“Am I wanted?” I asked.
“You’re to come out to exercise, and look sharp. If you’ve a coat there, bring it with you, it’s raining.”
Through the small high window, ribbed with heavy bars and paned with thick, dirty glass, it was impossible to say what sort of a day passed by outside. The different texture4 of the twilight5 within was the only indication.
I was taken to the big yard, and there, for the first time, I saw my fellow-prisoners. There was an Excise6 Officer, two men whom I did not know, and two Gaelic League organisers. One [24]of these last, as I entered the yard, threw up his hand in a Connacht salute7, and greeted me: “ [Gaelic: Sé do ?ea?a, a ?uine ?oir] ” It was surely a strange welcome to a prison yard; and the warder’s voice barked out across the yard: “Stop that talking there.” I was instructed to keep my distance from the others behind and before, and in silence we all walked round and round the yard under a cold drizzling8 rain.
Afterwards I learnt that a large batch9 of Westport men had been sent to Dublin two days before, and that the prison was now beginning to fill up again. This, apparently10, was the reason of the delay in my arrest. The police could only arrest as the prisons gave them space.
For Ireland’s prisons were not able to keep pace with this new (and yet not so very new) manufacture of criminals.
For an hour we marched round in silence; and then we were taken in for our dinners. The two Gaelic League organisers had been appointed as the prison orderlies. Warders never do any work, that being an offence to the relative height at which they are placed; all [25]work is done by prisoners under their direction. Therefore, Sean Seoighe brought me in my dinner; and when I in my ignorance asked for a knife and spoon with which to eat it, he, on his week-old experience of jails, passed quickly out into the passage to control his mirth, leaving me to the astonishment11 of the warder, who asked me if I knew where I was. The astonishing nature of my request seemed to rob the warder of his asperity12, for he went out in silence, leaving me to an old horn prison spoon.
At three o’clock we were taken out again for exercise, and by that time I had already fallen into prison craft. Old criminals, I was told, develop it to such an extent that their communications with one another, in the friendships they establish, become almost as complete as in ordinary life, despite the close scrutiny13 under which they are kept at all times. I can well understand it; for here were we, new to the game, and without any experienced hand among us, bringing all our wits to work in order to establish communication with one another—that communication between man and man without which life is as unhealthy as a standing14 pool. Our minds became cunning and crafty15; the whole being became watchful16 and alert for [26]opportunities that had to be caught swiftly as they passed, while the outward manner maintained a deceptive17 innocence18. The result was not conscious; or at least it was only half-conscious; for a new kind of reflex seemed to be developed. As we walked round the yard for instance, we timed our journey with the warder, who walked up and down a small path by the prison wall. The result was that we were walking toward the far end of the yard as he walked away from us toward the prison door. Thus his back would be turned just as we reached the most favourable19 part of our round, and by that time the distances between us would have become reduced as though quite naturally. It was a man?uvre that, ordinarily, would have been difficult to execute, yet it was managed quite simply, and, as it were, naturally. Then, as we passed round the favourable bend—while the warder was walking away from us down his little path—a swift conversation would proceed, in voices pitched just to reach the man before or the man behind, and without any perceptible movement of the lips. And by the time the warder had turned about we were slowly finishing the bend with lengthening20 distances between us, erect21, and with calm [27]faces forward. Thus we came to know who we all were, where we were taken, the circumstances that attended our arrests, and soforth. This play of wit became no small part of the daily life; and the penalties that were involved gave spice to existence.
When we were taken back to our cells I had a fairly exact knowledge of who my fellow-prisoners were, and who had been there before me, and when they had been removed. One became part of a new continuity, and I had a strange feeling as though I had been in prison for a long time. Supper was taken at five, and consisted of prison cocoa and bread. It was the last meal for the day, and the only thing left to do was to wait for darkness. In Castlebar Jail the gas jet projects an inch into the cell, and is never lit except during the winter months. For though prisons are sometimes spoken of as reformatories of character, yet elaborate precautions are taken to prevent suicide. Hence the horn spoons. Hence also the rope or wire netting beneath the landings. Hence the gas jet, for from anything in the nature of a bracket a man might hang himself. And such precautions are very necessary. As I sat in my cell waiting for darkness to come, I felt for the [28]first time the beginnings of the system on me. The blank, bare walls, the high, dark window, the deathly silence outside, broken only by the occasional tread of the warder, the jingle of his keys by his side, and the sound of the cover of the spy-hole as he slid it aside to spy in upon me—all these outward things joined, with the instant repression22 of every sign of humanity, by communication with a fellow-prisoner, or by a word with the warder, to produce a mental blank and a complete absence of any part of the rhythm or colour of life. One never sees anything resembling a smile on warders’ faces: they seem tutored to graveness or sullenness23, as though they wore masks, and the only human exchange one can sometimes catch is through the eyes—a quick flash there will sometimes let one know that this warder at least is still a man and has yet not wholly become a machine. So one never sees flowers in prison (save for one exception that I was to meet, where the exception was rooted in literary history); and prison yards are always floored with shards24 of flint or coal slack, or something very like ashes. Colours are never seen, and I remember later with what extraordinary joy I feasted my eyes on a blanket with which I was provided—crimson, and yellow, [29]and claret—a wonderful thing. Everything is toneless, colourless, featureless, expressionless, noiseless (unless the noise be the harsh voice of a warder) void and unhuman.
