"If our child lives, there is hope that my wife will live?"
"A strong hope. I speak with confidence."
"And if our child dies?"
"The mother will die."
No voice was speaking in the chamber2 of death, but Aaron heard again these words, which had passed between the doctor and himself. If the child lived, the mother would live; if the child died, the mother would die.
A black darkness fell upon his soul. His mind, his soul, every principle of his being, was engulfed3 in the one despairing thought that Rachel was doomed5, that, although she was sleeping peacefully before his eyes, death would be her portion when she awoke to the fact that her babe had been taken from her.
"If, when she wakes, all is well with the child, all will be well with her."
The spiritual echo of the doctor's words uttered but a few hours ago. He heard them as clearly as he had heard the others.
How to avert6 the threatened doom4? How to save his Rachel's life? Prayer would not avail, or he would have flown to it instinctively7. It was not that he asked himself the question, or that in his agony he doubted or believed in the efficacy of prayer. It may be, indeed, that he evaded8 it, for already a strange and terrible temptation was invading the fortress9 of his soul. To save the life of his beloved was he ready to commit a sin? What was the true interpretation10 of sin? A perpetrated act which would benefit one human being to the injury of another. Then, if an act were perpetrated which would ensure the happiness and well-doing not of one human creature, but of three, and would inflict11 injury upon no living soul, that act was not a sin--unmistakably not a sin. But if this were really so, wherefore the necessity for impressing it upon himself? The conviction that he was acting12 justly in an hour of woe13, that the contemplated14 act was not open to doubt in a moral or religious sense, was in itself sufficient. Wherefore, then, the iteration that it was not a sin?
He could not think the matter out in the presence of Rachel and of his dead child. He stole down to his room, and gave himself up to reflection. He turned down the gas almost to vanishing point, and stood in the dark, now thinking in silence, now uttering his thoughts aloud.
A friend had come to him and begged him to receive into his household a babe, a girl, of the same age as his own babe lying dead in the room above. She was deserted15, friendless, alone. All natural claims had been abandoned, and the infant was thrown upon the world, without parents, without kith or kin1. Even while he believed his own child to be alive he had decided16 to accept the trust. Why should he hesitate now that his child was dead? It was almost like a miraculous17 interposition, or so he chose to present it to himself.
"Even as we spoke18 together," he said aloud, "my child had passed away. Even as I hesitated the messenger was urging me to accept the trust. It was as if an angel had presented himself, and said, 'The life of your beloved hangs upon the life of a babe, and the Eternal has called her child to Him. Here is another to take her place. The mother will not know; she is blind, and has never seen the face of her babe, has scarcely heard its voice. To-morrow she lives or dies--it is the critical day in her existence--and whether she lives or dies rests with you, and with you alone. Science is powerless to help her in her hour of trial; love alone will lift her into life, into joy, into happiness; and upon you lies the responsibility. It is for you to pronounce the sentence--life or death for your beloved, life or death for a good woman who, if you do not harden your heart, will shed peace and blessings19 upon all around her. Embrace the gift that God has offered you. Allow no small scruples21 to drive you from the duty of love.' Yes," cried Aaron in a louder tone, "it was as if an angel spoke. Rachel shall live!"
If there was sophistry22 in this reasoning he did not see it; but the still small voice whispered,--
"It is a deception23, you are about to practise. You are about to place in your wife's arms a child that is not of her blood or yours. You are about to take a Christian24 babe to your heart, to rear and instruct her as if she were born in the old and sacred faith that has survived long centuries of suffering and oppression. Can you justify25 it?"
"Love justifies26 it," he answered. "The good that will spring from it justifies it. A sweet and ennobling life will be saved. My own life will be made the better for it, for without my beloved I should be lost, I should be lost!"
Again the voice: "It is of yourself you are thinking."
"And if I am," he answered, "if our lives are so interwoven that one would be useless and broken without the other, where is the sin?"
Again the voice: "Ah, the sin! You have pronounced the word. Remember, it is a sin of commission."
"I know it," he said, "and I can justify it--and can I not atone27 for it in the future? I will atone for it, if the power is given me, by charity, by good deeds. In atonement, yes, in atonement. If I can relieve some human misery28, if I can lift a weight from suffering hearts, surely that will be reckoned to my account. I record here a solemn vow29 to make this a purpose of my life. And the child!--she will be reared in a virtuous30 home, she will have a good woman for a mother. With such an example before her she cannot fail to grow into a bright and useful womanhood. That will be a good work done. I pluck her from the doubtful possibilities which might otherwise attend her; no word of reproach will ever reach her ears; she will live in ignorance of the sad circumstances of her birth. Is all this nothing? Will it not weigh in the balance?"
