My other parent looked guiltily at some oblong boxes tied up in white paper with narrow red ribbon, which, innocently enough I consider, enhance the value of life to us both. But she ignored the charge—momma hates arguments.
"Dear me!" she said, as the space widened between us and the docks. "So we are all going to Europe together this morning! I can hardly realise it. Farewell America! How interesting life is."
"Yes," replied poppa. "And now I guess I'd better show you your cabins before it gets any more interesting."
We had a calm evening, though nothing would induce momma to think so, and at ten o'clock Senator J.P. Wick and I were still pacing the deck talking business. The moon rose, and threw Arthur's shadow across our conversation, but we looked at it with precision and it moved away. That is one of poppa's most comforting characteristics, he would as soon open his bosom6 to a shot-gun as to a confidence. He asked for details through the telephone merely for bravado7. As a matter of fact, if I had begun to send them he would have rung off the connection and said it was an accident. We dipped into politics, and I told the Senator that while I considered his speech on the Silver Compromise a credit to the family on the whole, I thought he had let himself out somewhat unnecessarily at the expense of the British nation.
"We are always twisting a tail," I said reproachfully, "that does nothing but wag at us."
This poppa reluctantly admitted with the usual reference to the Irish vote. We both hoped sincerely that any English friends who saw that speech, and paused to realise that the orator8 was a parent of mine, would consider the number of Irish resident in Illinois, and the amount of invective9 which their feelings require. Poppa doesn't really know sometimes whether he is himself or a shillelagh, but whatever his temporary political capacity he is never ungrateful. He went on to give me the particulars of his interview with the President about the Chicago Post Office, and then I gradually unfolded my intention of preparing our foreign experiences as a family for publication in book form. While I was unfolding it poppa eyed me askance.
"Is that usual?" he inquired.
"Very usual indeed," I replied.
"I mean—under the circumstances?"
"Under what circumstances?" I demanded boldly. I knew that nothing would induce him to specify10 them.
"Oh, I only meant—it wasn't exactly my idea."
"What was your idea—exactly?" It was mean of me to put poppa to the blush, but I had to define the situation.
"Oh," said he, with unlooked-for heroism11, "I was basing my calculations with reference to you on the distractions12 of change—Paris dry-goods, rowing round Venice in gondolas13, riding through the St. Gothard tunnel, and the healing hand of time. I don't intend to give a day less than six weeks to it. I'm looking forward to the tranquilising effect of the antique some myself," he added, hedging. "I find these new self-risers that we've undertaken to carry almost more than my temperament14 can stand. They went up from an output of five hundred dollars to six hundred and fifty thousand, and back again inside seven days last month. I'm looking forward to examining something that hasn't moved for a couple of thousand years with considerable pleasure."
"Poppa," said I, ignoring the self-risers, "if you were as particular about the quality of your fiction as you are about the quality of your table-butter, you would know that the best heroines never have recourse to such measures now. They are simply obsolete15. Except for my literary intention, I should be ashamed to go to Europe at all—under the circumstances. But that, you see, brings the situation up to date. I transmit my European impressions through the prism of damaged affection. Nothing could be more modern."
"I see," replied poppa, rubbing his chin searchingly, which is his manner of expressing sagacious doubt. His beard descends16 from the lower part of his chin in the long unfettered American manner, without which it is impossible for Punch to indicate a citizen of the United States. When he positively17 disapproves18 he pulls it severely19.
"But Europe's been done before, you know," he continued. "In fact, I don't know any continent more popular than Europe with people that want to publish books of travel. It's been done before."
"Never," I rejoined, "in connection with you, poppa!"
Poppa removed his hand from his chin.
"Oh, if I'm to assist, that's quite another anecdote," he said briskly. "I didn't understand you intended to ring me in. Of course, I don't mean to imply there is any special prejudice against books of travel in Europe. About how many pages did you think of running it to?"
"My idea was three hundred," I replied.
"And how many words to a page?"
"Two hundred and fifty—more or less."
"That's seventy-five thousand words! Pretty big undertaking20, if you look at it in bulk."
"We shall have to rely upon momma," I remarked.
Poppa's expression disparaged21 the idea, and he began to feel round for his beard.
"If I were you," he said, "I wouldn't place much dependence22 on momma. She'll be able to give you a few hints on sunsets and a pointer or two about the various Venuses, likely—she's had photographs of several of them in the house for years—but I expect it's going to be a question of historical fact pretty often, and momma won't be in it. Not that I want to choke momma off," he continued, "but she will necessitate23 a whole reference library. And in some parts of Europe I believe they charge you for every pound of luggage, including your lunch, if you don't happen to have concealed24 it in your person."
"We'll have to pin her down to the guide-books," I remarked.
"That depends. I've always understood that the guide-book market was largely controlled by Mr. Murray and Mr. Baedeker. Also, that Mr. Murray writes in a vein25 of pretty lofty sentiment, while Mr. Baedeker is about as interesting as a directory. Now where the right emotion is included at the price I don't see the use of momma, but when it's a question of Baedeker we might turn her on. See?"
"Poppa," I replied with emotion, "you will both be invaluable26. I will bid you good-night. I believe the electric light burns all night long in the smoking-cabin, but that is not supposed to indicate that gentlemen are expected to stay there till dawn. I see you have two Havanas left. That will be quite enough for one evening. Good-night, poppa."
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1
betokens
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| v.预示，表示( betoken的第三人称单数 ) | |
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vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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3
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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depreciated
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| v.贬值，跌价，减价( depreciate的过去式和过去分词 )；贬低，蔑视，轻视 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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7
bravado
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| n.虚张声势，故作勇敢，逞能 | |
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orator
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| n.演说者，演讲者，雄辩家 | |
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invective
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| n.痛骂，恶意抨击 | |
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10
specify
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| vt.指定，详细说明 | |
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heroism
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| n.大无畏精神，英勇 | |
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12
distractions
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| n.使人分心的事[人]( distraction的名词复数 )；娱乐，消遣；心烦意乱；精神错乱 | |
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13
gondolas
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| n.狭长小船( gondola的名词复数 )；货架（一般指商店，例如化妆品店）；吊船工作台 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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15
obsolete
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| adj.已废弃的，过时的 | |
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descends
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| v.下来( descend的第三人称单数 )；下去；下降；下斜 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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disapproves
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| v.不赞成( disapprove的第三人称单数 ) | |
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severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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undertaking
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| n.保证，许诺，事业 | |
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disparaged
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| v.轻视( disparage的过去式和过去分词 )；贬低；批评；非难 | |
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22
dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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necessitate
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| v.使成为必要，需要 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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vein
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| n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络 | |
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invaluable
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| adj.无价的，非常宝贵的，极为贵重的 | |
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