But with all this intimacy, to Peter’s consciousness thoroughly14, paternally15 platonic16, under all its daily interests and quiet pleasure lay a half-felt hurt, a sense of injury and loss. The little voice, seldom thought of during the last ten years, now repeated often: “But you will be different; I will be different; we will both be changed.”
Captain Archinard returned from the Riviera in a temper that could mean but one thing; he had gambled at Monte Carlo, and he had lost. He did not mention the fact in the family circle; indeed, by a tacit agreement, money matters were never alluded18 to before Mrs. Archinard. Her years of successful invalidism19 had compelled even her husband’s acquiescence20 in the decision early arrived at by Hilda and Katherine: mamma must be spared the torments21 to which they had grown accustomed. But to Katherine the Captain freed his querulous soul, never to Hilda. There was a look in Hilda’s eyes that made the Captain very uncomfortable, very angry; conscious of those cases of wonderful champagne22, the races, the clubs, the boxes at the play, and all the infinite array of his wardrobe—a sad, wondering look. Katherine’s scoldings were far preferable, for Katherine was not so devilish superior to human weaknesses; she had plenty of unpaid23 bills on her own conscience, and understood the necessities of an aristocratic taste. He and Katherine had their little secrets, and were mutually on the defensive25. Hilda never criticised, to be sure, but her very difference was a daily criticism. The Captain thought his younger daughter rather dull; Katherine, of finer calibre than her father, admired such dulness, and found some difficulty in stilling self-reproachful comparisons; temperament26, circumstance, made a comforting philosophy. And then Hilda’s art made things easy for Hilda; with such a refuge, would she, Katherine, ask for more? Katherine rather wondered now, after her father’s exasperated27 recountal of ill-luck, where papa had got the money to lose; but papa on this point was prudently28 reticent29, and borrowed two one-hundred-franc notes from Peter while the latter waited in the drawing-room for Katherine one morning.
Katherine and her father were making a round of calls one day, and the Captain stopped at his bank to cash a check. Katherine stood beside him, and, although he man?uvred concealment30 with hand and shoulder, her keen eyes read the name.
Her mouth was stern as they walked away—the Captain had folded the notes and put them in his pocket.
“A good deal of money that, papa.”
“I suppose I owe twice as much to my tailor,” Captain Archinard replied, with irritation31.
“Has Mr. Odd lent you money before this?”
“I really don’t know that Mr. Odd’s affairs—or mine—are any business of yours, Katherine.”
“Yours certainly are, papa. When a father puts his daughter in a false position, his affairs decidedly become her business.”
“What rubbish, Katherine. Better men than Odd have been glad to give me a lift. I can’t see that Odd has been ill-used. He is rolling in money.”
“I don’t quite believe that, papa. Allersley is not such a rich property. But it is not of Mr. Odd’s ill-usage I complain, it is of mine; for if this borrowing goes on, I hardly think I can continue my relations with Mr. Odd. It would rather look like—decoying.”
The Captain stopped and fixed33 a look of futile34 dignity on his daughter.
“That’s a strange word for you to use, Katherine. I would horsewhip the man who would suggest it. Odd is a gentleman.”
“Decidedly. I did not speak of his point of view but of mine. All frankness of intercourse between us is impossible if you are going to sponge on him.”
“Katherine! I can’t allow such impertinence! Outrageous35! It really is! Sponge! Can’t a man borrow a few paltry36 hundreds from another without exposing himself to such insulting language?—especially as Odd is to become my son-in-law, I suppose. He is always hanging about you.”
“That is what I meant, papa.” Katherine’s tone was icy. “Your suppositions were apparent to me, you drain Mr. Odd on the strength of them. Borrow from any one else you like as much as you can get, but, if you have any self-respect, you won’t borrow from Mr. Odd in the hope that I will marry him.”
