“Wait a bit! I’ll cook you such a crab1 that’ll teach you to ruin innocent girls! I’ll leave the baby at your door, and I’ll have the law of you, and I’ll tell your wife, too....”
And she demanded that he should put five thousand roubles into the bank in her name. Miguev remembered it, heaved a sigh, and once more reproached himself with heartfelt repentance2 for the momentary3 infatuation which had caused him so much worry and misery4.
When he reached his bungalow5, he sat down to rest on the doorstep. It was just ten o’clock, and a bit of the moon peeped out from behind the clouds. There was not a soul in the street nor near the bungalows6; elderly summer visitors were already going to bed, while young ones were walking in the wood. Feeling in both his pockets for a match to light his cigarette, Miguev brought his elbow into contact with something soft. He looked idly at his right elbow, and his face was instantly contorted by a look of as much horror as though he had seen a snake beside him. On the step at the very door lay a bundle. Something oblong in shape was wrapped up in something—judging by the feel of it, a wadded quilt. One end of the bundle was a little open, and the collegiate assessor, putting in his hand, felt something damp and warm. He leaped on to his feet in horror, and looked about him like a criminal trying to escape from his warders....
“She has left it!” he muttered wrathfully through his teeth, clenching8 his fists. “Here it lies.... Here lies my transgression9! O Lord!”
He was numb10 with terror, anger, and shame... What was he to do now? What would his wife say if she found out? What would his colleagues at the office say? His Excellency would be sure to dig him in the ribs11, guffaw12, and say: “I congratulate you!... He-he-he! Though your beard is gray, your heart is gay.... You are a rogue13, Semyon Erastovitch!” The whole colony of summer visitors would know his secret now, and probably the respectable mothers of families would shut their doors to him. Such incidents always get into the papers, and the humble14 name of Miguev would be published all over Russia....
The middle window of the bungalow was open and he could distinctly hear his wife, Anna Filippovna, laying the table for supper; in the yard close to the gate Yermolay, the porter, was plaintively15 strumming on the balalaika. The baby had only to wake up and begin to cry, and the secret would be discovered. Miguev was conscious of an overwhelming desire to make haste.
“Haste, haste!...” he muttered, “this minute, before anyone sees. I’ll carry it away and lay it on somebody’s doorstep....”
Miguev took the bundle in one hand and quietly, with a deliberate step to avoid awakening16 suspicion, went down the street....
“A wonderfully nasty position!” he reflected, trying to assume an air of unconcern. “A collegiate assessor walking down the street with a baby! Good heavens! if anyone sees me and understands the position, I am done for.... I’d better put it on this doorstep.... No, stay, the windows are open and perhaps someone is looking. Where shall I put it? I know! I’ll take it to the merchant Myelkin’s.... Merchants are rich people and tenderhearted; very likely they will say thank you and adopt it.”
And Miguev made up his mind to take the baby to Myelkin’s, although the merchant’s villa17 was in the furthest street, close to the river.
“If only it does not begin screaming or wriggle18 out of the bundle,” thought the collegiate assessor. “This is indeed a pleasant surprise! Here I am carrying a human being under my arm as though it were a portfolio19. A human being, alive, with soul, with feelings like anyone else.... If by good luck the Myelkins adopt him, he may turn out somebody.... Maybe he will become a professor, a great general, an author.... Anything may happen! Now I am carrying him under my arm like a bundle of rubbish, and perhaps in thirty or forty years I may not dare to sit down in his presence....”
As Miguev was walking along a narrow, deserted20 alley21, beside a long row of fences, in the thick black shade of the lime trees, it suddenly struck him that he was doing something very cruel and criminal.
“How mean it is really!” he thought. “So mean that one can’t imagine anything meaner.... Why are we shifting this poor baby from door to door? It’s not its fault that it’s been born. It’s done us no harm. We are scoundrels.... We take our pleasure, and the innocent babies have to pay the penalty. Only to think of all this wretched business! I’ve done wrong and the child has a cruel fate before it. If I lay it at the Myelkins’ door, they’ll send it to the foundling hospital, and there it will grow up among strangers, in mechanical routine,... no love, no petting, no spoiling.... And then he’ll be apprenticed22 to a shoemaker,... he’ll take to drink, will learn to use filthy23 language, will go hungry. A shoemaker! and he the son of a collegiate assessor, of good family.... He is my flesh and blood,... ”
Miguev came out of the shade of the lime trees into the bright moonlight of the open road, and opening the bundle, he looked at the baby.
“Asleep!” he murmured. “You little rascal24! why, you’ve an aquiline25 nose like your father’s.... He sleeps and doesn’t feel that it’s his own father looking at him!... It’s a drama, my boy... Well, well, you must forgive me. Forgive me, old boy.... It seems it’s your fate....”
The collegiate assessor bHlinked and felt a spasm26 running down his cheeks.... He wrapped up the baby, put him under his arm, and strode on. All the way to the Myelkins’ villa social questions were swarming27 in his brain and conscience was gnawing28 in his bosom29.
“If I were a decent, honest man,” he thought, “I should damn everything, go with this baby to Anna Filippovna, fall on my knees before her, and say: ‘Forgive me! I have sinned! Torture me, but we won’t ruin an innocent child. We have no children; let us adopt him!’ She’s a good sort, she’d consent.... And then my child would be with me.... Ech!”
