There seems to be an indolent propensity1 in man to make prescription2 always take place of reason, and to place every duty on an arbitrary foundation. The rights of kings are deduced in a direct line from the King of kings; and that of parents from our first parent.
Why do we thus go back for principles that should always rest on the same base, and have the same weight to-day that they had a thousand years ago — and not a jot3 more? If parents discharge their duty they have a strong hold and sacred claim on the gratitude4 of their children; but few parents are willing to receive the respectful affection of their offspring on such terms. They demand blind obedience5, because they do not merit a reasonable service: and to render these demands of weakness and ignorance more binding6, a mysterious sanctity is spread round the most arbitrary principle; for what other name can be given to the blind duty of obeying vicious or weak beings merely because they obeyed a powerful instinct?
The simple definition of the reciprocal duty, which naturally subsists8 between parent and child, may be given in a few words: The parent who pays proper attention to helpless infancy9 has a right to require the same attention when the feebleness of age comes upon him. But to subjugate10 a rational being to the mere7 will of another, after he is of age to answer to society for his own conduct, is a most cruel and undue11 stretch of power; and, perhaps, as injurious to morality as those religious systems which do not allow right and wrong to have any existence, but in the Divine will.
I never knew a parent who had paid more than common attention to his children, disregarded; 63 on the contrary, the early habit of relying almost implicitly12 on the opinion of a respected parent is not easily shook, even when matured reason convinces the child that his father is not the wisest man in the world. This weakness, for a weakness it is, though the epithet14 amiable15 may be tacked16 to it, a reasonable man must steel himself against; for the absurd duty, too often inculcated, of obeying a parent only on account of his being a parent, shackles17 the mind, and prepares it for a slavish submission18 to any power but reason.
63 Dr. Johnson makes the same observation.
I distinguish between the natural and accidental duty due to parents.
The parent who sedulously19 endeavours to form the heart and enlarge the understanding of his child, has given that dignity to the discharge of a duty, common to the whole animal world, that only reason can give. This is the parental20 affection of humanity, and leaves instinctive21 natural affection far behind. Such a parent acquires all the rights of the most sacred friendship, and his advice, even when his child is advanced in life, demands serious consideration.
With respect to marriage, though after one and twenty a parent seems to have no right to withhold22 his consent on any account; yet twenty years of solicitude23 call for a return, and the son ought, at least, to promise not to marry for two or three years, should the object of his choice not entirely24 meet with the approbation25 of his first friend.
But, respect for parents is, generally speaking, a much more debasing principle; it is only a selfish respect for property. The father who is blindly obeyed, is obeyed from sheer weakness, or from motives26 that degrade the human character.
A great proportion of the misery27 that wanders, in hideous28 forms, around the world, is allowed to rise from the negligence29 of parents; and still these are the people who are most tenacious30 of what they term a natural right, though it be subversive31 of the birth-right of man, the right of acting32 according to the direction of his own reason.
I have already very frequently had occasion to observe, that vicious or indolent people are always eager to profit by enforcing arbitrary privileges; and, generally, in the same proportion as they neglect the discharge of the duties which alone render the privileges reasonable. This is at the bottom a dictate33 of common sense, or the instinct of self-defence, peculiar34 to ignorant weakness; resembling that instinct, which makes a fish muddy the water it swims in to elude35 its enemy, instead of boldly facing it in the clear stream.
From the clear stream of argument, indeed, the supporters of prescription, of every denomination36, fly; and, taking refuge in the darkness, which, in the language of sublime37 poetry, has been supposed to surround the throne of Omnipotence38, they dare to demand that implicit13 respect which is only due to His unsearchable ways. But, let me not be thought presumptuous39, the darkness which bides40 our God from us, only respects speculative41 truths — it never obscures moral ones, they shine clearly, for God is light, and never, by the constitution of our nature, requires the discharge of a duty, the reasonableness of which does not beam on us when we open our eyes.
The indolent parent of high rank may, it is true, extort42 a shew of respect from his child, and females on the continent are particularly subject to the views of their families, who never think of consulting their inclination43, or providing for the comfort of the poor victims of their pride. The consequence is notorious; these dutiful daughters become adulteresses, and neglect the education of their children, from whom they, in their turn, exact the same kind of obedience.
Females, it is true, in all countries, are too much under the dominion44 of their parents; and few parents think of addressing their children in the following manner, though it is in this reasonable way that Heaven seems to command the whole human race. It is your interest to obey me till you can judge for yourself; and the Almighty45 Father of all has implanted an affection in me to serve as a guard to you whilst your reason is unfolding; but when your mind arrives at maturity46, you must only obey me, or rather respect my opinions, so far as they coincide with the light that is breaking in on your own mind.
