Maud, whose moral nature was very robust2, was not physically3 strong, and that night she fainted incontinently in the middle of dinner. The doctor came—a doctor whose words were literally4 words of gold—and said, worry, overstrain, change of air, out of doors, sunshine; and Maud’s determination to leave London was made easy for her.
Lady Ramsden had managed to survive her husband, and was continuing to enjoy unagitated widowhood and her usual ill-health in her house on the Norfolk coast. She had grown a little stouter5, a shade duller, and a trifle more monosyllabic, but otherwise time seemed to have let her be. She replied to Lady Chatham’s letter that she would be delighted to see Maud, but that her health was indifferent, and that Maud would probably be rather lonely. But if she wanted sea air and sunshine, she could{272} not do better than come. She would be charmed to have her, and would she say the day and hour of her arrival, and whether she was going to bring a maid.
Lady Ramsden’s house stood on the edge of the short-turfed Norfolk Downs, within a hundred yards of the sea. The sand-cliffs, nibbled6 off short by the waves, rose some thirty feet from the beach, and the grass, fine and smooth, covered them to the edge, fitting their mounds7 and hollows so exactly that they looked as if they had been measured for a green baize billiard cloth. A mile to the north the red-roofed little town of Cromer went trooping down to the shore, with its tall grave tower seeming to confer an air of safety to the whole, but not checking a terrible tendency in the town to run to seed, as it were, on all sides in rows of jerry-built villas8. But at this time of the year the villas were still unoccupied for the most part, and the town was a fishing village once more.
Maud arrived in the afternoon, and she drew in long breaths of the fresh sea air with a sense of relief, of struggle over. She was tired and overdone—tired of life, of worry, of sensation, and she thought that here perhaps she could stay still, being cut off from any thought of agitating9 impossibilities, of fruitless self-restraint, and of thrice fruitless desires. There was an air of complete, contented10 repose11 about the big landscape and the wide flat sea. The tide was up, and the sea looked full and prosperous. Little curling ripples12 washed up over the sand, and now and then one more energetic than its fellows thrust out a sharp tongue to the very base of the sandy cliffs and then drew back again with a louder murmur13 of content.{273}
Round the house were rambling14, uneven15 lawns, only half broken in, as it were, and retaining something of the freedom of the grass-clad sandhills, and a satisfying medley16 of flower-beds, full of great hardy17 plants which cared nothing for the brisk salt air—nasturtiums, great flaring18 double poppies, the velvet19 tassels20 of love-lies-a-bleeding, and thick-leaved stone-crops. Sturdy health seemed the key-note of the place.
At tea she saw Lady Ramsden, who strove to convey to her that she was glad to see her, and that her niece was also staying with her—her coming had been very sudden and upsetting—but that she had gone over to Cromer for a tennis party, and would be back before dinner, and as soon as tea was over Maud went out again and struck for the edge of the sandy cliffs.
Ah! the relief of getting away from London, away from the possibility of seeing Tom, from the possibility of torturing herself, of leading herself into temptation. Surely it was possible here, with this great shining sea on one side, and the firm landscape on the other, to regain21 her belief in serenity22, to recapture an uncomplicated outlook.
She took off her hat, and let the bracing23 air from the sea blow her hair about. A mile off shore the little fleet of herring-boats were tacking24 with full, stiff sails down the coast to begin their strange adventure of casting nets into that shifting immensity beneath the deep fathomless25 sky above the deep fathomless sea. How did morning look to them as it broke in thin red lines on the horizon? How interesting it would be to be able to see the world just for a moment with other eyes, to be rid for{274} one deep-drawn breath of the weight of one’s own stale identity! It was in that direction her salvation26 lay. She meant to cease focussing her eyes on her own microscopic27 troubles, to gain a wider outlook. How much more attainable28 such an idea seemed here, where there was some breadth of vision, and a horizon not bounded by house-roofs! London was a mere29 warren, full of silly gossiping rabbits. You could never see beyond the street corner, nor through the smoke.
