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JUNE.—MARROWBONES AND CLEAVERS.
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Was there ever such confounded ill-luck? My whole life has been a tissue of ill-luck: although I have labored1 perhaps harder than any man to make a fortune, something always tumbled it down. In love and in war I was not like others. In my marriages, I had an eye to the main chance; and you see how some unlucky blow would come and throw them over. In the army I was just as prudent2, and just as unfortunate. What with judicious3 betting, and horse-swapping, good-luck at billiards4, and economy, I do believe I put by my pay every year,—and that is what few can say who have but an allowance of a hundred a year.

I'll tell you how it was. I used to be very kind to the young men; I chose their horses for them, and their wine: and showed them how to play billiards, or ecarte, of long mornings, when there was nothing better to do. I didn't cheat: I'd rather die than cheat;—but if fellows WILL play, I wasn't the man to say no—why should I? There was one young chap in our regiment5 of whom I really think I cleared 300L. a year.

His name was Dobble. He was a tailor's son, and wanted to be a gentleman. A poor weak young creature; easy to be made tipsy; easy to be cheated; and easy to be frightened. It was a blessing6 for him that I found him; for if anybody else had, they would have plucked him of every shilling.

Ensign Dobble and I were sworn friends. I rode his horses for him, and chose his champagne7, and did everything, in fact, that a superior mind does for an inferior,—when the inferior has got the money. We were inseparables,—hunting everywhere in couples. We even managed to fall in love with two sisters, as young soldiers will do, you know; for the dogs fall in love, with every change of quarters.

Well, once, in the year 1793 (it was just when the French had chopped poor Louis's head off), Dobble and I, gay young chaps as ever wore sword by side, had cast our eyes upon two young ladies by the name of Brisket, daughters of a butcher in the town where we were quartered. The dear girls fell in love with us, of course. And many a pleasant walk in the country, many a treat to a tea-garden, many a smart ribbon and brooch used Dobble and I (for his father allowed him 600L., and our purses were in common) present to these young ladies. One day, fancy our pleasure at receiving a note couched thus:—

“DEER CAPTING STUBBS AND DOBBLE—Miss Briskets presents their compliments, and as it is probble that our papa will be till twelve at the corprayshun dinner, we request the pleasure of their company to tea.”

Didn't we go! Punctually at six we were in the little back-parlor8; we quaffed9 more Bohea, and made more love, than half a dozen ordinary men could. At nine, a little punch-bowl succeeded to the little teapot; and, bless the girls! a nice fresh steak was frizzling on the gridiron for our supper. Butchers were butchers then, and their parlor was their kitchen too; at least old Brisket's was—one door leading into the shop, and one into the yard, on the other side of which was the slaughter-house.

Fancy, then, our horror when, just at this critical time, we heard the shop-door open, a heavy staggering step on the flags, and a loud husky voice from the shop, shouting, “Hallo, Susan; hallo, Betsy! show a light!” Dobble turned as white as a sheet; the two girls each as red as a lobster10; I alone preserved my presence of mind. “The back-door,” says I—“The dog's in the court,” say they. “He's not so bad as the man,” said I. “Stop!” cries Susan, flinging open the door, and rushing to the fire. “Take THIS and perhaps it will quiet him.”

What do you think “THIS” was? I'm blest if it was not the STEAK!

She pushed us out, patted and hushed the dog, and was in again in a minute. The moon was shining on the court, and on the slaughter-house, where there hung the white ghastly-looking carcasses of a couple of sheep; a great gutter11 ran down the court—a gutter of BLOOD! The dog was devouring12 his beefsteak (OUR beefsteak) in silence; and we could see through the little window the girls hustling13 about to pack up the supper-things, and presently the shop-door being opened, old Brisket entering, staggering, angry, and drunk. What's more, we could see, perched on a high stool, and nodding politely, as if to salute14 old Brisket, the FEATHER OF DOBBLE'S COCKED HAT! When Dobble saw it, he turned white, and deadly sick; and the poor fellow, in an agony of fright, sunk shivering down upon one of the butcher's cutting-blocks, which was in the yard.

