"Love me! You must love me!" This is a cry of sorrow that often man utters, and oftener a forsaken1 woman; but it generally is a vain cry. To demand love as a right is one of the greatest follies2; it is like asking poetry of the slave of thought, or expecting to find the perfumes of the rose and the cedar3 in the frigid4 zones that glaciate the head and the feet of our planet. Lovers, however, have always the right to hurl5 into space another cry of sorrow: "You must not betray me!" Better to snatch from one's hand the cup of love and shatter it into a thousand pieces than stealthily to pour into it the poison of betrayal or the wormwood of indifference6. Love bursts forth7 spontaneously from the human heart, and draws all its beauty and strength from the infinite freedom of the horizon in which it moves. The laws that govern it are as simple as the simplest law of elementary physics: to attract, to unite, to render love for love, sweetness for sweetness, to give joy to those who give us so much joy, make happy those who make us happy: such is its law. If love were only a contact of hearts and thoughts; if, having ascended8 to heaven, you have descended9 from it without an angel; if in your embraces you have not rekindled10 the torch of life, greet each other as friends, bless the happy hours that your love has conceded you, and preserve in the most precious casket and among the dearest things the memory of the time that is no more. Never close a day of paradise with a blasphemy12 or a remorse13; the tears of regret for what you have lost can be the dew of a summer night that tempers the ardor14 of the enamored corollas; but your tears should not be cursed by a lie, a betrayal, an insult.
[Pg 220]
The only right—that of not being deceived—has its counterpart in a very simple duty—that of making oneself beloved. You cannot command love, but through beauty of form, quickness of mind, voluptuous15 grace of movements or virtues17 of the heart you have awakened18 the affection of affections; if you know how to preserve it, you will be loved forever. On the very first page of every code of love, at the beginning of every gospel of two lovers, I would always write this sentence: "Not to be loved is always a great fault." And you will find this sentence written in a hundred different forms in the pages of my book.
Ask the most fortunate of women if she has not often felt impelled19 to reconquer a love that threatened to fly away. She jealously conceals20 the numberless stratagems21 with which she warmed the tepid22, aroused the sleeping, caused the wearied to smile, made hungry and thirsty him who had the happy misfortune of overgorging himself at the banquet of voluptuousness23. Man is, by nature, polygamous, more unfaithful, more brutal24, more capricious, more licentious25 than woman, and it is her duty to make him monogamous, faithful, constantly tender and modestly virile26. If it is true that man attacks and conquers, it is also very true that nature assigns to woman the more difficult task of keeping the conquest, of being the vestal of that fire which man has nearly always been the first to kindle11. This is perhaps the most common formula that expresses the different missions which man and woman have in love. To us to kindle the fire, to our companion to keep it burning.
By all that you hold most sacred on earth, do not be so brutal as to record the embrace among the rights and duties of love. This is written in the code, and is daily repeated by those B?otians for whom love is but the union of male and female. Voluptuousness should be inebriating27 foam28 that floats on the quivering wave of passion and overflows30 and falls irresistibly31 into those abysses where man loses the consciousness of existence and believes in the infinite; it cannot be a feast ordered for a stated hour, much less a tribute exacted with the rudeness of a tax collector. How many[Pg 221] delicate loves were extinguished by the sacrilegious hand of an arrogant32 desire, which would assume the air of command and tread the ground with the iron boot of an alleged33 right! No; the embrace is not a right and much less a duty: it is a unanimous consent of two powerful energies that seek each other through infinite space and, suavely34 struggling against each other, die together in an ocean of sweetness.