“Devilish impertinent! Upon my word, devilish impertinent!” the Captain muttered. He drew out his cigar-case with a hand that trembled. Katherine’s bitter look was very unpleasant.
Katherine expected Odd the next morning; he was reading a manuscript to her, and would come early.
She was waiting for him at ten. She had put on her oldest dress. The severe black lines, a silk sash, knotted at the side, suggested a soutane—the slim buckled37 shoes with their square tips carried out the monastic effect, and Katherine’s strong young face was cold and stern.
“Shall we put off our work for a little while? I want to speak to you,” she said, after Odd had come, and greetings had passed between them.
“Shall we? You have been too patient all along, Miss Archinard.” Odd smiled down at her as he held her hand. “You make me feel that I have been driving you—arrantly egotistic.”
“No; I like our work immensely, as you know.” Katherine remained standing38 by the fireplace. She leaned her arm on the mantelpiece, and turned her head to look directly at him. “I am not at all happy this morning, Mr. Odd.” Odd’s kind eyes showed an almost boyish dismay.
“What is it? Can I help you?” His tone was all sympathetic anxiety and friendly warmth.
“No; just the contrary. Mr. Odd, I am ashamed that you should have seen the depths of our poverty. It is not a poverty one can be proud of. Poverty to be honorable must work, and must not borrow.”
Odd flushed.
“You exaggerate,” he said, but he liked her for the exaggeration.
“I did not know till yesterday that papa owed to you his Riviera trip.”
“Really, Katherine”—he had not used her name before, it came now most naturally with this new sense of intimacy—“you mustn’t misunderstand, misjudge your father. He couldn’t work; his life has unfitted him for it; it would be a false pride that would make him hesitate to ask an old friend for a loan; an old friend so well able to lend as I am. You women judge these things far too loftily.” And Peter liked her for the loftiness.
“Would you mind telling me how much you lent him last time? I was with him when he cashed the check. I saw the name, not the amount.”
“It was nothing of any importance,” said Odd shortly. He exaggerated now. The Captain had told him that the furniture would be seized unless some creditors39 were satisfied, and, with a very decided32 hint as to the inadvisability of another trip for retrievement to the Riviera, Peter had given him the money, ten thousand francs; a sum certainly of importance, for Odd was no millionaire.
Katherine looked hard at him.
“You won’t tell me because you want to spare me.”
“My dear Katherine, I certainly want to spare you anything that would add a straw’s weight to your distress40; you have no need, no right to shoulder this. It is your father’s affair—and mine. You must not give it another thought.”
“That is so easy!” Katherine clenched41 her hand on the mantelpiece. She was not given to vehemence42 of demonstration43; the little gesture showed a concentration of bitter rebellion. Odd, standing beside her, put his own hand over hers; patted it soothingly44.
“It’s rather hard on me, you know, a slur45 on my friendship, that you should take a merely conventional obligation so to heart.”
Katherine now looked down into the fire.
“Take it to heart? What else have I had on my heart for years and years? It is a mere9 variation on the same theme, a little more poignantly46 painful than usual, that is all! What a life to lead. What a future to look forward to. I wonder what else I shall have to endure.” Odd had never seen her before in this mood of fierce hopelessness.
“Our poverty has poisoned everything, everything. I have had no youth, no happiness. Every moment of forgetfulness means redoubled keenness of gnawing47 anxiety. Debts! Duns! harassing48, sordid49 cares that drag one down. Mr. Odd, I have had to coax50 butchers and bakers51; I have had to plead with horrible men with documents of all varieties! I have had to pawn52 my trinkets, and all with surface gayety; everything must be kept from mamma, and papa’s extravagance is incorrigible53.”
Odd was all grave amazement54, grave pity, and admiration55.
“You are a brave woman, Katherine.”
