This is a world of compensations. Therefore it is of no use shut-ting our eyes to the fact that for every minute of inju-di-cious, over-estimated revelry, of devotion to the rosy5 god, passed at night in the best of society, with boon6 com-pan-ions, we are liable to an hour’s dis-tur-bance, worry, agony of mind, head-ache, remorse of con-science, “jim-jams,” “Kat-zen-jam-mer” (the equiv-a-lent for “hot coppers7”)—call it what you will, next day. Some suf-fer for over-indulgence more than others. There be so-called “seasoned casks” who claim that no amount of debauchery can affect them for the worse, as long as the {199} liquor be good, and not swal-lowed too quickly. But, although these may “come up smiling” next day, on making their first public appearance, the col-lapse, the down-fall is only post-poned. With-out being able to explain these things medically, it is certain that Alcohol—which is, as previously8 explained, the Devil in Solution—will destroy in the end, if you abuse her, although her methods of destruc-tion may dif-fer, according to the capacity, or con-sti-tu-tion, of her victims.
And let not the over-estimator expect any sympathy from the world, or any part of it, whilst he is experiencing the “remorse of conscience” stage. Katzenjammer patients are sternly and forcibly refused admission to any public hospitals, even if in extremis; for mercy, charity, and the medical faculty9 have refused hitherto to recognize the fact that alcoholism is a disease. And he who is “jumpy” and nervous of a morning has just as much chance of obtaining condolence from friends or relatives as has the casual sufferer from gout. Both disorders10 are, in fact, excellent provocatives of badinage11 and laughter.
I remember hearing of an accountant in Cape12 Town, a hardened and determined13 “night bird,” a frequenter of hostelries, a boon companion—in short, a sot. He was called as a witness in an intricate case in the High Court, one morning, whilst suffering terribly from nerves. It was heart-rending to watch his agony. His features twitched15, his eyes rolled, and his hands shook as though afflicted16 with palsy on the higher scale. The ledgers17 which {200} were occasionally handed up to him by the usher18, for reference, slipped from his grasp, and documentary testimony19 flew all over the counsels’ wigs20. At length the notice of the judge was attracted to the state of things.
“What is the matter with that witness?” asked his lordship. “Is he trifling21 with the court?”
“M’lord,” said counsel for the plaintiff, “I am instructed that the witness is what may be called a free-liver, and that it is often necessary for him to swallow a dram in the morning, before proceeding22 to business. I am also instructed that the witness overslept himself this morning, and had no time to procure23 the necessary dose, before appearing as a witness before your lordship.”
“Tut, tut!” exclaimed the judge. “This is wasting the time of the court. Let him be removed at once to the waiting-room and dosed with old brandy.”
He was a practical judge; and in five minutes’ time that accountant had pulled himself together.
And an even more painful case than the above is within my memory. A certain newspaper-proprietor was in the habit of paying the weekly wages of his staff himself, each member having to sign a receipt for the reward of merit. The fashion-editor—a hardened libertine—turned up one Saturday, before his chief, absolutely incapable24 of signing his name, or any part of it. His gait was all right, as was his speech; but the pen slipped through his fingers as though it had been a well-oiled icicle. The {201} chief called the next case, the while some of us poured over-proof rum down the throat of the fashion-editor at an adjacent hostelry. He sub-se-quent-ly trousered his salary, and signed the receipt, sat-is-fac-tor-i-ly, after pleading that he was suffering that morning from “shock.”
The chief looked somewhat incredulous.
“Is he an inebriate25?” he asked, as soon as the invalid26 had left the office.
“Oh! dear no, sir,” replied the acrostic-editor, “he’s almost a teetotaller.”
And the incident was finished.
But what is really the best thing to be done under such sad circumstances? Should the invalid resort to the old remedy, and take at once that “hair of the dog” who bit him overnight? Not invariably. For instance, should British port, or brandy of the desiccated-window-sill (vide a former chapter) have been the causa teterrima of the trouble, nobody, however shaky, would revert27 to such remedies, the first thing after waking. And frequently it is difficult for the waker to remember which dog it was that assaulted him. I once visited a young friend in his chambers28, at the hour of noon, and found him with a sad countenance29, seated in an easy-chair faced by a perfect army of assorted30 bottles. I was about to administer a mild reproof31, but he stopped me.
