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Chapter the Forty-Fourth
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Lucilla’s Journal, continued

September 4th.

I MARK this day as one of the saddest days of my life. Oscar has shown Madame Pratolungo to me, in her true colors. He has reasoned out this miserable1 matter with a plainness which it is impossible for me to resist. I have thrown away my love and my confidence on a false woman: there is no sense of honor, no feeling of gratitude2 or of delicacy3 in her nature. And I once thought her — it sickens me to recall it! I will see her no more.

[Note. — Did it ever occur to you to be obliged to copy out, with your own hand, this sort of opinion of your own character? I can recommend the sensation produced as something quite new, and the temptation to add a line or two on your own account to be as nearly as possible beyond mortal resistance. — P.]

Oscar and I met at the stairs, at eleven o’clock, as we had arranged.

He took me to the west pier4. At that hour of the morning (excepting a few sailors who paid no heed5 to us) the place was a solitude6. It was one of the loveliest days of the season. When we were tired of pacing to and fro, we could sit down under the mellow7 sunshine, and enjoy the balmy sea air. In that pure light, with all those lovely colors about us, there was something, to my mind, horribly and shamefully8 out of place in the talk that engrossed9 us — talk that still turned, hour after hour, on nothing but plots and lies, cruelty, ingratitude10, and deceit!

I managed to ask my first question so as to make him enter on the subject at once — without wasting time in phrases to prepare me for what was to come.

“When my aunt mentioned that letter at dinner yesterday,” I said, “I fancied that you knew something about it. Was I right?”

“Very nearly right,” he answered. “I can’t say I knew anything about it. I only suspected that it was the production of an enemy of yours and mine.”

“Not Madame Pratolungo?”

“Yes! Madame Pratolungo.”

I disagreed with him at the outset. Madame Pratolungo and my aunt had quarreled about politics. Any correspondence between them — a confidential11 correspondence especially — seemed to be one of the most unlikely things that could take place. I asked Oscar if he could guess what the letter contained, and why it was not to be given to me until Grosse reported that I was quite cured.

“I can’t guess at the contents — I can only guess at the object of the letter,” he said.

“What is it?”

“The object which she has had in view from the first — to place every possible obstacle in the way of my marrying you.”

“What interest can she have in doing that?”

“My brother’s interest.”

“Forgive me, Oscar. I cannot believe it of her.”

We were walking, while these words were passing between us. When I said that, he stopped, and looked at me very earnestly.

“You believed it of her, when you answered my letter,” he said.

I admitted that.

“I believed your letter,” I replied; “and I shared your opinion of her as long as she was in the same house with me. Her presence fed my anger and my horror of her in some way that I can’t account for. Now she has left me — now I have had time to think — there is something in her absence that pleads for her, and tortures me with doubts if I have done right. I can’t explain it — I don’t understand it. I only know that so it is.”

He still looked at me more and more attentively12. “Your good opinion of her must have been very firmly rooted to assert itself in this obstinate13 manner,” he said. “What can she have done to deserve it?”

If I had looked back through all my old recollections of her, and had recalled them one by one, it would only have ended in making me cry. And yet, I felt that I ought to stand up for her as long as I could. I managed to meet the difficulty in this way.

“I will tell you what she did,” I said, “after I received your letter. Fortunately for me, she was not very well that morning; and she breakfasted in bed. I had plenty of time to compose myself, and to caution Zillah (who read your letter to me), before we met for the first time that day. On the previous day, I had felt hurt and offended with her for the manner in which she accounted for your absence from Browndown. I thought she was not treating me with the same confidence which I should have placed in her, if our positions had been reversed. When I next saw her, having your warning in my mind, I made my excuses, and said what I thought she would expect me to say, under the circumstances. In my excitement and my wretchedness, I daresay I over-acted my part. At any rate, I roused the suspicion in her that something was wrong. She not only asked me if anything had happened, she went the length of saying, in so many words, that she thought she saw a change in me. I stopped it there, by declaring that I did not understand her. She must have seen that I was not telling the truth: she must have known as well as I knew that I was concealing16 something from her. For all that, not one word more escaped her lips. A proud delicacy — I saw it as plainly in her face, as I now see you — a proud delicacy silenced her; she looked wounded and hurt. I have been thinking of that look, since I have been here. I have asked myself (what did not occur to me at the time) if a false woman, who knew herself to be guilty, would have behaved in that way? Surely a false woman would have set her wits against mine, and have tried to lead me into betraying to her what discoveries I had really made? Oscar! that delicate silence, that wounded look, will plead for her when I think of her in her absence! I can not feel as satisfied as I once did, that she is the abominable17 creature you declare her to be. I know you are incapable18 of deceiving me — I know you believe what you say. But is it not possible that appearances have misled you? Can you really be sure that you have not made some dreadful mistake?”

Without answering me, he suddenly stopped at a seat under the stone parapet of the pier, and signed to me to sit down by him. I obeyed. Instead of looking at me, he kept his head turned away; looking out over the sea. I could not make him out. He perplexed20 — he almost alarmed me.

“Have I offended you?” I asked.

He turned towards me again, as abruptly21 as he had turned away. His eyes wandered; his face was pale.

“You are a good generous creature,” he said, in a confused hasty way. “Let us talk of something else.”

“No!” I answered. “I am too deeply interested in knowing the truth to talk of anything else.”

His color changed again at that. His face flushed; he gave a heavy sigh as one does sometimes, when one is making a great effort.

“You will have it?” he said.

“I will have it?”