We saw old Brisket look steadily15 (as steadily as he could) at the confounded, impudent16, pert, waggling feather; and then an idea began to dawn upon his mind, that there was a head to the hat; and then he slowly rose up—he was a man of six feet, and fifteen stone—he rose up, put on his apron17 and sleeves, and TOOK DOWN HIS CLEAVER18.

“Betsy,” says he, “open the yard door.” But the poor girls screamed, and flung on their knees, and begged, and wept, and did their very best to prevent him. “OPEN THE YARD DOOR!” says he, with a thundering loud voice; and the great bull-dog, hearing it, started up and uttered a yell which sent me flying to the other end of the court.—Dobble couldn't move; he was sitting on the block, blubbering like a baby.

The door opened, and out Mr. Brisket came.

“TO HIM, JOWLER!” says he. “KEEP HIM, JOWLER!”—and the horrid19 dog flew at me, and I flew back into the corner, and drew my sword, determining to sell my life dearly.

“That's it,” says Brisket. “Keep him there,—good dog,—good dog! And now, sir,” says he, turning round to Dobble, “is this your hat?”

“Yes,” says Dobble, fit to choke with fright.

“Well, then,” says Brisket, “it's my—(hic)—my painful duty to—(hic)—to tell you, that as I've got your hat, I must have your head;—it's painful, but it must be done. You'd better—(hic)—settle yourself com—comfumarably against that—(hic)—that block, and I'll chop it off before you can say Jack20—(hic)—no, I mean Jack Robinson.”

Dobble went down on his knees and shrieked21 out, “I'm an only son, Mr. Brisket! I'll marry her, sir; I will, upon my honor, sir.—Consider my mother, sir; consider my mother.”

“That's it, sir,” says Brisket, “that's a good—(hic)—a good boy;—just put your head down quietly—and I'll have it off—yes, off—as if you were Louis the Six—the Sixtix—the Siktickleteenth.—I'll chop the other CHAP AFTERWARDS.”

When I heard this, I made a sudden bound back, and gave such a cry as any man might who was in such a way. The ferocious22 Jowler, thinking I was going to escape, flew at my throat; screaming furious, I flung out my arms in a kind of desperation,—and, to my wonder, down fell the dog, dead, and run through the body!

At this moment a posse of people rushed in upon old Brisket,—one of his daughters had had the sense to summon them,—and Dobble's head was saved. And when they saw the dog lying dead at my feet, my ghastly look, my bloody23 sword, they gave me no small credit for my bravery. “A terrible fellow that Stubbs,” said they; and so the mess said, the next day.

I didn't tell them that the dog had committed SUICIDE—why should I? And I didn't say a word about Dobble's cowardice24. I said he was a brave fellow, and fought like a tiger; and this prevented HIM from telling tales. I had the dogskin made into a pair of pistol-holsters, and looked so fierce, and got such a name for courage in our regiment, that when we had to meet the regulars, Bob Stubbs was always the man put forward to support the honor of the corps25. The women, you know, adore courage; and such was my reputation at this time, that I might have had my pick out of half a dozen, with three, four, or five thousand pounds apiece, who were dying for love of me and my red coat. But I wasn't such a fool. I had been twice on the point of marriage, and twice disappointed; and I vowed26 by all the Saints to have a wife, and a rich one. Depend upon this, as an infallible maxim27 to guide you through life: IT'S AS EASY TO GET A RICH WIFE AS A POOR ONE;—the same bait that will hook a fly will hook a salmon28.

