E. Cartwright had read Jimmy’s oleaginous epistle three times at the breakfast table the morning before and had left his home in a fine glow of self-approval. In fancy he walked upon the misty2 mountain tops of high achievement until he reached the Star office and then he found himself hurled3 suddenly into the well known slough4 of despond. Billy Parsons, the advertising5 manager, who met him in the elevator, started it.
“Well, old man,” Billy, said laughingly, “I see they got to you for a home-run this morning with all the bases full.”
E. Cartwright had bristled6 at this and had expressed himself as not comprehending the esoteric significance of the allusion7. Billy had then become more specific.
“They put it over on you,” he replied. “That press agent fellow with Olga Stephano, I mean.”
“Put it over on me?” the dramatic editor had returned. “I don’t exactly understand what you mean.”
“Say, old dear,” Billy had sarcastically8 responded, “it’s a worse case than I thought it was at first. You’d ought to see a doctor.”
E. Cartwright, who abhorred9 slang and those who used it, had become quite indignant at this and had insisted upon a clear explanation of what Billy Parsons meant. The latter gentleman obliged him with one. He pointed10 out, with great clarity, the trick that Jimmy Martin had played on the astute11 and dignified12 dramatic editor. He dwelt upon the number of times the name of Madame Stephano had been cunningly inserted into the correspondence and proved that the whole affair was a carefully calculated scheme for the exploitation of that lady.
The blinders of self-esteem having thus been torn from the eyes of the dramatic editor, that gentleman developed a decided14 distaste for further discussion of the subject and immured15 himself in his cramped16 office where he devoted17 himself to bitter rumination18. Throughout the day his fellow laborers19 in the field of journalism20 seemed to take a malicious21 delight in playfully taunting22 him. On the way home for dinner he had met the dramatic editor of the rival Inquirer and that worthy23 had added to his fury by remarking, with a twinkle in his eye:
“That was a mighty24 interesting symposium25 on Stephano you ran this morning, Jenkins.”
At dinner he startled his sedate26 and shrinking wife by launching into a profane27 and pungent28 diatribe29 on the subject of press agents and announced his determination to start a nation-wide movement for their suppression and final extermination30. He declared, in loud and ringing tones, that nothing but total annihilation of the entire tribe would at all satisfy his wishes in the matter.
The sting of the affair still rankled31 in his breast when he came down to the office on the following morning. When Nathan, the managing editor, looked in on him he was viciously assailing32 the dramatic page of a New York Sunday newspaper with a large pair of shears33 and wishing for a moment, as he clipped out items of theatrical34 information, that it was one Jimmy Martin instead of an innocent sheet of paper that he was attacking.
“Say, Jenkins,” Nathan remarked casually35, “I’ve got a little request to make of your Miss Slosson who’s running this damned pie contest,—it closes today, you know,—is getting swamped downstairs and has sent out an S.O.S. to this floor for assistance. There’s nobody around yet but you. I wish you’d drop down there for an hour or so and give her a hand. Just as soon as one of the cubs36 show up I’ll send him down to relieve you.”
E. Cartwright reeled under this final blow to his dignity. The ends of his iron-grey walrus37 moustache dropped a full half inch as he looked up, bewildered.
“Pie contest—Miss Slosson,” he mumbled38. “What could I possibly do in connection with that, or with her?”
“Oh, just help her and her assistant unwrap and tag some of the entries,” replied Nathan in a matter-of-fact tone, as he turned quickly to suppress a smile and hurried out of the tiny room.
E. Cartwright uttered a low moan expressive39 of profound and abysmal40 woe41 as he slipped on his coat and prepared to descend42 to Miss Slosson’s department.
Jimmy and his fellow conspirator43 found Miss Slosson in her office almost completely hidden by parcels containing pies. They did not notice E. Cartwright at first. That high authority on the spoken and written drama was in the throes of unutterable and indescribable mental anguish45 at a table fifty feet away untying46 innumerable bundles and humming a hymn47 of hate directed at newspaper work in general and soulless managing editors in particular.
The small colored boy, grunting48 under the weight of the wooden box, deposited the burden on the table.
“Oh, there you are, Mr. Martin,” gurgled Miss Slosson, coming forward and surveying the box with interest, “and what have we here?”
“That’s the little old pie I told you I’d have the madame send on,” replied Jimmy glibly49. “She made a mistake and sent it to the theatre. It just came by express a half an hour ago right through from Chicago.”