He rose again. The nearer he was to telling me all that he had kept concealed22 from me thus far, the harder it seemed to be to him to say the first words.

“Do you mind walking on again?” he asked.

I silently rose on my side, and put my arm in his. We walked on slowly towards the end of the pier. Arrived there, he stood still, and spoke23 those hard first words — looking out over the broad blue waters: not looking at me.

“I won’t ask you to take anything for granted, on my assertion only,” he began. “The woman’s own words, the woman’s own actions, shall prove her guilty.”

I interrupted him by a question.

“Tell me one thing,” I said. “What first made you suspect her?”

“You first made me suspect her, by what you said of her at Browndown,” he answered. “Now carry your memory back to the time I have already mentioned in my letter — when she betrayed herself to you in the rectory garden. Is it true that she said you would have fallen in love with Nugent, if you had met him first instead of me?”

“It is true that she said it,” I answered. “At a moment,” I added, “when her temper had got the better of her — and when mine had got the better of me.”

“Advance the hour a little,” he went on, “to the time when she followed you to Browndown. Was she still out of temper, when she made her excuses to you?”

“No.”

“Did she interfere24, when Nugent took advantage of your blindness to make you believe you were talking to me?”

“No.”

“Was she out of temper then?”

I still defended her. “She might well have been angry,” I said. “She had made her excuses to me in the kindest manner; and I had received them with the most unpardonable rudeness.”

My defence produced no effect on him. He summed it up coolly so far. “She compared me disadvantageously with Nugent; and she allowed Nugent to personate me in speaking to you, without interfering25 to stop it. In both these cases, her temper excuses and accounts for her conduct. Very good. We may, or may not, differ so far. Before we go farther, let us — if we can — agree on one unanswerable fact. Which of us two brothers was her favorite, from the first?”

About that, there could be no doubt. I admitted at once that Nugent was her favorite. And more than this, I remembered accusing her myself of never having done justice to Oscar from the first.

[Note. — See the sixteenth chapter, and Madame Pratolungo’s remark, warning you that you would hear of this circumstance again. — P.]

Oscar went on.

“Bear that in mind,” he said. “And now let us get to the time when we were assembled in your sitting-room26, to discuss the subject of the operation on your eyes. The question before us, as I remember it, was this. Were you to marry me, before the operation? Or were you to keep me waiting until the operation had been performed, and the cure was complete? How did Madame Pratolungo decide on that occasion? She decided27 against my interests; she encouraged you to delay our marriage.”

I persisted in defending her. “She did that out of sympathy with me,” I said.

He surprised me by again accepting my view of the matter, without attempting to dispute it.

“We will say she did it out of sympathy with you,” he proceeded. “Whatever her motives28 might be, the result was the same. My marriage to you was indefinitely put off; and Madame Pratolungo voted for that delay.”

“And your brother,” I added, “took the other side, and tried to persuade me to marry you first. How can you reconcile that with what you have told me ——”

He interposed before I could say more. “Don’t bring my brother into the inquiry,” he said. “My brother, at that time, could still behave like an honorable man, and sacrifice his own feelings to his duty to me. Let us strictly29 confine ourselves, for the present, to what Madame Pratolungo said and did. And let us advance again to a few minutes later on the same day, when our little domestic debate had ended. My brother was the first to go. Then, you retired30, and left Madame Pratolungo and me alone in the room. Do you remember?”

I remembered perfectly31.

“You had bitterly disappointed me,” I said. “You had shown no sympathy with my eagerness to be restored to the blessing33 of sight. You made objections and started difficulties. I recollect14 speaking to you with some of the bitterness that I felt — blaming you for not believing in my future as I believed in it, and hoping as I hoped — and then leaving you, and locking myself up in my own room.”

In those terms, I satisfied him that my memory of the events of that day was as clear as his own. He listened without making any remark, and went on when I had done.

“Madame Pratolungo shared your hard opinion of me, on that occasion,” he proceeded; “and expressed it in infinitely34 stronger terms. She betrayed herself to you in the rectory garden. She betrayed herself to me, after you had left us together in the sitting-room. Her hasty temper again, beyond all doubt! I quite agree with you. What she said to me in your absence, she would never have said if she had been mistress of herself.”

I began to feel a little startled. “How is it that you now tell me of this for the first time?” I said. “Were you afraid of distressing35 me?”

“I was afraid of losing you,” he answered.

Hitherto, I had kept my arm in his. I drew it out now. If his reply meant anything, it meant that he had once thought me capable of breaking faith with him. He saw that I was hurt.

“Remember,” he said, “that I had unhappily offended you that day, and that you have not heard yet what Madame Pratolungo had the audacity36 to say to me under those circumstances.”

“What did she say to you?”

“This:—‘It would have been a happier prospect37 for Lucilla, if she had been going to marry your brother, instead of marrying you.’ I repeat literally38: those were the words.”

I could no more believe it of her than I could have believed it of myself.

“Are you really sure?” I asked him. “Can she have said anything so cruel to you as that?”

Instead of answering me, he took his pocket-book from the breast-pocket of his coat — searched in it — and produced a morsel39 of folded and crumpled40 paper. He opened the paper, and showed me some writing inside.

“Is that my writing?” he asked.

It was his writing. I had seen enough of his letters, since the recovery of my sight, to feel sure of that.

“Read it!” he said; “and judge for yourself.”

