More flattering than the most gracefully6 turned compliment, more grateful than the most admiring glance, was the sight of those rows of faces, all strange to me a little while ago, now lighting7 up, with smiles of welcome, as I came among them, enjoying that moment heartily8, with a womanly pride in their regard, a motherly affection for them all. The evenings were spent in reading aloud, writing letters, waiting on and amusing the men, going the rounds with Dr. P., as he made his second daily survey, dressing10 my dozen wounds afresh, giving last doses, and making them cozy11 for the long hours to come, till the nine o'clock bell rang, the gas was turned down, the day nurses went off duty, the night watch came on, and my nocturnal adventure began.
My ward was now divided into three rooms; and, under favor of the matron, I had managed to sort out the patients in such a way that I had what I called, "my duty room," my "pleasure room," and my "pathetic room," and worked for each in a different way. One, I visited, armed with a dressing tray, full of rollers, plasters, and pins; another, with books, flowers, games, and gossip; a third, with teapots, lullabies, consolation13, and sometimes, a shroud14.
Wherever the sickest or most helpless man chanced to be, there I held my watch, often visiting the other rooms, to see that the general watchman of the ward did his duty by the fires and the wounds, the latter needing constant wetting. Not only on this account did I meander15, but also to get fresher air than the close rooms afforded; for, owing to the stupidity of that mysterious "somebody" who does all the damage in the world, the windows had been carefully nailed down above, and the lower sashes could only be raised in the mildest weather, for the men lay just below. I had suggested a summary smashing of a few panes16 here and there, when frequent [Page 48] appeals to headquarters had proved unavailing, and daily orders to lazy attendants had come to nothing. No one seconded the motion, however, and the nails were far beyond my reach; for, though belonging to the sisterhood of "ministering angels," I had no wings, and might as well have asked for Jacob's ladder, as a pair of steps, in that charitable chaos17.
One of the harmless ghosts who bore me company during the haunted hours, was Dan, the watchman, whom I regarded with a certain awe18; for, though so much together, I never fairly saw his face, and, but for his legs, should never have recognized him, as we seldom met by day. These legs were remarkable19, as was his whole figure, for his body was short, rotund, and done up in a big jacket, and muffler; his beard hid the lower part of his face, his hat-brim the upper; and all I ever discovered was a pair of sleepy eyes, and a very mild voice. But the legs!-very long, very thin, very crooked20 and feeble, looking like grey sausages in their tight coverings, without a ray of pegtopishness about them, and finished off with a pair of expansive, green cloth shoes, very like Chinese junks, with the sails down. This figure, gliding21 noiselessly about the dimly lighted rooms, was strongly suggestive of the spirit of a beer barrel mounted on cork-screws, haunting the old hotel in search of its lost mates, emptied and staved in long ago.
Another goblin who frequently appeared to me, was the attendant of the pathetic room, who, being a faithful soul, was often up to tend two or three men, weak and wandering as babies, after the fever had gone. The amiable22 creature beguiled23 the watches of the night by brewing24 jorums of a fearful beverage25, which he called coffee, and insisted on sharing with me; coming in with a great bowl of something like mud soup, scalding hot, guiltless of cream, rich in an all-pervading [Page 49] flavor of molasses, scorch26 and tin pot. Such an amount of good will and neighborly kindness also went into the mess, that I never could find the heart to refuse, but always received it with thanks, sipped27 it with hypocritical relish28 while he remained, and whipped it into the slop-jar the instant he departed, thereby29 gratifying him, securing one rousing laugh in the doziest30 hour of the night, and no one was the worse for the transaction but the pigs. Whether they were "cut off untimely in their sins," or not, I carefully abstained31 from inquiring.
