Simultaneously2 with the opening of the cab-door opened the big door of my stepfather's house, and a group of little golden heads showed in the dark frame. Feet and hands and voluble lips and eyes played together, and for a very brief while I enjoyed the sensations of a heroine.
This small world was excited prospectively3 at the thought of my coming adventures. I was soon to represent to them the unknown, the elsewhere, the eternal dream of "far fair foreign lands." Things were to happen to me that never[Pg 108] yet happened to mortal. I was to be snubbed by and to subdue4 a haughty5 people. Perhaps if I did something extremely outrageous6 I should be put into prison, with chains round my feet and wrists. Pending7 which, I was to travel for several hours by land and several hours by water.
"She has come already," they shouted gleefully. "Oh, such a dreadful person, Angela! taller than papa, and the skin is quite tight round her eyes and mouth as if she couldn't laugh."
She was, indeed, an odd-looking woman, the jailer to whom my parents so unconcernedly confided8 me. Not unkind, but austere9 and grotesque10 in her black cap and long black veil. She had left a Tipperary village to become a lady of Mercy in the English convent, and to her was intrusted the care of my deported11 self. In religion her name was Sister Clare, and the impression she has left on me is that of an inoffensive policeman masquerading in woman's attire12, with limbs too long for a decorous management of them, honest, cold blue eyes, and, instead of the vivid hues13 of life upon the lean cheek, discoloured parchment drawn14 without a wrinkle tightly over the high-boned impassible visage.
I had the bad taste to show fright upon sight[Pg 109] of her lugubrious15 garb16 of postulant, and like the little savage17 I was, passionately18 declined her proffered19 kiss; but when my stepfather held me on his knees beside her, and spoke20 to her with his charming affability, I let myself be coaxed21 into equable endurance of the queer picture. I saw then that she was not dangerous. Indulgence lurked22 beneath the austere expression, and if the glance was cold, it was neither hard nor cruel.
Up-stairs in the nursery the hours passed tumultuously in a frenzy23 of discussion. Each little head was busy forging its theory of deportment and action in circumstances so strange and adventurous24 as those of a baby girl going out alone among the sharks and foreigners of a cold undreamed-of world. The immediate25 fear was that I should disgrace my land by my Kildare accent. My eldest26 sister contemptuously declared that I talked "just like that disgusting little girl with the oily black ringlets"; and the imminence27 of a shower at the abrupt28 reference to the dear and absent Mary Jane, so far away, so unconscious of my perils29 and terrors and importance, averted30 an outburst of indignation at the wanton insult cast upon her picturesque31 head.
It was regarded as an aggravation32 of my imperfections that I could not write, else I might have kept up the lively excitement of my departure by a raw account of my adventures. But by the time I should have mastered the difficult art of writing and spelling, I should probably have forgotten all my wonderful experiences, and they would have lost all interest in the story of my early travels.
If my mother had been an early Christian33 or a socialist34, she could not have shown herself a more inveterate35 enemy of personal property. Never through infancy36, youth, or middle age has she permitted any of her offspring to preserve relics37, gifts, or souvenirs. Treasures of every kind she pounced38 upon, and either destroyed or gave away,—partly from a love of inflicting39 pain, partly from an iconoclastic40 temper, but more than anything from a despotic ferocity of self-assertion. The preserving of relics, of the thousand and one little absurdities41 sentiment and fancy ever cling to, implied something beyond her power, something she could not hope to touch or destroy, implied above all an inner life existing independent of her harsh authority. The outward signs of this mental independence she ever ruthlessly effaced42.
And my desolation was great when I found the old wooden box I had brought up from Kildare empty of all my beloved little relics of a fugitive43 happiness and of yearned-for friends. Gone the mug with somebody else's name upon it, gone the plate with the little white knobs and the painted black dog, gone my book about cocks and hens, the gift of that vision of romance, my godfather, swallowed up radiantly in Chinese yellow. Gone, alas44! Stevie's "Robinson Crusoe" and his knife, and every tiny possession of a tiny sentimentalist, whose heart was so famished45 for love and kind words and kisses, and clung the more eagerly for this to these poor trifles.
I sat on the floor beside my empty box, and refused to be comforted. These things were to have softened46 the rigours of exile, might have gone with me to the scaffold as sustainment and benediction47, if I had the misfortune to rouse the ire of that mysterious being, the Queen, whom Mary Jane depicted48 as sitting on a high throne, with a crown on her head and a knife in her hand for the necks of the unruly Irish.