[Note. — You have made your acquaintance with this letter already, in my thirty-second chapter. I had said those foolish words to Oscar (as you will find in my record of the time), under the influence of a natural indignation, which any other woman with a spark of spirit in her would have felt in my place. Instead of personally remonstrating41 with me, Oscar had (as usual) gone home, and written me a letter of expostulation. Having, on my side, had time to cool — and feeling the absurdity42 of our exchanging letters when we were within a few minutes’ walk of each other — I had gone straight to Browndown, on receiving the letter: first crumpling43 it up, and (as I supposed) throwing it into the fire. After personally setting myself right with Oscar, I had returned to the rectory; and had there heard that Nugent had been to see me in my absence, had waited a little while alone in the sitting-room, and had gone away again. When I tell you that the letter which he was now showing to Lucilla, was that same letter of Oscar’s, which I had (as I believed) destroyed, you will understand that I had thrown it into the fender instead of into the fire; and that I failed to see it in the fender on my return, simply because Nugent had seen it first, and had taken it away with him. These particulars are described in greater detail in the chapter to which I have referred; the letter itself being there inserted at full length. However, I will save you the trouble of looking back — I know how you hate trouble! — by transcribing44 literally what I find before me in the Journal. The original letter is pasted on the page: I will copy it from the page for the second time. Am I not good to you? What author by profession would do as much for you as this? I am afraid I am praising myself! Let Lucilla proceed. — P.]

I took the letter from him and read it. At my request, he has permitted me to keep it. The letter is my justification45 for thinking of Madame Pratolungo as I now think of her. I place it here, before I write another line in my Journal.

“MADAME PRATOLUNGO— You have distressed46 and pained me more than I can say. There are faults, and serious ones, on my side, I know. I heartily47 beg your pardon for anything that I may have said or done to offend you. I cannot submit to your hard verdict on me. If you knew how I adore Lucilla, you would make allowances for me — you would understand me better than you do. I cannot get your last cruel words out of my ears. I cannot meet you again without some explanation of them. You stabbed me to the heart, when you said this evening that it would be a happier prospect for Lucilla if she had been going to marry my brother instead of marrying me. I hope you did not really mean that? Will you please write and tell me whether you did or not?

“OSCAR.”

My first proceeding48, after reading those lines, was of course to put my arm again in his, and to draw him as close to me as close could be. My second proceeding followed in due time. I asked, naturally, for Madame Pratolungo’s answer to that most affectionate and most touching49 letter.

“I have no answer to show you,” he said.

“You have lost it?” I asked.

“I never had it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Madame Pratolungo never answered my letter.”

I made him repeat that — once, twice. Was it not incredible that such an appeal could be made to any woman not utterly50 depraved — and be left unnoticed? Twice he reiterated51 the same answer. Twice he declared on his honor that not a line of reply had been returned to him. She was then utterly depraved? No! there was a last excuse left that justice and friendship might still make for her. I made it.

“There is but one explanation of her conduct,” I said. “She never received the letter. Where did you send it to?”

“To the rectory.”

“Who took it?”

“My own servant.”

“He may have lost it on the way, and have been afraid to tell you. Or the servant at the rectory may have forgotten to deliver it.”

Oscar shook his head. “Quite impossible! I know Madame Pratolungo received the letter.”

“How?”

“I found it crumpled up in a corner inside the fender, in your sitting-room at the rectory.”

“Had it been opened?”

“It had been opened. She had received it; she had read it; and she had not thrown quite far enough to throw it into the fire. Now, Lucilla! Is Madame Pratolungo an injured woman? and am I a man who has slandered52 her?”

There was another public seat, a few paces distant from us. I could stand no longer. I went away by myself and sat down. A dull sensation possessed53 me. I could neither speak, nor cry. There I sat in silence; slowly wringing54 my hands in my lap, and feeling the last ties that still bound me to the once-loved friend of former days, falling away one after the other, and leaving us parted for life.

He followed me, and stood over me — he summed her up in stern quiet tones, which carried conviction into my mind, and made me feel ashamed of myself for having ever regretted her.

“Look back for the last time, Lucilla, at what this woman has said and done. You will find that the idea of your marrying Nugent is, under one form or another, always present to her mind. Present alike when she forgets herself, and speaks in a rage — or when she reflects, and speaks with a purpose. At one time, she tells you that you would have fallen in love with Nugent, if you had seen him first. At another time, she stands by while Nugent is personating me to you, and never interferes55 to stop it. On a third occasion, she sees that you are offended with me; and triumphs so cruelly in seeing it, that she tells me to my face, your prospect would have been a much happier one, if you had been engaged to marry my brother instead of me. She is asked in writing, civilly and kindly56 asked, to explain what she means by those abominable words? She has had time to reflect since she spoke them; and what does she do? Does she answer me? No! She contemptuously tosses my letter into the fire-place. Add to these plain facts what you yourself have observed. Nugent has all her admiration57; Nugent is her favorite: from the first, she has always disliked and wronged me. Add to this, again, that Nugent (as I know for certain) privately58 confessed to her that he was himself in love with you. Look at all these circumstances — and what plain conclusion follows? I ask you once more — Is Madame Pratolungo a slandered woman? or am I right in warning you (as you once warned me) to beware of her?”

What could I do but own that he was right? It was due to him, and due to me, to close my heart to her, from that moment. Oscar sat down by me, and took my hand.

“After my experience of her in the past,” he went on softly, “can you wonder that I dread19 what she may do in the future? Has no such thing ever happened as the parting of true lovers by treachery which has secretly undermined their confidence in each other. Is Madame Pratolungo not clever enough and unscrupulous enough to undermine our confidence, and to turn against us, to the wickedest purpose, the influence which she already possesses at the rectory? How do we know that she is not in communication with Nugent at this moment?”