He reached the Myelkins’ villa and stood still hesitating. He imagined himself in the parlor30 at home, sitting reading the paper while a little boy with an aquiline nose played with the tassels31 of his dressing32 gown. At the same time visions forced themselves on his brain of his winking33 colleagues, and of his Excellency digging him in the ribs and guffawing34.... Besides the pricking35 of his conscience, there was something warm, sad, and tender in his heart....
Cautiously the collegiate assessor laid the baby on the verandah step and waved his hand. Again he felt a spasm run over his face....
“Forgive me, old fellow! I am a scoundrel,” he muttered. “Don’t remember evil against me.”
He stepped back, but immediately cleared his throat resolutely36 and said:
“Oh, come what will! Damn it all! I’ll take him, and let people say what they like!”
Miguev took the baby and strode rapidly back.
“Let them say what they like,” he thought. “I’ll go at once, fall on my knees, and say: ‘Anna Filippovna!’ Anna is a good sort, she’ll understand.... And we’ll bring him up.... If it’s a boy we’ll call him Vladimir, and if it’s a girl we’ll call her Anna! Anyway, it will be a comfort in our old age.”
And he did as he determined37. Weeping and almost faint with shame and terror, full of hope and vague rapture38, he went into his bungalow, went up to his wife, and fell on his knees before her.
“Anna Filippovna!” he said with a sob39, and he laid the baby on the floor. “Hear me before you punish.... I have sinned! This is my child.... You remember Agnia? Well, it was the devil drove me to it. ...”
And, almost unconscious with shame and terror, he jumped up without waiting for an answer, and ran out into the open air as though he had received a thrashing....
“I’ll stay here outside till she calls me,” he thought. “I’ll give her time to recover, and to think it over....”
The porter Yermolay passed him with his balalaika, glanced at him and shrugged40 his shoulders. A minute later he passed him again, and again he shrugged his shoulders.
“Here’s a go! Did you ever!” he muttered grinning. “Aksinya, the washer-woman, was here just now, Semyon Erastovitch. The silly woman put her baby down on the steps here, and while she was indoors with me, someone took and carried off the baby... Who’d have thought it!”
“What? What are you saying?” shouted Miguev at the top of his voice.
Yermolay, interpreting his master’s wrath7 in his own fashion, scratched his head and heaved a sigh.
“I am sorry, Semyon Erastovitch,” he said, “but it’s the summer holidays,... one can’t get on without... without a woman, I mean....”
And glancing at his master’s eyes glaring at him with anger and astonishment41, he cleared his throat guiltily and went on:
“It’s a sin, of course, but there—what is one to do?... You’ve forbidden us to have strangers in the house, I know, but we’ve none of our own now. When Agnia was here I had no women to see me, for I had one at home; but now, you can see for yourself, sir,... one can’t help having strangers. In Agnia’s time, of course, there was nothing irregular, because...”
“Be off, you scoundrel!” Miguev shouted at him, stamping, and he went back into the room.
Anna Filippovna, amazed and wrathful, was sitting as before, her tear-stained eyes fixed42 on the baby....
“There! there!” Miguev muttered with a pale face, twisting his lips into a smile. “It was a joke.... It’s not my baby,... it’s the washer-woman’s!... I... I was joking.... Take it to the porter.”
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1
crab
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| n.螃蟹，偏航，脾气乖戾的人，酸苹果；vi.捕蟹，偏航，发牢骚；vt.使偏航，发脾气 | |
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2
repentance
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| n.懊悔 | |
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3
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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4
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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5
bungalow
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| n.平房，周围有阳台的木造小平房 | |
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bungalows
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| n.平房( bungalow的名词复数 )；单层小屋，多于一层的小屋 | |
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7
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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8
clenching
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的现在分词 ) | |
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9
transgression
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| n.违背；犯规；罪过 | |
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10
numb
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| adj.麻木的，失去感觉的；v.使麻木 | |
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11
ribs
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| n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹 | |
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12
guffaw
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| n.哄笑；突然的大笑 | |
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13
rogue
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| n.流氓；v.游手好闲 | |
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14
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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15
plaintively
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| adv.悲哀地，哀怨地 | |
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16
awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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17
villa
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| n.别墅，城郊小屋 | |
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18
wriggle
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| v./n.蠕动，扭动；蜿蜒 | |
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19
portfolio
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| n.公事包；文件夹；大臣及部长职位 | |
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20
deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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21
alley
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| n.小巷，胡同；小径，小路 | |
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22
apprenticed
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| 学徒，徒弟( apprentice的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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23
filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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24
rascal
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| n.流氓；不诚实的人 | |
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25
aquiline
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| adj.钩状的，鹰的 | |
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26
spasm
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| n.痉挛，抽搐；一阵发作 | |
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27
swarming
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| 密集( swarm的现在分词 )； 云集； 成群地移动； 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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28
gnawing
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| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
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29
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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30
parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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31
tassels
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| n.穗( tassel的名词复数 )；流苏状物；（植物的）穗；玉蜀黍的穗状雄花v.抽穗， （玉米）长穗须( tassel的第三人称单数 )；使抽穗， （为了使作物茁壮生长）摘去穗状雄花；用流苏装饰 | |
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32
dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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33
winking
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| n.瞬眼，目语v.使眼色( wink的现在分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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34
guffawing
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| v.大笑，狂笑( guffaw的现在分词 ) | |
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35
pricking
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| 刺，刺痕，刺痛感 | |
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36
resolutely
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| adj.坚决地，果断地 | |
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37
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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38
rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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39
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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40
shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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41
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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42
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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