But this theme may also be regarded from another angle, and I purpose showing from the point of view of the physician and the pedagog that the reverse of abuse, viz., excessive affection, has a dark side, that it, too, is capable of [Pg 162]ruining a child’s life and condemning5 an innocent being to lifelong suffering.
At a private gathering7 of physicians not long ago the subject of the last congress for the protection of children was discussed from its more serious as well as lighter8 aspects. A Viennese neurologist ventured the following remark: “I regard it as a great misfortune if a woman’s affection for her husband is expended9 upon her child. A misfortune for humanity, for, in this way, the number of nervous persons will be incalculably increased.”
One is strongly inclined at first energetically to attack this opinion. What! A tender, affectionate bringing up will make a child neurotic11? Who can prove that a happy childhood results in an unhappy life? Shall parents be afraid to show their children love? To hug them, kiss them, pet them? Is not nervousness rather the sequel to draconic12 sternness, tyrannical compulsion?
Nonsense! Nonsense! I shall attempt to answer these obtrusive13 questions seriatim.
But, first, one remarkable14 fact has to be postulated15. Parents are really becoming more and more affectionate from year to year. Such fanatically affectionate parents as are quite common now were formerly16 the exception. To-day the parents’ thoughts all centre around the child: How to feed it, bring it up, dress it hygienically, harden it, how to instruct it in sexual matters.... A flood of books and [Pg 163]magazines scarcely suffices to meet the tremendous concern about these matters. Can this emanate17 solely18 from the fact that the pressing movement for emancipation19 of woman has displaced the woman’s interest from the man to the child? I think that herein the neurologist is in error. That cannot possibly be the sole cause.
The cause for the hypertrophied love of the child is adduced from the consideration of those cases which even in former times offered instances of an exaggerated parental20 affection amounting to doting21 love. The over-indulged child was almost invariably an only child whom popular speech designates a “trembling joy.”
It is to be regretted that most modern families are made up of such “trembling joys.” “Neo-Malthusianism” has infected the whole world. In consequence of the employment of innumerable and more or less generally employed anti-conceptives the birth rate is steadily22 declining. “Two-children families” is the rule, and families with many children—especially among the well-to-do—the exception. Even the vaunted fecundity23 of the Germans which is always being held up as a model to the French will soon be a thing of the past. In former decades 1,000 married women in Berlin gave birth to 220 children and from 1873 to 1877 the number even rose to 231. Since then the birth rate is declining from year to year, so that in 1907 1,000 women only had 111 children. In other large cities matters are even worse than in Berlin [Pg 164]in this regard. But it would be decidedly wrong to infer that there is a diminution24 in the number of marriages. In Prussia the number of marriages from 1901 to 1904 was at the rate of 8 per 1,000, whereas in 1850 it was somewhat less, to wit: 7.8 per 1,000. Sociologists have detected in this state of affairs a great danger for the mental prospects25 of the race inasmuch as matters in this regard are much better in the country and, consequently, they say, the progeny26 of the farmer class will in a not remote period tremendously exceed the intelligent descendants of urban people in number. The country will get the best of the city and not vice27 versa. But we must not wander away from our subject. Let us take this fact for granted: The “two-children system” is the cause for the excessive parental affection we have described. But wherein is this dangerous?
I shall not attempt here a detailed28 statement of the well-known dangers. We all know that coddled children very often become helpless, dependent persons, that they cannot find their place in life, and do not seem to be armed against adversity. It seems superfluous29 to dwell at greater length on this. Of greater significance is the phenomenon that the exaggerated affection lavished30 on the child creates a correspondingly large need for affection in it. A need for affection that is tempestuous31 in its demand for gratification. As long as these children are young so long is this demand fully32 satisfied. The [Pg 165]parents, and especially mothers, are so overjoyed at their children’s manifestations33 of love that out of their overflowing34 hearts they reward them by overwhelming them with caresses36. Thus the measure of affectionate demonstrations37 rises instead of gradually sinking. And now the time comes for the child to go to school. And for the first time in its life it stands in the presence of the will of a stranger who demands neither petting nor love, only work done without grumbling38. How easily this situation gives rise to conflict! The child thinks it is not loved by the teacher, it is terrified by a harsh word and begins to cry. School becomes odious39 to it; it learns unwillingly40. It asks for another school and for other teachers. If its wish is gratified the same thing is soon repeated.
Matters get much worse when these children grow up. They have an unquenchable craving41 for caresses. From them are developed the women who kill their husband’s love by their own immoderate love. Every day they want to be told that their husbands still love them. Daily—nay, hourly—they wish to be the recipients42 of sweets, loving words, private pet names and kisses without number. The men, on the other hand, who had been so coddled in their childhood, are only in the rarest instances satisfied with their wives; sooner or later they seek to compensate43 outside of the home for the insufficient44 affection shown by the wife; or they transfer this requirement upon the children who [Pg 166]thus become seriously (though not congenitally) burdened. But even this is not the worst.