“Isn’t that perfectly50 wonderful,” rhapsodized the pie editor. “What did dear Madame Stephano say when you spoke44 to her over the phone?”
Jimmy paused for a moment before he replied. He had caught a glimpse of the Star’s dramatic editor who had turned and was approaching them. He clutched Tom Wilson’s arm.
“What did she say,” he said abstractedly. “What did she say? Why she said—she said she’d turn down a Drama League luncheon51 and go right out in the kitchen and slip into a gingham apron52, and believe me if you knew how much she thinks of the Drama League, you’d know that was some concession53.”
E. Cartwright hadn’t seen them yet. He was apparently54 almost oblivious55 of his surroundings as he walked slowly towards Miss Slosson.
“I realize that,” the pie editor was saying. “She has a great, big, generous nature, I’m sure and to think of her being so domesticated56, too. Oh, Mr. Martin, I suppose you know Mr. Jenkins, our dramatic editor. He’s kindly57 volunteered to help me in the closing hours of the contest.”
Jimmy straightened up and assumed his most ingratiating smile. He had met the distinguished58 critic only once, several years before, and he was fairly certain that he would not be remembered.
“I had the honor of an introduction several seasons ago,” he said suavely59, “but it is possible that Mr. Jenkins does not recall me.”
E. Cartwright had given an unconscious start at the sound of the name “Martin,” but he seemed to have no conscious knowledge of Jimmy’s identity. He smiled sadly.
“I don’t seem to place you,” he remarked with a woebegone attempt at civility.
“Mr. Martin is Madame Stephano’s advance manager,” broke in Miss Slosson. “The dear madame has entered a pie in our little contest through him.”
Mr. Jenkins’ facial aspect underwent an instantaneous change. He narrowed his eyes and corrugated60 his brows and gave other external indications of rapidly mounting wrath61. Also his cheeks paled, and it may be further stated that his rather gangling62 frame became suddenly taut63 and vibrant64. He eyed Jimmy for fully13 ten seconds and then turned to Miss Slosson.
“It is my duty to inform you, madame,” he said in a voice that was tense with emotion, “that this person is a press agent who will use you for his own selfish ends—a paid hireling of an unscrupulous management which has only one purpose in mind—deceit and rank trickery.”
Jimmy started to expostulate, but Tom Wilson gave him a vicious elbow jab which effectively cut off any utterance65 on his part. Miss Slosson smiled serenely67.
“Don’t be too hard on him, dear Mr. Jenkins,” she remonstrated68. “He has been a great help in our effort to raise the general tone of culinary excellence69. He represents a most estimable lady, and if she gets a little publicity70 out of it she deserves it after all the trouble she has gone to—baking a pie with her own hands and sending it on here all the way from Chicago. We mustn’t be too selfish.”
“I warn you, madame, that there is fraud here some place,” persisted the dramatic editor, “downright fraud and deception71. These gentlemen have a depraved talent for that sort of thing.”
“Nonsense,” broke in the pie editor beckoning72 to an office boy whose job it was to open such entries as were encased in substantial packages. As the youngster assailed73 the box she chirruped on. “I’m using another picture of the clear lady in tomorrow’s paper, Mr. Martin, and I’ll announce the arrival of her contribution in the opening paragraph. I’m just crazy to see it. Quite a large box, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” murmured Jimmy. “She certainly seems to have done the thing up brown.”
He was the picture of serene66 self-satisfaction as he watched the lid coming off the box. The prospect74 of triumphing over E. Cartwright a second time filled him with an almost ecstatic joy.
When the lid was removed Mr. Jenkins darted75 toward the box and pulled out the tufts of crumpled76 newspapers. He carefully unfolded one and looked at it. Jimmy caught Tom Wilson’s eye at this juncture77 and winked78 his off eye prodigiously79. E. Cartwright, upon observing the heading and the date line in the paper, threw it down impatiently and began nervously80 to chew the ends of his moustache.
“We’ve got old George B. Grouch’s goat all right,” confided81 Jimmy behind his hand.
Miss Slosson untied82 the string and lifted out the pie which was tightly swathed in a piece of old linen83. She undid84 the wrapping slowly while the interested spectators gathered close around her. The careful young woman in the bake shop had placed a piece of cardboard over the top of the deep china dish, and when this was removed Miss Slosson positively85 bubbled with delight as she caught sight of the golden brown crust of the wonderful pie.