It was a strange life-asleep half the day, exploring Washington the other half, and all night hovering32, like a massive cherubim, in a red rigolette, over the slumbering33 sons of man. I liked it, and found many things to amuse, instruct, and interest me. The snores alone were quite a study, varying from the mild sniff35 to the stentorian36 snort, which startled the echoes and hoisted37 the performer erect38 to accuse his neighbor of the deed, magnanimously forgive him, and wrapping the drapery of his couch about him, lie down to vocal39 slumber34. After listening for a week to this band of wind instruments, I indulged in the belief that I could recognize each by the snore alone, and was tempted40 to join the chorus by breaking out with John Brown's favorite hymn41:
"Blow ye the trumpet42, blow!"I would have given much to have possessed43 the art of sketching44, for many of the faces became wonderfully interesting when unconscious. Some grew stern and grim, the men evidently dreaming of war, as they gave orders, groaned45 over their wounds, or damned the rebels vigorously; some grew sad and infinitely47 pathetic, as if the pain borne silently all day, revenged itself by now betraying what the man's pride had concealed48 so well. Often the roughest grew young and pleasant [Page 50] when sleep smothed the hard lines away, letting the real nature assert itself; many almost seemed to speak, and I learned to know these men better by night than through any intercourse49 by day. Sometimes they disappointed me, for faces that looked merry and good in the light, grew bad and sly when the shadows came; and though they made no confidences in words, I read their lives, leaving them to wonder at the change of manner this midnight magic wrought50 in their nurse. A few talked busily; one drummer boy sang sweetly, though no persuasions51 could win a note from him by day; and several depended on being told what they had talked of in the morning. Even my constitutionals in the chilly52 halls, possessed a certain charm, for the house was never still. Sentinels tramped round it all night long, their muskets53 glittering in the wintry moonlight as they walked, or stood before the doors, straight and silent, as figures of stone, causing one to conjure54 up romantic visions of guarded forts, sudden surprises, and daring deeds; for in these war times the hum drum life of Yankeedom had vanished, and the most prosaic55 feel some thrill of that excitement which stirs the nation's heart, and makes its capital a camp of hospitals. Wandering up and down these lower halls, I often heard cries from above, steps hurrying to and fro, saw surgeons passing up, or men coming down carrying a stretcher, where lay a long white figure,whose face was shrouded56 and whose fight was done. Sometimes I stopped to watch the passers in the street, the moonlight shining on thespire opposite, or the gleam of some vessel57 floating, like a white-winged sea-gull, down the broad Potomac, whose fullest flow can never wash away the red stain of the land.
The night whose events I have a fancy to record, opened with a little comedy, and closed with a great tragedy; for a virtuous58 and useful life untimely ended is always tragical59 to [Page 51] those who see not as God sees. My headquarters were beside the bed of a New Jersey60 boy, crazed by the horrors of that dreadful Saturday. A slight wound in the knee brought him there; but his mind had suffered more than his body; some string of that delicate machine was over strained, and, for days, he had been reliving in imagination, the scenes he could not forget, till his distress61 broke out in incoherent ravings, pitiful to hear. As I sat by him, endeavoring to soothe62 his poor distracted brain by the constant touch of wet hands over his hot forehead, he lay cheering his comrades on, hurrying them back, then counting them as they fell around him, often clutching my arm, to drag me from the vicinity of a bursting shell, or covering up his head to screen himself from a shower of shot; his face brilliant with fever; his eyes restless; his head never still; every muscle strained and rigid63; while an incessant64 stream of defiant65 shouts, whispered warnings, and broken laments66, poured from his lips with that forceful bewilderment which makes such wanderings so hard to overhear.
It was past eleven, and my patient was slowly wearying himself into fitful intervals67 of quietude, when, in one of these pauses, a curious sound arrested my attention. Looking over my shoulder, I saw a one-legged phantom68 hopping69 nimbly down the room; and, going to meet it, recognized a certain Pennsylvania gentleman, whose wound-fever had taken a turn for the worse, and, depriving him of the few wits a drunken campaign had left him, set him literally70 tripping on the light, fantastic toe "toward home," as he blandly71 informed me, touching72 the military cap which formed a striking contrast to the severe simplicity73 of the rest of his decidedly undress uniform. When sane74, the least movement produced a roar of pain or a volley of oaths; but the departure of reason seemed to have wrought an agreeable change, both in the man and his [Page 52] manners; for, balancing himself on one leg, like a meditative75 stork76, he plunged77 into an animated78 discussion of the war, the President, lager beer, and Enfield rifles, regardless of any suggestions of mine as to the propriety79 of returning to bed, lest he be court-martialed for desertion.
Any thing more supremely80 ridiculous can hardly be imagined than this figure, scantily81 draped in white, its one foot covered with a big blue sock, a dingy82 cap set rakingly askew83 on its shaven head, and placid84 satisfaction beaming in its broad red face, as it flourished a mug in one hand, an old boot in the other, calling them canteen and knapsack, while it skipped and fluttered in the most unearthly fashion. What to do with the creature I didn't know; Dan was absent, and if I went to find him, the perambulator might festoon himself out of the window, set his toga on fire, or do some of his neighbors a mischief85. The attendant of the room was sleeping like a near relative of the celebrated86 Seven, and nothing short of pins would rouse him; for he had been out that day, and whiskey asserted its supremacy87 in balmy whiffs. Still declaiming, in a fine flow of eloquence88, the demented gentleman hopped89 on, blind and deaf to my graspings and entreaties90; and I was about to slam the door in his face, and run for help, when a second and saner91 phantom, "all in white," came to the rescue, in the likeness92 of a big Prussian, who spoke93 no English, but divined the crisis, and put an end to it, by bundling the lively monoped into his bed, like a baby, with an authoritative94 command to "stay put," which received added weight from being delivered in an odd conglomeration95 of French and German, accompanied by warning wags of a head decorated with a yellow cotton night cap, rendered most imposing96 by a tassel97 like a bell-pull. Rather exhausted by his excursion, the member from Pennsylvania subsided98; and, after an irrepressible [Page 53] laugh together, my Prussian ally and myself were returning to our places, when the echo of a sob99 caused us to glance along the beds. It came from one in the corner-such a little bed!-and such a tearful little face looked up at us, as we stopped beside it! The twelve years old drummer boy was not singing now, but sobbing100, with a manly9 effort all the while to stifle101 the distressful102 sounds that would break out.