The light in the west flamed and paled, and Maud began to retrace30 her steps. She felt better already. Oh, how right Miss Vanderbilt had been about the seat of the emotions! She would dose herself with sea air, she would bathe herself in sun and sea, she would get back her old serenity, her interest in things, her uncomplicated outlook. How pretty the house looked, standing31 out against the still ruddy sky, with the lights in its windows! There was some one standing in the porch—a girl. It must be Lady Ramsden’s niece. Maud felt quite pleased to have a companion. They would walk and ride and bathe together. Lady Ramsden’s niece—on which side, Carlingford or Ramsden?
The door was opened just before Maud got up to it, and the girl was standing by the lamp in the hall, opening a note when she entered. As she looked at her Maud’s heart suddenly stood still, and then jumped up into her throat, poised32 and hammering. There was no need to ask on which side she was Lady Ramsden’s niece, for as Maud came in she turned, and for a moment—it came on her like a horrible dream—she almost thought she stood face to face with Tom himself.{275}
The girl looked up with that little raising of the eyebrows33 which Maud had so often seen in Tom, and greeted her.
“You are surely Miss Wrexham, are you not?” she said, coming forward with boyish frankness. “It is too delightful34 to meet you. I think you know my cousin Tom? You have had tea? Yes? I wonder where my aunt is.”
Violet Carlingford led the way to the drawing-room, where Lady Ramsden was lying on a sofa by a carefully shaded lamp. Her wheezy asthmatic pug lay snoring at her feet. She looked the incarnation of incompetence35.
“So you have met,” she said, “and introduced yourselves.”
Violet laughed.
“I don’t think we introduced ourselves much,” she said. “I said, ‘Aren’t you Miss Wrexham?’ How are you, aunty?”
“Not very well, dear,” she said; “and Flo isn’t very well either. Listen to her breathing.”
Violet smiled, and two dimples came into her face. They were hardly so deep as Tom’s, but in exactly the same place.
“There’s no need to listen,” she said.
“I shall not come to dinner,” went on Lady Ramsden in a thin voice. “You two will dine alone. What time do you like dinner, Maud? We usually have it at eight. Will that suit you? Oh yes; and what is your maid’s name?”
Lady Ramsden got the bell rung for her, and got herself taken out of the room. The pug was hoisted{276} on to a velvet cushion and was carried before her. In such manner did the Greeks carry the emblems36 of their gods before their images.
As Maud looked at Violet she saw that the likeness37 was even more extraordinary, and went deeper than she had noticed at first. Violet could hardly have been more than twenty, and her features were still unsexed. She was tall for a girl, and slightly built, and her walk and way of sitting, or rather lolling, as she was lolling now, reminded Maud exactly of what Tom had been when he came to stay with them once while he was at Eton, and sat laughing and talking with them all at the end of five minutes as naturally as if he had known them all his life. She had Tom’s short square-tipped nose, his clear, open, brown eyes, with long fine eyelashes and thin straight eyebrows. Her mouth, like his, was rather full-lipped, and often even when she was not speaking the white of her teeth showed between the lips in a straight narrow line. But her manner was even more fundamentally his. She had Tom’s trick of wrinkling his nose up slightly when he was amused, of putting his head slightly on one side when he was listening or considering, and in speaking of just perceptibly slurring38 his r’s, of separating his words one from the other more like a foreigner with a perfect command of English than an Englishman.
Violet strolled about the room just as he did, putting a book or two straight, and making a little face at the pug’s saucer of tea with cream in it which lay untasted in the corner. Violet disliked that pug; he was fat, lazy, wheezy, and selfish, and she gave{277} Maud a little sketch39 of his character. Soon she sat down near her and began on more personal topics.
“It is delightful to have you here,” she said. “I hope we shall make great friends. I always want to be doing something all day, and if you like playing golf and tennis, and bathing and riding, I’m sure we shall get on.”
Maud was leaning back in her chair, feeling somehow unaccountably shy.
“I was quite startled when I came in,” she said; “you are so extraordinarily40 like your cousin.”
Violet crossed one leg over the other and clasped her hands behind her head.
“I haven’t seen Tom for an age,” she said; “but when we were younger we were exactly alike. Tom—it was wicked of him—once dressed up in a skirt and cloak, and hat of mine, and went into my mother’s room and asked if she wanted anything in the town as he was going there with the governess. My mother gave him all sorts of feminine commissions and never suspected him till he burst out laughing. His mother and mine were sisters, and our fathers brothers, you know. Has he changed much?”