“No, no; I am not brave. I am frightened—frightened to death sometimes. I see before me either a hideous56 struggle with want or—a mariage de convenance. I have none of the classified, pigeon-holed knowledge one needs nowadays to become a teaching drudge57, and I can’t make up my mind to sell myself, though, in spite of my lack of beauty and lack of money, that means of escape has often presented itself. I have had many offers of marriage. Only I can’t.”
Odd was silent under the stress of a new thought, an entirely58 new thought.
“For Hilda I have no fear,” Katherine continued, still speaking with the same steady quiet voice, still looking into the fire. “In the past her art has absorbed and protected her, and her future is assured. She will marry a good husband.” A flash as of Hilda’s beauty crossed the growing definiteness of Peter’s new thought. That old undoing59, that mirage60 of beauty; he put it aside with some self-disgust, feeling, as he did so, a queer sense of impersonality61 as though putting away himself as he put away his weakness. He seemed to contemplate62 himself from an outside aloofness63 of observation. The trance-like feeling of the illusion of all things which he had felt more than once of late made him hold more firmly to the tonic17 thought of a fine common-sense.
“Of course, mamma will be safe when Hilda is Lady Hope,” Katherine said; “perhaps I shall be forced to accept the same charity.” Her voice broke a little, and she turned the sombre revolt of her look on Peter; her eyes were full of tears.
“Katherine,” he said, “will you marry me?”
Odd, five minutes before, had not had the remotest idea that he would ask Katherine Archinard to be his wife. Yet one could hardly call the sudden decision that had brought the words to his lips, impulsive64. While Katherine spoke65, the bitter struggle of the fine young life, surely meant for highest things; the courage of the cheerfulness she never before had failed in; the pride of that repulsion for the often offered solution to her difficulties—a solution many women would have accepted with a sense of the inevitable—became admirably apparent to Odd. Their mutual24 sympathy and good-fellowship and, almost unconsciously, Hilda’s assured future—Allan Hope—had defined the thought. He felt none of that passion which, now that he looked back on it, made of the miserable66 year of married life that followed but the logical retribution of its reckless and wilful67 blindness. The very lack of passion now seemed an added surety of better things. His life with Katherine could count on all that his life with Alicia had failed in. He did not reason on that unexcited sense of impersonality and detachment. He would like her to accept him. He would like to help this fine, proud young creature; he would like sympathetic companionship. He was sure of that. He had not surprised Katherine; she had seen, as clearly as he now saw, what Peter Odd would do. She had not exactly intended to bring him to a realization68 of this by the morning’s confession69, for on the whole Katherine had been perfectly70 sincere in all that she had said, but she felt that she could rely on no better opportunity. Now she only turned her head towards him, without moving from her position before the fireplace. Katherine never took the trouble to act. She merely aimed at the most advantageous71 line of conduct and let taste and instinct lead her. Her taste now told her that quiet sincerity72 was very suitable; she felt, too, a most sincere little dash of proud hesitation73.
“Are you generously offering me another form of charity, Mr. Odd? My distress was not conscious of an appeal.”
“You know your own value too well, Katherine, to ask me that. I appeal.”
“Yet the apropos74 of your offer makes me smart. Another joy of poverty. One can’t trust.”
“It was apropos because a man who loves you would not see you suffer needlessly.” Peter, too, was sincere; he did not say “loved.”
“Shall I let you suffer needlessly?” asked Katherine, smiling a little. “I sha’n’t, if that implies that you love me.”
“Suppose I do. And suppose I stand on my dignity. Pretend to distrust your motives75. Refuse to be married out of pity?”
“That sort of false dignity wouldn’t suit you; you have too much of the real.”
“Would you be good to me, Mr. Odd?”
“Very, very good, Katherine.”
Odd took her hand and kissed it, and Katherine’s smile shone out in all its frank gayety. “I think I can make you happy, dear.”
“I think you can, Mr. Odd.”
“You must manage ‘Peter’ now.”
“I think you can, Peter,” Katherine said obediently.
“And Katherine—I would not have dared say this before, you would have flung it back at me as bribery—but I can give you weapons.”