Again the voice: "It is much, and the child is fortunate to fall into the hands of such protectors. But I repeat, in using these arguments you are not thinking of the child; you think only of yourself."
"It is not so," he said; "not alone of myself am I thinking. I am the arbiter31 of my wife's earthly destiny. Having the opportunity of rescuing her from death, what would my future life be if I stand idly by and see her die before my eyes? Do you ask of me that I shall be her executioner? The heart of the Eternal is filled with love; He bestows32 upon us the gift of love as our divinest consolation33. He has bestowed34 it upon me in its sublimest35 form. Shall I lightly throw away the gift, and do a double wrong--to the child that needs a home, to the woman whose fate is in my hands? Afflict36 me no longer; I am resolved, and am doing what I believe to be right in the sight of the Most High."
The voice was silent, and spake no more.
Aaron turned up the gas, took the money which Mr. Moss37 had left upon the table, and quietly left the house. As he approached the Salutation Hotel, which was situated38 at but a short distance, he saw the light of Mr. Moss's cigar in the street. That gentleman was walking to and fro, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his friend.
"You are here, Cohen," he cried, "and the hour has barely passed. That is a good omen39. How pale you are, and you are out of breath. In order that absolute secrecy40 should be preserved I thought it best to wait outside for you. You have decided?"
"I have decided," said Aaron, in a husky voice. "I will receive the child."
"Good, good, good," said Mr. Moss, his eyes beaming with satisfaction. "You are acting like a sensible man, and you have lifted yourself out of your difficulties. I cannot tell you how glad you make me, for I take a real interest in you, a real interest. Remain here; I will bring the babe, and we will go together to your house. It is well wrapped up, and we will walk quickly to protect it from the night air. I shall not be a minute."
He darted41 into the hotel, and soon returned, with the babe in his arms. Upon Aaron's offering to take the child from him, he said, gaily42, "No, no, Cohen'; I am more used to carrying babies than you. When you have a dozen of them, like me, I will admit that we are equal; but not till then, not till then."
Although his joyous43 tones jarred upon Aaron he made no remark, and they proceeded to Aaron's house, Mr. Moss being the loquacious44 one on the road.
"The woman I brought with me does not know, does not suspect, where the child is going to, so we are safe. She goes back to Portsmouth to-night; I shall remain till the morning. The baby is fast asleep. What would the world be without children? Did you ever think of that, Cohen? It would not be worth living in. A home without children--I cannot imagine it. When I see a childless woman I pity her from my heart. They try to make up for it with a cat or a dog, but it's a poor substitute, a poor substitute. If I had no children I would adopt one or two--yes, indeed. There is a happy future before this child; if she but knew, if she could speak, her voice would ring out a song of praise."
When they arrived at the house Aaron left Mr. Moss in the room below, and ran up to ascertain45 if Rachel had been disturbed. She had not moved since he last quitted the room, and an expression of profound peace was settling on her face. His own child lay white and still. A heavy sigh escaped him as he gazed upon the inanimate tiny form. He closed the door softly, and rejoined his friend.
"I will not stay with you, Cohen," said Mr. Moss; "you will have enough to do. To-morrow you must get a woman to assist in the house. You have the fifty pounds safe?" Aaron nodded. "I have some more money to give you, twenty-five pounds, three months' payment in advance of the allowance to be made to you for the rearing of the child. Here it is, and here, also, is the address of the London lawyers, who will remit46 to you regularly at the commencement of every quarter. You have only to give them your address, and they will send the money to you. I shall not leave Gosport till eleven in the morning, and if you have anything to say to me I shall be at the Salutation till that hour. Good-night, Cohen; I wish you happiness and good fortune."
Alone with the babe, who lay on the sofa, which had been drawn47 up to the fire, Aaron stood face to face with the solemn responsibility he had taken upon himself, and with the still more solemn deception to which he was pledged. For awhile he hardly dared to uncover the face of the sleeping child, but time was precious, and he nerved himself to the necessity. He sat on the sofa, and gently removed the wrappings which had protected the child from the cold night, but had not impeded48 its powers of respiration49.
