CHAPTER XV MORE WIT AND HUMOR

The real truth about Irish humor as a thing to itself and apart is that it is based either on ignorance or on a certain slowness of mind. The Dublin car driver who on being told by a constable¹ that his name was obliterated² from his car replied, “Arrah, me name’s not Oblitherated, it’s O’Grady,” no doubt achieved what will pass among the average for humor. All the same, he did not know that he was saying anything good, and his mot, if mot one may call it, was the direct outcome of a profound ignorance of the English language. The books of Irish humor abound³ with instances of this form of humorsomeness: “You are not opaque⁴, are you?” sarcastically⁵ asked one Irishman of another who was standing⁶ in front of him[142] at the theater. “Indeed I’m not,” replied the other, “it’s O’Brien that I am.” Clearly one might manufacture this kind of humor ad infinitum. The Chinese are said to consider it a great joke if a man should fall down and break his arm, and I have seen Englishmen laughing at a man who has been unfortunate enough to have his hat blown off in a high wind. But the Irish do not laugh at these things. Even the native bull, of which they are so proud, fails to tickle⁷ them. The Irishman says his bull solemnly and unconsciously, and the Englishman does the laughing. In essence the Irish bull is really a blunder. Nuttall, with his usual charming frankness, defines a bull as “a ludicrous inconsistency, or blunder in speech.” Children and Irishmen are always making them: “If it please the coort,” quoth an Irish attorney, “if I am wrong in this, I have another pint⁸ which is equally conclusive⁹.” An Irish reporter, giving an account of a burglary, remarked: “After a fruitless[143] search, all the money was recovered, except one pair of boots!” A Dublin clerk on being asked why he was a quarter of an hour late at the office, made answer: “The tram-car I came by was full, so I had to walk.” “This is the seventh night you’ve come home in the morning,” observed an Irish lady to her spouse¹⁰, “the next time you go out, you’ll stay at home and open the door for yourself.” The following advertisement is said to have appeared in a Dublin newspaper: “Whereas John Hall has fraudulently taken away several articles of wearing apparel, without my knowledge, this is to inform him that if he does not forthwith return the same his name shall be made public.” An Irishman who accidentally came across another Irishman who had failed to meet him after a challenge addressed him in these words: “Well, sir, I met you this morning and you did not turn up; however I am determined¹¹ to meet you to-morrow morning, whether you come or not.”[144] “Dhrunk!” said a man, speaking of his neighbor, “he was that dhrunk that he made ten halves of ivry word.” A man who was employed as a hod-carrier was told that he must always carry up fourteen bricks in his hod. One morning the supply of bricks ran short, and the man could find but thirteen to put in his hod. In answer to a loud yell from the street one of the masons on top of the scaffolding called out: “What do you want?” “T’row me down wan¹² brick,” bawled¹³ Pat, pointing to his hod, “to make me number good.”

Of course, the great and abiding¹⁴ glory of Ireland in the way of bull-makers was the never-to-be-forgotten Sir Boyle Roche. This worthy¹⁵ knight¹⁶ once charged a political opponent with being “an enemy to both kingdoms who wishes to diminish the brotherly affection of the two sister countries.” He also said that “a man differs from a bird in not being able to be in two places at once,” and that “the Irish people were living[145] from hand to mouth, like the birds of the air.” A petition of the citizens of Belfast in favor of Catholic emancipation¹⁷ he stigmatized¹⁸ as “an airy fabric¹⁹ based upon a sandy foundation,” and he expressed his willingness “to give up, not only a part, but, if necessary, even the whole of our constitution to preserve the remainder.” In one of his most famous speeches there occurs the appended passage: “Mr. Speaker, if we once permitted the villainous French Masons to meddle²⁰ with the buttresses²¹ and walls of our ancient constitution, they would never stop, nor stay, sir, until they brought the foundation stones tumbling down about the ears of the nation. If these Gallican villains²² should invade us, ’tis on that table maybe those honorable members might see their own destinies lying in heaps atop of one another. Here, perhaps, sir, the murderous crew would break in and cut us to pieces, and throw our bleeding heads upon that table to stare us in the face.”

