We renewed our acquaintance in January 1796, but with no particular effect, except so far as sympathy in her anguish12, added in my mind to the respect I had always entertained for her talents. It was in the close of that month that I read her Letters from Norway; and the impression that book produced upon me has been already related.
It was on the fourteenth of April that I first saw her after her excursion into Berkshire. On that day she called upon me in Somers Town, she having, since her return, taken a lodging13 in Cumming-street, Pentonville, at no great distance from the place of my habitation. From that time our intimacy14 increased, by regular, but almost imperceptible degrees.
The partiality we conceived for each other, was in that mode, which I have always regarded as the purest and most refined style of love. It grew with equal advances in the mind of each. It would have been impossible for the most minute observer to have said who was before, and who was after. One sex did not take the priority which long-established custom has awarded it, nor the other overstep that delicacy which is so severely15 imposed. I am not conscious that either party can assume to have been the agent or the patient, the toil-spreader or the prey16, in the affair. When, in the course of things, the disclosure came, there was nothing, in a manner, for either party to disclose to the other.
In July 1796 I made an excursion into the county of Norfolk, which occupied nearly the whole of that month. During this period Mary removed, from Cumming-street, Pentonville, to Judd place West, which may be considered as the extremity17 of Somers Town. In the former situation, she had occupied a furnished lodging. She had meditated18 a tour to Italy or Switzerland, and knew not how soon she should set out with that view. Now however she felt herself reconciled to a longer abode19 in England, probably without exactly knowing why this change had taken place in her mind. She had a quantity of furniture locked up at a broker’s ever since her residence in Store-street, and she now found it adviseable to bring it into use. This circumstance occasioned her present removal.
The temporary separation attendant on my little journey, had its effect on the mind of both parties. It gave a space for the maturing of inclination20. I believe that, during this interval21, each furnished to the other the principal topic of solitary22 and daily contemplation. Absence bestows23 a refined and a?rial delicacy upon affection, which it with difficulty acquires in any other way. It seems to resemble the communication of spirits, without the medium, or the impediment, of this earthly frame.
When we met again, we met with new pleasure, and, I may add, with a more decisive preference for each other. It was however three weeks longer, before the sentiment which trembled upon the tongue, burst from the lips of either. There was, as I have already said, no period of throes and resolute24 explanation attendant on the tale. It was friendship melting into love. Previously25 to our mutual26 declaration, each felt half-assured, yet each felt a certain trembling anxiety to have assurance complete.
Mary rested her head upon the shoulder of her lover, hoping to find a heart with which she might safely treasure her world of affection; fearing to commit a mistake, yet, in spite of her melancholy27 experience, fraught28 with that generous confidence, which, in a great soul, is never extinguished. I had never loved till now; or, at least, had never nourished a passion to the same growth, or met with an object so consummately29 worthy30.
We did not marry. It is difficult to recommend any thing to indiscriminate adoption31, contrary to the established rules and prejudices of mankind; but certainly nothing can be so ridiculous upon the face of it, or so contrary to the genuine march of sentiment, as to require the overflowing32 of the soul to wait upon a ceremony, and that which, wherever delicacy and imagination exist, is of all things most sacredly private, to blow a trumpet33 before it, and to record the moment when it has arrived at its climax34.
There were however other reasons why we did not immediately marry. Mary felt an entire conviction of the propriety35 of her conduct. It would be absurd to suppose that, with a heart withered36 by desertion, she was not right to give way to the emotions of kindness which our intimacy produced, and to seek for that support in friendship and affection, which could alone give pleasure to her heart, and peace to her meditations37. It was only about six months since she had resolutely38 banished39 every thought of Mr. Imlay; but it was at least eighteen that he ought to have been banished, and would have been banished, had it not been for her scrupulous40 pertinacity41 in determining to leave no measure untried to regain42 him. Add to this, that the laws of etiquette43 ordinarily laid down in these cases, are essentially44 absurd, and that the sentiments of the heart cannot submit to be directed by the rule and the square. But Mary had an extreme aversion to be made the topic of vulgar discussion; and, if there be any weakness in this, the dreadful trials through which she had recently passed, may well plead in its excuse. She felt that she had been too much, and too rudely spoken of, in the former instance; and she could not resolve to do any thing that should immediately revive that painful topic.
For myself, it is certain that I had for many years regarded marriage with so well-grounded an apprehension45, that, notwithstanding the partiality for Mary that had taken possession of my soul, I should have felt it very difficult, at least in the present stage of our intercourse47, to have resolved on such a measure. Thus, partly from similar, and partly from different motives, we felt alike in this, as we did perhaps in every other circumstance that related to our intercourse.