“It’s all right, dear old chappie, I’ve been taking a hair of the dog—you know. But I met such a lot of dogs, jolly dogs too, last night, that I’m hanged if I can remember which of ’em bit me!” {202}
The ancients cooled their coppers, for the most part, with ale, either small or large. And I am led to the belief that cider, or some preparation of apples, was also used as a pick-me-up, if “mel-an-choly vapours”—a complaint for which Gervase Markham specially32 rec-om-mend-ed cider as a specific—meant the same thing as alcoholic33 remorse. Search as I may I can find no recipe, no prescription34, in old books for “hot coppers.” Can it be that the ancients, who as previously pointed35 out, were not teetotallers, deceived themselves in protesting before men that they had no sin?
Here is an old recipe headed:
“Against Drunkennesse.
“If you would not be drunke, take the powder of Betany and Coleworts mix’t together; and eat it every morning fasting, as much as will lie on a sixpence, and it will preserve a man from drunkennesse.”
But this is an alleged36 preventive of the act, and not a chaser of sorrow from the brow of the unwise partaker.
“To quicken a man’s wits,” writes the same Mr. Markham, “spirit and memory, let him take Langdebeefe”—can this mean langue de b?uf?—“which is gathered in June or July, and beating it in a cleane mortar37; Let him drinke the juyce thereof with warme water, and he shall finde the benefit.”
Probably the most useful part of this prescription was the warm water; still it can hardly be regarded as a restorative. {203}
Other recipes are before me, for “drawing out bones broken in the head,” and “for the falling of the mould of the head”; but these, apparently38, have no concern with the question at issue. But to continue the search—eureka!
“To Cure Spleen or Vapours.
Take an ounce of the filings of steel, two drachms of gentian sliced, half an ounce of carduns seeds bruised39, half a handful of centaury tops; infuse all these in a quart of white wine four days, and drink four spoonfuls of the clear every morning, fasting two hours after it, and walking about.”
This I take to be a bona fide pick-me-up of two hundred years ago; and if “carduns” be the old spelling of “cardamom” ’tis very much the same mixture that the chemist will place in the trembling hand of the over-estimator, enquiring40 at the same time, “Would you like a lozenge after it, sir?” And the omission41 of sal volatile42 or chloric ether in the prescription leads to the belief that those drugs were joys unknown to the reveller43 of the seventeenth century.
The most aggravating44 part about the aftermath of revelry is that it takes, just as it likes, directly opposite forms. Two sinners may jump the same stiff course—by this sporting metaphor45 is meant imbibe46 the same amount and description of alcohol—after dinner, and, whilst A may wake with a double-breasted headache, a taste of sewage in the mouth, and a tongue as foul47 and furry48 as a stoat’s back, B will commence the day with a {204} dreadful sinking at the base of the stomach, palpitation of the heart, and a desire to eat anything solid within reach. A prays faintly for burnt brandy, or death, and could not swallow even a devilled biscuit, were you to promise to make him a director of a gold-mine for performing that feat14; whilst B is “dead off” brandy, but is capable of washing down ham and eggs and chops unlimited49, with a gallon or two of coffee. Any medical man will doubtless give a reason for this discrepancy50, which is quite beyond my powers of elucidation51.
The Best Pick-me-up
known to the writer is “the Boy, the whole Boy, and nothing but the Boy.” ’Tis an expensive restorative, no doubt; but, just as you cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs, so are most of our pleasant vices52 more or less costly53 in the long-run. Champagne54, i.e. genuine champagne, is about the most valuable restorative known to science, and has—I believe, though this is not within my own experience—saved the lives of sufferers from the “black death,” cholera55. Whether blended with beaten eggs, bitters, or brandy, or in his pure natural beauty, there is, believe me, no such effectual sorrow-chaser as “The Boy.”
Anchovy Toast.
The next best restorer of the faculties56 is a quasi-solid; and the recipe for its con-coc-tion has already been given in Cakes and Ale. As, {205} how-ever, a portion of the public may be fated to enjoy the ale with-out the cakes, here it is again.
First and foremost, bear in mind that this appetizer57 must not be made in the kitchen. It comes under the heading of “parlour cookery,” and can even be man-u-fac-tured in the bedroom of the sufferer.
A hot-water plate is necessary for the operator, or, better still, a slop-basin filled with water as near the boiling point as possible, with a plate placed atop. Melt on this plate a piece of butter about the size of a walnut58, and when the butter is oiled stir therein with a fork the beaten yolk59 of one egg. Keep on the stir, and add, gradually, a dessert spoonful of essence of anchovies60. Add cayenne, according to your disposition61, or indisposition, and then you will be ready for a nice strip or two of delicately-browned toast, brought up hot from the kitchen fire. Soak the toast in the mixture, and eat as much as you can.