"What is it, Teddy?" I asked, as he rubbed the tears away, and checked himself in the middle of a great sob to answer plaintively103:
"I've got a chill, ma'am, but I aint cryin' for that, 'cause I'm used to it. I dreamed Kit104 was here, and when I waked up he wasn't, and I couldn't help it, then."The boy came in with the rest, and the man who was taken dead from the ambulance was the Kit he mourned. Well he might; for, when the wounded were brought from Fredericksburg, the child lay in one of the camps thereabout, and this good friend, though sorely hurt himself, would not leave him to the exposure and neglect of such a time and place; but, wrapping him in his own blanket, carried him in his arms to the transport, tended him during the passage, and only yielded up his charge when Death met him at the door of the hospital which promised care and comfort for the boy. For ten days, Teddy had shivered or burned with fever and ague, pining the while for Kit, and refusing to be comforted, because he had not been able to thank him for the generous protection, which, perhaps, had cost the giver's life. The vivid dream had wrung105 the childish heart with a fresh pang106, and when I tried the solace107 fitted for his years, the remorseful108 fear that haunted him found vent12 in a fresh burst of tears, as he looked at the wasted hands I was endeavoring to warm:
"Oh! if I'd only been as thin when Kit carried me as I am [Page 54] now, maybe he wouldn't have died; but I was heavy, he was hurt worser than we knew, and so it killed him; and I didn't see him, to say good bye."This thought had troubled him in secret; and my assurances that his friend would probably have died at all events, hardly assuaged109 the bitterness of his regretful grief.
At this juncture110, the delirious111 man began to shout; the one-legged rose up in his bed, as if preparing for another dart112, Teddy bewailed himself more piteously than before: and if ever a woman was at her wit's end, that distracted female was Nurse Periwinkle, during the space of two or three minutes, as she vibrated between the three beds, like an agitated113 pendulum114. Like a most opportune115 reinforcement, Dan, the bandy, appeared, and devoted116 himself to the lively party, leaving me free to return to my post; for the Prussian, with a nod and a smile, took the lad away to his own bed, and lulled117 him to sleep with a soothing118 murmur119, like a mammoth120 humble121 bee. I liked that in Fritz, and if he ever wondered afterward122 at the dainties which sometimes found their way into his rations123, or the extra comforts of his bed, he might have found a solution of the mystery in sundry124 persons' knowledge of the fatherly action of that night.
Hardly was I settled again, when the inevitable125 bowl appeared, and its bearer delivered a message I had expected, yet dreaded126 to receive:
"John is going, ma'am, and wants to see you, if you can come.""The moment this boy is asleep; tell him so, and let me know if I am in danger of being too late."My. Ganymede departed, and while I quieted poor Shaw, I thought of John. He came in a day or two after the others; and, one evening, when I entered my "pathetic room," I [Page 55] found a lately emptied bed occupied by a large, fair man, with a fine face, and the serenest127 eyes I ever met. One of the earlier comers had often spoken of a friend, who had remained behind, that those apparently128 worse wounded than himself might reach a shelter first. It seemed a David and Jonathan sort of friendship. The man fretted129 for his mate, and was never tired of praising John-his courage, sobriety, self-denial, and unfailing kindliness130 of heart; always winding131 up with: "He's an out an' out fine feller, ma'am; you see if he aint."I had some curiosity to behold132 this piece of excellence133, and when he came, watched him for a night or two, before I made friends with him; for, to tell the truth, I was a little afraid of the stately looking man, whose bed had to be lengthened134 to accommodate his commanding stature135; who seldom spoke, uttered no complaint, asked no sympathy, but tranquilly136 observed what went on about him; and, as he lay high upon his pillows, no picture of dying stateman or warrior137 was ever fuller of real dignity than this Virginia blacksmith. A most attractive face he had, framed in brown hair and beard, comely138 featured and full of vigor46, as yet unsubdued by pain; thoughtful and often beautifully mild while watching the afflictions of others, as if entirely139 forgetful of his own. His mouth ws grave and firm, with plenty of will and courage in its lines, but a smile could make it as sweet as any woman's; and his eyes were child's eyes, looking one fairly in the face, with a clear, straightforward140 glance, which promised well for such as placed their faith in him. He seemed to cling to life, as if it were rich in duties and delights, and he had learned the secret of content. The only time I saw his composure disturbed, was when my surgeon brought another to examine John, who scrutinized141 their faces with an anxious look, asking of the [Page 56] elder: "Do you think I shall pull through, sir?" "I hope so, my man." And, as the two passed on, John's eye still followed them, with an intentness which would have won a clearer answer from them, had they seen it. A momentary142 shadow flitted over his face; then came the usual serenity143, as if, in that brief eclipse, he had acknowledged the existence of some hard possibility, and, asking nothing yet hoping all things, left the issue in God's hands, with that submission144 which is true piety145.