Sincerity35 and fidelity36, which are after all an identical thing and constitute the entire code of love, should never be on the lips of two lovers, and the words right and duty should be debarred from the amorous37 vocabulary. Who ever loses his time in discussing the beauties of the sun? Who doubts that air is necessary to live? When certain things begin to be discussed, they are already in serious danger of being lost; and if a continuous, vexatious investigation38 should at every hour cast the shadow of doubt upon the faithfulness of one's companion, the latter would have the right of feeling wretchedly loved or at least cruelly loved. I do not fear sudden anger between two lovers, or the querulous and tender lamentations; but I have a deep horror of every question about right and duty. When these discourses39 appear on the horizon, I always see at the same time dark clouds massing; I see looming40 up the horns of Balzac's tawny41 moon.
Are the rights of love equal in man and woman? No! a thousand times no! I say so in a loud voice and after the first white hairs and a wide experience permit me to believe that I speak without anger or love. No; the sin of infidelity is not the same in Adam and in Eve: in the latter it is a hundred times greater. As a right and before the courts all parties are equal, but man and woman differ too greatly to be punished in the same measure. If the code is one, the jurors are a thousand; many are the accusers, many the lawyers; and the sentence of amorous betrayal has already been pronounced by all civilized42 nations and always in the same manner. This unanimous consent was not imposed by the arrogance43 of men, who alone were the legislators before the courts and judges in the forum44 of public opinion. No;[Pg 222] this unanimous consent was dictated45 by a deep consciousness of social necessities, by a more profound and subtler justice that descends46 into the inmost recess47 of things to find the roots of that awkward and superficial justice which asserts that all men are equal before the law. How false this dogma is can be sufficiently48 proved by the history of the jury system, one of the institutions on which our century seems to pride itself.
From man society exacts a hundred different and difficult virtues: he must give his blood for his country and the sweat of his brow for his family and for society; he must be strong, ambitious; he must not allow himself to be corrupted49 by gold or the seductions of vanity. A physician, he must throw himself into the inglorious and tremendous battle of epidemic50; a soldier, he must hold his head high in the face of murderous fire; a lawyer, he must resist the temptations of gold and ambition; a statesman, he must fight against himself, against his family, for the welfare of his country. Defender51 of the weak, of the shipwrecked, of the poor, natural defender of the female half of the human species and of all the individuals who are of no value to society, he is a warrior52 perpetually under arms, and should he neglect one of his duties, he is branded as a coward; society despises him, woman does not want him, everyone ignores him.
Woman, on the contrary, can be a coward in the face of fire, of work, of contagion53, and of all the battles of life; she can be ignorant and timorous54 and still be loved and esteemed55 by all; for in her weakness approaches grace, and it is so sweet to us to take the faint-hearted dove to our bosom56 and comfort her with our courage, defend her with our strength!
And even blunders are amusing when pronounced by the beautiful lips of a beloved woman! We forgive her if she very rarely reaches the height of genius and more rarely than we attains57 the average height of the great intellectual minds; we forgive her if she has no profession, if she does not earn her bread with work. Of her we ask only one thing: fidelity; from her we exact only one virtue16: fidelity! Pray,[Pg 223] O most gentle and divine companions, on what side does the scale of the balance fall? Certainly not our side.
Woman may be humble58, ignorant, tremble at every leaf that quivers, at every wing that vibrates in the air; but she should be faithful to him who loves her. She may yield to everything, but must resist the seductions of defiant59 glances and the corruptions60 of gold and vanity; she should be the heroine of sentiment, as we are the heroes of all the battles of life. She is the vestal of our heart and blood. While we are fighting in one field for her, for the name she bears, for the honor of our children, she should assiduously and faithfully watch the sacred fire of fidelity, that it may not die out through neglect or be overthrown62 and extinguished by the hurricane. This virtue only we ask of her; is it, perhaps, too much? What is her duty, then? What is the difficult struggle that shall give her also the mark of character and make her equal to us, worthy63 to be our companion? If she is beautiful, we are strong; if she is graceful64, we are gifted. For her we have conquered our planet, subdued65 the lightning, destroyed the beasts of prey66, invented arts, created sciences. But neither beauty nor grace nor wit is sufficient for a man to deem himself civilized; there are imposed on us a thousand dangers, on her but one: that of seduction. We are dragged into a hundred battles; she has only to gain victory over the senses. From us the world expects a hundred virtues; from her but one: faith. Are we, then, tyrants67? Are we too exacting68 with her whom we love so much, for whom we do everything, to whom we dedicate all our thoughts, our glories, our dreams and our labors69?