I have nothing further that I find it necessary to record, till the commencement of April 1797. We then judged it proper to declare our marriage, which had taken place a little before. The principal motive4 for complying with this ceremony, was the circumstance of Mary’s being in a state of pregnancy48. She was unwilling49, and perhaps with reason, to incur50 that exclusion51 from the society of many valuable and excellent individuals, which custom awards in cases of this sort. I should have felt an extreme repugnance52 to the having caused her such an inconvenience. And, after the experiment of seven months of as intimate an intercourse as our respective modes of living would admit, there was certainly less hazard to either, in the subjecting ourselves to those consequences which the laws of England annex53 to the relations of husband and wife. On the sixth of April we entered into possession of a house, which had been taken by us in concert.
In this place I have a very curious circumstance to notice, which I am happy to have occasion to mention, as it tends to expose certain regulations of polished society, of which the absurdity54 vies with the odiousness55. Mary had long possessed56 the advantage of an acquaintance with many persons of genius, and with others whom the effects of an intercourse with elegant society, combined with a certain portion of information and good sense, sufficed to render amusing companions. She had lately extended the circle of her acquaintance in this respect; and her mind, trembling between the opposite impressions of past anguish and renovating57 tranquillity58, found ease in this species of recreation. Wherever Mary appeared, admiration59 attended upon her. She had always displayed talents for conversation; but maturity60 of understanding, her travels, her long residence in France, the discipline of affliction, and the smiling, new-born peace which awaked a corresponding smile in her animated61 countenance62, inexpressibly increased them. The way in which the story of Mr. Imlay was treated in these polite circles, was probably the result of the partiality she excited. These elegant personages were divided between their cautious adherence63 to forms, and the desire to seek their own gratification. Mary made no secret of the nature of her connection with Mr. Imlay; and in one instance, I well know, she put herself to the trouble of explaining it to a person totally indifferent to her, because he never failed to publish every thing he knew, and, she was sure, would repeat her explanation to his numerous acquaintance. She was of too proud and generous a spirit to stoop to hypocrisy64. These persons however, in spite of all that could be said, persisted in shutting their eyes, and pretending they took her for a married woman.
Observe the consequence of this! While she was, and constantly professed65 to be, an unmarried mother; she was fit society for the squeamish and the formal. The moment she acknowledged herself a wife, and that by a marriage perhaps unexceptionable, the case was altered. Mary and myself, ignorant as we were of these elevated refinements66, supposed that our marriage would place her upon a surer footing in the calendar of polished society, than ever. But it forced these people to see the truth, and to confess their belief of what they had carefully been told; and this they could not forgive. Be it remarked, that the date of our marriage had nothing to do with this, that question being never once mentioned during this period. Mary indeed had, till now, retained the name of Imlay which had first been assumed from necessity in France; but its being retained thus long, was purely67 from the aukwardness that attends the introduction of a change, and not from an apprehension of consequences of this sort. Her scrupulous explicitness68 as to the nature of her situation, surely sufficed to make the name she bore perfectly69 immaterial.
It is impossible to relate the particulars of such a story, but in the language of contempt and ridicule70. A serious reflection however upon the whole, ought to awaken71 emotions of a different sort. Mary retained the most numerous portion of her acquaintance, and the majority of those whom she principally valued. It was only the supporters and the subjects of the unprincipled manners of a court, that she lost. This however is immaterial. The tendency of the proceeding72, strictly73 considered, and uniformly acted upon, would have been to proscribe74 her from all valuable society. And who was the person proscribed75? The firmest champion, and, as I strongly suspect, the greatest ornament76 her sex ever had to boast! A woman, with sentiments as pure, as refined, and as delicate, as ever inhabited a human heart! It is fit that such persons should stand by, that we may have room enough for the dull and insolent77 dictators, the gamblers and demireps of polished society!
Two of the persons, the loss of whose acquaintance Mary principally regretted upon this occasion, were Mrs. Inchbald and Mrs. Siddons. Their acquaintance, it is perhaps fair to observe, is to be ranked among her recent acquisitions. Mrs. Siddons, I am sure, regretted the necessity, which she conceived to be imposed on her by the peculiarity78 of her situation, to conform to the rules I have described. She is endowed with that rich and generous sensibility, which should best enable its possessor completely to feel the merits of her deceased friend. She very truly observes, in a letter now before me, that the Travels in Norway were read by no one, who was in possession of “more reciprocity of feeling, or more deeply impressed with admiration of the writer’s extraordinary powers.”