Above is the estimate for one invalid. It is essentially62 a pick-me-up for a bachelor—benedicts never require these things—and if, whilst in barracks, or chambers, Jack63, Tom, and Harry64 should call, the proportions of the ingredients must, of course, be increased. A glass or two of the Boy will be found to go down excellent well with this toast, the secret of which I learnt long years ago, in British India. It is not a dish for the dinner-table.
A
Baltimore Egg Nogg
reads like a “large order.” It is said by its {206} author to be “an excellent drink for debilitated65 people, and a nourishing diet for consumptives.” And he would be a Good Samaritan, who would wait outside the big gates of Holloway Castle, on a Monday morning, in order to administer the nogg, in full doses, to the starved captives on their release. It would also, I should imagine, make an excellent hospital drink, for a score or so of patients.
Beat the yolks of sixteen eggs and twelve tablespoonfuls of pulverized66 loaf-sugar to the consistency67 of cream; stir into this two-thirds of a grated nutmeg, and then pour in half a pint68 of good old brandy, or Jamaica rum—or both n.q.—and three wine-glasses of Madeira. Have ready the whites of the sixteen eggs, whipped to a stiff froth, and beat them well into the above mixture, and then stir in six pints69 of new milk, as fresh as possible from the cow.
One of the best restoratives is that which is frequently given by the trainer of an athlete, or boxer70, should his charge feel the effects of overwork. It consists of the heart of a good loin chop, free from fat, and neither underdone nor overdone71, on a very hot plate, with a glass of port wine poured over the meat. Another familiar strengthener is prepared in the following way:—
Put a tablespoonful of old brandy into half a pint of good beef-tea. And by beef-tea I mean the juices of the meat extracted at home, and not by the employées of advertising72 firms. “Breakfast delicacies” and tinned preparations are only for the unwary. This may be taken either hot or cold. {207}
Orange Quinine
is an excellent tonic73.
To a pint bottle of orange wine add ten grains of sulphate of quinine, cork74 well, and let it stand for a few days. Take a wine-glassful at a time, either with or without a dash of soda-water.
Brandy-and-Soda,
already alluded75 to in an earlier chapter, will get no recommendation from me, as a restorative. If quite certain of your soda-water, and of your brandy, a tumblerful on occasion will do no harm; but do not be in too great a hurry to order this, after meeting an old friend, in a strange district. Like Wotsisname’s pills, the more brandy-and-sodas you take, the more you will want; and the tendency of soda-water is distinctly lowering. As for bad soda-water—well, it will kill almost as rapidly as will bad brandy.
A favourite restorative of the working man, who has been propounding76 abstruse77 political problems in the tap-room all night, is a red-herring, eaten raw, with the aid of his clasp-knife. This he will wash down with some sort of ale, or with a mixture of gin-and-peppermint, according to the state of his feelings. That old, heroic soberer the Pump, is not much used for that purpose, nowadays.
A Scorcher
is a rarely-employed pick-me-up. It consists of {208} the juice of half a lemon squeezed into a large wine-glass, a liqueur-glass of old brandy being added, and a dash of cayenne.
I have already alluded in another chapter to a Prairie Oyster78. A Worcester Oyster is made in the same way, with the substitution of Worcester sauce for vinegar.
Brazil Relish.
This reads far more like an emetic79 than a “livener”; but I am assured by one who has been in Brazil—“where the nuts come from”—and in the regions which border on the river Plate, that ’tis used in those parts as a stimulant80, and is in high favour for that purpose.
Into a wine-glass half full of cura?oa pop the unbroken yolk of a bantam’s egg, and fill the glass up with maraschino. I think I should prefer the “Twist” of the workers in the Borough81 hop-market.
St. Mark’s Pick-me-up,
a Venetian recipe. The original St. Mark never wanted it.
Ten drops of Angostura bitters in a wine-glass, filled up with orange-bitters. One wine-glassful of old brandy, one ditto cold water, one liqueur-glassful of cura?oa, and the juice of half a lemon. This, I should say, ought to be mixed with a swizzle-stick.
Here follows a very old, and a very excellent, recipe for {209}
Bitters
for mixing purposes.
