I am happy. Wonderful flowers lie at my feet, flowers which have been plucked and flung aside: I will pick them all up again, all of them! I will gather them in my arms and steep myself in their scent1! One by one, I will tend them till they lift their heads again, I will blend them cunningly; and, when I have bound the fair sheaf, fate may do its worst!
It is no longer a question of the sanity2 or insanity3 of my experiment, or my wisdom or unwisdom. There is a just action to be accomplished4; and, this time, circumstances favour my plans. In her distress5, in her horror of her present life, all the possibilities of deliverance might have offered themselves to the girl: she would not have seen them, she would even have fled from them instinctively7, timid as an animal too long confined. To save her, therefore, chance must take to itself a substance and a name. Can I not be that chance?
She suffers; I will give her joy. She is tormented8;
I will give her peace again. She knows not liberty; through me she will know its rapture9. Once already she has been snatched from death, but, on that day, while they were carrying Rose to the presbytery, her long, golden tresses wept along the wayside. But I will carry her where she pleases. She shall be free and happy; and her hair shall laugh around her face. It shall help me to light her destiny, for beauty is a beacon10 for benighted11 hearts. Many will try to steer12 their course towards my Roseline. It will be easy for her to choose her happiness.
True, I am aware how perilous14 and uncertain is my experiment. Will it be possible to efface15 the evil impress left on that mind and body? How much of her early grace, her early vigour16 shall we find? What will have become of all the forces that, at seventeen, should still be frail17 as promises, tender as the little green shoots of a first spring-day?
But no matter? The impulse is irresistible18 and nothing can stay me now. Have no misgivings19, Rose: hand in hand we will go through peril13 and suspense20. Embrace the hope which I offer you: I will bring it to pass. Let nothing astonish you: all that is happening between us to-day is natural. You will go hence because it is right that you should go; and
you will go of your own free will. It is not so much my heart which will bring you comfort; it is rather your heart which will open. I shall find in you all the good that you will receive from me.
2
I send for the girl without further delay. A fortnight has elapsed since we first talked together; and I am anxious to know the result.
I look at her. A different woman is before my eyes. Is it a mistake? Is it an illusion? No, it is all quite simple; and my words had no need to be forcible or brilliant. The word that shows a glimpse of hope to the sufferer has its own power.
She says nothing and I dare not question her. The wisdom that has made her understand how serious the effect of my plans may be must also make her fear their possible flippancy21.
I have brought her into the dining-room. Sitting at the window, with her hands folded in her lap and her head bowed, she remains22 there without moving, heedless of the sun that is scorching23 her neck. Her wide-eyed gaze wanders over things which it does not take in; her lips, half-parted in a smile, betray the
indecision of her soul. At last, blushing all over her face, she stammers24 out:
"I am frightened. You have awakened25 my longings26, my dreams. I am frightened. I would rather be as I was before I knew you, when I only wanted to die. When your message was brought to the farm, I swore that I would not come; and yet ... here I am!"
I put my arm round her neck:
"It's too late," I whispered, kissing her. "To discuss the idea of rebellion means to give way to it. Resist no longer, Roseline; let yourself go."
Her incredulous eyes remained fixed27 on mine; and she said, slowly:
"There is one thing that puzzles me. How am I to express it? I should like to know why you take so much interest in me: I am neither a friend nor a relation." And she added, with a knowing air, "You see, what you are doing doesn't seem quite natural!"
My heart shrank. So this peasant, this rough, simple girl knew the laws of the world! She knew that, even in the manner of doing good, there are customs to be followed, "conventions to be observed!" Ah, poor Rose, though your instinctive6 reason is like a broad white fabric28 which circumstances
have not yet soiled, your character already has ugly streaks29 in it; the voice of the multitude spoke30 through your lovely mouth and, for a brief second, it became disfigured in my eyes! Alas31, if I wore a queer head-dress and a veil down my back and a chaplet hanging by my side and said to you, "My child, I wish to save your soul," would you not think my insistence32 quite simple and natural?
