Chapter XXX. The Blunderer at Work Again.

Will was now at work on a very learned dissertation¹ on “Philosophical Ingenuity².” That is the name he gave it,—but the name had nothing in common with the subject, “Socialism” would have been quite as appropriate,—and according to his views, he handled it in a graphic³, original, and striking manner; and he was firmly convinced that he should make a very good thing of it.

Poor boy, it was too bad, after all the pains he took.

What was too bad?

This. The same evening on which he wrote out his composition for the last time, he sat up late and wrote to his cousin Henry, inviting⁴ him to come and pay them a visit in the holidays.

When this boy (Will) gave Stephen gunpowder⁵ instead of fire crackers⁶, and again when he loaded Henry’s pistols with wads, his mistakes were glossed⁷ over, and he himself was laughed at, rather than blamed. But now the truth must be made known; he cannot be excused any longer. Right over his eyes, where the phrenologists locate order, there was a depression.

There, the secret is out, and the writer’s conscience is easy.

Boys, it is hard to have to deal with a hero who is not a paragon⁸; but you must be indulgent, and we will do our best.

After finishing and directing the letter to his cousin, Will went to bed and slept peacefully, little dreaming of the thunderbolt which would soon burst over his head, and which he himself had prepared.

Next morning he found his writing materials strewn over his table in great confusion, and in a lazy, listless manner he set to work to put them to rights.

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In order to keep his composition, or “essay,” perfectly⁹ clean, he intended to put it into an old envelope. Alas¹⁰, poor boy, he made a blunder, as usual; and mistaking the composition for the letter, he thrust it into the envelope directed to Henry, which he sealed on the spot, and stowed away in his pocket. Then he put the letter into the old envelope and put it carefully away in his satchel¹¹.

Not one boy in fifty could possibly have made so egregious¹² a blunder, but nothing else could be expected from Will.

On this eventful day, the “essays,” as Teacher Meadows saw fit to call them, were to be read, and the prize was to be delivered over to the “successful competitor.”

Full of his expected triumph, Will set out for school. He knew that his composition was good, and he could judge what the others’ would be. He was a little uneasy about George and Charles, but as for the rest—pshaw! the rest couldn’t write!

He imagined he saw his schoolmates watching him as he went home that evening with about the biggest book ever printed. He even heard their disappointed tones, and saw their sullen¹³ and envious¹⁴ looks, as he passed through the streets.

And that old lady who often cast admiring glances towards him—she would call next day and say, “Well, Mrs. Lawrence, your boy is just the smartest boy in the whole village.”

In a day or so Stephen would drop in and let him know what was said about it by the villagers in general, the schoolboys in particular.

And when his uncle and aunt heard the news, they would certainly be overjoyed, and send him (just what he wanted, of course) a monkey! As soon as it could be done, his father would buy him a little gun.

Full of these dreams, he went on, stopping at the post office to send, as he supposed, his letter to Henry.

Time wore away, and the hour for the “essays” to be read, came at last. Teacher Meadows took his seat, and they were laid on the desk before him. Good man,[273] he himself would read them all, lest the “composers” should not do themselves justice.

Only a dozen or so had competed for the prize, but all these had done their best, and the handwriting was so plain that it was a pleasure to read it.

A few of the competitors’ parents and “well-wishers” were present, “to see justice done to all,” as they pleasantly put it. But they served only to increase the master’s pompousness¹⁵ and self-esteem, and the “essayists’” bashfulness and inquietude; while they themselves were surely neither very much instructed nor very much delighted.

In fact, the truth was probably forced home to the more intelligent of the audience, that schoolboys and schoolgirls who would soar to the pinnacle¹⁶ of fame by attempting to write beyond their capabilities¹⁷, generally find themselves floundering about in the slough¹⁸ of ignominious¹⁹ failure.

Mr. Meadows certainly read the different compositions with great care and earnestness, and took as much pains with the worthless ones as with the tolerably good ones.

By some chance, Will’s was the last to be read, and dead silence was observed till it was finished.

Whenever a new idea had struck the boy, he had set it down without the slightest regard to consecutiveness²⁰; and if the same idea was afterwards seen in a different light, he had promptly²¹ expressed his views, though in the midst of a paragraph.

A mere²² handful of words had been sufficient for him on this occasion, and these were repeated with unwearied persistency²³. A schoolboy writing a letter excels in repetition, at least.

If either Mr. or Mrs. Lawrence had reviewed it for him it would not have been so incomprehensible.

The letter ran as follows:

Dear Henry,—I am going to write to you all about us boys and our doings, and tell you all about a great plot that all of us are going to have. I received your letter of last month safe and sound, and I expect you expected to hear from me right off. But, Henry, I’ve[274] had all sorts of things to do, and just now we boys are trying for a prize. I expect it will be a beauty. I would not write till it’s all over, but we boys want me to write to you right off to come down and help us in a plot we’ve got made up to impose on one of our number. I’ve been puzzling over my essay for the prize for nearly three weeks or more (the boys here don’t know that) or I should have written before; and so, just to please them, I’m sitting up late and writing to-night instead of day after to-morrow.