But there is another powerful reason for which the duties of love are differently distributed between man and woman. Man, by the special mission which his sex imposes on him, is a sudden aggressor and has organic necessities which are unknown to woman, and which he can satisfy with the rapidity of lightning. Without losing his love, he may have a caprice more fleeting70 than the lightning flash, and which, once vanished, leaves behind not even a pinch of ashes. I neither praise nor justify71 these sudden surprises of the[Pg 224] senses, these passing infidelities; but I describe them because I find them frequently in the aggressive and petulant72 nature of the virile sex. Woman, instead, must defend herself. Man loses a great part of energy in the tooth that bites and in the claws that firmly hold the prey. Woman draws in her horns, like the snail73 does in the spires74 of its labyrinth75, and, languidly and voluptuously76 concealed77 in the foam of her shell of love, allows herself to be caressed78. She loses nothing in the struggle for conquest, and she is wholly consumed in the delights of letting herself be loved. Woman also may have caprices of the senses, but they are light clouds which no sooner appear than they are dissolved in the deep azure79 of the skies, and do not become ardent80 desires until the human claws press and condense them. Woman is silent even when she desires. Very weak in the attack, she is formidable in the defense81, and has in herself so much energy as to stop and disarm82 a legion of combatants. With much shrewdness she defends her weakness every day, telling us that seductions wage war upon her from all quarters, while we are the first to seek the opportunities of sin. This is one of the most insidious83 sophisms, but it is also one of the weakest arguments of defense. Man attacks and assails84 simply because he is a man and could not wait for the seductions to come to him without condemning85 himself to be a eunuch and without inverting86 the most elementary and most inexorable laws of nature. Nor would a woman commit less of a sacrilege in turning from the defensive87 to the offensive, profaning88 her sex and violating nature in that which it holds most sacred and immutable89.
Not in vain has nature made the human female a virgin90, and denied us the sorrowful virtue of virginity. The woman who yields to the first amorous pruriency91 is a Messalina; the man who darts92 the first arrow of love is a warrior who with wise prudence93 prepares the weapons for the long battle that awaits him. Man begins with "yes" and "I will"; woman begins and ends with "no" and "I will not." The sudden caprice of the senses is in her harassed94 by so many physical, social and religious impediments that she must really be[Pg 225] more than an Amazon to overthrow61 them in a single dash. Everything incites95 man to a swift assault which perhaps does not even bruise96 the epidermis97 of his heart; everything defends woman from these caprices. To yield she must have had a long struggle against nature and society; laws and religions offer her a thousand allies for defense, and not once in a hundred times she can say without touching98 the frontiers of prostitution: "I had a caprice." No one believes in the efficiency of overbearingness, much less woman herself, unless she should need this faith to justify her own sin. In love every fault, every crime, even patricide99 and incest, are possible—but not theft. Let woman never profane100 herself nor spoil the cause, often very just, which she defends, by speaking of seduction and violence. Let her rather speak of the irresistible101 impulse of vengeance102, of the law of retaliation103; let her discuss the natural right, because there she is on the ground of truth and justice; let her complain aloud because in the human organism she is the left side, the weakest, the least honored and the most oppressed. Let her demand the right to love and to be loved, but never ask equality of punishment for sins too disparate.