A feeling of awe50 stole upon him; the child he was gazing on might have been his own dead child, so strong was the resemblance between them. There was a little hair upon the pretty head, as there was upon the head of his dead babe; it was dark, as hers was; there was a singular resemblance in the features of the children; the limbs, the feet, the little baby hands, the pouting51 mouth, might have been cast in the same mould. The subtle instinct of a mother's love would have enabled her to know instinctively which of the two was her own babe, but it would be necessary for that mother to be blessed with sight before she could arrive at her unerring conclusion. A father could be easily deceived, and the tender age of the children would have been an important--perhaps the chief--factor in the unconscious error. "Surely," Aaron thought, as he contemplated the sleeping babe, "this is a sign that I am acting rightly." Men less devout52 than he might have regarded it as a Divine interposition. But though he strove still to justify his act, doubt followed every argument he used in his defence.
The next hour was occupied in necessary details which had not hitherto occurred to him. The clothing of the children had to be exchanged. It was done; the dead was arrayed as the living, the living as the dead. Mere53 words are powerless to express Aaron's feelings as he performed this task, and when he placed the living, breathing babe in the bed in which Rachel lay, and took his own dead child to an adjoining room, and laid it in his own bed, scalding tears ran down his cheeks. "God forgive me, God forgive me!" he murmured, again and again. He knelt by Rachel's bed, and buried his face in his hands. He had committed himself to the deception; there was no retreat now. For weal or woe, the deed was done.
And there was so much yet to do, so much that he had not thought of! Each false step he was taking was leading to another as false as that which had preceded it. But if the end justified54 the means--if he did not betray himself--if Rachel, awaking, suspected nothing, and heard the voice of the babe by her side, without suspecting that it was not her own, why, then, all would be well. And all through his life, to his last hour, he would endeavour to make atonement for his sin. He inwardly acknowledged it now, without attempting to gloss55 it over. It was a sin; though good would spring from it, though a blessing20 might attend it, the act was sinful.
His painful musings were arrested by a knock at the street door. With a guilty start he rose to his feet, and gazed around with fear in his eyes. What did the knock portend56? Was it in some dread57 way connected with his doings? The thought was harrowing. But presently he straightened himself, set his lips firmly, and went downstairs to attend to the summons.
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1
kin
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| n.家族，亲属，血缘关系；adj.亲属关系的，同类的 | |
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2
chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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3
engulfed
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| v.吞没，包住( engulf的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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4
doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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5
doomed
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| 命定的 | |
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6
avert
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| v.防止，避免；转移(目光、注意力等) | |
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7
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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8
evaded
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| 逃避( evade的过去式和过去分词 )； 避开； 回避； 想不出 | |
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9
fortress
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| n.堡垒，防御工事 | |
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10
interpretation
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| n.解释，说明，描述；艺术处理 | |
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11
inflict
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| vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担 | |
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12
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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13
woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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14
contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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15
deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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16
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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17
miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的，不可思议的 | |
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18
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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19
blessings
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| n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福 | |
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20
blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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21
scruples
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| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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22
sophistry
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| n.诡辩 | |
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23
deception
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| n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计 | |
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24
Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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25
justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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26
justifies
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| 证明…有理( justify的第三人称单数 )； 为…辩护； 对…作出解释； 为…辩解（或辩护） | |
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27
atone
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| v.赎罪，补偿 | |
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28
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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29
vow
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| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
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30
virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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31
arbiter
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| n.仲裁人，公断人 | |
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32
bestows
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的第三人称单数 ) | |
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33
consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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34
bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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35
sublimest
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| 伟大的( sublime的最高级 )； 令人赞叹的； 极端的； 不顾后果的 | |
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36
afflict
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| vt.使身体或精神受痛苦，折磨 | |
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37
moss
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| n.苔，藓，地衣 | |
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38
situated
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| adj.坐落在...的，处于某种境地的 | |
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39
omen
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| n.征兆，预兆；vt.预示 | |
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40
secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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41
darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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42
gaily
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| adv.欢乐地，高兴地 | |
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43
joyous
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| adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的 | |
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44
loquacious
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| adj.多嘴的，饶舌的 | |
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45
ascertain
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| vt.发现，确定，查明，弄清 | |
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46
remit
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| v.汇款，汇寄；豁免（债务），免除（处罚等） | |
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47
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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48
impeded
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| 阻碍，妨碍，阻止( impede的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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49
respiration
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| n.呼吸作用；一次呼吸；植物光合作用 | |
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50
awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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51
pouting
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| v.撅（嘴）( pout的现在分词 ) | |
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52
devout
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| adj.虔诚的，虔敬的，衷心的 (n.devoutness) | |
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53
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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54
justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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55
gloss
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| n.光泽，光滑；虚饰；注释；vt.加光泽于；掩饰 | |
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56
portend
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| v.预兆，预示；给…以警告 | |
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57
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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