I stopped him there — I could not endure it. “You have seen your brother,” I said. “You have told me that you and he understand each other. What have you to dread after that?”

“I have to dread Madame Pratolungo’s influence, and my brother’s infatuation for you,” he answered. “The promises which he has honestly made to me, are promises which I cannot depend on when my back is turned, and when Madame Pratolungo may be with him in my absence. Something under the surface is going on already! I don’t like that mysterious letter, which is only to be shown to you on certain conditions. I don’t like your father’s silence. He has had time to answer your letter. Has he done it? He has had time to answer my postscript59. Has he done it?”

Those were awkward questions. He had certainly left both our letters unanswered — thus far. Still, the next post might bring his reply. I persisted in taking this view; and I said so to Oscar. He persisted just as obstinately60 on his side.

“Suppose we go on to the end of the week,” he said; “and still no letter from your father comes, for you, or for me? Will you admit, then, that his silence is suspicious?”

“I will admit that his silence shows a sad want of proper consideration for you,” I replied.

“And there you will stop? You won’t see (what I see) the influence of Madame Pratolungo making itself felt at the rectory, and poisoning your father’s mind against our marriage?”

He was pressing me rather hardly. I did my best, however, to tell him honestly what was passing in my mind.

“I can see,” I said, “that Madame Pratolungo has behaved most cruelly to you. And I believe, after what you have told me, that she would rejoice if I broke my engagement, and married your brother. But I can not understand that she is mad enough to be actually plotting to make me do it. Nobody knows better than she does how faithfully I love you, and how hopeless it would be to attempt to make me marry another man. Would the stupidest woman living, who looked at you two brothers (knowing what she knows), be stupid enough to do what you suspect Madame Pratolungo of doing?”

I thought this unanswerable. He had his reply to it ready, for all that.

“If you had seen more of the world, Lucilla,” he said, “you would know that a true love like yours is a mystery to a woman like Madame Pratolungo. She doesn’t believe in it — she doesn’t understand it. She knows herself to be capable of breaking any engagement, if the circumstances encouraged her — and she estimates your fidelity61 by her knowledge of her own nature. There is nothing in her experience of you, or in her knowledge of my brother’s disfigurement, to discourage such a woman from scheming to part us. She has seen for herself — what you have already told me — that you have got over your first aversion to him. She knows that women as charming as you are, have over and over again married men far more personally repulsive62 than my brother. Lucilla! something which is not to be out-argued, and not to be contradicted, tells me that her return to England will be fatal to my hopes, if that return finds you and me with no closer tie between us than the tie that binds63 us now. Are these fanciful apprehensions64, unworthy of a man? My darling! worthy65 or not worthy, you ought to make allowances for them. They are apprehensions inspired by my love for You!”

Under those circumstances, I could make every allowance for him — and I said so. He moved nearer to me; and put his arm round me.

“Are we not engaged to each other to be man and wife?” he whispered.

“Yes.”

“Are we not both of age, and both free to do as we like?”

“Yes.”

“Would you relieve me from the anxieties under which I am suffering, if you could?”

“You know I would!”

“You can relieve me.”

“How?”

“By giving me a husband’s claim to you, Lucilla — by consenting to marry me in London, in a fortnight’s time.”

I started back, and looked at him in amazement66. For the moment, I was incapable of answering in any other way than that.

“I ask you to do nothing unworthy of you,” he said. “I have spoken to a relative of mine living near London — a married lady — whose house is open to you in the interval67 before our wedding day. When your visit has been prolonged over a fortnight only, we can be married. Write home by all means to prevent them from feeling anxious about you. Tell them that you are safe and happy, and under responsible and respectable care — but say no more. As long as it is possible for Madame Pratolungo to make mischief68 between us, conceal15 the place in which you are living. The instant we are married reveal everything. Let all your friends — let all the world know that we are man and wife!”

His arm trembled round me; his face flushed deep; his eyes devoured69 me. Some women, in my place, might have been offended; others might have been flattered. As for me — I can trust the secret to these pages — I was frightened.

“Is it an elopement that you are proposing to me?” I asked.

“An elopement!” he repeated. “Between two engaged people who have only themselves to think of.”

“I have my father to think of; and my aunt to think of,” I said. “You are proposing to me to run away from them, and to keep in hiding from them!”

“I am asking you to pay a fortnight’s visit at the house of a married lady — and to keep the knowledge of that visit from the ears of the worst enemy you have, until you have become my wife,” he answered. “Is there anything so very terrible in my request that you should turn pale at it, and look at me in that frightened way? Have I not courted you with your father’s consent? Am I not your promised husband? Are we not free to decide for ourselves? There is literally no reason — if it could be done — why we should not be married to-morrow. And you still hesitate? Lucilla! Lucilla! you force me to own the doubt that has made me miserable ever since I have been here. Are you indeed as changed towards me as you seem? Do you really no longer love me as you once loved me in the days that are gone?”

He rose, and walked away a few paces, leaning over the parapet with his face in his hands.

I sat alone, not knowing what to say or do. The uneasy sense in me that he had reason to complain of my treating him coldly, was not to be dismissed from my mind by any effort that I could make. He had no right to expect me to take the step which he had proposed — there were objections to it which any woman would have felt in my place. Still, though I was satisfied of this, there was an obstinate something in me which would take his part. It could not have been my conscience surely which said to me —‘There was a time when his entreaties70 would have prevailed on you; there was a time when you would not have hesitated as you are hesitating now?’

Whatever the influence was, it moved me to rise from my seat, and to join him at the parapet.