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1 labored zpGz8M     
adj.吃力的,谨慎的v.努力争取(for)( labor的过去式和过去分词 );苦干;详细分析;(指引擎)缓慢而困难地运转
参考例句:
  • I was close enough to the elk to hear its labored breathing. 我离那头麋鹿非常近,能听见它吃力的呼吸声。 来自辞典例句
  • They have labored to complete the job. 他们努力完成这一工作。 来自辞典例句
2 prudent M0Yzg     
adj.谨慎的,有远见的,精打细算的
参考例句:
  • A prudent traveller never disparages his own country.聪明的旅行者从不贬低自己的国家。
  • You must school yourself to be modest and prudent.你要学会谦虚谨慎。
3 judicious V3LxE     
adj.明智的,明断的,能作出明智决定的
参考例句:
  • We should listen to the judicious opinion of that old man.我们应该听取那位老人明智的意见。
  • A judicious parent encourages his children to make their own decisions.贤明的父亲鼓励儿女自作抉择。
4 billiards DyBzVP     
n.台球
参考例句:
  • John used to divert himself with billiards.约翰过去总打台球自娱。
  • Billiards isn't popular in here.这里不流行台球。
5 regiment JATzZ     
n.团,多数,管理;v.组织,编成团,统制
参考例句:
  • As he hated army life,he decide to desert his regiment.因为他嫌恶军队生活,所以他决心背弃自己所在的那个团。
  • They reformed a division into a regiment.他们将一个师整编成为一个团。
6 blessing UxDztJ     
n.祈神赐福;祷告;祝福,祝愿
参考例句:
  • The blessing was said in Hebrew.祷告用了希伯来语。
  • A double blessing has descended upon the house.双喜临门。
7 champagne iwBzh3     
n.香槟酒;微黄色
参考例句:
  • There were two glasses of champagne on the tray.托盘里有两杯香槟酒。
  • They sat there swilling champagne.他们坐在那里大喝香槟酒。
8 parlor v4MzU     
n.店铺,营业室;会客室,客厅
参考例句:
  • She was lying on a small settee in the parlor.她躺在客厅的一张小长椅上。
  • Is there a pizza parlor in the neighborhood?附近有没有比萨店?
9 quaffed 3ab78ade82a499a381e8a4f18a98535f     
v.痛饮( quaff的过去式和过去分词 );畅饮;大口大口将…喝干;一饮而尽
参考例句:
  • He's quaffed many a glass of champagne in his time. 他年轻时曾经开怀畅饮过不少香槟美酒。 来自辞典例句
  • He quaffed the swelling rapture of life from the foaming goblet of the infinite. 他从那穹苍的起泡的杯中,痛饮充满生命的狂喜。 来自辞典例句
10 lobster w8Yzm     
n.龙虾,龙虾肉
参考例句:
  • The lobster is a shellfish.龙虾是水生贝壳动物。
  • I like lobster but it does not like me.我喜欢吃龙虾,但它不适宜于我的健康。
11 gutter lexxk     
n.沟,街沟,水槽,檐槽,贫民窟
参考例句:
  • There's a cigarette packet thrown into the gutter.阴沟里有个香烟盒。
  • He picked her out of the gutter and made her a great lady.他使她脱离贫苦生活,并成为贵妇。
12 devouring c4424626bb8fc36704aee0e04e904dcf     
吞没( devour的现在分词 ); 耗尽; 津津有味地看; 狼吞虎咽地吃光
参考例句:
  • The hungry boy was devouring his dinner. 那饥饿的孩子狼吞虎咽地吃饭。
  • He is devouring novel after novel. 他一味贪看小说。
13 hustling 4e6938c1238d88bb81f3ee42210dffcd     
催促(hustle的现在分词形式)
参考例句:
  • Our quartet was out hustling and we knew we stood good to take in a lot of change before the night was over. 我们的四重奏是明显地卖座的, 而且我们知道在天亮以前,我们有把握收入一大笔钱。
  • Men in motors were hustling to pass one another in the hustling traffic. 开汽车的人在繁忙的交通中急急忙忙地互相超车。
14 salute rYzx4     
vi.行礼,致意,问候,放礼炮;vt.向…致意,迎接,赞扬;n.招呼,敬礼,礼炮
参考例句:
  • Merchant ships salute each other by dipping the flag.商船互相点旗致敬。
