I was awakened11 by Harold digging me in the ribs12, and ‘She’s going to-day!’ was the morning hymn13 that scattered14 the clouds of sleep. Strange to say, it was with no corresponding jubilation15 of spirits that I slowly realised the momentous16 fact. Indeed, as I dressed, a dull disagreeable feeling that I could not define grew up in me—something like a physical bruise17. Harold was evidently feeling it too, for after repeating ‘She’s going to-day!’ in a tone more befitting the Litany, he looked[195] hard in my face for direction as to how the situation was to be taken. But I crossly bade him look sharp and say his prayers and not bother me. What could this gloom portend18, that on a day of days like the present seemed to hang my heavens with black?
Down at last and out in the sun, we found Edward before us, swinging on a gate and chanting a farm-yard ditty in which all the beasts appear in due order, jargoning in their several tongues, and every verse begins with the couplet:
‘Now, my lads, come with me,
Out in the morning early!’
The fateful exodus19 of the day had evidently slipped his memory entirely20. I touched him on the shoulder. ‘She’s going to-day!’ I said. Edward’s carol subsided21 like a water-tap turned off. ‘So she is!’ he replied, and got down at once off the gate. And we returned to the house without another word.
At breakfast Miss Smedley behaved in a most mean and uncalled-for manner. The right divine of governesses to govern wrong[196] includes no right to cry. In thus usurping22 the prerogative23 of their victims they ignore the rules of the ring, and hit below the belt. Charlotte was crying, of course; but that counted for nothing. Charlotte even cried when the pigs’ noses were ringed in due season; thereby24 evoking25 the cheery contempt of the operators, who asserted they liked it, and doubtless knew. But when the cloud-compeller, her bolts laid aside, resorted to tears, mutinous26 humanity had a right to feel aggrieved27, and think itself placed in a false and difficult position. What would the Romans have done, supposing Hannibal had cried? History has not even considered the possibility. Rules and precedents28 should be strictly29 observed on both sides. When they are violated, the other party is justified30 in feeling injured.
There were no lessons that morning, naturally—another grievance31! The fitness of things required that we should have struggled to the last in a confused medley1 of moods and tenses, and parted for ever, flushed with hatred32, over the dismembered corpse33 of the multiplication[197]-table. But this thing was not to be; and I was free to stroll by myself through the garden, and combat, as best I might, this growing feeling of depression. It was a wrong system altogether, I thought, this going of people one had got used to. Things ought always to continue as they had been. Change there must be, of course; pigs, for instance, came and went with disturbing frequency—
‘Fired their ringing shot and passed,
Hotly charged and sank at last’—
but Nature had ordered it so, and in requital34 had provided for rapid successors. Did you come to love a pig, and he was taken from you, grief was quickly assuaged35 in the delight of selection from the new litter. But now, when it was no question of a peerless pig, but only of a governess, Nature seemed helpless, and the future held no litter of oblivion. Things might be better, or they might be worse, but they would never be the same; and the innate36 conservatism of youth asks neither poverty nor riches, but only immunity37 from change.
[198]
Edward slouched up alongside of me presently, with a hangdog look on him, as if he had been caught stealing jam. ‘What a lark38 it’ll be when she’s really gone!’ he observed, with a swagger obviously assumed.
‘Grand fun!’ I replied dolorously39; and conversation flagged.
We reached the hen-house, and contemplated40 the banner of freedom lying ready to flaunt41 the breezes at the supreme42 moment.
‘Shall you run it up,’ I asked, ‘when the fly starts, or—or wait a little till it’s out of sight?’
Edward gazed round him dubiously43. ‘We’re going to have some rain, I think,’ he said; ‘and—and it’s a new flag. It would be a pity to spoil it. P’raps I won’t run it up at all.’
Harold came round the corner like a bison pursued by Indians. ‘I’ve polished up the cannons,’ he cried, ‘and they look grand! Mayn’t I load ’em now?’
‘You leave ’em alone,’ said Edward severely44, ‘or you’ll be blowing yourself up’ (consideration for others was not usually Edward’s strong[199] point). ‘Don’t touch the gunpowder45 till you’re told, or you’ll get your head smacked46.’
Harold fell behind, limp, squashed, obedient. ‘She wants me to write to her,’ he began presently. ‘Says she doesn’t mind the spelling, if I’ll only write. Fancy her saying that!’
‘O, shut up, will you?’ said Edward savagely47; and once more we were silent, with only our thoughts for sorry company.
‘Let’s go off to the copse,’ I suggested timidly, feeling that something had to be done to relieve the tension, ‘and cut more new bows and arrows.’
‘She gave me a knife my last birthday,’ said Edward moodily48, never budging49. ‘It wasn’t much of a knife—but I wish I hadn’t lost it!’
‘When my legs used to ache,’ I said, ‘she sat up half the night, rubbing stuff on them. I forgot all about that till this morning.’
‘There’s the fly!’ cried Harold suddenly. ‘I can hear it scrunching50 on the gravel51.’
Then for the first time we turned and stared each other in the face.
[200]
The fly and its contents had finally disappeared through the gate, the rumble52 of its wheels had died away. Yet no flag floated defiantly53 in the sun, no cannons proclaimed the passing of a dynasty. From out the frosted cake of our existence Fate had cut an irreplaceable segment: turn which way we would, the void was present. We sneaked54 off in different directions, mutually undesirous of company; and it seemed borne in upon me that I ought to go and dig my garden right over, from end to end. It didn’t actually want digging; on the other hand no amount of digging could affect it, for good or for evil; so I worked steadily55, strenuously56, under the hot sun, stifling57 thought in action. At the end of an hour or so, I was joined by Edward.
