XX. GUIDING A CHILD IN COMPANIONSHIPS.

A child cannot easily go on through childhood without companions, even if it were desirable for him to do so. Moreover, it is not desirable for a child to go on through childhood without companions, even if it were every way practicable for him to do so. Companions are a necessity to a child, whether the case be looked at in the light of the world as it is, or in the light of the world as it ought to be. Hence, as a child will have companions, and as he needs to have them, it is doubly important that a parent be alive to the importance of guiding his every child in the choice of his companions and in his relations to those companions whom he has without choosing.

No child can be rightly trained all by himself,[Pg 198] nor yet wholly by means of those agencies and influences that come to him directly from above his head. There are forces which operate for a child’s training through being brought to bear upon him laterally¹ rather than perpendicularly²; coming in upon him by way of his sympathies, instead of by way of his natural desire for knowledge. There are lessons which a child cannot learn so well from an elder teacher above him as from a young teacher alongside of him. There are impulses which can never be at their fullest with a child when he is alone as a child, but which will fill and sway him when they are operative upon him as one of a little company of children. Only as he learns these lessons from, and receives these impulses with, wisely chosen and fitting companions, can a child have the benefit of them to which he is fairly entitled.

Any observing parent will testify that, on more than one occasion, his child has come to him with a new interest in a thought or a theme, inspired by the words or example of a young companion, to[Pg 199] the surprise of the parent—who had before sought in vain to excite an interest in that very direction. All that the parent had said on the subject had been of no value, in comparison with that which had been said or done by the child’s companion, as another self. Again, there are few parents who have not found to their regret that their child has received lessons and impulses directly opposed to all the parental³ counsel and purposes, through a brief and comparatively unnoticed companionship that ought to have been guarded against. And these are but illustrations of the instructive and swaying power of child companionships. Such a power as this ought not to be ignored or slighted by any parent who would do most and best for his child’s wise training.

Any thoughtful parent will realize that a child cannot be trained to be unselfishly considerate of his companions; to bear and forbear with companions who are weak or impatient or exacting⁴; to show sympathy with companions who need sympathy, and to minister lovingly to companions who[Pg 200] deserve a loving ministry,—unless he has companions toward whom he can thus exercise and evidence a right spirit at all times. And no parent will say, or think, that it would be well for a child to be without these elements of character-training in his life-progress.

An only child is naturally at a disadvantage in his home, because he is an only child. He lacks the lessons which playmates there would give him; the impulses and inspirations which he would receive from their fellowship; the demands on his better nature, and the calls on his self-control and self-denial, which would come from their requirements. Parents who have but one child ought to see to it that the lack in this regard is, in a measure, supplied by the companionships of children from other homes. It is, indeed, a mistake for any parent to attempt the training of his child without the help of child companionships. No child can be so inspiringly and symmetrically trained without, as with, these. Even where there are half a dozen or more children in one family, there[Pg 201] is still a need of outside companions for each child, of the same age and wants of that child; for it is not possible for any person to bring himself into the same relations with a child as can be entered into by a child of his own years and requirements.

Because a child’s companionships are so influential⁵, it is the more important that they be closely watched and carefully guided by the child’s parents. In choosing a neighborhood—for a residence or for a summer vacation; in choosing a week-day school; in choosing a Sunday-school, where a choice is open to the parents, the companionships thus secured to their child ought to have prominence⁷ in the minds of the parents. And when the neighborhood, and week-day school, and Sunday-school, are finally fixed⁸ upon, the responsibility is still upon the parent to see to it that the best available companionships there are cultivated, and the most undesirable⁹ ones are shunned¹⁰, by the child. Neglect or carelessness at this point may be a means of harm to the child for his lifetime. Atten[Pg 202]tion just here may do more for him than were possible through any other agency.

It is a parent’s duty to know who are his child’s companions, and to know the character, and course of conduct, and influence upon his child, of every one of those companions separately. Here is where a parent’s chief work is called for in the matter of guiding and controlling his child’s companionships. A parent must have his child’s sympathy, in order to gain this knowledge; and a parent must give his sympathy to his child, in order to be able to use this knowledge wisely. It may be necessary to keep an open house for these companions, and an open heart and hand to them personally, as it surely is necessary to keep an open ear to the child’s confidences concerning their sayings and doings, if the parent would know all about them that he needs to know. There are parents who do all this for and with their children, as an effective means of guiding those children in their companionships. It is a pity that there are net more who are willing to do[Pg 203] it, in view of all that it may be a means of accomplishing for children.