Nor does society measure human guilt104 only according to the reckoning of the natural right; but the more sorrow a crime generates and the more it offends human needs, the more severe the punishment inflicted105 by society. Have you ever thought of the various consequences of a caprice of infidelity, according as a man or a woman is guilty? For man the caprice of an hour is a stain that tarnishes106 the bright mirror of a sworn faith, of an immaculate and sublime107 love; but a few moments afterward108 a new kiss, more ardent and pregnant with the pungent109 aroma110 of remorse, revives love perhaps more intensely and makes impossible for long years, perhaps forever, another sudden infidelity. The amorous caprice may be a blasphemy that breaks forth from the lips of a saint, but which is immediately deterged by a wave of holy prayer; it is the weakness of a robust111 runner who stumbles against a stone, but proudly resumes his way and with energetic steps recovers the space lost a hundredfold.[Pg 226] The amorous caprice of a woman may in a single instant procreate a bastard112, poison the wave of milk and honey of an entire family, sow a generation of fraternal hatreds113, of infinite sorrows, overflow29 into a vast field, inundating114 everything with wormwood and gall115. In man such a caprice is a stain, in woman a gangrene; in man a wound by a pin, in woman the caries of a bone; in man a leaf that falls, in woman a hurricane that fells a whole forest; in man a misdemeanor, in woman a felony; in man the remorse of an hour, in woman a monument of infamy116 that time will never efface117.
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1
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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2
follies
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| 罪恶，时事讽刺剧； 愚蠢，蠢笨，愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
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3
cedar
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| n.雪松，香柏(木) | |
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frigid
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| adj.寒冷的，凛冽的；冷淡的；拘禁的 | |
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hurl
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| vt.猛投，力掷，声叫骂 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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7
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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8
ascended
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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10
rekindled
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| v.使再燃( rekindle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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kindle
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| v.点燃，着火 | |
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blasphemy
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| n.亵渎，渎神 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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ardor
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| n.热情，狂热 | |
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voluptuous
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| adj.肉欲的，骄奢淫逸的 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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18
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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impelled
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| v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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conceals
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的第三人称单数 ) | |
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stratagems
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| n.诡计，计谋( stratagem的名词复数 )；花招 | |
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22
tepid
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| adj.微温的，温热的，不太热心的 | |
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voluptuousness
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| n.风骚，体态丰满 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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licentious
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| adj.放纵的，淫乱的 | |
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virile
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| adj.男性的；有男性生殖力的；有男子气概的；强有力的 | |
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inebriating
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| vt.使酒醉，灌醉（inebriate的现在分词形式） | |
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foam
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| v./n.泡沫，起泡沫 | |
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overflow
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| v.(使)外溢，(使)溢出；溢出，流出，漫出 | |
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overflows
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| v.溢出，淹没( overflow的第三人称单数 )；充满；挤满了人；扩展出界，过度延伸 | |
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irresistibly
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| adv.无法抵抗地，不能自持地；极为诱惑人地 | |
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arrogant
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的 | |
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alleged
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| a.被指控的，嫌疑的 | |
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suavely
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sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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fidelity
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| n.忠诚，忠实；精确 | |
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amorous
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| adj.多情的；有关爱情的 | |
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investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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discourses
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| 论文( discourse的名词复数 )； 演说； 讲道； 话语 | |
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40
looming
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| n.上现蜃景（光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼）v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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41
tawny
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| adj.茶色的，黄褐色的；n.黄褐色 | |
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42
civilized
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| a.有教养的，文雅的 | |
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43
arrogance
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| n.傲慢，自大 | |
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forum
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| n.论坛，讨论会 | |
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45
dictated
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| v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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46
descends
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| v.下来( descend的第三人称单数 )；下去；下降；下斜 | |
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47
recess
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| n.短期休息，壁凹（墙上装架子，柜子等凹处） | |
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48
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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49
corrupted
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| （使）败坏( corrupt的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）腐化； 引起（计算机文件等的）错误； 破坏 | |
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50
epidemic
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| n.流行病；盛行；adj.流行性的，流传极广的 | |
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51
defender
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| n.保卫者，拥护者，辩护人 | |
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52
warrior
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| n.勇士，武士，斗士 | |
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53
contagion
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| n.(通过接触的疾病)传染；蔓延 | |
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54
timorous
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| adj.胆怯的，胆小的 | |