“You cannot expect me to decide on such a serious matter as this at once,” I said. “Will you give me a little time to think?”

“You are your own mistress,” he rejoined bitterly. “Why ask me to give you time? You can take any time you please — you can do as you like.”

“Give me till the end of the week,” I went on. “Let me be sure that my father persists in not answering either your letter or mine. Though I am my own mistress, nothing but his silence can justify71 me in going away secretly, and being married to you by a stranger. Don’t press me, Oscar! It isn’t very long to the end of the week.”

Something seemed to startle him — something in my voice perhaps which told him that I was really distressed. He looked round at me quickly, and caught me with the tears in my eyes.

“Don’t cry, for God’s sake!” he said. “It shall be as you wish. Take your time. We will say no more about it till the end of the week.”

He kissed me in a hurried startled way, and gave me his arm to walk back.

“Grosse is coming to-day,” he continued. “He mustn’t see you looking as you are looking now. You must rest and compose yourself. Come home.”

I went back with him, feeling — oh, so sad and sore at heart! My last faint hope of a renewal72 of my once-pleasant intimacy73 with Madame Pratolungo was at an end. She stood revealed to me now as a woman whom I ought never to have known — a woman with whom I could never again exchange a friendly word. I had lost the companion with whom I had once been so happy; and I had pained and disappointed Oscar. My life has never looked so wretched and so worthless to me as it looked to-day on the pier at Ramsgate.

He left me at the door, with a gentle encouraging pressure of my hand.

“I will call again later,” he said; “and hear what Grosse’s report of you is, before he goes back to London. Rest, Lucilla — rest and compose yourself.”

A heavy footstep sounded suddenly behind us as he spoke. We both turned round. Time had slipped by more rapidly than we had thought. There stood Herr Grosse, just arrived on foot from the railway station.

His first look at me seemed to startle and disappoint him. His eyes stared into mine through his spectacles with an expression of surprise and anxiety which I had never seen in them before. Then he turned his head and looked at Oscar with a sudden change — a change, unpleasantly suggestive (to my fancy) of anger or distrust. Not a word fell from his lips. Oscar was left to break the awkward silence. He spoke to Grosse.

“I won’t disturb you and your patient now,” he said. “I will come back in an hour’s time.”

“No! you will come in along with me, if you please. I have something, my young gentlemans, that I may want to say to you.” He spoke with a frown on his bushy eyebrows74, and pointed32 in a very peremptory75 manner to the house-door.

Oscar rang the bell. At the same moment my aunt, hearing us outside, appeared on the balcony above the door.

“Good morning, Mr. Grosse,” she said. “I hope you find Lucilla looking her best. Only yesterday, I expressed my opinion that she was quite well again.”

Grosse took off his hat sulkily to my aunt, and looked back again at me — looked so hard and so long, that he began to confuse me.

“Your aunt’s opinions is not my opinions,” he growled76, close at my ear. “I don’t like the looks of you, Miss. Go in!”

The servant was waiting for us at the open door. I went an without making any answer. Grosse waited to see Oscar enter the house before him. Oscar’s face darkened as he joined me in the hall. He looked half angry, half confused. Grosse pushed himself roughly between us, and gave me his arm. I went up-stairs with him, wondering what it all meant.