Mary felt a transitory pang79, when the conviction reached her of so unexpected a circumstance, that was rather exquisite80. But she disdained81 to sink under the injustice82 (as this ultimately was) of the supercilious83 and the foolish, and presently shook off the impression of the first surprize. That once subsided84, I well know that the event was thought of, with no emotions, but those of superiority to the injustice she sustained; and was not of force enough, to diminish a happiness, which seemed hourly to become more vigorous and firm.
I think I may venture to say, that no two persons ever found in each other’s society, a satisfaction more pure and refined. What it was in itself, can now only be known, in its full extent, to the survivor85. But, I believe, the serenity86 of her countenance, the increasing sweetness of her manners, and that consciousness of enjoyment87 that seemed ambitious that every one she saw should be happy as well as herself, were matters of general observation to all her acquaintance. She had always possessed, in an unparalleled degree, the art of communicating happiness, and she was now in the constant and unlimited88 exercise of it. She seemed to have attained89 that situation, which her disposition90 and character imperiously demanded, but which she had never before attained; and her understanding and her heart felt the benefit of it.
While we lived as near neighbours only, and before our last removal, her mind had attained considerable tranquillity, and was visited but seldom with those emotions of anguish, which had been but too familiar to her. But the improvement in this respect, which accrued91 upon our removal and establishment, was extremely obvious. She was a worshipper of domestic life. She loved to observe the growth of affection between me and her daughter, then three years of age, as well as my anxiety respecting the child not yet born. Pregnancy itself, unequal as the decree of nature seems to be in this respect, is the source of a thousand endearments92. No one knew better than Mary how to extract sentiments of exquisite delight, from trifles, which a suspicious and formal wisdom would scarcely deign94 to remark. A little ride into the country with myself and the child, has sometimes produced a sort of opening of the heart, a general expression of confidence and affectionate soul, a sort of infantine, yet dignified95 endearment93, which those who have felt may understand, but which I should in vain attempt to pourtray.
In addition to our domestic pleasures, I was fortunate enough to introduce her to some of my acquaintance of both sexes, to whom she attached herself with all the ardour of approbation96 and friendship.
Ours was not an idle happiness, a paradise of selfish and transitory pleasures. It is perhaps scarcely necessary to mention, that, influenced by the ideas I had long entertained upon the subject of cohabitation, I engaged an apartment, about twenty doors from our house in the Polygon97, Somers Town, which I designed for the purpose of my study and literary occupations. Trifles however will be interesting to some readers, when they relate to the last period of the life of such a person as Mary. I will add therefore, that we were both of us of opinion, that it was possible for two persons to be too uniformly in each other’s society. Influenced by that opinion, it was my practice to repair to the apartment I have mentioned as soon as I rose, and frequently not to make my appearance in the Polygon, till the hour of dinner. We agreed in condemning98 the notion, prevalent in many situations in life, that a man and his wife cannot visit in mixed society, but in company with each other; and we rather sought occasions of deviating99 from, than of complying with, this rule. By these means, though, for the most part, we spent the latter half of each day in one another’s society, yet we were in no danger of satiety100. We seemed to combine, in a considerable degree, the novelty and lively sensation of visit, with the more delicious and heart-felt pleasures of domestic life.
Whatever may be thought, in other respects, of the plan we laid down to ourselves, we probably derived101 a real advantage from it, as to the constancy and uninterruptedness of our literary pursuits. Mary had a variety of projects of this sort, for the exercise of her talents, and the benefit of society; and, if she had lived, I believe the world would have had very little reason to complain of any remission of her industry. One of her projects, which has been already mentioned, was of a series of Letters on the Management of Infants. Though she had been for some time digesting her ideas on this subject with a view to the press, I have found comparatively nothing that she had committed to paper respecting it. Another project, of longer standing46, was of a series of books for the instruction of children. A fragment she left in execution of this project, is inserted in her Posthumous102 Works.
