The room was now warm and cheerful. A bright fire was blazing, the kettle was simmering, and a pot of hot tea was standing2 on the hearth3.
Mrs. Turner gazed around in bewilderment. The one candle in the room but dimly lighted it up, and the flickering4 flames of the fire threw fantastic shadows on walls and ceiling; but so bright was the blaze that there was nothing distressful5 in these shadowy phantasmagoria. At a little distance from the bed stood Dr. Spenlove, his pale face turned to the waking woman. She looked at him long and steadily6, and did not answer him when he smiled encouragingly at her and spoke7 a few gentle words. She passed her hand over the form of her sleeping child, and then across her forehead, in the effort to recall what had passed. But her mind was confused; bewildering images of the stages of her desperate resolve presented themselves--blinding snow, shrieking8 wind, the sea which she had not reached, the phantoms9 she had conjured10 up when her senses were deserting her in the white streets.
"Am I alive?" she muttered.
"Happily, dear Mrs. Turner," said Dr. Spenlove. "You are in your own room, and you will soon be well."
"Who brought me here?"
"I, and a good friend I was fortunate enough to meet when I was seeking you."
"Why did you seek me?"
"To save you."
"To save me! You knew, then----"
She paused.
"I knew nothing except that you were in trouble."
"Where did you find me?"
"In the snow, you and your child. A few minutes longer, and it would have been too late. But an angel directed my steps."
"No angel directed you: a devil led you on. Why did you not leave me to die? It was what I went out for. I confess it!" she cried, recklessly. "It was my purpose not to live; it was my purpose not to allow my child to live! I was justified11. Is not a quick death better than a slow, lingering torture which must end in death? Why did you save me? Why did you not leave me to die?"
"It would have been a crime."
"It would have been a mercy. You have brought me back to misery12. I do not thank you, doctor."
"You may live to thank me. Drink this tea; it will do you good."
She shook her head rebelliously14.
"What is the use? You have done me an ill turn. Had it not been for you I should have been at peace. There would have been no more hunger, no more privation. There would have been an end to my shame and degradation15."
"You would have taken it with you to the Judgment16 Seat," said Dr. Spenlove, with solemn tenderness. "There would have been worse than hunger and privation. What answer could you have made to the Eternal when you presented yourself before the Throne with the crime of murder on your soul?"
"Murder!" she gasped17.
"Murder," he gently repeated. "If you went out to-night with an intention so appalling18, it was not only your own life you would have taken, it was the life of the innocent babe now slumbering19 by your side. Can you have forgotten that?"
"No," she answered, in a tone of faint defiance20, "I have not forgotten it, I do not forget it. God would have forgiven me."
"He would not have forgiven you."
"He would. What has she to live for? What have I to live for--a lost and abandoned woman, a mother whose association would bring degradation upon her child? How should I meet her reproaches when she grew to be a woman herself? I am not ungrateful for what you have done for me"--she glanced at the fire and the tea he held in his hand--"but it cannot continue. To-morrow will come. There is always a to-morrow to strike terror to the hearts of such as I. Do you know what I have suffered? Do you see the future that lies before us? What hope is there in this world for me and my child?"
"There is hope. You brought her into the world."
"God help me, I did!" she moaned.
"By what right, having given her life, would you rob her of the happiness which may be in store for her?"
"Happiness!" she exclaimed, bitterly. "You speak to me of happiness!"
"I do, in truth and sincerity21, if you are willing to make a sacrifice, if you are willing to perform a duty."
"What would I not be willing to do," she cried, despairingly; "what would I not cheerfully do, to make her life innocent and happy--not like mine--oh, not like mine! But you are mocking me with empty words."
"Indeed I am not," said Dr. Spenlove, earnestly. "Since I left you some hours ago, not expecting to see you again, something has occurred of which I came to speak to you. I found your room deserted22, and feared--what we will not mention again. I searched, and discovered you in time to save you; and with all my heart I thank God for it! Now, drink this tea. I have much to say to you, and you need strength to consider it. If you can eat a little bread and butter--ah, you can! Let me fill your cup again. That is right. Now I recognise the lady it was my pleasure to be able to assist, not to the extent I would have wished, because of my own circumstances."
His reference to her as a lady, no less than the respectful consideration of his manner towards her, brought a flush to her cheeks as she ate. And, indeed, she ate ravenously23. Defiant24 and rebellious13 as may be our moods, nature's demands are imperative25, and no mortal is strong enough to resist them.
When she had finished he sat by her side, and was silent awhile, debating with himself how he should approach the task which Mr. Gordon had imposed upon him.
She saved him the trouble of commencing. "Are you acquainted with the story of my life?" she asked.
"It has been imparted to me," he replied, "by one to whom I was a stranger till within the last few hours."
"Do I know him?"
"You know him well."
For a moment she thought of the man who had brought her to this gulf26 of shame, but she dismissed the thought. It was impossible. He was too heartless and base to send a messenger to her on an errand of friendship, and Dr. Spenlove would have undertaken no errand of an opposite nature.