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55
esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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56
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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57
attains
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的第三人称单数 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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58
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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59
defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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60
corruptions
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| n.堕落( corruption的名词复数 )；腐化；腐败；贿赂 | |
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61
overthrow
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| v.推翻，打倒，颠覆；n.推翻，瓦解，颠覆 | |
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62
overthrown
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| adj. 打翻的，推倒的，倾覆的 动词overthrow的过去分词 | |
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63
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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64
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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65
subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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66
prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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67
tyrants
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| 专制统治者( tyrant的名词复数 )； 暴君似的人； （古希腊的）僭主； 严酷的事物 | |
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68
exacting
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| adj.苛求的，要求严格的 | |
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69
labors
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| v.努力争取(for)( labor的第三人称单数 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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70
fleeting
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| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
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justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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72
petulant
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| adj.性急的，暴躁的 | |
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snail
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| n.蜗牛 | |
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74
spires
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| n.（教堂的） 塔尖，尖顶( spire的名词复数 ) | |
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75
labyrinth
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| n.迷宫；难解的事物；迷路 | |
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76
voluptuously
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| adv.风骚地，体态丰满地 | |
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77
concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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caressed
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| 爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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azure
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| adj.天蓝色的，蔚蓝色的 | |
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80
ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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defense
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| n.防御，保卫；[pl.]防务工事；辩护，答辩 | |
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82
disarm
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| v.解除武装，回复平常的编制，缓和 | |
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83
insidious
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| adj.阴险的，隐匿的，暗中为害的，（疾病）不知不觉之间加剧 | |
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assails
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| v.攻击( assail的第三人称单数 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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85
condemning
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| v.（通常因道义上的原因而）谴责( condemn的现在分词 )；宣判；宣布…不能使用；迫使…陷于不幸的境地 | |
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86
inverting
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| v.使倒置，使反转( invert的现在分词 ) | |
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87
defensive
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| adj.防御的；防卫的；防守的 | |
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88
profaning
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| v.不敬( profane的现在分词 )；亵渎，玷污 | |
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immutable
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| adj.不可改变的，永恒的 | |
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90
virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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pruriency
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| n.好色；迷恋；淫欲；（焦躁等的）渴望 | |
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92
darts
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| n.掷飞镖游戏；飞镖( dart的名词复数 )；急驰，飞奔v.投掷，投射( dart的第三人称单数 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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harassed
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| adj. 疲倦的，厌烦的 动词harass的过去式和过去分词 | |
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incites
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| 刺激，激励，煽动( incite的第三人称单数 ) | |
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bruise
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| n.青肿，挫伤；伤痕；vt.打青；挫伤 | |
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epidermis
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| n.表皮 | |
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98
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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99
patricide
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| n.杀父 | |
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100
profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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101
irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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102
vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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103
retaliation
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| n.报复，反击 | |
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104
guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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105
inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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106
tarnishes
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| 污点，瑕疵，无光泽( tarnish的名词复数 ) | |
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107
sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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108
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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109
pungent
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| adj.（气味、味道）刺激性的，辛辣的；尖锐的 | |
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aroma
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| n.香气，芬芳，芳香 | |
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111
robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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112
bastard
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| n.坏蛋，混蛋；私生子 | |
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113
hatreds
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| n.仇恨，憎恶( hatred的名词复数 )；厌恶的事 | |
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114
inundating
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| v.淹没( inundate的现在分词 )；（洪水般地）涌来；充满；给予或交予（太多事物）使难以应付 | |
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115
gall
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| v.使烦恼，使焦躁，难堪；n.磨难 | |
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116
infamy
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| n.声名狼藉，出丑，恶行 | |
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117
efface
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| v.擦掉，抹去 | |
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