The next night, as I went my rounds with Dr. P., I happened to ask which man in the room probably suffered most; and, to my great surprise, he glanced at John:
"Every breath he draws is like a stab; for the ball pierced the left lung, broke a rib146, and did no end of damage here and there; so the poor lad can find neither forgetfulness nor ease, because he must lie on his wounded back or suffocate147. It will be a hard struggle, and a long one, for he possesses great vitality148; but even his temperate149 life can't save him; I wish it could.""You don't mean he must die, Doctor?""Bless you there's not the slightest hope for him; and you'd better tell him so before long; women have a way of doing such things comfortably, so I leave it to you. He won't last more than a day or two, at furthest."I could have sat down on the spot and cried heartily, if I had not learned the wisdom of bottling up one's tears for leisure moments. Such an end seemed very hard for such a man, when half a dozen worn out, worthless bodies round him, were gathering150 up the remnants of wasted lives, to linger on for years perhaps, burdens to others, daily reproaches to themselves. The army needed men like John, earest, brave, and faithful; fighting for liberty and justice with both heart [Page 57] and hand, true soldiers of the Lord. I could not give him up so soon, or think with any patience of so excellent a nature robbed of its fulfillment, and blundered into eternity151 by the rashness or stupidity of those at whose hands so many lives may be required. It was an easy thing for Dr. P. to say: "Tell him he must die," but a cruelly hard thing to do, and by no means as "comfortable" as he politely suggested. I had not the heart to do it then, and privately152 indulged the hope that some change for the better might take place, in spite of gloomy prophesies153; so, rendering154 my task unnecessary. A few minutes later, as I came in again, with fresh rollers, I saw John sitting erect, with no one to support him, while the surgeon dressed his back. I had never hitherto seen it done; for, having simpler wounds to attend to, and knowing the fidelity155 of the attendant, I had left John to him, thinking it might be more agreeable and safe; for both strength and experience were needed in his case. I had forgotten that the strong man might long for the gentle tendance of a woman's hands, the sympathetic magnetism156 of a woman's presence, as well as the feebler souls about him. The Doctor's words caused me to reproach myself with neglect, not of any real duty perhaps, but of those little cares and kindnesses that solace homesick spirits, and make the heavy hours pass easier. John looked lonely and forsaken157 just then, as he sat with bent158 head, hands folded on his knee, and no outward sign of suffering, till, looking nearer, I saw great tears roll down and drop upon the floor. It was a new sight there; for, though I had seen many suffer, some swore, some groaned, most endured silently, but none wept. Yet it did not seem weak, only very touching, and straightway my fear vanished, my heart opened wide and took him in, as, gathering the bent head in my arms, [Page 58] as freely as if he had been a little child, I said, "Let me help you bear it, John."Never, on any human countenance159, have I seen so swift and beautiful a look of gratitude160, surprise and comfort, as that which answered me more eloquently161 than the whispered-"Thank you, ma'am, this is right good! this is what I wanted!""Then why not ask for it before?""I didn't like to be a trouble; you seemed so busy, and I could manage to get on alone.""You shall not want it any more, John."Nor did he; for now I understood the wistful look that sometimes followed me, as I went out, after a brief pause beside his bed, or merely a passing nod, while busied with those who seemed to need me more than he, because more urgent in their demands; now I knew that to him, as to so many, I was the poor substitute for mother, wife, or sister, and in his eyes no stranger, but a friend who hitherto had seemed neglectful; for, in his modesty162, he had never guessed the truth. This was changed now; and, through the tedious operation of probing, bathing, and dressing his wounds, he leaned against me, holding my hand fast, and, if pain wrung further tears from him, no one saw them fall but me. When he was laid down again, I hovered163 about him, in a remorseful state of mind that would not let me rest, till I had bathed his face, brushed his "bonny brown hair," set all things smooth about him, and laid a knot of heath and heliotrope164 on his clean pollow. While doing this, he watched me with the satisfied expression I so liked to see; and when I offered the little nosegay, held it carefully in his great hand, smoothed a ruffled165 leaf or two, surveyed and smelt166 it with an air of genuine delight, and lay contentedly167 regarding the glimmer168 of [Page 59] the sunshine on the green. Although the manliest169 man among my forty, he said, "Yes, ma'am," like a little boy; received suggestions for his comfort with the quick smile that brightened his whole face; and now and then, as I stood tidying the table by his bed, I felt him softly touch my gown, as if to assure himself that I was there. Anything more natural and frank I never saw, and found this brave John as bashful as brave, yet full of excellencies and fine aspirations170, which, having no power to express themselves in words, seemed to have bloomed into his character and made him what he was.