“He is still exactly like you,” said Maud, who was beginning to feel more at her ease.
“Tom’s getting quite famous, isn’t he?” the girl went on. “That will serve to differentiate41 us. And he’s got a baby. How funny it seems! We always said he would never grow up.”
“He hasn’t grown up much,” said Maud. “He is just like a boy still in many ways.”
“It’s such a pity one has to get older,” remarked{278} Violet. “I’m sure I shall never enjoy myself so much when I am old, and I shall get stuffy42 and think about complications and worries. At present I never worry.”
Maud smiled.
“I am afraid I must be getting old,” she said; “in fact, I came here in order to forget complications and worries.”
Violet sat up with an air of surprise.
“Oh, please don’t worry,” she said, “or you will spoil it all. And we can have such a charming time if we like.”
Maud rose.
“I will do my best to worry no more,” she said. “And will you help me?”
Her voice had a wonderful sweetness and tenderness about it. Violet got up too and stood close to her.
“Why, that’s charming of you,” she said. “I don’t think I could ever help anybody; but I will promise never to worry, if that is any use, Miss Wrexham.”
“The utmost use,” said Maud; “and I am not Miss Wrexham. I have left Miss Wrexham in London. I have done with her. May you never see her: she is a wicked little fool.”
“Well, Maud, then,” said the girl.
Maud woke next morning slowly and blissfully, conscious of a new interest in life, of a step taken. To be quit of London and all its fuss and worry was the step taken, but the new interest was the more vital of the two.
She and Violet had sat up late the night before talking, and Maud found something exquisitely43 sweet{279} in being able to look at almost a facsimile of all that had made life bitter to her, to be able to talk and almost hear Tom answering, to be able to see his eyes looking into hers with affection and tenderness. For Maud had told Violet, without of course mentioning the name, the story of her worry and break-down; that she had loved a man and that he had married another, and that the desire of meeting him and the strain of doing so had made London unbearable45 and had affected46 her health.
Maud was one of those people who do not often make friends of their own sex, and the relief merely of telling some one about it was great. But when she felt she was almost telling it to Tom, as Violet sat opposite her, the bitterness and struggle she had been enduring so many months seemed quenched47 at last. Already her perplexities seemed capable of a solution which she could not have anticipated.
And the new interest was Violet. She felt as if Manvers had been wrong when he remarked cynically48 that Nature did not happen to have given us two people to love in case one got married. She felt as if she had almost cheated Fate, as if a substitute had been provided for her to love. “I shall be with her all day,” thought Maud, as she watched her maid moving about the room, “and I must, I will make her fond of me. If I can do that I shall feel as if at last Tom cared.”
Indeed this seemed no very hard task. Maud had a great power of attraction when she cared to attract, and she had already won Violet’s heart by her confidence of the night before. There is nothing so exquisite44 as to feel that one is trusted.{280}
The friendship a man may have for a man, or a woman for a woman, is often closer and more intimate than even between husband and wife. However close a man may be to a woman, there still stands between them the barrier of sex, which no one has yet succeeded in annihilating49. Members of two different sexes must look at things with different eyes, and the attempt of the woman to become like the man seems only to emphasize the difference. Certainly Violet could do for Maud what no man could possibly do. A girl can say to a girl what no wife could say to her husband, for there are certain things a man can never understand, simply because he is not a woman, nor a woman because she is a woman.
It would have been impossible for Maud to tell the story of her trouble to any one but a girl, and it seemed to her that the very telling of it had taken away half its burden. And the burden removed, her body was able to recuperate50 itself, for when the body is hurt through the soul it cannot be cured until the soul is convalescent. Living all day in the open air drinking in the fresh saltness of the sea, returning to the first principles of healing, began to have their legitimate51 effect. And if the air was bracing, Violet was still more bracing. The convalescence52 of her body and soul kept pace with each other.
They had been playing tennis one morning, and had gone down to bathe afterwards, and the two were sitting on the edge of the beach, Violet with her hat off trying to persuade her hair to behave reasonably. Maud had already dried hers and was absorbed in attempting to hit the pug, who had accompanied{281} them down to the sea, but absolutely refused to wash, with small pebbles53 and shells.