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 miserable g18yk     
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的
参考例句:
  • It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他,这是可耻的。
  • Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。
2 gratitude p6wyS     
adj.感激,感谢
参考例句:
  • I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
  • She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。
3 delicacy mxuxS     
n.精致,细微,微妙,精良;美味,佳肴
参考例句:
  • We admired the delicacy of the craftsmanship.我们佩服工艺师精巧的手艺。
  • He sensed the delicacy of the situation.他感觉到了形势的微妙。
4 pier U22zk     
n.码头;桥墩,桥柱;[建]窗间壁,支柱
参考例句:
  • The pier of the bridge has been so badly damaged that experts worry it is unable to bear weight.这座桥的桥桩破损厉害,专家担心它已不能负重。
  • The ship was making towards the pier.船正驶向码头。
5 heed ldQzi     
v.注意,留意;n.注意,留心
参考例句:
  • You must take heed of what he has told.你要注意他所告诉的事。
  • For the first time he had to pay heed to his appearance.这是他第一次非得注意自己的外表不可了。
6 solitude xF9yw     
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方
参考例句:
  • People need a chance to reflect on spiritual matters in solitude. 人们需要独处的机会来反思精神上的事情。
  • They searched for a place where they could live in solitude. 他们寻找一个可以过隐居生活的地方。
7 mellow F2iyP     
adj.柔和的;熟透的;v.变柔和;(使)成熟
参考例句:
  • These apples are mellow at this time of year.每年这时节,苹果就熟透了。
  • The colours become mellow as the sun went down.当太阳落山时,色彩变得柔和了。
8 shamefully 34df188eeac9326cbc46e003cb9726b1     
可耻地; 丢脸地; 不体面地; 羞耻地
参考例句:
  • He misused his dog shamefully. 他可耻地虐待自己的狗。
  • They have served me shamefully for a long time. 长期以来,他们待我很坏。
9 engrossed 3t0zmb     
adj.全神贯注的
参考例句:
  • The student is engrossed in his book.这名学生正在专心致志地看书。
  • No one had ever been quite so engrossed in an evening paper.没人会对一份晚报如此全神贯注。
10 ingratitude O4TyG     
n.忘恩负义
参考例句:
  • Tim's parents were rather hurt by his ingratitude.蒂姆的父母对他的忘恩负义很痛心。
  • His friends were shocked by his ingratitude to his parents.他对父母不孝,令他的朋友们大为吃惊。
11 confidential MOKzA     
adj.秘(机)密的,表示信任的,担任机密工作的
参考例句:
  • He refused to allow his secretary to handle confidential letters.他不让秘书处理机密文件。
  • We have a confidential exchange of views.我们推心置腹地交换意见。
12 attentively AyQzjz     
adv.聚精会神地;周到地;谛;凝神
参考例句:
  • She listened attentively while I poured out my problems. 我倾吐心中的烦恼时,她一直在注意听。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • She listened attentively and set down every word he said. 她专心听着,把他说的话一字不漏地记下来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
13 obstinate m0dy6     
adj.顽固的,倔强的,不易屈服的,较难治愈的
参考例句:
  • She's too obstinate to let anyone help her.她太倔强了,不会让任何人帮她的。
  • The trader was obstinate in the negotiation.这个商人在谈判中拗强固执。
14 recollect eUOxl     
v.回忆,想起,记起,忆起,记得
参考例句:
  • He tried to recollect things and drown himself in them.他极力回想过去的事情而沉浸于回忆之中。
  • She could not recollect being there.她回想不起曾经到过那儿。
15 conceal DpYzt     
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽
参考例句:
  • He had to conceal his identity to escape the police.为了躲避警方,他只好隐瞒身份。
  • He could hardly conceal his joy at his departure.他几乎掩饰不住临行时的喜悦。
16 concealing 0522a013e14e769c5852093b349fdc9d     
v.隐藏,隐瞒,遮住( conceal的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • Despite his outward display of friendliness, I sensed he was concealing something. 尽管他表现得友善,我还是感觉到他有所隐瞒。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • SHE WAS BREAKING THE COMPACT, AND CONCEALING IT FROM HIM. 她违反了他们之间的约定,还把他蒙在鼓里。 来自英汉文学 - 三万元遗产
17 abominable PN5zs     
adj.可厌的,令人憎恶的
参考例句:
  • Their cruel treatment of prisoners was abominable.他们虐待犯人的做法令人厌恶。
  • The sanitary conditions in this restaurant are abominable.这家饭馆的卫生状况糟透了。
18 incapable w9ZxK     
adj.无能力的,不能做某事的
参考例句:
  • He would be incapable of committing such a cruel deed.他不会做出这么残忍的事。
  • Computers are incapable of creative thought.计算机不会创造性地思维。
19 dread Ekpz8     
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧
参考例句:
  • We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
  • Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。
20 perplexed A3Rz0     
adj.不知所措的
参考例句:
  • The farmer felt the cow,went away,returned,sorely perplexed,always afraid of being cheated.那农民摸摸那头牛,走了又回来,犹豫不决,总怕上当受骗。
  • The child was perplexed by the intricate plot of the story.这孩子被那头绪纷繁的故事弄得迷惑不解。
21 abruptly iINyJ     
adv.突然地,出其不意地
参考例句:
  • He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
  • I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。
22 concealed 0v3zxG     
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的
参考例句:
  • The paintings were concealed beneath a thick layer of plaster. 那些画被隐藏在厚厚的灰泥层下面。
  • I think he had a gun concealed about his person. 我认为他当时身上藏有一支枪。
23 spoke XryyC     
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说
参考例句:
  • They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
  • The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
24 interfere b5lx0     
v.(in)干涉,干预;(with)妨碍,打扰
参考例句:
  • If we interfere, it may do more harm than good.如果我们干预的话,可能弊多利少。
  • When others interfere in the affair,it always makes troubles. 别人一卷入这一事件,棘手的事情就来了。
25 interfering interfering     
adj. 妨碍的 动词interfere的现在分词
参考例句:
  • He's an interfering old busybody! 他老爱管闲事!
  • I wish my mother would stop interfering and let me make my own decisions. 我希望我母亲不再干预,让我自己拿主意。