After that night, an hour of each evening that remained to him was devoted to his ease or pleasure. He could not talk much, for breath was precious, and he spoke in whispers; but from occasional conversations, I gleaned171 scraps172 of private history which only added to the affection and respect I felt for him. Once he asked me to write a letter, and as I settled pen and paper, I said, with an irrepressible glimmer of feminine curiosity, "Shall it be addressed to wife, or mother, John?""Neither, ma'am; I've got no wife, and will write to mother myself when I get better. Did you think I was married because of this?" he asked, touching a plain ring he wore, and often turned thoughtfully on his finger when he lay alone.
"Partly that, but more from a settled sort of look you have; a look which young men seldom get until they marry.""I didn't know that; but I'm not so very young, ma'am, thirty in May, and have been what you might call settled this ten years; for mother's a widow, I'm the oldest child she has, and it wouldn't do for me to marry until Lizzy has a home of her own, and Laurie's learned his trade; for we're not rich, and I must be father to the children and husband to the dear old woman, if I can." [Page 60]
"No doubt but you are both, John; yet how came you to go to war, if you felt so? Wasn't enlisting173 as bad as marrying?""No, ma'am, not as I see it, for one is helping174 my neighbor, the other pleasing myself. I went because I couldn't help it. I didn't want the glory or the pay; I wanted the right thing done, and people kept saying the men who were in earnest ought to fight. I was in earnest, the Lord knows! but I held off as long as I could, not knowing which was my duty; mother saw the case, gave me her ring to keep me steady, and said 'Go:' so I went."A short story and a simple one, but the man and the mother were portrayed175 better than pages of fine writing could have done it.
"Do you ever regret that you came, when you lie here suffering so much?""Never, ma'am; I haven't helped a great deal, but I've shown I was willing to give my life, and perhaps I've got to; but I don't blame anybody, and if it was to do over again, I'd do it. I'm a little sorry I wasn't wounded in front; it looks cowardly to be hit in the back, but I obeyed orders, and it don't matter in the end, I know."Poor John! it did not matter now, except that a shot in the front might have spared the long agony in store for him. He seemed to read the thought that troubled me, as he spoke so hopefully when there was no hope, for he suddenly added:
"This is my first battle; do they think it's going to be my last?""I'm afraid they do, John."It was the hardest question I had ever been called upon to answer; doubly hard with those clear eyes fixed176 on mine, forcing a truthful177 answer by their own truth. He seemed a [Page 61] little startled at first, pondered over the fateful fact a moment, then shook his head, with a glance at the broad chest and muscular limbs stretched out before him:
"I'm not afraid, but it's difficult to believe all at once. I'm so strong it don't seem possible for such a little wound to kill me."Merry Mercutio's dying words glanced through my memory as he spoke: "'Tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church door, but 'tis enough." And John would have said the same could he have seen the ominous178 black holes between his shoulders; he never had; and, seeing the ghastly sights about him, could not believe his own wound more fatal than these, for all the suffering it caused him.
"Shall I write to your mother, now?" I asked, thinking that these sudden tidings might change all plans and purposes; but they did not; for the man received the order of the Divine Commander to march with the same unquestioning obedience179 with which the soldier had received that of the human one; doubtless remembering that the first led him to life, and the last to death.
"No, ma'am; to Laurie just the same; he'll break it to her best, and I'll add a line to her myself when you get done."So I wrote the letter which he dictated180, finding it better than any I had sent; for, though here and there a little ungrammatical or inelegant, each sentence came to me briefly181 worded, but most expressive182; full of excellent counsel to the boy, tenderly bequeathing "mother and Lizzie" to his care, and bidding him good bye in words the sadder for their simplicity. He added a few lines, with steady hand, and, as I sealed it, said, with a patient sort of sigh, "I hope the answer will come in time for me to see it;" then, turning away his face, [Page 62] laid the flowers against his lips, as if to hide some quiver of emotion at the thought of such a sudden sundering183 of all the dear home ties.
These things had happened two days before; now John was dying, and the letter had not come. I had been summoned to many death beds in my life, but to none that made my heart ache as it did then, since my mother called me to watch the departure of a spirit akin1 to this in its gentleness and patient strength. As I went in, John stretched out both hands:
"I knew you'd come! I guess I'm moving on, ma'am."He was; and so rapidly that, even while he spoke, over his face I saw the grey veil falling that no human hand can lift. I sat down by him, wiped the drops from his forehead, stirred the air about him with the slow wave of a fan, and waited to help him die. He stood in sore need of help-and I could do so little; for, as the doctor had foretold184, the strong body rebelled against death, and fought every inch of the way, forcing him to draw each breath with a spasm185, and clench186 his hands with an imploring187 look, as if he asked, "How long must I endure this, and be still!" For hours he suffered dumbly, without a moment's respire, or a moment's murmuring; his limbs grew cold, his face damp, his lips white, and, again and again, he tore the covering off his breast, as if the lightest weight added to his agony; yet through it all, his eyes never lost their perfect serenity, and the man's soul seemed to sit therein, undaunted by the ills that vexed188 his flesh.