“It looks perfectly heavenly,” she remarked. “Perfectly heavenly.”
“A masterpiece,” broken in the hitherto silent Mr. Wilson.
“I told you she’d bake one that would win in a walk,” was Jimmy’s contribution to the glad chorus of acclaim86.
E. Cartwright didn’t have a word to say. He stood with his hands on his hips87 watching the two press agents with a look that still betrayed cynical88 distrust.
“Won’t you please put it over there on that little table all by itself, Mr. Jenkins,” said Miss Slosson. “It certainly deserves a place of honor.”
Mr. Jenkins grunted89 and hesitated for a moment. He was too chivalrous90 at heart, however, to refuse to obey a lady’s behest no matter how much humiliation91 he might suffer. He grasped both sides of the pie-dish firmly, lifted it high in the air and began to turn. Jimmy was looking at him with ill-concealed delight. As he watched a look of intense agony spread over the dramatic editor’s face. The next instant that gentleman dropped the pie with a sharp cry of pain.
“It’s hot,” he screamed, “red hot!”
The dish smashed into a hundred pieces on the counter and the surrounding atmosphere was filled with flying fragments of pie. Jimmy felt something warm and sticky on his face and he noticed with dismay that the front of Miss Slosson’s silk dress was a sorry looking mess. Tom Wilson’s clothes were smeared92 with debris93, too. E. Cartwright was wiping apple juice out of both eyes and uttering words that caused the pulse beats of Madame Stephano’s personal representative to diminish almost to the vanishing point.
“A pair of damned fakirs,” he shouted. “Baked in Chicago, eh, and shipped on here by express! It hasn’t been out of the oven an hour. Thought they’d put one over on us again, did they? I know ’em. I know ’em.”
The tragic94 climax95 of Jimmy’s little three act comedy came with such unexpected suddenness that he stood in the midst of the tumult96 and the shouting like one transfixed. It was a rout97, an utter and complete defeat, the most disastrous98 and the most humiliating of his career. In a flash he pictured it becoming a classic anecdote99 that would be bandied to and fro by his professional brethren in Pullman smoking rooms and theatre offices for years without number.
He looked up and about him. Enemies were surging toward him from all directions apparently bent100 on his destruction. And then he remembered Tom Wilson. He turned around. That worthy had departed as if on the wings of the morning. The dishevelled and distraught editor had apparently exhausted101 his vocabulary of vituperation and was approaching him with a savage102 look in his eye flanked on one side by a distinguished looking gentleman with a most authoritative103 manner who had rushed to the scene from a nearby office. Jimmy realized that it was no place or time for heroics. He turned and fled precipitately104 down an unencumbered aisle105 in the general direction of the open air.
He caught up with Tom Wilson two blocks down the avenue. That gentleman was still going strong and seemed to need no pace-maker.
“The first bet I ever overlooked, Tom,” he puffed106 as he swung alongside. “What’ll we do?”
“What’ll we do?” facetiously107 echoed the other, gripping him firmly by the arm and dragging him along. “Where’ll we hide, you mean?”