[146]

“Is your father alive yet?” inquired one O’Brien of one M’Gorry. “No,” replied M’Gorry solemnly, “not yet!” A beggar called at a house and said: “For the love of hiven, ma’am, give me a crust of bread, for I’m so thirsty I don’t know where I’ll sleep to-night.” All of which is very funny and as who should say, very quaint²³. But is it humor? It provokes a smile certainly, yet it points to simplicity²⁴, rather than subtilty, in the Irish character. Indeed, the absolute truth about the bull is that it is the child of a plentiful²⁵ lack of wit. A nice derangement²⁶ of epitaphs, an opening of one’s mouth and a putting of one’s foot in it, may provoke mirth in other people, but it does not prove one to be either witty²⁷ or merry. It is satisfactory to know that, according to the latest observations, the fine art of bull-making is going out of fashion among Irishmen. The Irish were the inventors of the bull, they brought it to its greatest perfection, they made it redound²⁸ to their credit[147] as a witty nation; and one cannot deny their right to cease from its manufacture if they see fit. In the House of Commons a bull is nowadays seldom perpetrated, whether consciously or unconsciously, at any rate by the Irish Party. Irish Members of Parliament have grown too wary²⁹ to be caught bulling. They walk delicately in English-cut frock-coats; they rather pride themselves on their ability to keep down the brogue, and at the bare mention of the word “bull,” they are prone³⁰ to shiver.

There is one feature of Irish wit and humor which is worthy of admiration³¹ and imitation. It is a negative feature truly, but an excellent one. Irishmen do not seem capable of that last infirmary of the doting³² mind—the pun. To play effectively upon words is, of course, an art in itself, and kept within bounds it is an amusing art; but the man who drops out of art into sheer mechanism³³, which is what has happened to the average punster, cannot be considered worthy of the respect[148] of his fellows. The Irish, as I have said, do not appear to have descended³⁴ to these depths. They may be a worn-out, a weary, a dull-witted, an exhausted³⁵, and a brooding and melancholy³⁶ people, but they are not punsters. Herein they have a distinct advantage over the English, among whom the pun appears to obtain wider and wider currency. It is a lamentable³⁷ fact that there are judges on the English Bench who never let slip an opportunity for punning. It makes juries and the gallery guffaw³⁸, and it gets a judge the reputation of being a wit and the possessor of those minor³⁹ literary graces which are supposed to be included in the judicial⁴⁰ prerogative⁴¹. Judges are commonly understood to be irremovable, but I think that after their third pun retirement⁴² should be the only course for them. The man who makes a pun insults the intellect of his auditors⁴³ and commits a gross outrage⁴⁴ upon the language. Let all punsters, whether in high or low places, take heed⁴⁵ that they are vulgar and[149] vicious persons, and neither witty nor wise. A thousand honest bulls are less to be deprecated than the weeniest pun that was ever let loose.

Before leaving this part of our subject it is perhaps desirable that we should remember that two of the very wittiest⁴⁶ men of our own time have come to us from Ireland. One of them was the late Mr. Oscar Wilde and the other is Mr. George Bernard Shaw. Of Oscar Wilde, excepting that in his prime he was a wit of the first water, I shall say nothing. Mr. George Bernard Shaw, however, is another story. As a reformer and a serious writer I make small account of him. On the other hand, as a wit, he is a portent⁴⁷. He has been an unconscionable time coming into his own, but in America, at any rate, people are beginning, by childlike, dim degrees, to perceive that he has brilliance⁴⁸. If he had published the substance of his printed work in any other form but that of plays, he might have been a recognized and prosperous[150] humorist long ago. The people who supply the wit and humor of the day may be set down, without injustice⁴⁹, for a sorry and indifferent company. Burnand, Payne, Emanuel, Jerome, Lucas, Sims, Hickory Wood, and Barrie—these are some of the names of them. And what do they stand for? Parts of Punch, Eliza, Three Men in a Boat, The Inside Completuar Britanniaware (O blood and knives!), Mustard and Cress, or, The Fat Man’s Sabbath Morning, The White Cat, or, Cooper’s Entire, Peter Pan, or, The Old Man’s Crèche. Heaven save us and keep us from wishing that this squad⁵⁰ of awkward witlings had never been born! Mr. George Bernard Shaw in his sole person, and Irishman though he be, is worth a wilderness⁵¹ of them. Some day we shall find it out, and in that good hour Ireland will be able to boast that one of her sons was nearly as great, nearly as humorous, and nearly as popular as, say, Mr. Mark Twain.