The greatest dangers of excessive affection are known to only very few persons. They consist in a premature45 excitation of the erotic emotions. We are so prone46 to forget unpleasant experiences. Hence comes it that most adults have no recollection of their own youthful erotic experiences. Parents especially are very forgetful in this regard—so much so that their forgetfulness amounts almost to a pathological condition bordering on hysterical47 amnesia48. Thence comes it that most mothers will take an oath on their daughters’ innocence49 and fathers on their sons’ purity. They talk themselves into the belief that their children are exceptions, that they are incredibly simple, still believe in the stork50 myth and other similar stupidities.
That the sexual enlightenment of the child is an important problem and of far-reaching significance for its whole life is proved in numberless books and essays dealing51 with the subject. We are told that open scientific instruction should take the place of secret knowledge obtained from turbid52 channels. Very fine! But the world must not believe that the child’s first erotic knowledge is awakened53 as a result of such instruction. That is a widespread superstition54. The sexual life of the child does not begin with puberty, the old books to the contrary notwithstanding, but with the day of its birth.
On the occasion of a sad criminal trial in [Pg 167]which children were charged with being prostitutes, public opinion was horrified55 at the wickedness of these poor creatures. And yet most of them were victims of their environment. Does any one really believe that such occurrences are rare exceptions? That is a myth. We talk ourselves into the belief that the little child that is still unable to speak is not receptive to erotic impressions. How do we know this? The brain of a child is like a photographic plate that greedily catches impressions, independently of whether they are intelligible56 or not, impressions whose influence may be operative throughout its life. As we know, there is a large group of investigators57 which traces all perverse58 manifestations of the sexual impulses back to a fixation of the earliest erotic experience. Erotic stimulation59 can subsequently be brought about only by way of an association with this early impression. This explanation certainly does seem to fit the curious phenomenon known as fetichism. In this way children’s experiences influence their whole life. In sexual matters human beings behave with incredible na?veté. They close their eyes and will not see. Frank Wedekind is perfectly60 right in deriding61 a world that has secrets even from itself. So infantile sexuality is a secret which every intelligent person knows.
If parents only kept this in their mind’s eye! Then it would not happen that children ten years of age and older would be permitted to [Pg 168]sleep in their parents’ bedrooms that the anxious father and mother might watch over the gentlest breath of their precious darlings. These parents do not want to consider the possibility that the children may in this way receive impressions which may prove very injurious to them. Many a case of obstinate62 insomnia63 in childhood or of nocturnal attacks of apprehension64 is explained in this way. I have repeatedly cured sleepless65 children by the simple remedy of ordering them to sleep in separate bedrooms.
Let us assume then that all children are susceptible66 to erotic stimuli67 and that such stimulation may harm them. For the later a person’s conscious sexual life begins the greater the prospects of his becoming a healthy, mentally well-balanced individual. Among the factors capable of permanently68 arousing erotic emotions we must include excessive affection. Between the affections of one who loves and of a mother there are really no differences. Both kiss, caress35, fondle, hug, embrace, pet, etc. That the excitement is transmitted to the same central organs is obvious.
In this way the child receives its first erotic sensations from its nurse. Interpret it as we may the nurse, the attendant, the mother, the father are the child’s first love, the first erotic love, as our psychoanalysis has convincingly demonstrated. But this must not be interpreted to mean that I wish to condemn6 the affectionate management of children. On the contrary! [Pg 169]A certain quantity of affection is, as a matter of fact, essential to the normal development of the individual. But the affection lavished on them must not be excessive. For if it is the child will be prematurely69 brought into a condition of erotic overstimulation. It grows older and begins to feel the power of education. To restrain and curb70 the force of the natural impulses powerful inhibitions are erected71. As a reaction to the premature sexual stimulation there begins a remarkable process which may be designated as “sexual repression72.” This repression may succeed so well that even the child forgets its early experiences or the repression does not succeed and the individual’s erotic requirements grow from year to year. In the latter case there develops in the child a serious psychic73 conflict between sexual longing74 and sexual renunciation and thus the soil in which a neurosis may grow is prepared. Perhaps the conflict is the neurosis.
We shall mention only in passing that such exaggerated affection begets75 in many children the habit of securing for themselves a certain amount of pleasurable sensations by way of certain auto-erotic actions. It is not possible, nor necessary, to enter into a detailed discussion of these matters here. For most people know that our experiences in childhood influence our whole life. But it is a tragic76 commentary on human strivings that excessive parental love may bring sickness upon the child, that a happy present is replaced by an unhappy future, that [Pg 170]the roses a mother strews77 in her child’s path only later show their thorns.