“I hate that dog,” remarked Violet. “I wish you could hit it.”
“I wish I could,” said Maud. “There! No, it went over it.”
“I think I can forgive any one anything,” said Violet, “except laziness and want of interest. Not to be interested in things, not to be thoroughly54 alive, is the only unpardonable sin.”
“I’ve been sinning unpardonably for the last six months. What a fool I have been making of myself!”
Violet wrinkled her nose.
“You poor darling! I didn’t refer to you. All the same it was foolish of you.”
“But the world is so hard,” said Maud.
Violet held up a forefinger55 warningly.
“Now you know that is one of the things you are not allowed to say. How old are you?”
“Twenty-five.”
“For how many years did you say you had been completely happy?”
“Twenty-three and a half.”
Violet flicked56 the warm sea-scented air with the end of her towel.
“Well, then, I should be ashamed, Maud, I should be ashamed, especially when you know you are beginning to be happy again.”
“That’s your doing.”
“We are talking about you, not me”—Violet’s voice came out of the middle of the towel—“and{282} you’ll please keep to the subject. Just fancy my ever being good for anybody. How funny it seems!”
Maud lay back on her rug tilting57 her hat over her eyes.
“It’s a very nice, warm, kind world just now,” she added; “but oh, Violet, will it last? Man is a creature of moods, especially woman!”
“Especially you, you mean. I never had a mood in my life.”
“But what would you do supposing something went wrong, supposing something happened to you like what happened to me?”
“I should send for you to come and stay with me at Aunt Julia’s,” said Violet, “and I should throw pebbles at that loathsome58 dog, and I should hit it too.”
Violet’s towel flapped through the air and descended59 on Flo’s head.
Maud laughed as the dog got up, shook herself free of the towel, and then lay down pathetically on the top of it.
“But seriously,” she went on, “if you wanted something very badly and couldn’t get it, what would you do?”
Violet rescued the towel and resumed her seat.
“I haven’t got many wants, you know,” she said, “so I can’t tell. But I hope I should be reasonable. I hope I should make a real effort to cease to want it. And then, you know, one gets over things; it takes time, no doubt, but everything worth doing takes time.”
“Ah, but that’s so terrible,” said Maud. “It just shows how limited we are. If we were only stronger we should never get used to being without the things{283} we want. It is because we are weak and feeble that we begin to forget. I want to know how we are to be strong and yet to forget.”
Violet stared absently at the sea.
“I understand what you mean,” she said, “but I think you are wrong. After all we are human; we can’t get over that; and I think the woman who can’t make an effort to forget, who goes on nursing her sorrow, is feebler than the one who can. Of course time helps both. Oh yes, of course I am right. I am very old-fashioned, you know. I don’t care about dissecting61 myself and analyzing62 my tendencies, and thinking about limitations and aspirations63. It seems to me that if you are inexperienced as I am you may kill yourself, as it were, in your analysis, or blind yourself altogether by peering too closely.”
“Go on,” said Maud, “you are so healthy.”
Violet turned to her and lay down close beside her.
“Yes, I want to be healthy anyhow,” she said, “and that is the main point. I think the way people dissect60 their own morbid64 selves, and put themselves in three-volumed pickle-jars, so to speak, for their friends to look at, is simply indecent. If you have a decayed tooth you don’t show it to all your friends and say, ‘It is much worse since last week’; you go to the dentist and have it stopped.”
“You dear dentist,” said Maud, “I’m so glad I came to you!”
“To tell yourself that life is hard and complicated,” continued Violet, “is to make it so, because one always believes one’s self. To say that it is simple{284} simplifies it. Of course some people like it complicated, and so I suppose they are right to tell themselves that it is. But to tell yourself that it is complicated, and then be sorry for it, is foolishness.”
“I hate complications,” said Maud. “I hate them as much as you hate that pug. But supposing you find simple things dull; at least, supposing after your complications you find the simple things which you liked before bore you? Complications change one, you know.”
“I don’t know,” remarked Violet. “Do you mean that you are bored with this place?”
“I mean nothing of the sort,” said Maud. “I was only speculating. And the bell for lunch went ten minutes ago.”
“The simplest lunch wouldn’t bore me to-day,” said Violet.
“Nor me.”