26 sitting-room sitting-room     
n.(BrE)客厅,起居室
参考例句:
  • The sitting-room is clean.起居室很清洁。
  • Each villa has a separate sitting-room.每栋别墅都有一间独立的起居室。
27 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的
参考例句:
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
28 motives 6c25d038886898b20441190abe240957     
n.动机,目的( motive的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • to impeach sb's motives 怀疑某人的动机
  • His motives are unclear. 他的用意不明。
29 strictly GtNwe     
adv.严厉地,严格地;严密地
参考例句:
  • His doctor is dieting him strictly.他的医生严格规定他的饮食。
  • The guests were seated strictly in order of precedence.客人严格按照地位高低就座。
30 retired Njhzyv     
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的
参考例句:
  • The old man retired to the country for rest.这位老人下乡休息去了。
  • Many retired people take up gardening as a hobby.许多退休的人都以从事园艺为嗜好。
31 perfectly 8Mzxb     
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
32 pointed Il8zB4     
adj.尖的,直截了当的
参考例句:
  • He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
  • She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。
33 blessing UxDztJ     
n.祈神赐福;祷告;祝福,祝愿
参考例句:
  • The blessing was said in Hebrew.祷告用了希伯来语。
  • A double blessing has descended upon the house.双喜临门。
34 infinitely 0qhz2I     
adv.无限地,无穷地
参考例句:
  • There is an infinitely bright future ahead of us.我们有无限光明的前途。
  • The universe is infinitely large.宇宙是无限大的。
35 distressing cuTz30     
a.使人痛苦的
参考例句:
  • All who saw the distressing scene revolted against it. 所有看到这种悲惨景象的人都对此感到难过。
  • It is distressing to see food being wasted like this. 这样浪费粮食令人痛心。
36 audacity LepyV     
n.大胆,卤莽,无礼
参考例句:
  • He had the audacity to ask for an increase in salary.他竟然厚着脸皮要求增加薪水。
  • He had the audacity to pick pockets in broad daylight.他竟敢在光天化日之下掏包。
37 prospect P01zn     
n.前景,前途;景色,视野
参考例句:
  • This state of things holds out a cheerful prospect.事态呈现出可喜的前景。
  • The prospect became more evident.前景变得更加明朗了。
38 literally 28Wzv     
adv.照字面意义,逐字地;确实
参考例句:
  • He translated the passage literally.他逐字逐句地翻译这段文字。
  • Sometimes she would not sit down till she was literally faint.有时候,她不走到真正要昏厥了,决不肯坐下来。
39 morsel Q14y4     
n.一口,一点点
参考例句:
  • He refused to touch a morsel of the food they had brought.他们拿来的东西他一口也不吃。
  • The patient has not had a morsel of food since the morning.从早上起病人一直没有进食。
40 crumpled crumpled     
adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式
参考例句:
  • She crumpled the letter up into a ball and threw it on the fire. 她把那封信揉成一团扔进了火里。
  • She flattened out the crumpled letter on the desk. 她在写字台上把皱巴巴的信展平。
41 remonstrating d6f86bf1c32a6bbc11620cd486ecf6b4     
v.抗议( remonstrate的现在分词 );告诫
参考例句:
  • There's little point in remonstrating with John.He won't listen to reason. 跟约翰抗辩没有什么意义,他不听劝。 来自互联网
  • We tried remonstrating with him over his treatment of the children. 我们曾试着在对待孩子上规谏他。 来自互联网
42 absurdity dIQyU     
n.荒谬,愚蠢;谬论
参考例句:
  • The proposal borders upon the absurdity.这提议近乎荒谬。
  • The absurdity of the situation made everyone laugh.情况的荒谬可笑使每个人都笑了。
43 crumpling 5ae34fb958cdc699149f8ae5626850aa     
压皱,弄皱( crumple的现在分词 ); 变皱
参考例句:
  • His crumpling body bent low from years of carrying heavy loads. 由于经年累月的负重,他那皱巴巴的身子被压得弯弯的。
  • This apparently took the starch out of the fast-crumpling opposition. 这显然使正在迅速崩溃的反对党泄了气。
44 transcribing 9e8eef96caa991ed909d7b3157447fe1     
(用不同的录音手段)转录( transcribe的现在分词 ); 改编(乐曲)(以适应他种乐器或声部); 抄写; 用音标标出(声音)
参考例句:
  • They continue to remove molecules until the cell stops transcribing the gene. 他们继续除去分子,直到细胞不再转录基因为止。
  • Q: Can I use Voice-to-Text software to help with the transcribing? 问:我能使用声音-到-本文的软件帮助转换吗?
45 justification x32xQ     
n.正当的理由;辩解的理由
参考例句:
  • There's no justification for dividing the company into smaller units. 没有理由把公司划分成小单位。
  • In the young there is a justification for this feeling. 在年轻人中有这种感觉是有理由的。
46 distressed du1z3y     
痛苦的
参考例句:
  • He was too distressed and confused to answer their questions. 他非常苦恼而困惑,无法回答他们的问题。
  • The news of his death distressed us greatly. 他逝世的消息使我们极为悲痛。
47 heartily Ld3xp     
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很
参考例句:
  • He ate heartily and went out to look for his horse.他痛快地吃了一顿,就出去找他的马。
  • The host seized my hand and shook it heartily.主人抓住我的手,热情地和我握手。
48 proceeding Vktzvu     
n.行动,进行,(pl.)会议录,学报
参考例句:
  • This train is now proceeding from Paris to London.这次列车从巴黎开往伦敦。
  • The work is proceeding briskly.工作很有生气地进展着。
49 touching sg6zQ9     
adj.动人的,使人感伤的
参考例句:
  • It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
  • His letter was touching.他的信很感人。
50 utterly ZfpzM1     
adv.完全地,绝对地
参考例句:
  • Utterly devoted to the people,he gave his life in saving his patients.他忠于人民,把毕生精力用于挽救患者的生命。
  • I was utterly ravished by the way she smiled.她的微笑使我完全陶醉了。
51 reiterated d9580be532fe69f8451c32061126606b     
反复地说,重申( reiterate的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • "Well, I want to know about it,'she reiterated. “嗯,我一定要知道你的休假日期,"她重复说。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
  • Some twenty-two years later President Polk reiterated and elaborated upon these principles. 大约二十二年之后,波尔克总统重申这些原则并且刻意阐释一番。
52 slandered 6a470fb37c940f078fccc73483bc39e5     
造谣中伤( slander的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • She slandered him behind his back. 她在背地里对他造谣中伤。