One by one, the men woke, and round the room appeared a circle of pale faces and watchful189 eyes, full of awe and pity; for, though a stranger, John was beloved by all. Each man there had wondered at his patience, respected his piety, admired his fortitude190, and now lamented191 his hard death; for the [Page 63] influence of an upright nature had made itself deeply felt, even in one little week. Presently, the Jonathan who so loved this comely David, came creeping from his bed for a last look and word. The kind soul was full of trouble, as the choke in his voice, the grasp of his hand, betrayed; but there were no tears, and the farewell of the friends was the more touching for its brevity.
"Old boy, how are you?" faltered192 the one.
"Most through, thank heaven!" whispered the other.
"Can I say or do anything for you anywheres?""Take my things home, and tell them that I did my best.""I will! I will!""Good bye, Ned.""Good bye, John, good bye!"They kissed each other, tenderly as women, and so parted, for poor Ned could not stay to see his comrade die. For a little while, there was no sound in the room but the drip of water, from a stump193 or two, and John's distressful gasps194, as he slowly beathed his life away. I thought him nearly gone, and had just laid down the fan, believing its help to be no longer needed, when suddenly he rose up in his bed, and cried out with a bitter cry that broke the silence, sharply startling every one with its agonized195 appeal:
"For God's sake, give me air!"It was the only cry pain or death had wrung from him, the only boon196 he had asked; and none of us could grant it, for all the airs that blew were useless now. Dan flung up the window. The first red streak197 of dawn was warming the grey east, a herald198 of the coming sun; John saw it, and with the love of light which lingers in us to the end, seemed to read in it a sign of hope of help, for, over his whole face there broke that mysterious expression, brighter than any smile, which [Page 64] often comes to eyes that look their last. He laid himself gently down; and, stretching out his strong right arm, as if to grasp and bring the blessed air to his lips in a fuller flow, lapsed199 into a merciful unconsciousness, which assured us that for him suffering was forever past. He died then; for, though the heavy breaths still tore their way up for a little longer, they were but the waves of an ebbing200 tide that beat unfelt against the wreck201, which an immortal voyager had deserted202 with a smile. He never spoke again, but to the end held my hand close, so close that when he was asleep at last, I could not draw it away. Dan helped me, warning me as he did so that it was unsafe for dead and living flesh to lie so long together; but though my hand was strangely cold and stiff, and four white marks remained across its back, even when warmth and color had returned elsewhere, I could not but be glad that, through its touch, the presence of human sympathy, perhaps, had lightened that hard hour.
When they had made him ready for the grave, John lay in state for half an hour, a thing which seldom happened in that busy place; but a universal sentiment of reverence203 and affection seemed to fill the hearts of all who had known or heard of him; and when the rumor204 of his death went through the house, always astir, many came to see him, and I felt a tender sort of pride in my lost patient; for he looked a most heroic figure, lying there stately and still as the statue of some young knight205 asleep upon his tomb. The lovely expression which so often beautifies dead faces, soon replaced the marks of pain, and I longed for those who loved him best to see him when half an hour's acquaintance with Death had made them friends. As we stood looking at him, the ward master handed me a letter, saying it had been forgotten the night before. It was John's letter, come just an hour too late to gladden the [Page 65] eyes that had longed and looked for it so eagerly! yet he had it; for, after I had cut some brown locks for his mother, and taken off the ring to send her, telling how well the talisman206 had done its work, I kissed this good son for her sake, and laid the letter in his hand, still folded as when I drew my own away, feeling that its place was there, and making myself happy with the thought, that, even in his solitary207 place in the "Government Lot," he would not be without some token of the love which makes life beautiful and outlives death. Then I left him, glad to have known so genuine a man, and carrying with me an enduring memory of the brave Virginia blacksmith, as he lay serenely208 waiting for the dawn of that long day which knows no night.