In the twilight that thickened in my cell I sat that first night feeling these influences sink into my soul—or rather, I felt them advancing toward me, with intent to blot25 out the thing that was I, the personality that was my being, without which I was not. And I was afraid, afraid as of some last obscenity. I have read those who have recommended meditation26 before such a grey void, so to purchase the final liquidation27 into the great everlastingly-flowing Nirvana. To such, a prison can be commended. Such a philosophy has never commended itself to me, to whom Life is meaningless unless it be for the production and perfection of personality; and personality is meaningless unless it be the utmost differentiation28 of mind, the utmost liberty of thought and action, the utmost canvassing29 of desire and will, without any regard to authorities and bans and interdictions, or monstrous30 (literally31 monstrous) attempts at uniformity, imperial or otherwise. And so I sat there on my stool beside my little table, feeling the first pressure of a cold enormity [30]muffling Life at every turn, seeking to reduce me to the utter blankness that is its ideal. The prison system protects itself by a number of contrivances against the suicide of its victims; but suicide is indeed the logical outcome of the system, it is its final perfection. When personality has been so far repressed that it can make no demonstration32 of itself, neither by voice nor signal; when personality looks upon faces that are as expressionless as the white-washed wall and flint-strewn yard; when the mind at last echoes the blankness it meets with a blankness as fitting, and the outer world becomes forgotten, literally forgotten:—what difference is there between such a state and the final quenching33 of the spark of life in a body whose only value is that a soul inhabits it? The last state is simply a logical completion of the first.
Thought? I had during my life conceived of prison as a place where a man could in silence and solitude34 think out things. As I sat in my cell that first night in prison I knew on a sure insight (what I was later to prove) that this was all wrong. As though something spake it in my soul, I knew that thought would become sluggish35 and slow, and finally would not exist at all, until even the effort to recall the names [31]and faces of friends would be relinquished36 as too fatiguing37. I knew that; I divined it that first night instantly; and I was afraid. Some of the others told me that they wept every night; and I understood it. But when the darkness compelled me to make up my bed, I simply took off my coat and collar and boots, and rolled the blankets about me as I lay down, determined38 that I was going to make a fight for it.
The following morning, when the Chief Warder came to see me, I started again on the rules and regulations. We fought long and hard; and finally he granted me permission to get a daily paper and to smoke one pipe a day. “Only,” he said, “you must smoke it outside, and you must smoke it in a special yard by yourself where the smell of the tobacco won’t annoy the others.” I agreed; and before he left me he took the “Rules” from the wall and bore them away with him.
So I took my exercise that morning by myself, in the small yard between the forks of the prison building. My pipe was presented to me, and my pouch39. When the pipe was filled, I was presented with a match, and I was watched while I lit up. Then my pouch was [32]taken away and the door was locked behind me and I was left alone.
The yard was very small, and triangular40. It had apparently not been much used, for the flints lay loose upon the surface of the ground, save for one little circle in the centre that had been trodden hard. Two sides of the triangle were formed by the prison, the walls of which rose sheer above me, cold and grey, with menacing barred windows at regular intervals41. On the third side a high wall of masonry42 made the base of the triangle. The day was sunlit, but the sunlight could only fall across a small corner of the yard. Two daisies were growing in the centre of the circle: which I picked, and instantly regretted the selfishness and vandalism of the deed.
