, too. I have to think abouteverything she touched. It’s too much. I said I didn’tcare whether we got a good price for the house ornot.

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