1 constable   

n.(英国)警察，警官

参考例句：

• The constable conducted the suspect to the police station.警官把嫌疑犯带到派出所。
• The constable kept his temper,and would not be provoked.那警察压制着自己的怒气，不肯冒起火来。

2 obliterated   

v.除去( obliterate的过去式和过去分词 )；涂去；擦掉；彻底破坏或毁灭

参考例句：

• The building was completely obliterated by the bomb. 炸弹把那座建筑物彻底摧毁了。
• He began to drink, drank himself to intoxication, till he slept obliterated. 他一直喝，喝到他快要迷糊地睡着了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 abound   

vi.大量存在；(in，with)充满，富于

参考例句：

• Oranges abound here all the year round.这里一年到头都有很多橙子。
• But problems abound in the management of State-owned companies.但是在国有企业的管理中仍然存在不少问题。

4 opaque   

adj.不透光的；不反光的，不传导的；晦涩的

参考例句：

• The windows are of opaque glass.这些窗户装着不透明玻璃。
• Their intentions remained opaque.他们的意图仍然令人费解。

5 sarcastically   

adv.挖苦地，讽刺地

参考例句：

• 'What a surprise!' Caroline murmured sarcastically.“太神奇了!”卡罗琳轻声挖苦道。
• Pierce mocked her and bowed sarcastically. 皮尔斯嘲笑她，讽刺地鞠了一躬。

6 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

7 tickle   

v.搔痒，胳肢；使高兴；发痒；n.搔痒，发痒

参考例句：

• Wilson was feeling restless. There was a tickle in his throat.威尔逊只觉得心神不定。嗓子眼里有些发痒。
• I am tickle pink at the news.听到这消息我高兴得要命。

8 pint   

n.品脱

参考例句：

• I'll have a pint of beer and a packet of crisps, please.我要一品脱啤酒和一袋炸马铃薯片。
• In the old days you could get a pint of beer for a shilling.从前，花一先令就可以买到一品脱啤酒。

9 conclusive   

adj.最后的，结论的；确凿的，消除怀疑的

参考例句：

• They produced some fairly conclusive evidence.他们提供了一些相当确凿的证据。
• Franklin did not believe that the French tests were conclusive.富兰克林不相信这个法国人的实验是结论性的。

10 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

11 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

12 wan   

(wide area network)广域网

参考例句：

• The shared connection can be an Ethernet,wireless LAN,or wireless WAN connection.提供共享的网络连接可以是以太网、无线局域网或无线广域网。

13 bawled   

v.大叫，大喊( bawl的过去式和过去分词 )；放声大哭；大声叫出；叫卖（货物）

参考例句：

• She bawled at him in front of everyone. 她当着大家的面冲他大喊大叫。
• My boss bawled me out for being late. 我迟到，给老板训斥了一顿。 来自《简明英汉词典》

14 abiding   

adj.永久的，持久的，不变的

参考例句：

• He had an abiding love of the English countryside.他永远热爱英国的乡村。
• He has a genuine and abiding love of the craft.他对这门手艺有着真挚持久的热爱。

15 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

16 knight   

n.骑士，武士；爵士

参考例句：

• He was made an honourary knight.他被授予荣誉爵士称号。
• A knight rode on his richly caparisoned steed.一个骑士骑在装饰华丽的马上。

17 emancipation   

n.（从束缚、支配下）解放

参考例句：

• We must arouse them to fight for their own emancipation. 我们必须唤起他们为其自身的解放而斗争。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• They rejoiced over their own emancipation. 他们为自己的解放感到欢欣鼓舞。 来自《简明英汉词典》