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1
akin
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| adj.同族的，类似的 | |
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2
ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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4
reign
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| n.统治时期，统治，支配，盛行；v.占优势 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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gracefully
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| ad.大大方方地；优美地 | |
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lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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9
manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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10
dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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cozy
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| adj.亲如手足的，密切的，暖和舒服的 | |
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vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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14
shroud
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| n.裹尸布，寿衣；罩，幕；vt.覆盖，隐藏 | |
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meander
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| n.河流的曲折，漫步，迂回旅行；v.缓慢而弯曲地流动，漫谈 | |
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panes
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| 窗玻璃( pane的名词复数 ) | |
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chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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20
crooked
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| adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的 | |
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21
gliding
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| v. 滑翔 adj. 滑动的 | |
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22
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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23
beguiled
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| v.欺骗( beguile的过去式和过去分词 )；使陶醉；使高兴；消磨（时间等） | |
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24
brewing
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| n. 酿造, 一次酿造的量 动词brew的现在分词形式 | |
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25
beverage
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| n.(水，酒等之外的)饮料 | |
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26
scorch
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| v.烧焦，烤焦；高速疾驶；n.烧焦处，焦痕 | |
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27
sipped
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| v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28
relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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29
thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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30
doziest
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| adj.想睡的( dozy的最高级 )；令人困倦的；愚笨的；迟钝的 | |
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31
abstained
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| v.戒（尤指酒），戒除( abstain的过去式和过去分词 )；弃权（不投票） | |
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32
hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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33
slumbering
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| 微睡，睡眠（slumber的现在分词形式） | |
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34
slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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35
sniff
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| vi.嗅…味道；抽鼻涕；对嗤之以鼻，蔑视 | |
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36
stentorian
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| adj.大声的，响亮的 | |
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37
hoisted
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| 把…吊起，升起( hoist的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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38
erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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39
vocal
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| adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
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40
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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41
hymn
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| n.赞美诗，圣歌，颂歌 | |
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42
trumpet
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| n.喇叭，喇叭声；v.吹喇叭，吹嘘 | |
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43
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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44
sketching
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| n.草图 | |
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45
groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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46
vigor
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| n.活力，精力，元气 | |
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47
infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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48
concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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49
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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50
wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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51
persuasions
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| n.劝说，说服（力）( persuasion的名词复数 )；信仰 | |
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52
chilly
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| adj.凉快的，寒冷的 | |
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53
muskets
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| n.火枪，（尤指）滑膛枪( musket的名词复数 ) | |
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54
conjure
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| v.恳求，祈求；变魔术，变戏法 | |
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55
prosaic
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| adj.单调的，无趣的 | |
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56
shrouded
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| v.隐瞒( shroud的过去式和过去分词 )；保密 | |
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57
vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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58
virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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59
tragical
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| adj. 悲剧的, 悲剧性的 | |
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60
jersey
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| n.运动衫 | |
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61
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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63
rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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incessant
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| adj.不停的，连续的 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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laments
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| n.悲恸，哀歌，挽歌( lament的名词复数 )v.（为…）哀悼，痛哭，悲伤( lament的第三人称单数 ) | |
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67
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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68
phantom
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| n.幻影，虚位，幽灵；adj.错觉的，幻影的，幽灵的 | |
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69
hopping
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| n. 跳跃 动词hop的现在分词形式 | |
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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71
blandly
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| adv.温和地，殷勤地 | |
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72
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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73
simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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74
sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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meditative
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| adj.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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76
stork
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| n.鹳 | |
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plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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propriety
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| n.正当行为；正当；适当 | |
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80
supremely
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| adv.无上地，崇高地 | |
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81
scantily
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| adv.缺乏地；不充足地；吝啬地；狭窄地 | |
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82
dingy
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| adj.昏暗的，肮脏的 | |
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83
askew
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| adv.斜地；adj.歪斜的 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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85
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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86
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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supremacy
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| n.至上；至高权力 | |
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eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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89
hopped
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| 跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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entreaties
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| n.恳求，乞求( entreaty的名词复数 ) | |
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91
saner
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| adj.心智健全的( sane的比较级 )；神志正常的；明智的；稳健的 | |
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92
likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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authoritative
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| adj.有权威的，可相信的；命令式的；官方的 | |
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conglomeration
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| n.团块，聚集，混合物 | |
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96
imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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97
tassel
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| n.流苏，穗；v.抽穗， （玉米）长穗须 | |
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98
subsided
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的过去式和过去分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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99
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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100
sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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101
stifle
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| vt.使窒息；闷死；扼杀；抑止，阻止 | |
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102
distressful
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| adj.苦难重重的，不幸的，使苦恼的 | |
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plaintively
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| adv.悲哀地，哀怨地 | |
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kit
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| n.用具包，成套工具；随身携带物 | |
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105
wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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106
pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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107
solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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remorseful
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| adj.悔恨的 | |
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109
assuaged
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| v.减轻( assuage的过去式和过去分词 )；缓和；平息；使安静 | |
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110
juncture
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| n.时刻，关键时刻，紧要关头 | |
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delirious