I walked round and round, smoking my pipe; but when my pipe was finished, the folly43 of my decision faced me. Here I was shut for another hour on a floor of flints, surrounded by oppressive grey walls that rose sheer above me, with nothing to look upon but walls and floor, and high above me a patch of blue sky, across which clouds sailed. Deeply I envied the other men their sight of one another, and their craft and tricks to outwit the warder. I walked round [33]and round the little circle, first one way and then the other; and gave that up. I tried lying down in the corner, where the sunlight fell; but found flint shards not the most inviting44 of seats. And it seemed an interminable time before the warder unlocked the door to unloose me from what had become a refined form of torture.
Yet I did not admit defeat. As I came away, the Chief Warder offered me another pipe in the afternoon, on the same terms; and I accepted. But that was enough. The prison cell was better than that little yard, flint-strewn, beneath grey walls and barred windows. When I came back in the afternoon I took occasion to slip up the flap from the spy-hole, unobserved; and the warder closed the door without noticing this. So I was enabled to relieve the tedium45 of my cell by looking out. Opposite my spy-hole was a window looking down into the yard that I had left; and there, to my astonishment, I saw a hat passing round and round, coming into sight, and passing out of sight. The hat just appeared over a bar of the window, which hid the face of the wearer. A hat, and no more; like a tantalising glimpse into another world; but something about that [34]hat struck me as familiar. It was astonishingly like the hat of P. J. D., the editor and proprietor46 of “The Mayo News,” the one paper that had refused to print any rumours47 during the week of the Rising. Had he then joined me in jail?
That night when at supper I asked for the daily letter I had been promised, the Chief Warder informed me that he had received instructions from the military authorities that I was not to be permitted any sort of communication with the outer world, by letter or by visit. The previous day I had written to my wife saying that my daily letters were to be a sign to her that I was safe and well, and would show her where I was. I wish no man the hours I spent that night.
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1
jingle
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| n.叮当声，韵律简单的诗句；v.使叮当作响，叮当响，押韵 | |
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2
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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3
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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4
texture
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| n.(织物)质地；(材料)构造；结构；肌理 | |
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5
twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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6
excise
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| n.(国产)货物税；vt.切除，删去 | |
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7
salute
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| vi.行礼，致意，问候，放礼炮；vt.向…致意，迎接，赞扬；n.招呼，敬礼，礼炮 | |
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8
drizzling
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| 下蒙蒙细雨，下毛毛雨( drizzle的现在分词 ) | |
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9
batch
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| n.一批(组，群)；一批生产量 | |
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10
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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11
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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12
asperity
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| n.粗鲁，艰苦 | |
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13
scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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14
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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15
crafty
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| adj.狡猾的，诡诈的 | |
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16
watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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17
deceptive
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| adj.骗人的，造成假象的，靠不住的 | |
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18
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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19
favourable
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| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
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20
lengthening
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| （时间或空间）延长，伸长( lengthen的现在分词 )； 加长 | |
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21
erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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22
repression
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| n.镇压，抑制，抑压 | |
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23
sullenness
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| n. 愠怒, 沉闷, 情绪消沉 | |
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24
shards
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| n.（玻璃、金属或其他硬物的）尖利的碎片( shard的名词复数 ) | |
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25
blot
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| vt.弄脏（用吸墨纸）吸干；n.污点，污渍 | |
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26
meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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27
liquidation
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| n.清算，停止营业 | |
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28
differentiation
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| n.区别，区分 | |
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29
canvassing
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| v.（在政治方面）游说( canvass的现在分词 )；调查（如选举前选民的）意见；为讨论而提出（意见等）；详细检查 | |
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30
monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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31
literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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32
demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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33
quenching
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| 淬火，熄 | |
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34
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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35
sluggish
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| adj.懒惰的，迟钝的，无精打采的 | |
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36
relinquished
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| 交出，让给( relinquish的过去式和过去分词 )； 放弃 | |
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37
fatiguing
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| a.使人劳累的 | |
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38
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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39
pouch
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| n.小袋，小包，囊状袋；vt.装...入袋中，用袋运输；vi.用袋送信件 | |
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40
triangular
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| adj.三角（形）的，三者间的 | |
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41
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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42
masonry
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| n.砖土建筑；砖石 | |
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43
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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44
inviting
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| adj.诱人的，引人注目的 | |
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45
tedium
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| n.单调；烦闷 | |
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46
proprietor
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| n.所有人；业主；经营者 | |
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47
rumours
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| n.传闻( rumour的名词复数 )；风闻；谣言；谣传 | |
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