  • He was basely slandered by his enemies. 他受到仇敌卑鄙的诋毁。
53 possessed xuyyQ     
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的
参考例句:
  • He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
  • He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。
54 wringing 70c74d76c2d55027ff25f12f2ab350a9     
淋湿的,湿透的
参考例句:
  • He was wringing wet after working in the field in the hot sun. 烈日下在田里干活使他汗流满面。
  • He is wringing out the water from his swimming trunks. 他正在把游泳裤中的水绞出来。
55 interferes ab8163b252fe52454ada963fa857f890     
vi. 妨碍,冲突,干涉
参考例句:
  • The noise interferes with my work. 这噪音妨碍我的工作。
  • That interferes with my plan. 那干扰了我的计划。
56 kindly tpUzhQ     
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地
参考例句:
  • Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。
  • A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。
57 admiration afpyA     
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕
参考例句:
  • He was lost in admiration of the beauty of the scene.他对风景之美赞不绝口。
  • We have a great admiration for the gold medalists.我们对金牌获得者极为敬佩。
58 privately IkpzwT     
adv.以私人的身份,悄悄地,私下地
参考例句:
  • Some ministers admit privately that unemployment could continue to rise.一些部长私下承认失业率可能继续升高。
  • The man privately admits that his motive is profits.那人私下承认他的动机是为了牟利。
59 postscript gPhxp     
n.附言,又及;(正文后的)补充说明
参考例句:
  • There was the usual romantic postscript at the end of his letter.他的信末又是一贯的浪漫附言。
  • She mentioned in a postscript to her letter that the parcel had arrived.她在信末附笔中说包裹已寄到。
60 obstinately imVzvU     
ad.固执地,顽固地
参考例句:
  • He obstinately asserted that he had done the right thing. 他硬说他做得对。
  • Unemployment figures are remaining obstinately high. 失业数字仍然顽固地居高不下。
61 fidelity vk3xB     
n.忠诚,忠实;精确
参考例句:
  • There is nothing like a dog's fidelity.没有什么能比得上狗的忠诚。
  • His fidelity and industry brought him speedy promotion.他的尽职及勤奋使他很快地得到晋升。
62 repulsive RsNyx     
adj.排斥的,使人反感的
参考例句:
  • She found the idea deeply repulsive.她发现这个想法很恶心。
  • The repulsive force within the nucleus is enormous.核子内部的斥力是巨大的。
63 binds c1d4f6440575ef07da0adc7e8adbb66c     
v.约束( bind的第三人称单数 );装订;捆绑;(用长布条)缠绕
参考例句:
  • Frost binds the soil. 霜使土壤凝结。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Stones and cement binds strongly. 石头和水泥凝固得很牢。 来自《简明英汉词典》
64 apprehensions 86177204327b157a6d884cdb536098d8     
疑惧
参考例句:
  • He stood in a mixture of desire and apprehensions. 他怀着渴望和恐惧交加的心情伫立着。
  • But subsequent cases have removed many of these apprehensions. 然而,随后的案例又消除了许多类似的忧虑。
65 worthy vftwB     
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的
参考例句:
  • I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
  • There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。
66 amazement 7zlzBK     
n.惊奇,惊讶
参考例句:
  • All those around him looked at him with amazement.周围的人都对他投射出惊异的眼光。
  • He looked at me in blank amazement.他带着迷茫惊诧的神情望着我。
67 interval 85kxY     
n.间隔,间距;幕间休息,中场休息
参考例句:
  • The interval between the two trees measures 40 feet.这两棵树的间隔是40英尺。
  • There was a long interval before he anwsered the telephone.隔了好久他才回了电话。
68 mischief jDgxH     
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹
参考例句:
  • Nobody took notice of the mischief of the matter. 没有人注意到这件事情所带来的危害。
  • He seems to intend mischief.看来他想捣蛋。
69 devoured af343afccf250213c6b0cadbf3a346a9     
吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 ); 耗尽; 津津有味地看; 狼吞虎咽地吃光
参考例句:
  • She devoured everything she could lay her hands on: books, magazines and newspapers. 无论是书、杂志,还是报纸,只要能弄得到,她都看得津津有味。
  • The lions devoured a zebra in a short time. 狮子一会儿就吃掉了一匹斑马。
70 entreaties d56c170cf2a22c1ecef1ae585b702562     
n.恳求,乞求( entreaty的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • He began with entreaties and ended with a threat. 他先是恳求,最后是威胁。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The tyrant was deaf to the entreaties of the slaves. 暴君听不到奴隶们的哀鸣。 来自《简明英汉词典》
71 justify j3DxR     
vt.证明…正当(或有理),为…辩护
参考例句:
  • He tried to justify his absence with lame excuses.他想用站不住脚的借口为自己的缺席辩解。
  • Can you justify your rude behavior to me?你能向我证明你的粗野行为是有道理的吗?
72 renewal UtZyW     
adj.(契约)延期,续订,更新,复活,重来
参考例句:
  • Her contract is coming up for renewal in the autumn.她的合同秋天就应该续签了。
  • Easter eggs symbolize the renewal of life.复活蛋象征新生。
73 intimacy z4Vxx     
n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行
参考例句:
  • His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切,这有点言过其实。
  • I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。
74 eyebrows a0e6fb1330e9cfecfd1c7a4d00030ed5     
眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • Eyebrows stop sweat from coming down into the eyes. 眉毛挡住汗水使其不能流进眼睛。
  • His eyebrows project noticeably. 他的眉毛特别突出。
75 peremptory k3uz8     
adj.紧急的,专横的,断然的
参考例句:
  • The officer issued peremptory commands.军官发出了不容许辩驳的命令。
  • There was a peremptory note in his voice.他说话的声音里有一种不容置辩的口气。
76 growled 65a0c9cac661e85023a63631d6dab8a3     
v.(动物)发狺狺声, (雷)作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 );低声咆哮着说
参考例句:
  • \"They ought to be birched, \" growled the old man. 老人咆哮道:“他们应受到鞭打。” 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He growled out an answer. 他低声威胁着回答。 来自《简明英汉词典》


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