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| adj.不省人事的，神智昏迷的 | |
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112
dart
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| v.猛冲，投掷；n.飞镖，猛冲 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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pendulum
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| n.摆，钟摆 | |
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115
opportune
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| adj.合适的，适当的 | |
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116
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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lulled
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| vt.使镇静，使安静（lull的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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118
soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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119
murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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120
mammoth
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| n.长毛象；adj.长毛象似的，巨大的 | |
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121
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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122
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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123
rations
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| 定量( ration的名词复数 )； 配给量； 正常量； 合理的量 | |
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124
sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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125
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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126
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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127
serenest
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| serene（沉静的，宁静的，安宁的）的最高级形式 | |
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128
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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129
fretted
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| 焦躁的，附有弦马的，腐蚀的 | |
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130
kindliness
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| n.厚道，亲切，友好的行为 | |
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131
winding
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| n.绕，缠，绕组，线圈 | |
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132
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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133
excellence
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| n.优秀，杰出，(pl.)优点，美德 | |
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134
lengthened
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| （时间或空间）延长，伸长( lengthen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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135
stature
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| n.（高度）水平，（高度）境界，身高，身材 | |
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136
tranquilly
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| adv. 宁静地 | |
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137
warrior
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| n.勇士，武士，斗士 | |
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138
comely
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| adj.漂亮的，合宜的 | |
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139
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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140
straightforward
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| adj.正直的，坦率的；易懂的，简单的 | |
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141
scrutinized
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| v.仔细检查，详审( scrutinize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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142
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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143
serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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144
submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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145
piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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146
rib
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| n.肋骨，肋状物 | |
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147
suffocate
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| vt.使窒息，使缺氧，阻碍；vi.窒息，窒息而亡，阻碍发展 | |
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148
vitality
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| n.活力，生命力，效力 | |
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149
temperate
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| adj.温和的，温带的，自我克制的，不过分的 | |
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150
gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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151
eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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152
privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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153
prophesies
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| v.预告，预言( prophesy的第三人称单数 ) | |
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154
rendering
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| n.表现，描写 | |
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155
fidelity
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| n.忠诚，忠实；精确 | |
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156
magnetism
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| n.磁性，吸引力，磁学 | |
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157
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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158
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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159
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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160
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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161
eloquently
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| adv. 雄辩地(有口才地, 富于表情地) | |
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162
modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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163
hovered
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| 鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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164
heliotrope
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| n.天芥菜；淡紫色 | |
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165
ruffled
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| adj. 有褶饰边的, 起皱的 动词ruffle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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166
smelt
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| v.熔解，熔炼；n.银白鱼，胡瓜鱼 | |
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167
contentedly
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| adv.心满意足地 | |
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168
glimmer
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| v.发出闪烁的微光；n.微光，微弱的闪光 | |
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169
manliest
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| manly（有男子气概的）的最高级形式 | |
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170
aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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171
gleaned
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| v.一点点地收集（资料、事实）( glean的过去式和过去分词 )；（收割后）拾穗 | |
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172
scraps
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| 油渣 | |
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173
enlisting
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| v.（使）入伍， （使）参军( enlist的现在分词 )；获得（帮助或支持） | |
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174
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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175
portrayed
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| v.画像( portray的过去式和过去分词 )；描述；描绘；描画 | |
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176
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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177
truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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178
ominous
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| adj.不祥的，不吉的，预兆的，预示的 | |
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179
obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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180
dictated
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| v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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181
briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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182
expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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183
sundering
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| v.隔开，分开( sunder的现在分词 ) | |
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184
foretold
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| v.预言，预示( foretell的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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185
spasm
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| n.痉挛，抽搐；一阵发作 | |
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186
clench
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| vt.捏紧（拳头等），咬紧（牙齿等），紧紧握住 | |
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187
imploring
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| 恳求的，哀求的 | |
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188
vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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189
watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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190
fortitude
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| n.坚忍不拔；刚毅 | |
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191
lamented
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| adj.被哀悼的，令人遗憾的v.（为…）哀悼，痛哭，悲伤( lament的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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192
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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193
stump
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| n.残株，烟蒂，讲演台；v.砍断，蹒跚而走 | |
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194
gasps
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| v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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195
agonized
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| v.使（极度）痛苦，折磨( agonize的过去式和过去分词 )；苦斗；苦苦思索；感到极度痛苦 | |
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196
boon
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| n.恩赐，恩物，恩惠 | |
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197
streak
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| n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动 | |
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198
herald
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| vt.预示...的来临，预告，宣布，欢迎 | |
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199
lapsed
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| adj.流失的，堕落的v.退步( lapse的过去式和过去分词 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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200
ebbing
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| （指潮水）退( ebb的现在分词 )； 落； 减少； 衰落 | |
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201
wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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202
deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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203
reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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204
rumor
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| n.谣言，谣传，传说 | |
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205
knight
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| n.骑士，武士；爵士 | |
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206
talisman
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| n.避邪物，护身符 | |
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207
solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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208
serenely
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| adv.安详地，宁静地，平静地 | |
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