They expect it will be the most tremendous fun that ever was, and of course it will. I’m rather tired of playing tricks, but they say this isn’t playing tricks at all. In your last letter you asked me if the boys were the same rum old poligars that they used to be. I don’t know what that means, Henry, but I guess the boys are just the same—only worse. Well, Henry, I guess I’ll try and give you a better idea of them than I did when I was with you. You know all their names; so first there is Charley. He is a capital good sort of a fellow, and he often helps me. But he is a very queer sort of a fellow, and he thinks it’s tremendous big fun to use big words when he talks with us—well, so do the others. It seems natural for George to use them, but I don’t know why Steve does. I expect he thinks it’s tremendous big fun too.

Stephen is a great fellow to play tricks. My father says if he lives, and keeps on at this rate, he and the law will meet with violence some of these days.

But I hope Stephen will never get into such trouble. He makes us laugh more than all the other boys put together, and I expect when you come down and we get fairly started rescuing the captive, we’ll laugh ourselves sick in bed. Marmaduke, he’s the one, is not to see you till in the haunted house.

Charley likes to have me tell him stories about the demon²⁴. Marmaduke—he’s the next one to tell about. We boys are not very well satisfied with the way we get on in French. We haven’t a genuine Frenchman for a master, as you have. We all like Mr. Meadows, but he[275] has not the knack²⁵ of making us understand French, though he is a splendid teacher in other things. But the boys all say that Marmaduke is satisfied.

Because he can write “A red-haired sailor dressed in blue says the physician’s house is burnt,” “The king’s palace is built on the river,” “The neighbor’s wicked little boy has stolen the carpenter’s hammer,” and so on, he thinks he and the French language understand each other. Mr. Meadows himself isn’t satisfied with the Method he uses. One boy here says the reason he doesn’t get a better one is because he studied it when he was a boy, and, etc., etc. But that is a very mean thing to say, eh, Henry? and I don’t believe it a bit. That’s the reason we want you to come, to write us a good letter in French. George is a nice boy. He always says, look here, boys, when he has something on his mind. He reads a great deal, but it doesn’t spoil him from being a boy a bit. Ask him what he reads, and he’ll say, Oh, anything from an almanac to an unabridged dictionary, and I expect that is so. Marmaduke is just the wildest boy in his notions that I ever saw. The boys mean to take advantage of this, and delude²⁶ him. But I have explained all that. Jim always, generally, goes with us, and he is the most first-rate coward that I ever saw. We’ve shut him out this time. But he is a nice fine boy in lots of things.

In reading over what I’ve written I’m afraid I haven’t explained our plot at all, Henry; but it’s too long to explain now, because I’m tired, Henry, and I expect to see you soon, Henry, and then I can explain it better than I could in writing. Perhaps I’ve written too much about the boys, but you know just how much I think of them. They are all good fellows and we would do almost anything for each other. We don’t care much for the other boys here, only ourselves. I can tell you this much about our plot, we pretend to rescue a prisoner out of an old house. George calls it the necropolis, and Charley the scare-crow’s factory; but Stephen has a better name—at least, it sounds better. He calls it the Wigwam of the Seven Sleepers²⁷. Last time I forgot to ask you to excuse[276] my writing, so I might as well now, this time. I’m too tired to write any more this time, and my letter is pretty long, anyway. Don’t wait to write again, but come as soon as possible next week, for our plot will come off as soon as possible.

I am, I was, and I always mean to be,

Your Sleepy Cousin Will.

1 dissertation   

n.（博士学位）论文，学术演讲，专题论文

参考例句：

• He is currently writing a dissertation on the Somali civil war.他目前正在写一篇关于索马里内战的论文。
• He was involved in writing his doctoral dissertation.他在聚精会神地写他的博士论文。

2 ingenuity   

n.别出心裁；善于发明创造

参考例句：

• The boy showed ingenuity in making toys.那个小男孩做玩具很有创造力。
• I admire your ingenuity and perseverance.我钦佩你的别出心裁和毅力。

3 graphic   

adj.生动的，形象的，绘画的，文字的，图表的

参考例句：

• The book gave a graphic description of the war.这本书生动地描述了战争的情况。
• Distinguish important text items in lists with graphic icons.用图标来区分重要的文本项。

4 inviting   

adj.诱人的，引人注目的

参考例句：

• An inviting smell of coffee wafted into the room.一股诱人的咖啡香味飘进了房间。
• The kitchen smelled warm and inviting and blessedly familiar.这间厨房的味道温暖诱人，使人感到亲切温馨。

5 gunpowder   

n.火药

参考例句：

• Gunpowder was introduced into Europe during the first half of the 14th century.在14世纪上半叶，火药传入欧洲。
• This statement has a strong smell of gunpowder.这是一篇充满火药味的声明。