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1
displeased
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| a.不快的 | |
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misty
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| adj.雾蒙蒙的，有雾的 | |
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hurled
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| v.猛投，用力掷( hurl的过去式和过去分词 )；大声叫骂 | |
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slough
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| v.蜕皮，脱落，抛弃 | |
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advertising
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| n.广告业；广告活动 a.广告的；广告业务的 | |
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bristled
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| adj. 直立的，多刺毛的 动词bristle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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7
allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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sarcastically
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| adv.挖苦地，讽刺地 | |
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abhorred
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| v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 )；（厌恶地）回避；拒绝；淘汰 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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astute
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| adj.机敏的，精明的 | |
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dignified
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| a.可敬的，高贵的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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immured
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| v.禁闭，监禁( immure的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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cramped
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| a.狭窄的 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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rumination
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| n.反刍，沉思 | |
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laborers
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| n.体力劳动者，工人( laborer的名词复数 )；（熟练工人的）辅助工 | |
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journalism
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| n.新闻工作，报业 | |
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malicious
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| adj.有恶意的，心怀恶意的 | |
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taunting
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| 嘲讽( taunt的现在分词 )； 嘲弄； 辱骂； 奚落 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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symposium
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| n.讨论会，专题报告会；专题论文集 | |
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sedate
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| adj.沉着的，镇静的，安静的 | |
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profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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pungent
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| adj.（气味、味道）刺激性的，辛辣的；尖锐的 | |
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diatribe
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| n.抨击，抨击性演说 | |
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extermination
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| n.消灭，根绝 | |
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rankled
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| v.（使）痛苦不已，（使）怨恨不已( rankle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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assailing
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| v.攻击( assail的现在分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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33
shears
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| n.大剪刀 | |
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theatrical
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| adj.剧场的，演戏的；做戏似的，做作的 | |
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casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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cubs
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| n.幼小的兽，不懂规矩的年轻人( cub的名词复数 ) | |
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walrus
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| n.海象 | |
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mumbled
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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abysmal
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| adj.无底的，深不可测的，极深的；糟透的，极坏的；完全的 | |
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woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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descend
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| vt./vi.传下来，下来，下降 | |
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conspirator
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| n.阴谋者，谋叛者 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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untying
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| untie的现在分词 | |
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hymn
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| n.赞美诗，圣歌，颂歌 | |
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grunting
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| 咕哝的，呼噜的 | |
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49
glibly
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| adv.流利地，流畅地；满口 | |
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50
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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51
luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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concession
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| n.让步，妥协；特许(权) | |
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54
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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oblivious
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| adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的 | |
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domesticated
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| adj.喜欢家庭生活的；（指动物）被驯养了的v.驯化( domesticate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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suavely
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60
corrugated
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| adj.波纹的；缩成皱纹的；波纹面的；波纹状的v.（使某物）起皱褶(corrugate的过去式和过去分词) | |
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61
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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gangling
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| adj.瘦长得难看的 | |
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taut
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| adj.拉紧的，绷紧的，紧张的 | |
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vibrant
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| adj.震颤的，响亮的，充满活力的，精力充沛的，(色彩)鲜明的 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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serene
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| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
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serenely
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| adv.安详地，宁静地，平静地 | |
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68
remonstrated
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| v.抗议( remonstrate的过去式和过去分词 )；告诫 | |
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excellence
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| n.优秀，杰出，(pl.)优点，美德 | |
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publicity
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| n.众所周知，闻名；宣传，广告 | |
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71
deception
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| n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计 | |
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72
beckoning
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| adj.引诱人的，令人心动的v.（用头或手的动作）示意，召唤( beckon的现在分词 ) | |
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73
assailed
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| v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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75
darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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crumpled
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| adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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77
juncture
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| n.时刻，关键时刻，紧要关头 | |
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78
winked
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| v.使眼色( wink的过去式和过去分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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prodigiously
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| adv.异常地，惊人地，巨大地 | |
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80
nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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untied
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| 松开，解开( untie的过去式和过去分词 )； 解除，使自由； 解决 | |
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linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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Undid
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| v. 解开, 复原 | |
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85
positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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acclaim
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| v.向…欢呼，公认；n.欢呼，喝彩，称赞 | |
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87
hips
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| abbr.high impact polystyrene 高冲击强度聚苯乙烯，耐冲性聚苯乙烯n.臀部( hip的名词复数 )；[建筑学]屋脊；臀围（尺寸）；臀部…的 | |
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88
cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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89
grunted
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| （猪等）作呼噜声( grunt的过去式和过去分词 )； （指人）发出类似的哼声； 咕哝着说 | |
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90
chivalrous
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| adj.武士精神的；对女人彬彬有礼的 | |
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91
humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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92
smeared
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| 弄脏； 玷污； 涂抹； 擦上 | |
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debris
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| n.瓦砾堆，废墟，碎片 | |
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94
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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95
climax
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| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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96
tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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97
rout
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| n.溃退，溃败；v.击溃，打垮 | |
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98
disastrous
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| adj.灾难性的，造成灾害的；极坏的，很糟的 | |
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anecdote
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| n.轶事，趣闻，短故事 | |
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100
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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101
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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102
savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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103
authoritative
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| adj.有权威的，可相信的；命令式的；官方的 | |
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104
precipitately
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| adv.猛进地 | |
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105
aisle
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| n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道 | |
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106
puffed
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| adj.疏松的v.使喷出( puff的过去式和过去分词 )；喷着汽（或烟）移动；吹嘘；吹捧 | |
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107
facetiously
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| adv.爱开玩笑地；滑稽地，爱开玩笑地 | |
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