“Yes, I shall be able to fight now.” She looked up at him with her charming smile. “And you will help me, you must fight too. You must be great, Peter, great, great!”
“With such a fiery76 little engine throbbing77 beside my laggard78 bulk, I shall probably be towed into all sorts of combats and come off victorious79.”
They sat down side by side on the sofa. Katherine was a delightfully80 comfortable person; no change, but a pleasant development of relation seemed to have occurred.
“You won’t expect any flaming protestations, will you, Katherine,” said Peter; “I was never good at that sort of thing.”
“Did you never flame, then?”
“I fancy I flamed out in about two months—a long time ago; that is about the natural life of the feeling.”
“And you bring me ashes,” said Katherine, rallying him with her smile.
“You mustn’t tease me, Katherine,” said Peter. He found her very dear, and kissed her hand again.
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收听单词发音
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1
melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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infusion
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| n.灌输 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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muse
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| n.缪斯（希腊神话中的女神），创作灵感 | |
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pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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strife
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| n.争吵，冲突，倾轧，竞争 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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imprisoned
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| 下狱，监禁( imprison的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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paternally
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| adv.父亲似地；父亲一般地 | |
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platonic
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| adj.精神的；柏拉图（哲学）的 | |
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tonic
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| n./adj.滋补品，补药，强身的，健体的 | |
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alluded
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| 提及，暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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invalidism
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| 病弱，病身； 伤残 | |
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acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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torments
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| （肉体或精神上的）折磨，痛苦( torment的名词复数 )； 造成痛苦的事物[人] | |
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champagne
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| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
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unpaid
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| adj.未付款的，无报酬的 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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defensive
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| adj.防御的；防卫的；防守的 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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prudently
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| adv. 谨慎地，慎重地 | |
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reticent
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| adj.沉默寡言的；言不如意的 | |
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concealment
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| n.隐藏, 掩盖，隐瞒 | |
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irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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futile
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| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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outrageous
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| adj.无理的，令人不能容忍的 | |
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paltry
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| adj.无价值的，微不足道的 | |
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buckled
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| a. 有带扣的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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creditors
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| n.债权人，债主( creditor的名词复数 ) | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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42
vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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soothingly
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| adv.抚慰地，安慰地；镇痛地 | |
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45
slur
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| v.含糊地说；诋毁；连唱；n.诋毁；含糊的发音 | |
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46
poignantly
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gnawing
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| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
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48
harassing
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| v.侵扰，骚扰( harass的现在分词 )；不断攻击（敌人） | |
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49
sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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50
coax
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| v.哄诱，劝诱，用诱哄得到，诱取 | |
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51
bakers
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| n.面包师( baker的名词复数 )；面包店；面包店店主；十三 | |
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52
pawn
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| n.典当，抵押，小人物，走卒；v.典当，抵押 | |
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53
incorrigible
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| adj.难以纠正的，屡教不改的 | |
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54
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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55
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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56
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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57
drudge
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| n.劳碌的人；v.做苦工，操劳 | |
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58
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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59
undoing
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| n.毁灭的原因，祸根；破坏，毁灭 | |
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60
mirage
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| n.海市蜃楼，幻景 | |
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61
impersonality
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| n.无人情味 | |
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62
contemplate
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| vt.盘算，计议；周密考虑；注视，凝视 | |
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63
aloofness
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| 超然态度 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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65
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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66
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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68
realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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69
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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70
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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71
advantageous
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| adj.有利的；有帮助的 | |
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72
sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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73
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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74
apropos
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| adv.恰好地；adj.恰当的；关于 | |
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75
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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76
fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的 | |
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77
throbbing
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| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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78
laggard
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| n.落后者；adj.缓慢的，落后的 | |
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79
victorious
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| adj.胜利的，得胜的 | |
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80
delightfully
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| 大喜，欣然 | |
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