6 crackers   

adj.精神错乱的，癫狂的n.爆竹( cracker的名词复数 )；薄脆饼干；（认为）十分愉快的事；迷人的姑娘

参考例句：

• That noise is driving me crackers. 那噪声闹得我简直要疯了。
• We served some crackers and cheese as an appetiser. 我们上了些饼干和奶酪作为开胃品。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 glossed   

v.注解( gloss的过去式和过去分词 )；掩饰（错误）；粉饰；把…搪塞过去

参考例句：

• The manager glossed over the team's recent defeat. 经理对这个队最近的失败闪烁其词。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He glossed over his selfishness with a display of generosity. 他以慷慨大方的假象掩饰他的自私。 来自互联网

8 paragon   

n.模范，典型

参考例句：

• He was considered to be a paragon of virtue.他被认为是品德尽善尽美的典范。
• Man is the paragon of animals.人是万物之灵。

9 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

10 alas   

int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等)

参考例句：

• Alas!The window is broken!哎呀！窗子破了！
• Alas,the truth is less romantic.然而，真理很少带有浪漫色彩。

11 satchel   

n.(皮或帆布的)书包

参考例句：

• The school boy opened the door and flung his satchel in.那个男学生打开门，把他的书包甩了进去。
• She opened her satchel and took out her father's gloves.打开书箱，取出了她父亲的手套来。

12 egregious   

adj.非常的，过分的

参考例句：

• When it comes to blatant lies,there are none more egregious than budget figures.谈到公众谎言，没有比预算数字更令人震惊的。
• What an egregious example was here!现摆着一个多么触目惊心的例子啊。

13 sullen   

adj.愠怒的，闷闷不乐的，(天气等)阴沉的

参考例句：

• He looked up at the sullen sky.他抬头看了一眼阴沉的天空。
• Susan was sullen in the morning because she hadn't slept well.苏珊今天早上郁闷不乐，因为昨晚没睡好。

14 envious   

adj.嫉妒的，羡慕的

参考例句：

• I don't think I'm envious of your success.我想我并不嫉妒你的成功。
• She is envious of Jane's good looks and covetous of her car.她既忌妒简的美貌又垂涎她的汽车。

15 pompousness   

豪华；傲慢

参考例句：

16 pinnacle   

n.尖塔，尖顶，山峰；(喻)顶峰

参考例句：

• Now he is at the very pinnacle of his career.现在他正值事业中的顶峰时期。
• It represents the pinnacle of intellectual capability.它代表了智能的顶峰。

17 capabilities   

n.能力( capability的名词复数 )；可能；容量；[复数]潜在能力

参考例句：

• He was somewhat pompous and had a high opinion of his own capabilities. 他有点自大，自视甚高。 来自辞典例句
• Some programmers use tabs to break complex product capabilities into smaller chunks. 一些程序员认为，标签可以将复杂的功能分为每个窗格一组简单的功能。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓

18 slough   

v.蜕皮，脱落，抛弃

参考例句：

• He was not able to slough off the memories of the past.他无法忘记过去。
• A cicada throws its slough.蝉是要蜕皮的。

19 ignominious   

adj.可鄙的，不光彩的，耻辱的

参考例句：

• The marriage was considered especially ignominious since she was of royal descent.由于她出身王族，这门婚事被认为是奇耻大辱。
• Many thought that he was doomed to ignominious failure.许多人认为他注定会极不光彩地失败。

20 consecutiveness   

Consecutiveness

参考例句：

21 promptly   

adv.及时地，敏捷地

参考例句：

• He paid the money back promptly.他立即还了钱。
• She promptly seized the opportunity his absence gave her.她立即抓住了因他不在场给她创造的机会。

22 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

23 persistency   

n. 坚持(余辉, 时间常数)

参考例句：

• I was nettled by her persistency. 我被她的固执惹恼了。
• We should stick to and develop the heritage of persistency. 我们应坚持和发扬坚忍不拔的传统。

24 demon   

n.魔鬼，恶魔

参考例句：

• The demon of greed ruined the miser's happiness.贪得无厌的恶习毁掉了那个守财奴的幸福。
• He has been possessed by the demon of disease for years.他多年来病魔缠身。

25 knack   

n.诀窍，做事情的灵巧的，便利的方法

参考例句：

• He has a knack of teaching arithmetic.他教算术有诀窍。
• Making omelettes isn't difficult,but there's a knack to it.做煎蛋饼并不难，但有窍门。

26 delude   

vt.欺骗；哄骗

参考例句：

• You won't delude him into believing it.你不能诱使他相信此事。
• Don't delude yourself into believing that she will marry you.不要自欺，别以为她会嫁给你。

27 sleepers   

n.卧铺（通常以复数形式出现）；卧车( sleeper的名词复数 )；轨枕；睡觉（呈某种状态）的人；小耳环

参考例句：

• He trod quietly so as not to disturb the sleepers. 他轻移脚步，以免吵醒睡着的人。 来自辞典例句
• The nurse was out, and we two sleepers were alone. 保姆出去了，只剩下我们两个瞌睡虫。 来自辞典例句