But the principal work, in which she was engaged for more than twelve months before her decease, was a novel, entitled, The Wrongs of Woman. I shall not stop here to explain the nature of the work, as so much of it as was already written, is now given to the public. I shall only observe that, impressed, as she could not fail to be, with the consciousness of her talents, she was desirous, in this instance, that they should effect what they were capable of effecting. She was sensible how arduous103 a task it is to produce a truly excellent novel; and she roused her faculties104 to grapple with it. All her other works were produced with a rapidity, that did not give her powers time fully10 to expand. But this was written slowly and with mature consideration. She began it in several forms, which she successively rejected, after they were considerably105 advanced. She wrote many parts of the work again and again, and, when she had finished what she intended for the first part, she felt herself more urgently stimulated106 to revise and improve what she had written, than to proceed, with constancy of application, in the parts that were to follow.
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1
simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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pervaded
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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narrative
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| n.叙述，故事；adj.叙事的，故事体的 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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frivolity
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| n.轻松的乐事，兴高采烈；轻浮的举止 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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meditated
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| 深思，沉思，冥想( meditate的过去式和过去分词 )； 内心策划，考虑 | |
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abode
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| n.住处，住所 | |
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inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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bestows
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的第三人称单数 ) | |
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resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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fraught
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| adj.充满…的，伴有(危险等)的；忧虑的 | |
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consummately
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| adv.完成地，至上地 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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adoption
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| n.采用，采纳，通过；收养 | |
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overflowing
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| n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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trumpet
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| n.喇叭，喇叭声；v.吹喇叭，吹嘘 | |
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climax
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| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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propriety
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| n.正当行为；正当；适当 | |
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withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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meditations
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| 默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想 | |
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resolutely
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| adj.坚决地，果断地 | |
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banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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scrupulous
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| adj.审慎的，小心翼翼的，完全的，纯粹的 | |
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pertinacity
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| n.执拗，顽固 | |
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regain
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| vt.重新获得，收复，恢复 | |
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etiquette
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| n.礼仪，礼节；规矩 | |
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essentially
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| adv.本质上，实质上，基本上 | |
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apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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pregnancy
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| n.怀孕，怀孕期 | |
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unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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incur
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| vt.招致，蒙受，遭遇 | |
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exclusion
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| n.拒绝，排除，排斥，远足，远途旅行 | |
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repugnance
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| n.嫌恶 | |
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annex
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| vt.兼并，吞并；n.附属建筑物 | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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odiousness
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| n.可憎；讨厌；可恨 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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renovating
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| 翻新，修复，整修( renovate的现在分词 ) | |
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tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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maturity
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| n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期 | |
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animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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adherence
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| n.信奉，依附，坚持，固着 | |
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hypocrisy
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| n.伪善，虚伪 | |
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professed
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| 公开声称的，伪称的，已立誓信教的 | |
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refinements
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| n.（生活）风雅；精炼( refinement的名词复数 )；改良品；细微的改良；优雅或高贵的动作 | |
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purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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explicitness
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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proscribe
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| v.禁止；排斥；放逐，充军；剥夺公权 | |
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proscribed
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| v.正式宣布（某事物）有危险或被禁止( proscribe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ornament
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| v.装饰，美化；n.装饰，装饰物 | |
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insolent
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| adj.傲慢的，无理的 | |
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peculiarity
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| n.独特性，特色；特殊的东西；怪癖 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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80
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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81
disdained
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| 鄙视( disdain的过去式和过去分词 )； 不屑于做，不愿意做 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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supercilious
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| adj.目中无人的，高傲的；adv.高傲地；n.高傲 | |
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subsided
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的过去式和过去分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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survivor
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| n.生存者，残存者，幸存者 | |
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serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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accrued
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| adj.权责已发生的v.增加( accrue的过去式和过去分词 )；（通过自然增长）产生；获得；（使钱款、债务）积累 | |
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endearments
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| n.表示爱慕的话语，亲热的表示( endearment的名词复数 ) | |
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endearment
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| n.表示亲爱的行为 | |
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deign
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| v. 屈尊, 惠允 ( 做某事) | |
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dignified
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| a.可敬的，高贵的 | |
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approbation
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| n.称赞；认可 | |
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polygon
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| n.多边形；多角形 | |
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condemning
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| v.（通常因道义上的原因而）谴责( condemn的现在分词 )；宣判；宣布…不能使用；迫使…陷于不幸的境地 | |
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deviating
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| v.偏离，越轨( deviate的现在分词 ) | |
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100
satiety
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| n.饱和；(市场的)充分供应 | |
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101
derived
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| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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102
posthumous
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| adj.遗腹的；父亡后出生的；死后的，身后的 | |
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103
arduous
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| adj.艰苦的，费力的，陡峭的 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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106
stimulated
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| a.刺激的 | |
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