But I had nothing now to take to bed with me, nothing to hug and weep over, nothing to tell my sorrows to when the society and [Pg 112]persecution of big people become intolerable. I stood, or rather sat, alone in a desolate49 universe, with the violated coffin50 of my regrets in front of me. Being worn out with all I had gone through that day, I probably fell asleep sobbing51 against the empty box, and night robbed me of any further sense of misfortune.

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1
blighted
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adj.枯萎的,摧毁的 | |
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2
simultaneously
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adv.同时发生地,同时进行地 | |
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3
prospectively
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adv.预期; 前瞻性; 潜在; 可能 | |
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4
subdue
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vt.制服,使顺从,征服;抑制,克制 | |
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5
haughty
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adj.傲慢的,高傲的 | |
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6
outrageous
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adj.无理的,令人不能容忍的 | |
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7
pending
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prep.直到,等待…期间;adj.待定的;迫近的 | |
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8
confided
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v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的过去式和过去分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
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9
austere
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adj.艰苦的;朴素的,朴实无华的;严峻的 | |
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10
grotesque
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adj.怪诞的,丑陋的;n.怪诞的图案,怪人(物) | |
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11
deported
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v.将…驱逐出境( deport的过去式和过去分词 );举止 | |
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12
attire
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v.穿衣,装扮[同]array;n.衣着;盛装 | |
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13
hues
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色彩( hue的名词复数 ); 色调; 信仰; 观点 | |
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14
drawn
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v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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15
lugubrious
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adj.悲哀的,忧郁的 | |
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16
garb
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n.服装,装束 | |
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17
savage
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adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
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18
passionately
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ad.热烈地,激烈地 | |
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19
proffered
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v.提供,贡献,提出( proffer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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20
spoke
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n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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21
coaxed
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v.哄,用好话劝说( coax的过去式和过去分词 );巧言骗取;哄劝,劝诱 | |
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22
lurked
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vi.潜伏,埋伏(lurk的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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23
frenzy
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n.疯狂,狂热,极度的激动 | |
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24
adventurous
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adj.爱冒险的;惊心动魄的,惊险的,刺激的 | |
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25
immediate
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adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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26
eldest
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adj.最年长的,最年老的 | |
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27
imminence
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n.急迫,危急 | |
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28
abrupt
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adj.突然的,意外的;唐突的,鲁莽的 | |
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29
perils
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极大危险( peril的名词复数 ); 危险的事(或环境) | |
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30
averted
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防止,避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 ); 转移 | |
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31
picturesque
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adj.美丽如画的,(语言)生动的,绘声绘色的 | |
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32
aggravation
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n.烦恼,恼火 | |
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33
Christian
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adj.基督教徒的;n.基督教徒 | |
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34
socialist
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n.社会主义者;adj.社会主义的 | |
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35
inveterate
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adj.积习已深的,根深蒂固的 | |
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36
infancy
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n.婴儿期;幼年期;初期 | |
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37
relics
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[pl.]n.遗物,遗迹,遗产;遗体,尸骸 | |
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38
pounced
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v.突然袭击( pounce的过去式和过去分词 );猛扑;一眼看出;抓住机会(进行抨击) | |
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39
inflicting
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把…强加给,使承受,遭受( inflict的现在分词 ) | |
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40
iconoclastic
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adj.偶像破坏的,打破旧习的 | |
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41
absurdities
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n.极端无理性( absurdity的名词复数 );荒谬;谬论;荒谬的行为 | |
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42
effaced
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v.擦掉( efface的过去式和过去分词 );抹去;超越;使黯然失色 | |
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43
fugitive
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adj.逃亡的,易逝的;n.逃犯,逃亡者 | |
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44
alas
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int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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45
famished
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adj.饥饿的 | |
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46
softened
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(使)变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 ); 缓解打击; 缓和; 安慰 | |
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47
benediction
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n.祝福;恩赐 | |
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48
depicted
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描绘,描画( depict的过去式和过去分词 ); 描述 | |
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49
desolate
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adj.荒凉的,荒芜的;孤独的,凄凉的;v.使荒芜,使孤寂 | |
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50
coffin
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n.棺材,灵柩 | |
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51
sobbing
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<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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