‘I’ve been chopping up wood,’ he explained, in a guilty sort of way, though nobody had called on him to account for his doings.
‘What for?’ I inquired stupidly. ‘There’s piles and piles of it chopped up already.’
‘I know,’ said Edward, ‘but there’s no harm in having a bit over. You never can tell what[201] may happen. But what have you been doing all this digging for?’
‘You said it was going to rain,’ I explained hastily. ‘So I thought I’d get the digging done before it came. Good gardeners always tell you that’s the right thing to do.’
‘It did look like rain at one time,’ Edward admitted; ‘but it’s passed off now. Very queer weather we’re having. I suppose that’s why I’ve felt so funny all day.’
‘Yes, I suppose it’s the weather,’ I replied. ‘I’ve been feeling funny too.’
The weather had nothing to do with it, as we well knew. But we would both have died rather than admit the real reason.
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1
medley
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n.混合 | |
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2
ecstasies
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狂喜( ecstasy的名词复数 ); 出神; 入迷; 迷幻药 | |
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3
revelled
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v.作乐( revel的过去式和过去分词 );狂欢;着迷;陶醉 | |
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4
dishonour
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n./vt.拒付(支票、汇票、票据等);vt.凌辱,使丢脸;n.不名誉,耻辱,不光彩 | |
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5
sullenly
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不高兴地,绷着脸,忧郁地 | |
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6
scourge
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n.灾难,祸害;v.蹂躏 | |
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brass
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n.黄铜;黄铜器,铜管乐器 | |
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8
cannons
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n.加农炮,大炮,火炮( cannon的名词复数 ) | |
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foe
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n.敌人,仇敌 | |
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10
cracker
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n.(无甜味的)薄脆饼干 | |
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11
awakened
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v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到 | |
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12
ribs
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n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 );(船或屋顶等的)肋拱;肋骨状的东西;(织物的)凸条花纹 | |
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13
hymn
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n.赞美诗,圣歌,颂歌 | |
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14
scattered
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adj.分散的,稀疏的;散步的;疏疏落落的 | |
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15
jubilation
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n.欢庆,喜悦 | |
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16
momentous
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adj.重要的,重大的 | |
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17
bruise
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n.青肿,挫伤;伤痕;vt.打青;挫伤 | |
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18
portend
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v.预兆,预示;给…以警告 | |
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19
exodus
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v.大批离去,成群外出 | |
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20
entirely
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ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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21
subsided
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v.(土地)下陷(因在地下采矿)( subside的过去式和过去分词 );减弱;下降至较低或正常水平;一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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22
usurping
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篡夺,霸占( usurp的现在分词 ); 盗用; 篡夺,篡权 | |
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23
prerogative
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n.特权 | |
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24
thereby
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adv.因此,从而 | |
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25
evoking
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产生,引起,唤起( evoke的现在分词 ) | |
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26
mutinous
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adj.叛变的,反抗的;adv.反抗地,叛变地;n.反抗,叛变 | |
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27
aggrieved
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adj.愤愤不平的,受委屈的;悲痛的;(在合法权利方面)受侵害的v.令委屈,令苦恼,侵害( aggrieve的过去式);令委屈,令苦恼,侵害( aggrieve的过去式和过去分词) | |
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28
precedents
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引用单元; 范例( precedent的名词复数 ); 先前出现的事例; 前例; 先例 | |
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29
strictly
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adv.严厉地,严格地;严密地 | |
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30
justified
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a.正当的,有理的 | |
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31
grievance
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n.怨愤,气恼,委屈 | |
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32
hatred
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n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨 | |
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33
corpse
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n.尸体,死尸 | |
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34
requital
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n.酬劳;报复 | |
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35
assuaged
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v.减轻( assuage的过去式和过去分词 );缓和;平息;使安静 | |
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36
innate
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adj.天生的,固有的,天赋的 | |
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37
immunity
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n.优惠;免除;豁免,豁免权 | |
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38
lark
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n.云雀,百灵鸟;n.嬉戏,玩笑;vi.嬉戏 | |
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39
dolorously
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adj. 悲伤的;痛苦的;悲哀的;阴沉的 | |
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40
contemplated
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adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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41
flaunt
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vt.夸耀,夸饰 | |
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42
supreme
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adj.极度的,最重要的;至高的,最高的 | |
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43
dubiously
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adv.可疑地,怀疑地 | |
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44
severely
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adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地 | |
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45
gunpowder
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n.火药 | |
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46
smacked
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拍,打,掴( smack的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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47
savagely
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adv. 野蛮地,残酷地 | |
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48
moodily
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adv.喜怒无常地;情绪多变地;心情不稳地;易生气地 | |
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49
budging
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v.(使)稍微移动( budge的现在分词 );(使)改变主意,(使)让步 | |
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50
scrunching
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v.发出喀嚓声( scrunch的现在分词 );蜷缩;压;挤压 | |
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51
gravel
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n.砂跞;砂砾层;结石 | |
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52
rumble
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n.隆隆声;吵嚷;v.隆隆响;低沉地说 | |
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53
defiantly
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adv.挑战地,大胆对抗地 | |
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54
sneaked
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v.潜行( sneak的过去式和过去分词 );偷偷溜走;(儿童向成人)打小报告;告状 | |
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55
steadily
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adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地 | |
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56
strenuously
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adv.奋发地,费力地 | |
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57
stifling
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a.令人窒息的 | |
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