We cannot say it too often: We fuss too much with our children. There is too much theory in this matter of bringing up children. We pay too much attention to our children. Let us leave them their peaceful childhood, their merry games, the wondrous78 product of their untiring phantasy. Let us clearly realize that with our excessive affection we give ourselves a great deal of pleasure but that at the same time we are doing the children a great injury. Let no one discourage mothers from being affectionate to their children, from expending79 loving attentions on them, from making their youth as pleasant as possible. But the parents’ affection should not expend10 itself mechanically. It should be a uniformly warm fire that only warms, kindles80 no fire, and bursts into a bright flame only on life’s great holidays.
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1
portraying
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| v.画像( portray的现在分词 )；描述；描绘；描画 | |
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shudderingly
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withhold
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| v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡 | |
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preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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condemning
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| v.（通常因道义上的原因而）谴责( condemn的现在分词 )；宣判；宣布…不能使用；迫使…陷于不幸的境地 | |
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condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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lighter
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| n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级 | |
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9
expended
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| v.花费( expend的过去式和过去分词 )；使用（钱等）做某事；用光；耗尽 | |
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expend
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| vt.花费，消费，消耗 | |
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neurotic
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| adj.神经病的，神经过敏的；n.神经过敏者，神经病患者 | |
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draconic
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| adj.龙的，似龙的； 非常严厉的，非常严酷的 | |
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13
obtrusive
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| adj.显眼的；冒失的 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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15
postulated
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| v.假定，假设( postulate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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emanate
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| v.发自，来自，出自 | |
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solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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emancipation
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| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
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20
parental
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| adj.父母的；父的；母的 | |
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doting
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| adj.溺爱的，宠爱的 | |
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22
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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fecundity
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| n.生产力；丰富 | |
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diminution
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| n.减少；变小 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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progeny
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| n.后代，子孙；结果 | |
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vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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28
detailed
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| adj.详细的，详尽的，极注意细节的，完全的 | |
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29
superfluous
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| adj.过多的，过剩的，多余的 | |
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lavished
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| v.过分给予，滥施( lavish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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tempestuous
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| adj.狂暴的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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manifestations
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| n.表示，显示（manifestation的复数形式） | |
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overflowing
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| n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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35
caress
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| vt./n.爱抚，抚摸 | |
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caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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demonstrations
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| 证明( demonstration的名词复数 )； 表明； 表达； 游行示威 | |
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38
grumbling
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| adj. 喃喃鸣不平的, 出怨言的 | |
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odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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unwillingly
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| adv.不情愿地 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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42
recipients
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| adj.接受的；受领的；容纳的；愿意接受的n.收件人；接受者；受领者；接受器 | |
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43
compensate
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| vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消 | |
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44
insufficient
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| adj.(for，of)不足的，不够的 | |
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45
premature
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| adj.比预期时间早的；不成熟的，仓促的 | |
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46
prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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47
hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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48
amnesia
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| n.健忘症，健忘 | |
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49
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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50
stork
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| n.鹳 | |
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51
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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52
turbid
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| adj.混浊的，泥水的，浓的 | |
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53
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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54
superstition
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| n.迷信，迷信行为 | |
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55
horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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56
intelligible
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| adj.可理解的，明白易懂的，清楚的 | |
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57
investigators
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| n.调查者，审查者( investigator的名词复数 ) | |
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58
perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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59
stimulation
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| n.刺激，激励，鼓舞 | |
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60
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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61
deriding
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| v.取笑，嘲笑( deride的现在分词 ) | |
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62
obstinate
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| adj.顽固的，倔强的，不易屈服的，较难治愈的 | |
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insomnia
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| n.失眠，失眠症 | |
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64
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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65
sleepless
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| adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的 | |
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66
susceptible
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| adj.过敏的，敏感的；易动感情的，易受感动的 | |
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stimuli
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| n.刺激（物） | |
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68
permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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69
prematurely
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| adv.过早地，贸然地 | |
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70
curb
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| n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制 | |
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71
ERECTED
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| adj. 直立的，竖立的，笔直的 vt. 使 ... 直立，建立 | |
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72
repression
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| n.镇压，抑制，抑压 | |
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73
psychic
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| n.对超自然力敏感的人；adj.有超自然力的 | |
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74
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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75
begets
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| v.为…之生父( beget的第三人称单数 )；产生，引起 | |
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76
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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strews
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| v.撒在…上( strew的第三人称单数 )；散落于；点缀；撒满 | |
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78
wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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79
expending
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| v.花费( expend的现在分词 )；使用（钱等）做某事；用光；耗尽 | |
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80
kindles
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的第三人称单数 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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