"Will you tell me his name?"
"Mr. Gordon."
She trembled, and her face grew white. She had wronged this man; the law might say that she had robbed him. Oh! why had her fatal design been frustrated27? why was not this torturing existence ended?
"You need be under no apprehension," continued Dr. Spenlove; "he comes as a friend."
She tossed her head in scorn of herself as one unworthy of friendship.
"He has but lately arrived in England from the Colonies, and he came with the hope of taking you back with him as his wife. It is from him I learned the sad particulars of your life. Believe me when I say that he is desirous to befriend you."
"In what way? Does he offer me money? I have cost him enough already. My father tricked him, and I have shamefully29 deceived him. To receive more from him would fill me with shame; but for the sake of my child I will submit to any sacrifice, to any humiliation--I will do anything, anything! It would well become me to show pride when charity is offered to me!"
"Do not forget those words--'for the sake of your child you will submit to any sacrifice.' It is your duty, for her sake, to accept any honourable30 proposition, and Mr. Gordon offers nothing that is not honourable." (He sighed as he said this, for he thought of the sacredness of a mother's love for her first-born.) "He will not give you money apart from himself. United to him, all he has is yours. He wishes to marry you."
She stared at him in amazement31.
"Are you mad!" she cried, "or do you think that I am?"
"I am speaking the sober truth. Mr. Gordon has followed you here because he wishes to marry you."
"Knowing me for what I am!" she said, still incredulous. "Knowing that I am in the lowest depths of degradation; knowing this"--she touched her child with a gentle hand--"he wishes to marry me!"
"He knows all. There is not an incident in your career with which he does not seem to be acquainted, and in the errand with which he has charged me he is sincerely in earnest."
"Dr. Spenlove," she said, slowly, "what is your opinion of a man who comes forward to pluck from shame and poverty a woman who has behaved as I have to Mr. Gordon?"
"His actions speak for him," replied Dr. Spenlove.
"He must have a noble nature," she said. "I never regarded him in that light. I took him to be a hard, conscientious33, fair-dealing man, who thought I would make him a good wife, but I never believed that he loved me. I did him the injustice34 of supposing him incapable35 of love. Ah, how I misjudged this man! I am not worthy28 of him, I am not worthy of him!"
"Set your mind not upon the past, but upon the future. Think of yourself and of your child in the years to come, and remember the fear and horror by which you have been oppressed in your contemplation of them. I have something further to disclose to you. Mr. Gordon imposes a condition from which he will not swerve36, and to which I beg you to listen with calmness. When you have heard all, do not answer hastily. Reflect upon the consequences which hang on your decision, and bear in mind that you have to make that decision before I leave you. I am to bear your answer to him to-night; he is waiting in my rooms to receive it."
Then, softening37 down all that was harsh in the proposal and magnifying all its better points, Dr. Spenlove related to her what had passed between Mr. Gordon and himself. She listened in silence, and he could not judge from her demeanour whether he was to succeed or to fail. Frequently she turned her face from his tenderly-searching gaze, as though more effectually to conceal38 her thoughts from him. When he finished speaking she showed that she had taken to heart his counsel not to decide hastily, for she did not speak for several minutes. Then she said plaintively,--
"There is no appeal, doctor?"
"None," he answered, in a decisive tone.
"He sought you out and made you his messenger, because of his impression that you had influence with me, and would advise me for my good?"
"As I have told you, in his own words, as nearly as I have been able to recall them."
"He was right. There is no man in the world I honour more than I honour you. I would accept what you say against my own convictions, against my own feelings. Advise me, doctor. My mind is distracted; I cannot be guided by it. You know what I am, you know what I have been, you foresee the future that lies before me. Advise me."
The moment he had dreaded39 had arrived. The issue was with him. He felt that this woman's fate was in his hands.
"My advice is," he said, in a low tone, "that you accept Mr. Gordon's offer."
"And cast aside a mother's duty?"
"What did you cast aside," he asked, sadly, "when you went with your child on such a night as this towards the sea?"
She shuddered40. She would not look at her child; with stern resolution she kept her eyes from wandering to the spot upon which the infant lay; she even moved away from the little body so that she should not come in contact with it.
A long silence ensued, which Dr. Spenlove dared not break.