Taking her poor, deformed33 hands in mine, I knelt down beside her:
"Rose, the happiness which I find in helping34 you is a sufficient motive35 for me; and I will offer you no others.... I give you my confidence blindly, for one can do nothing without faith. I give you my confidence and I ask for yours. Will you vouchsafe36 it me?"
The sun is streaming upon us; our faces are close together; my smile calls for hers; my eyes gaze into hers; and I repeat my prayer.
Then she whispers, shily:
"You see ... I have been deceived once; perhaps you don't know...."
I interrupted her:
"I know that we must have been deceived twenty times before we learn to give our confidence blindly,
like a little child!... I know that we must have been perpetually deceived before we understand that nothing proves anything; that everything is unforeseen, inconsistent, and unexpected; and that we must just simply 'believe,' because it is good to believe and because it is sweet to offer to others what we ourselves are unhappy enough to lack."
She went on:
"But what do you want me to do?"
"I want you to go away from here."
"Why?"
"Because you are wretched here."
"Has any one said so?"
"What does it matter what any one has said? I have only to look at you to see that you are not happy. Oh, please don't regard this as an act of charity, I would not even dare to talk about kindness! The interest that impels37 me is one which you do not yet know; it looks to none for recompense; it is its own reward. It is the mere38 joy, the mere delight of knowledge.... Do you understand?"
She shook her head; and I began to laugh:
"I suppose I really am a little obscure!... But why do you force me to explain myself now? You learn to understand me by degrees.... I am
leading you towards a goal of which I am almost as ignorant as you are; I am only the guide waving a hand towards the roads which he himself has taken and never knowing what the traveller will see or feel in the depths of his being."
She was going to speak, but I placed my hand on her lips:
"Hush39! I ask nothing more of you. I shall know how to win your confidence."
I feel that she is silenced but not convinced. Hers is not a character to be thus persuaded: she will wait for deeds before judging the sincerity40 of words. I feel clearly that she is searching and judging me, while I myself am engaged in discovering her; and I shall have some curiosity in bending over the untroubled waters of that soul in order to see my image there, as soon as there is sufficient light to reflect my image.
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1
scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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2
sanity
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| n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确 | |
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3
insanity
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| n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐 | |
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4
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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5
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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6
instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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7
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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8
tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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10
beacon
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| n.烽火，（警告用的）闪火灯，灯塔 | |
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11
benighted
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| adj.蒙昧的 | |
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12
steer
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| vt.驾驶，为…操舵；引导；vi.驾驶 | |
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13
peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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14
perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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15
efface
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| v.擦掉，抹去 | |
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16
vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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17
frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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18
irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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19
misgivings
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕；疑虑，担心，恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 )；疑惧 | |
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20
suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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21
flippancy
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| n.轻率；浮躁；无礼的行动 | |
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22
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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scorching
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| adj. 灼热的 | |
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24
stammers
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| n.口吃，结巴( stammer的名词复数 )v.结巴地说出( stammer的第三人称单数 ) | |
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25
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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26
longings
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| 渴望，盼望( longing的名词复数 ) | |
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27
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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28
fabric
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| n.织物，织品，布；构造，结构，组织 | |
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29
streaks
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| n.（与周围有所不同的）条纹( streak的名词复数 )；（通常指不好的）特征（倾向）；（不断经历成功或失败的）一段时期v.快速移动( streak的第三人称单数 )；使布满条纹 | |
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30
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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31
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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32
insistence
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| n.坚持；强调；坚决主张 | |
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33
deformed
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| adj.畸形的；变形的；丑的，破相了的 | |
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34
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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35
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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36
vouchsafe
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| v.惠予，准许 | |
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37
impels
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| v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的第三人称单数 ) | |
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38
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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39
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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40
sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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