One ounce of Seville orange-peel, half an ounce of gentian-root, a quarter of an ounce of cardamoms. Husk the cardamoms, and crush them with the gentian-root. Put them in a wide-mouthed bottle, and cover with brandy or whisky. Let the mixture remain for twelve days, then strain, and bottle off for use, after adding one ounce of lavender drops.
A hot-pickle sandwich may be made with two thin, crisp slices of toast, with chopped West-Indian pickles82 in between. There are also many excellent sandwiches made for restorative purposes, by the nymphs who enliven the various Bodegas by their abilities and pretty prattle83. And of those sandwiches commend me to the one labelled “Rajah.”
To make a
Devilled Biscuit
take a plain cheese-biscuit, heat it, but do not scorch3 it, in the oven. Then spread over it a paste composed of finely-powdered lobster84 worked up with butter, made mustard, ground ginger85, cayenne, salt, Chili86 vinegar, and (if you can stand it) a little curry87 powder. Reheat the biscuit for a short time, and then deal with it.
But, after all, fresh air and exercise are the best of all restoratives; and most of the above recipes are adduced in the interest of the jaded88 Londoner, or the dweller89 in cities, to whom a ride, or a walk, save on Sundays and Bank holidays, {210} is a rarity. Get on your hack90 and gallop91 a dozen miles to covert92. By the time you have mounted your first hunter, you will have forgotten all about the dog which may have bitten you on the previous night, and will also have forgotten a stern resolution made, whilst shying at your breakfast, never again to put whisky, however old, atop of claret. And by the time you have jumped three ox-fences, and a great yawning drain big enough and deep enough to bury the whole field, you will have recovered every bit of that “nerve” about which you had just a suspicion of a doubt, just before mounting your hack. God grant that nerve may be with you always!
点击收听单词发音
1 remorse | |
n.痛恨,悔恨,自责 | |
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2 anchovy | |
n.凤尾鱼 | |
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3 scorch | |
v.烧焦,烤焦;高速疾驶;n.烧焦处,焦痕 | |
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4 relish | |
n.滋味,享受,爱好,调味品;vt.加调味料,享受,品味;vi.有滋味 | |
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5 rosy | |
adj.美好的,乐观的,玫瑰色的 | |
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6 boon | |
n.恩赐,恩物,恩惠 | |
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7 coppers | |
铜( copper的名词复数 ); 铜币 | |
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8 previously | |
adv.以前,先前(地) | |
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9 faculty | |
n.才能;学院,系;(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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10 disorders | |
n.混乱( disorder的名词复数 );凌乱;骚乱;(身心、机能)失调 | |
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11 badinage | |
n.开玩笑,打趣 | |
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12 cape | |
n.海角,岬;披肩,短披风 | |
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13 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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14 feat | |
n.功绩;武艺,技艺;adj.灵巧的,漂亮的,合适的 | |
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15 twitched | |
vt.& vi.(使)抽动,(使)颤动(twitch的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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16 afflicted | |
使受痛苦,折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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17 ledgers | |
n.分类账( ledger的名词复数 ) | |
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18 usher | |
n.带位员,招待员;vt.引导,护送;vi.做招待,担任引座员 | |
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19 testimony | |
n.证词;见证,证明 | |
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20 wigs | |
n.假发,法官帽( wig的名词复数 ) | |
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21 trifling | |
adj.微不足道的;没什么价值的 | |
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22 proceeding | |
n.行动,进行,(pl.)会议录,学报 | |
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23 procure | |
vt.获得,取得,促成;vi.拉皮条 | |
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24 incapable | |
adj.无能力的,不能做某事的 | |
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25 inebriate | |
v.使醉 | |
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26 invalid | |
n.病人,伤残人;adj.有病的,伤残的;无效的 | |
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27 revert | |
v.恢复,复归,回到 | |
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28 chambers | |
n.房间( chamber的名词复数 );(议会的)议院;卧室;会议厅 | |
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29 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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30 assorted | |
adj.各种各样的,各色俱备的 | |
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31 reproof | |
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32 specially | |
adv.特定地;特殊地;明确地 | |
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33 alcoholic | |
adj.(含)酒精的,由酒精引起的;n.酗酒者 | |
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34 prescription | |
n.处方,开药;指示,规定 | |
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35 pointed | |