Violet whistled to the pug and stood for a moment with her head a little on one side looking at him disgustedly.
“You are most astonishingly like Tom,” said Maud; “he looked just like that when he was examining Mr. Manvers’ statuette.”
“And how did Mr. Manvers look when he looked at Tom’s statue?” she asked.
“He looked as the pug looks—rather hurt, but able to do without Tom’s appreciation65.”
“How utterly66 different they must be!”
“All the difference in the world,” said Maud. Then to herself: “One is the man who loves me, the other”—she pulled herself up—“the man I used to love. ”
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1
ingenuity
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| n.别出心裁；善于发明创造 | |
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robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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stouter
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| 粗壮的( stout的比较级 )； 结实的； 坚固的； 坚定的 | |
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nibbled
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| v.啃，一点一点地咬（吃）( nibble的过去式和过去分词 )；啃出（洞），一点一点咬出（洞）；慢慢减少；小口咬 | |
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mounds
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| 土堆，土丘( mound的名词复数 )； 一大堆 | |
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villas
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| 别墅，公馆( villa的名词复数 )； （城郊）住宅 | |
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agitating
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| 搅动( agitate的现在分词 )； 激怒； 使焦虑不安； （尤指为法律、社会状况的改变而）激烈争论 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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ripples
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| 逐渐扩散的感觉( ripple的名词复数 ) | |
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murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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rambling
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| adj.[建]凌乱的，杂乱的 | |
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uneven
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| adj.不平坦的，不规则的，不均匀的 | |
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medley
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| n.混合 | |
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hardy
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| adj.勇敢的，果断的，吃苦的；耐寒的 | |
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flaring
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| a.火焰摇曳的，过份艳丽的 | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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tassels
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| n.穗( tassel的名词复数 )；流苏状物；（植物的）穗；玉蜀黍的穗状雄花v.抽穗， （玉米）长穗须( tassel的第三人称单数 )；使抽穗， （为了使作物茁壮生长）摘去穗状雄花；用流苏装饰 | |
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regain
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| vt.重新获得，收复，恢复 | |
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serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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bracing
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| adj.令人振奋的 | |
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tacking
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| （帆船）抢风行驶，定位焊[铆]紧钉 | |
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fathomless
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| a.深不可测的 | |
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salvation
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| n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困 | |
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microscopic
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| adj.微小的，细微的，极小的，显微的 | |
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attainable
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| a.可达到的，可获得的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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retrace
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| v.折回；追溯，探源 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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poised
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| a.摆好姿势不动的 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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incompetence
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| n.不胜任，不称职 | |
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emblems
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| n.象征，标记( emblem的名词复数 ) | |
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likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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slurring
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| 含糊地说出( slur的现在分词 )； 含糊地发…的声； 侮辱； 连唱 | |
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sketch
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| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
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extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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differentiate
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| vi.(between)区分；vt.区别；使不同 | |
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stuffy
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| adj.不透气的，闷热的 | |
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exquisitely
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| adv.精致地；强烈地；剧烈地；异常地 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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unbearable
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| adj.不能容忍的；忍受不住的 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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quenched
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| 解（渴）( quench的过去式和过去分词 )； 终止（某事物）； （用水）扑灭（火焰等）； 将（热物体）放入水中急速冷却 | |
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cynically
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| adv.爱嘲笑地，冷笑地 | |
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49
annihilating
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| v.（彻底）消灭( annihilate的现在分词 )；使无效；废止；彻底击溃 | |
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50
recuperate
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| v.恢复 | |
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51
legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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convalescence
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| n.病后康复期 | |
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53
pebbles
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| [复数]鹅卵石； 沙砾； 卵石，小圆石( pebble的名词复数 ) | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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55
forefinger
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| n.食指 | |
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flicked
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| （尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的过去式和过去分词 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等） | |
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57
tilting
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| 倾斜，倾卸 | |
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loathsome
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| adj.讨厌的，令人厌恶的 | |
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59
descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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60
dissect
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| v.分割；解剖 | |
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dissecting
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| v.解剖（动物等）( dissect的现在分词 )；仔细分析或研究 | |
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analyzing
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| v.分析；分析( analyze的现在分词 )；分解；解释；对…进行心理分析n.分析 | |
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63
aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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