"I cannot blame him," she then said, her voice, now and again, broken by a sob32, "for making conditions. It is his respectability that is at stake, and he is noble and generous for taking such a risk upon himself. There is a law for the man and a law for the woman. Oh, I know what I am saying, doctor; the lesson has been driven into my soul, and I have learnt it with tears of blood. One of these laws is white, the other black, and justice says it is right. It is our misfortune that we bear the children, and that their little fingers clutch our heart-strings. It would be mockery for me to say that I love my child with a love equal to that I should have felt if she had come into the world without the mark of shame with which I have branded her. With my love for her is mingled41 a loathing42 of myself, a terror of the living evidence of my fall. But I love her, doctor, I love her--and never yet so much as now when I am asked to part with her! What I did a while ago was done in a frenzy43 of despair. I had no food, you see, and she was crying for it; and the horror and the anguish44 of that hour may overpower me again if I am left as I am. I will accept Mr. Gordon's offer, and I will be as good a wife to him as it is in my power to be; but I, also, have a condition to make. Mr. Gordon is much older than I, and it may be that I shall outlive him. The condition I make is--and whatever the consequences I am determined45 to abide46 by it--that in the event of my husband's death, and of there being no children of our union, I shall be free to seek the child I am called upon to desert. In everything else I will perform my part of the contract faithfully. Take my decision to Mr. Gordon, and if it is possible for you to return here to-night with his answer, I implore47 you to do so. I cannot close my eyes, I cannot rest, until I hear the worst. God alone knows on which side lies the right, on which the wrong!"
"I will return with his answer," said Dr. Spenlove, "to-night."
"There is still something more," she said, in an imploring48 tone, "and it must be a secret sacredly kept between you and me. It may happen that you will become acquainted with the name of the guardian49 of my child. I have a small memorial which I desire he shall retain until she is of age, say until she is twenty-one, or until, in the event of my husband's death, I am free to seek her in years to come. If you do not discover who the guardian is, I ask you to keep this memorial for me until I reclaim50 it; which may be, never! Will you do this for me?"
"I will."
"Thank you for all your goodness to me. But I have nothing to put the memorial in. Could you add to your many kindnesses by giving me a small box which I can lock and secure? Dear Dr. Spenlove, it is a mother who will presently be torn from her child who implores51 you!"
He bethought him of a small iron box he had at home, which contained some private papers of his own. He could spare this box without inconvenience to himself, and he promised to bring it to her; and so, with sincere words of consolation52, he left her.
In the course of an hour he returned. Mr. Gordon had consented to the condition she imposed.
"Should I be thankful or not?" she asked, wistfully.
"You should be thankful," he replied. "Your child, rest assured, will have a comfortable and happy home. Here is the box and the key. It is a patent lock; no other key can open it. I will show you how to use it. Yes, that is the way." He paused a moment, his hand in his pocket. "You will be ready to meet Mr. Gordon at two to-morrow?"
"And my child?" she asked, with tears in her voice. "When will she be taken from me?"
"At twelve." His hand was still fumbling53 in his pocket, and he suddenly shook his head, as if indignant with himself. "You may want to purchase one or two little things in the morning. Here are a few shillings. Pray accept them."
He laid on the table the money with which he had intended to pay his fare to London.
"Heaven reward you," said the grateful woman, "and make your life bright and prosperous."
Her tears bedewed his hand as she kissed it humbly54, and Dr. Spenlove walked wearily home, once more penniless, but not entirely55 unhappy.
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收听单词发音
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1
appeased
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| 安抚，抚慰( appease的过去式和过去分词 )； 绥靖（满足另一国的要求以避免战争） | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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hearth
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| n.壁炉炉床，壁炉地面 | |
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flickering
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| adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的 | |
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distressful
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| adj.苦难重重的，不幸的，使苦恼的 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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8
shrieking
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| v.尖叫( shriek的现在分词 ) | |
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phantoms
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| n.鬼怪，幽灵( phantom的名词复数 ) | |
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conjured
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| 用魔术变出( conjure的过去式和过去分词 )； 祈求，恳求； 变戏法； （变魔术般地） 使…出现 | |
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11
justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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rebelliously
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| adv.造反地，难以控制地 | |
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15
degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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16
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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17
gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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18
appalling
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| adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的 | |
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19
slumbering
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| 微睡，睡眠（slumber的现在分词形式） | |
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20
defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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22
deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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23
ravenously
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| adv.大嚼地，饥饿地 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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imperative
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| n.命令，需要；规则；祈使语气；adj.强制的；紧急的 | |
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26
gulf
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| n.海湾；深渊，鸿沟；分歧，隔阂 | |
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27
frustrated
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| adj.挫败的，失意的，泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 )；挫败；使受挫折；令人沮丧 | |
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28
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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29
shamefully
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| 可耻地； 丢脸地； 不体面地； 羞耻地 | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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31
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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32
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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33
conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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34
injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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36
swerve
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| v.突然转向，背离；n．转向，弯曲，背离 | |
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37
softening
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| 变软，软化 | |
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38
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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39
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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40
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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41
mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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42
loathing
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| n.厌恶，憎恨v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的现在分词)；极不喜欢 | |
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43
frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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44
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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45
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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46
abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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47
implore
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| vt.乞求，恳求，哀求 | |
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48
imploring
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| 恳求的，哀求的 | |
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49
guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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50
reclaim
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| v.要求归还，收回；开垦 | |
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51
implores
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的第三人称单数 ) | |
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52
consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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53
fumbling
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| n. 摸索,漏接 v. 摸索,摸弄,笨拙的处理 | |
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54
humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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55
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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