  • The Japanese women salute the people with formal bows in welcome.这些日本妇女以正式的鞠躬向人们施礼以示欢迎。
15 steadily Qukw6     
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地
参考例句:
  • The scope of man's use of natural resources will steadily grow.人类利用自然资源的广度将日益扩大。
  • Our educational reform was steadily led onto the correct path.我们的教学改革慢慢上轨道了。
16 impudent X4Eyf     
adj.鲁莽的,卑鄙的,厚颜无耻的
参考例句:
  • She's tolerant toward those impudent colleagues.她对那些无礼的同事采取容忍的态度。
  • The teacher threatened to kick the impudent pupil out of the room.老师威胁着要把这无礼的小学生撵出教室。
17 apron Lvzzo     
n.围裙;工作裙
参考例句:
  • We were waited on by a pretty girl in a pink apron.招待我们的是一位穿粉红色围裙的漂亮姑娘。
  • She stitched a pocket on the new apron.她在新围裙上缝上一只口袋。
18 cleaver Rqkzf     
n.切肉刀
参考例句:
  • In fact,a cleaver is a class of ax.实际上,切肉刀也是斧子的一种。
  • The cleaver is ground to a very sharp edge.刀磨得飞快。
19 horrid arozZj     
adj.可怕的;令人惊恐的;恐怖的;极讨厌的
参考例句:
  • I'm not going to the horrid dinner party.我不打算去参加这次讨厌的宴会。
  • The medicine is horrid and she couldn't get it down.这种药很难吃,她咽不下去。
20 jack 53Hxp     
n.插座,千斤顶,男人;v.抬起,提醒,扛举;n.(Jake)杰克
参考例句:
  • I am looking for the headphone jack.我正在找寻头戴式耳机插孔。
  • He lifted the car with a jack to change the flat tyre.他用千斤顶把车顶起来换下瘪轮胎。
21 shrieked dc12d0d25b0f5d980f524cd70c1de8fe     
v.尖叫( shriek的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • She shrieked in fright. 她吓得尖叫起来。
  • Li Mei-t'ing gave a shout, and Lu Tzu-hsiao shrieked, "Tell what? 李梅亭大声叫,陆子潇尖声叫:“告诉什么? 来自汉英文学 - 围城
22 ferocious ZkNxc     
adj.凶猛的,残暴的,极度的,十分强烈的
参考例句:
  • The ferocious winds seemed about to tear the ship to pieces.狂风仿佛要把船撕成碎片似的。
  • The ferocious panther is chasing a rabbit.那只凶猛的豹子正追赶一只兔子。
23 bloody kWHza     
adj.非常的的;流血的;残忍的;adv.很;vt.血染
参考例句:
  • He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
  • He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。
24 cowardice norzB     
n.胆小,怯懦
参考例句:
  • His cowardice reflects on his character.他的胆怯对他的性格带来不良影响。
  • His refusal to help simply pinpointed his cowardice.他拒绝帮助正显示他的胆小。
25 corps pzzxv     
n.(通信等兵种的)部队;(同类作的)一组
参考例句:
  • The medical corps were cited for bravery in combat.医疗队由于在战场上的英勇表现而受嘉奖。
  • When the war broke out,he volunteered for the Marine Corps.战争爆发时,他自愿参加了海军陆战队。
26 vowed 6996270667378281d2f9ee561353c089     
起誓,发誓(vow的过去式与过去分词形式)
参考例句:
  • He vowed quite solemnly that he would carry out his promise. 他非常庄严地发誓要实现他的诺言。
  • I vowed to do more of the cooking myself. 我发誓自己要多动手做饭。
27 maxim G2KyJ     
n.格言,箴言
参考例句:
  • Please lay the maxim to your heart.请把此格言记在心里。
  • "Waste not,want not" is her favourite maxim.“不浪费则不匮乏”是她喜爱的格言。
28 salmon pClzB     
n.鲑,大马哈鱼,橙红色的
参考例句:
  • We saw a salmon jumping in the waterfall there.我们看见一条大马哈鱼在那边瀑布中跳跃。
  • Do you have any fresh salmon in at the moment?现在有新鲜大马哈鱼卖吗?


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