Knowing his child’s companionships, a parent ought to encourage such of them as are worthiest¹¹, and discourage such as he cannot approve. He ought to help his child to see the advantages of the one class and the disadvantages of the other, and to regulate his social intimacies¹² according to the standards thus set before him. It will not do for a parent to allow matters in this line to take their own course, and to accept all companionships for his child just as they may come to him. He must feel responsible for his child’s wise selection, from among the number of proffered¹³ companions, of those who are to be retained while others are dropped or avoided. And it devolves upon a parent to see to it that his child’s companionships are of growing value to his companions as well as to himself; that his child’s influence over his very playfellows is for their good, while his good is promoted by their association with him. A child’s companionships, like those of older persons, ought[Pg 204] to be of advantage to both parties alike, through the very purpose of making them so.

Recognizing the desirableness and importance of companionships for his child, securing the best that are available, learning fully⁶ their characteristics and tendencies, aiding in their sifting¹⁴, and seeking in their steady uplifting, a parent can do effective service in the way of guiding his child in and through that child’s companionships. To neglect this agency of a child’s training, would be to endanger his entire career in life, whatever else were done in his behalf.

1 laterally   

ad.横向地；侧面地；旁边地

参考例句：

• Shafts were sunk, with tunnels dug laterally. 竖井已经打下，并且挖有横向矿道。
• When the plate becomes unstable, it buckles laterally. 当板失去稳定时，就发生横向屈曲。

2 perpendicularly   

adv. 垂直地, 笔直地, 纵向地

参考例句：

• Fray's forehead was wrinkled both perpendicularly and crosswise. 弗雷的前额上纹路纵横。
• Automatic resquaring feature insures nozzle is perpendicularly to the part being cut. 自动垂直功能，可以确保刀头回到与工件完全垂直的位置去切割。

3 parental   

adj.父母的；父的；母的

参考例句：

• He encourages parental involvement in the running of school.他鼓励学生家长参与学校的管理。
• Children always revolt against parental disciplines.孩子们总是反抗父母的管束。

4 exacting   

adj.苛求的，要求严格的

参考例句：

• He must remember the letters and symbols with exacting precision.他必须以严格的精度记住每个字母和符号。
• The public has been more exacting in its demands as time has passed.随着时间的推移，公众的要求更趋严格。

5 influential   

adj.有影响的，有权势的

参考例句：

• He always tries to get in with the most influential people.他总是试图巴结最有影响的人物。
• He is a very influential man in the government.他在政府中是个很有影响的人物。

6 fully   

adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地

参考例句：

• The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气，然后全部呼出。
• They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。

7 prominence   

n.突出；显著；杰出；重要

参考例句：

• He came to prominence during the World Cup in Italy.他在意大利的世界杯赛中声名鹊起。
• This young fashion designer is rising to prominence.这位年轻的时装设计师的声望越来越高。

8 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

9 undesirable   

adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子

参考例句：

• They are the undesirable elements among the employees.他们是雇员中的不良分子。
• Certain chemicals can induce undesirable changes in the nervous system.有些化学物质能在神经系统中引起不良变化。

10 shunned   

v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She was shunned by her family when she remarried. 她再婚后家里人都躲着她。
• He was a shy man who shunned all publicity. 他是个怕羞的人，总是避开一切引人注目的活动。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 worthiest   

应得某事物( worthy的最高级 )； 值得做某事； 可尊敬的； 有（某人或事物）的典型特征

参考例句：

• We assure you that we are your worthiest business partner within tremendously changeable and competitive environment. 在当今激烈变化的竞争环境中，我们将是您值得信赖的成长伙伴。
• And with those hands, that grasp'd the heaviest club, Subdue my worthiest self. 让我用这一双曾经握过最沉重的武器的手，征服我最英雄的自己。

12 intimacies   

亲密( intimacy的名词复数 )； 密切； 亲昵的言行； 性行为

参考例句：

• He is exchanging intimacies with his friends. 他正在和密友们亲切地交谈。
• The stiffness of the meeting soon gave way before their popular manners and more diffused intimacies. 他们的洒脱不羁和亲密气氛的增加很快驱散了会场上的拘谨。

13 proffered   

v.提供，贡献，提出( proffer的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She proffered her cheek to kiss. 她伸过自己的面颊让人亲吻。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He rose and proffered a silver box full of cigarettes. 他站起身，伸手递过一个装满香烟的银盒子。 来自辞典例句

14 sifting   

n.筛，过滤v.筛( sift的现在分词 )；筛滤；细查；详审

参考例句：

• He lay on the beach, sifting the sand through his fingers. 他躺在沙滩上用手筛砂子玩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I was sifting the cinders when she came in. 她进来时，我正在筛煤渣。 来自辞典例句