A slavish bondage47 to parents cramps48 every faculty49 of the mind; and Mr. Locke very judiciously50 observes, that ‘if the mind be curbed52 and humbled53 too much in children; if their spirits be abased54 and broken much by too strict an hand over them; they lose all their vigour55 and industry.’ This strict hand may in some degree account for the weakness of women; for girls, from various causes, are more kept down by their parents, in every sense of the word, than boys. The duty expected from them is, like all the duties arbitrarily imposed on women, more from a sense of propriety56, more out of respect for decorum, than reason; and thus taught slavishly to submit to their parents, they are prepared for the slavery of marriage. I may be told that a number of women are not slaves in the marriage state. True, but they then become tyrants57; for it is not rational freedom, but a lawless kind of power resembling the authority exercised by the favourites of absolute monarchs58, which they obtain by debasing means. I do not, likewise, dream of insinuating59 that either boys or girls are always slaves, I only insist that when they are obliged to submit to authority blindly, their faculties60 are weakened, and their tempers rendered imperious or abject61. I also lament62 that parents, indolently availing themselves of a supposed privilege, damp the first faint glimmering63 of reason, rendering64 at the same time the duty, which they are so anxious to enforce, an empty name; because they will not let it rest on the only basis on which a duty can rest securely: for unless it be founded on knowledge, it cannot gain sufficient strength to resist the squalls of passion, or the silent sapping of self-love. But it is not the parents who have given the surest proof of their affection for their children, or, to speak more properly, who by fulfilling their duty, have allowed a natural parental affection to take root in their hearts, the child of exercised sympathy and reason, and not the over-weening offspring of selfish pride, who most vehemently65 insist on their children submitting to their will merely because it is their will. On the contrary, the parent, who sets a good example, patiently lets that example work; and it seldom fails to produce its natural effect — filial reverence66.
Children cannot be taught too early to submit to reason, the true definition of that necessity, which Rousseau insisted on, without defining it; for to submit to reason is to submit to the nature of things, and to that God, who formed them so, to promote our real interest.
Why should the minds of children be warped67 as they just begin to expand, only to favour the indolence of parents, who insist on a privilege without being willing to pay the price fixed68 by nature? I have before had occasion to observe, that a right always includes a duty, and I think it may, likewise, fairly be inferred, that they forfeit69 the right, who do not fulfil the duty.
It is easier, I grant, to command than reason; but it does not follow from hence that children cannot comprehend the reason why they are made to do certain things habitually70: for, from a steady adherence71 to a few simple principles of conduct flows that salutary power which a judicious51 parent gradually gains over a child’s mind. And this power becomes strong indeed, if tempered by an even display of affection brought home to the child’s heart. For, I believe, as a general rule, it must be allowed that the affection which we inspire always resembles that we cultivate; so that natural affections, which have been supposed almost distinct from reason, may be found more nearly connected with judgment72 than is commonly allowed. Nay73, as another proof of the necessity of cultivating the female understanding, it is but just to observe, that the affections seem to have a kind of animal capriciousness when they merely reside in the heart.
It is the irregular exercise of parental authority that first injures the mind, and to these irregularities girls are more subject than boys. The will of those who never allow their will to be disputed, unless they happen to be in a good humour, when they relax proportionally, is almost always unreasonable74. To elude this arbitrary authority girls very early learn the lessons which they afterwards practise on their husbands; for I have frequently seen a little sharp-faced miss rule a whole family, excepting that now and then mamma’s angry will burst out of some accidental cloud; — either her hair was ill dressed,64 or she had lost more money at cards, the night before, than she was willing to own to her husband; or some such moral cause of anger.
64 I myself heard a little girl once say to a servant, ‘My mama has been scolding me finely this morning, because her hair was not dressed to please her.’ Though this remark was pert, it was just. And what respect could a girl acquire for such a parent without doing violence to reason?
After observing sallies of this kind, I have been led into a melancholy75 train of reflection respecting females, concluding that when their first affection must lead them astray, or make their duties clash till they rest on mere whims76 and customs, little can be expected from them as they advance in life. How indeed can an instructor77 remedy this evil? for to teach them virtue78 on any solid principle is to teach them to despise their parents. Children cannot, ought not, to be taught to make allowance for the faults of their parents, because every such allowance weakens the force of their parents, because every such allowance weakens the force of reason in their minds, and makes them still more indulgent to their own. It is one of the most sublime virtues79 of maturity that leads us to be severe with respect to ourselves, and forbearing to others; but children should only be taught the simple virtues, for if they begin too early to make allowance for human passions and manners, they wear off the fine edge of the criterion by which they should regulate their own, and become unjust in the same proportion as they grow indulgent.
The affections of children, and weak people, are always selfish; they love their relatives, because they are beloved by them, and not on account of their virtues. Yet, till esteem80 and love are blended together in the first affection, and reason made the foundation of the first duty, morality will stumble at the threshold. But, till society is very differently constituted, parents, I fear, will still insist on being obeyed, because they will be obeyed, and constantly endeavour to settle that power on a Divine right which will not bear the investigation81 of reason.