18 stigmatized   

v.使受耻辱，指责，污辱( stigmatize的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He was stigmatized as an ex-convict. 他遭人污辱，说他给判过刑。 来自辞典例句
• Such a view has been stigmatized as mechanical jurisprudence. 蔑称这种观点为机械法学。 来自辞典例句

19 fabric   

n.织物，织品，布；构造，结构，组织

参考例句：

• The fabric will spot easily.这种织品很容易玷污。
• I don't like the pattern on the fabric.我不喜欢那块布料上的图案。

20 meddle   

v.干预，干涉，插手

参考例句：

• I hope he doesn't try to meddle in my affairs.我希望他不来干预我的事情。
• Do not meddle in things that do not concern you.别参与和自己无关的事。

21 buttresses   

n.扶壁，扶垛( buttress的名词复数 )v.用扶壁支撑，加固( buttress的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• Flying buttresses were constructed of vertical masonry piers with arches curving out from them like fingers. 飞梁结构，灵感来自于带拱形的垂直石质桥墩，外形像弯曲的手指。 来自互联网
• GOTHIC_BUTTRESSES_DESC;Gothic construction, particularly in its later phase, is characterized by lightness and soaring spaces. 哥特式建筑，尤其是其发展的后期，以轻灵和高耸的尖顶为标志。 来自互联网

22 villains   

n.恶棍( villain的名词复数 )；罪犯；（小说、戏剧等中的）反面人物；淘气鬼

参考例句：

• The impression of villains was inescapable. 留下恶棍的印象是不可避免的。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Some villains robbed the widow of the savings. 有几个歹徒将寡妇的积蓄劫走了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

23 quaint   

adj.古雅的，离奇有趣的，奇怪的

参考例句：

• There were many small lanes in the quaint village.在这古香古色的村庄里，有很多小巷。
• They still keep some quaint old customs.他们仍然保留着一些稀奇古怪的旧风俗。

24 simplicity   

n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯

参考例句：

• She dressed with elegant simplicity.她穿着朴素高雅。
• The beauty of this plan is its simplicity.简明扼要是这个计划的一大特点。

25 plentiful   

adj.富裕的，丰富的

参考例句：

• Their family has a plentiful harvest this year.他们家今年又丰收了。
• Rainfall is plentiful in the area.这个地区雨量充足。

26 derangement   

n.精神错乱

参考例句：

• She began to think he was in mental derangement. 她开始想这个人一定是精神错乱了。
• Such a permutation is called a derangement. 这样的一个排列称为错位排列。

27 witty   

adj.机智的，风趣的

参考例句：

• Her witty remarks added a little salt to the conversation.她的妙语使谈话增添了一些风趣。
• He scored a bull's-eye in their argument with that witty retort.在他们的辩论中他那一句机智的反驳击中了要害。

28 redound   

v.有助于；提；报应

参考例句：

• Her efforts will redound to the general good.他的努力将使他受益匪浅。
• This will redound to his credit.这将提高他的名气。

29 wary   

adj.谨慎的，机警的，小心的

参考例句：

• He is wary of telling secrets to others.他谨防向他人泄露秘密。
• Paula frowned,suddenly wary.宝拉皱了皱眉头，突然警惕起来。

30 prone   

adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的

参考例句：

• Some people are prone to jump to hasty conclusions.有些人往往作出轻率的结论。
• He is prone to lose his temper when people disagree with him.人家一不同意他的意见,他就发脾气。

31 admiration   

n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕

参考例句：

• He was lost in admiration of the beauty of the scene.他对风景之美赞不绝口。
• We have a great admiration for the gold medalists.我们对金牌获得者极为敬佩。

32 doting   

adj.溺爱的，宠爱的

参考例句：

• His doting parents bought him his first racing bike at 13.宠爱他的父母在他13岁时就给他买了第一辆竞速自行车。
• The doting husband catered to his wife's every wish.这位宠爱妻子的丈夫总是高度满足太太的各项要求。

33 mechanism   

n.机械装置；机构，结构

参考例句：

• The bones and muscles are parts of the mechanism of the body.骨骼和肌肉是人体的组成部件。
• The mechanism of the machine is very complicated.这台机器的结构是非常复杂的。