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36 alleged | |
a.被指控的,嫌疑的 | |
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37 mortar | |
n.灰浆,灰泥;迫击炮;v.把…用灰浆涂接合 | |
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38 apparently | |
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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39 bruised | |
[医]青肿的,瘀紫的 | |
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40 enquiring | |
a.爱打听的,显得好奇的 | |
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41 omission | |
n.省略,删节;遗漏或省略的事物,冗长 | |
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42 volatile | |
adj.反复无常的,挥发性的,稍纵即逝的,脾气火爆的;n.挥发性物质 | |
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43 reveller | |
n.摆设酒宴者,饮酒狂欢者 | |
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44 aggravating | |
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45 metaphor | |
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46 imbibe | |
v.喝,饮;吸入,吸收 | |
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47 foul | |
adj.污秽的;邪恶的;v.弄脏;妨害;犯规;n.犯规 | |
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48 furry | |
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49 unlimited | |
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n.不同;不符;差异;矛盾 | |
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51 elucidation | |
n.说明,阐明 | |
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52 vices | |
缺陷( vice的名词复数 ); 恶习; 不道德行为; 台钳 | |
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53 costly | |
adj.昂贵的,价值高的,豪华的 | |
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54 champagne | |
n.香槟酒;微黄色 | |
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55 cholera | |
n.霍乱 | |
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56 faculties | |
n.能力( faculty的名词复数 );全体教职员;技巧;院 | |
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57 appetizer | |
n.小吃,开胃品 | |
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58 walnut | |
n.胡桃,胡桃木,胡桃色,茶色 | |
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59 yolk | |
n.蛋黄,卵黄 | |
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60 anchovies | |
n. 鯷鱼,凤尾鱼 | |
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61 disposition | |
n.性情,性格;意向,倾向;排列,部署 | |
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62 essentially | |
adv.本质上,实质上,基本上 | |
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63 jack | |
n.插座,千斤顶,男人;v.抬起,提醒,扛举;n.(Jake)杰克 | |
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64 harry | |
vt.掠夺,蹂躏,使苦恼 | |
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65 debilitated | |
adj.疲惫不堪的,操劳过度的v.使(人或人的身体)非常虚弱( debilitate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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66 pulverized | |
adj.[医]雾化的,粉末状的v.将…弄碎( pulverize的过去式和过去分词 );将…弄成粉末或尘埃;摧毁;粉碎 | |
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67 consistency | |
n.一贯性,前后一致,稳定性;(液体的)浓度 | |
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68 pint | |
n.品脱 | |
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69 pints | |
n.品脱( pint的名词复数 );一品脱啤酒 | |
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70 boxer | |
n.制箱者,拳击手 | |
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71 overdone | |
v.做得过分( overdo的过去分词 );太夸张;把…煮得太久;(工作等)过度 | |
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72 advertising | |
n.广告业;广告活动 a.广告的;广告业务的 | |
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73 tonic | |
n./adj.滋补品,补药,强身的,健体的 | |
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74 cork | |
n.软木,软木塞 | |
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75 alluded | |
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76 propounding | |
v.提出(问题、计划等)供考虑[讨论],提议( propound的现在分词 ) | |
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77 abstruse | |
adj.深奥的,难解的 | |
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78 oyster | |
n.牡蛎;沉默寡言的人 | |
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79 emetic | |
n.催吐剂;adj.催吐的 | |
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80 stimulant | |
n.刺激物,兴奋剂 | |
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81 borough | |
n.享有自治权的市镇;(英)自治市镇 | |
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82 pickles | |
n.腌菜( pickle的名词复数 );处于困境;遇到麻烦;菜酱 | |
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83 prattle | |
n.闲谈;v.(小孩般)天真无邪地说话;发出连续而无意义的声音 | |
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84 lobster | |
n.龙虾,龙虾肉 | |
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85 ginger | |
n.姜,精力,淡赤黄色;adj.淡赤黄色的;vt.使活泼,使有生气 | |
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86 chili | |
n.辣椒 | |
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87 curry | |
n.咖哩粉,咖哩饭菜;v.用咖哩粉调味,用马栉梳,制革 | |
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88 jaded | |
adj.精疲力竭的;厌倦的;(因过饱或过多而)腻烦的;迟钝的 | |
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89 dweller | |
n.居住者,住客 | |
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90 hack | |
n.劈,砍,出租马车;v.劈,砍,干咳 | |
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91 gallop | |
v./n.(马或骑马等)飞奔;飞速发展 | |
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92 covert | |
adj.隐藏的;暗地里的 | |
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