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1
propensity
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| n.倾向；习性 | |
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2
prescription
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| n.处方，开药；指示，规定 | |
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3
jot
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| n.少量；vi.草草记下；vt.匆匆写下 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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binding
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| 有约束力的，有效的，应遵守的 | |
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7
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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subsists
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| v.（靠很少的钱或食物）维持生活，生存下去( subsist的第三人称单数 ) | |
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infancy
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| n.婴儿期；幼年期；初期 | |
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subjugate
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| v.征服；抑制 | |
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11
undue
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| adj.过分的；不适当的；未到期的 | |
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12
implicitly
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| adv. 含蓄地, 暗中地, 毫不保留地 | |
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implicit
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| a.暗示的，含蓄的，不明晰的，绝对的 | |
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14
epithet
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| n.（用于褒贬人物等的）表述形容词，修饰语 | |
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15
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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16
tacked
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| 用平头钉钉( tack的过去式和过去分词 )； 附加，增补； 帆船抢风行驶，用粗线脚缝 | |
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17
shackles
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| 手铐( shackle的名词复数 )； 脚镣； 束缚； 羁绊 | |
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18
submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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19
sedulously
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| ad.孜孜不倦地 | |
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20
parental
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| adj.父母的；父的；母的 | |
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21
instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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22
withhold
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| v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡 | |
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23
solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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24
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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approbation
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| n.称赞；认可 | |
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26
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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28
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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29
negligence
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| n.疏忽，玩忽，粗心大意 | |
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30
tenacious
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| adj.顽强的，固执的，记忆力强的，粘的 | |
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31
subversive
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| adj.颠覆性的，破坏性的；n.破坏份子，危险份子 | |
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32
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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33
dictate
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| v.口授；(使)听写；指令，指示，命令 | |
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34
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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35
elude
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| v.躲避，困惑 | |
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36
denomination
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| n.命名，取名，(度量衡、货币等的)单位 | |
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37
sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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omnipotence
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| n.全能，万能，无限威力 | |
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presumptuous
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| adj.胆大妄为的，放肆的，冒昧的，冒失的 | |
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40
bides
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| v.等待，停留( bide的第三人称单数 )；居住；（过去式用bided）等待；面临 | |
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41
speculative
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| adj.思索性的，暝想性的，推理的 | |
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42
extort
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| v.勒索，敲诈，强要 | |
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43
inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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44
dominion
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| n.统治，管辖，支配权；领土，版图 | |
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45
almighty
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| adj.全能的，万能的；很大的，很强的 | |
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46
maturity
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| n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期 | |
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47
bondage
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| n.奴役，束缚 | |
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48
cramps
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| n. 抽筋, 腹部绞痛, 铁箍 adj. 狭窄的, 难解的 v. 使...抽筋, 以铁箍扣紧, 束缚 | |
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49
faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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50
judiciously
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| adv.明断地，明智而审慎地 | |
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51
judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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52
curbed
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| v.限制，克制，抑制( curb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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53
humbled
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| adj. 卑下的，谦逊的，粗陋的 vt. 使 ... 卑下，贬低 | |
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54
abased
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| 使谦卑( abase的过去式和过去分词 )； 使感到羞耻； 使降低（地位、身份等）； 降下 | |
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55
vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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56
propriety
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| n.正当行为；正当；适当 | |
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57
tyrants
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| 专制统治者( tyrant的名词复数 )； 暴君似的人； （古希腊的）僭主； 严酷的事物 | |
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monarchs
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| 君主，帝王( monarch的名词复数 ) | |
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59
insinuating
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| adj.曲意巴结的，暗示的v.暗示( insinuate的现在分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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abject
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| adj.极可怜的，卑屈的 | |
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lament
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| n.悲叹，悔恨，恸哭；v.哀悼，悔恨，悲叹 | |
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63
glimmering
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| n.微光，隐约的一瞥adj.薄弱地发光的v.发闪光，发微光( glimmer的现在分词 ) | |
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64
rendering
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| n.表现，描写 | |
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vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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66
reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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67
warped
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| adj.反常的；乖戾的；（变）弯曲的；变形的v.弄弯，变歪( warp的过去式和过去分词 )；使（行为等）不合情理，使乖戾， | |
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68
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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69
forfeit
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| vt.丧失；n.罚金，罚款，没收物 | |
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habitually
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| ad.习惯地，通常地 | |
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71
adherence
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| n.信奉，依附，坚持，固着 | |
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72
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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74
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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WHIMS
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| 虚妄，禅病 | |
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instructor
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| n.指导者，教员，教练 | |
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78
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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80
esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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