34 descended   

a.为...后裔的，出身于...的

参考例句：

• A mood of melancholy descended on us. 一种悲伤的情绪袭上我们的心头。
• The path descended the hill in a series of zigzags. 小路呈连续的之字形顺着山坡蜿蜒而下。

35 exhausted   

adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。

36 melancholy   

n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的

参考例句：

• All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。
• He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过，他感到很郁闷。

37 lamentable   

adj.令人惋惜的，悔恨的

参考例句：

• This lamentable state of affairs lasted until 1947.这一令人遗憾的事态一直持续至1947年。
• His practice of inebriation was lamentable.他的酗酒常闹得别人束手无策。

38 guffaw   

n.哄笑；突然的大笑

参考例句：

• All the boys burst out into a guffaw at the joke.听到这个笑话，男孩子们发出一阵哄笑。
• As they guffawed loudly,the ticket collector arrived.他们正哈哈大笑的时候，检票员到了。

39 minor   

adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修

参考例句：

• The young actor was given a minor part in the new play.年轻的男演员在这出新戏里被分派担任一个小角色。
• I gave him a minor share of my wealth.我把小部分财产给了他。

40 judicial   

adj.司法的，法庭的，审判的，明断的，公正的

参考例句：

• He is a man with a judicial mind.他是个公正的人。
• Tom takes judicial proceedings against his father.汤姆对他的父亲正式提出诉讼。

41 prerogative   

n.特权

参考例句：

• It is within his prerogative to do so.他是有权这样做的。
• Making such decisions is not the sole prerogative of managers.作这类决定并不是管理者的专有特权。

42 retirement   

n.退休，退职

参考例句：

• She wanted to enjoy her retirement without being beset by financial worries.她想享受退休生活而不必为金钱担忧。
• I have to put everything away for my retirement.我必须把一切都积蓄起来以便退休后用。

43 auditors   

n.审计员，稽核员( auditor的名词复数 )；（大学课程的）旁听生

参考例句：

• The company has been in litigation with its previous auditors for a full year. 那家公司与前任审计员已打了整整一年的官司。
• a meeting to discuss the annual accounts and the auditors' report thereon 讨论年度报表及其审计报告的会议

44 outrage   

n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒

参考例句：

• When he heard the news he reacted with a sense of outrage.他得悉此事时义愤填膺。
• We should never forget the outrage committed by the Japanese invaders.我们永远都不应该忘记日本侵略者犯下的暴行。

45 heed   

v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心

参考例句：

• You must take heed of what he has told.你要注意他所告诉的事。
• For the first time he had to pay heed to his appearance.这是他第一次非得注意自己的外表不可了。

46 wittiest   

机智的，言辞巧妙的，情趣横生的( witty的最高级 )

参考例句：

• One of the wittiest exemplars of the technique was M. C. Escher. 最为巧妙地运用那种技巧的一个典型人物就是M.C.埃舍尔。 来自柯林斯例句

47 portent   

n.预兆；恶兆；怪事

参考例句：

• I see it as a portent of things to come.我把它看作是将要到来的事物的前兆。
• As for her engagement with Adam,I would say the portents are gloomy.至于她和亚当的婚约，我看兆头不妙。

48 brilliance   

n.光辉，辉煌，壮丽，（卓越的）才华，才智

参考例句：

• I was totally amazed by the brilliance of her paintings.她的绘画才能令我惊歎不已。
• The gorgeous costume added to the brilliance of the dance.华丽的服装使舞蹈更加光彩夺目。

49 injustice   

n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利

参考例句：

• They complained of injustice in the way they had been treated.他们抱怨受到不公平的对待。
• All his life he has been struggling against injustice.他一生都在与不公正现象作斗争。

50 squad   

n.班，小队，小团体；vt.把…编成班或小组

参考例句：

• The squad leader ordered the men to mark time.班长命令战士们原地踏步。
• A squad is the smallest unit in an army.班是军队的最小构成单位。

51 wilderness   

n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等，荒漠

参考例句：

• She drove the herd of cattle through the wilderness.她赶着牛群穿过荒野。
• Education in the wilderness is not a matter of monetary means.荒凉地区的教育不是钱财问题。