It was a small room, poorly furnished, and, fretted5 by its limitations, the child became speedily fractious. A slipshod landlady6 pottered around, setting forth7 the crockery for dinner, while the little servant, despatched with the boy from town, mashed8 his dinner into an unappetising compound on a plate. From time to time she turned to soothe9 him with some of the loud-voiced faceti? peculiar10 to the little servant species in its dealings with fretful childhood, and at these moments Carew suspended his meditations11 on his quondam mistress to wish for the presence of his wife. It was only the second, day of his son's visit to him, and his unfamiliarity12 with the arrangement was not without its effect upon his nerves.
Always dissatisfied with the present time, his capacity for enjoying the past was correspondingly keen. Reflectively consuming a chop, in full view of the unappetising compound and infancy13's vagaries14 with a spoon, he proceeded to re-live it, discerning in the process a thousand charms to which the reality had seen him blind.
He was unable to shake off the influence of the meeting when dinner was done. Fancifully, while the child scrambled15 in a corner with some toys, he installed Mary in the room; imagining his condition if he had married her, and moodily16 watching the curls of tobacco smoke as they sailed across the dirty dishes. "Damn it!" he exclaimed, rising. But for the conviction that it would be futile17, he would have gone out to search for her.
That he would see her again before he left the place he was determined18. But he failed to do so both on the morrow and the next day, though he extended his promenade19 beyond its usual limits. He did not, in these excursions, fail to remark that a town sufficiently20 large to divide one hopelessly from the face one seeks, can yet be so small that the same strangers' countenances21 are recurrent at nearly every turn. A coloured gentleman he anathematised especially for his iteration.
Though he doubted the possibility of the thing, he could not rid himself of the idea that she would be at the theatre some evening, impelled22 by the temptation to look upon him without his knowledge; and he played his best now on the chance that she might be there. As often as was practicable, he scanned the house during the progress of the piece, and between the acts inspected it through the peep-hole in the curtain.
Noting his observations one night, a pretty girl in the wings asked jocularly if "she had promised to wait outside for him."
"No, Kitty, my darling, she hasn't; she won't have anything to do with me!" he answered, and would have liked to stop and flirt24 with her. His brain was hot at the instant, and one woman or another just then——
If Mary had been waiting, he could have talked to her as sentimentally25 as before; and have felt as much sentiment, too. All compunction for his lapses26 he could assuage27 by a general condemnation28 of masculine nature.
The pretty girl had no part in the play. She was the daughter of a good-looking woman who was engaged in the dual29 capacity of "chamber-maid" and wardrobe-mistress; but although she had only just left boarding-school, it was a foregone conclusion that, like her mother, she would be connected with the lower branches of the profession before long. Already she had acquired very perfectly31, in private, the burlesque32 lady's tone of address, and was familiar with the interior of provincial33 bars, where her mother took a "tonic34" after the performance.
Carew ran across them both, among a group of the male members of the company, in the back-parlour of a public-house an hour later. Kitty, innocent enough as yet to find "darling" a novelty, welcomed him with a flash of her eyes; but he made no response, and, gulping35 his whisky, sat glum36. The others commented on his abstraction. He replied morosely37, and called for "the same again." It was not unusual for him to drink to excess now—he was accustomed to excuse the weakness by compassionating38 himself upon his dreary39 life—and to-night he lay back on the settee sipping40 whisky till he grew garrulous41.
They remained at the table long after the closing hour, the landlady, who was a friend of Kitty's mamma, enjoining42 them to quietude. She was not averse43 from joining the party herself when the lights in the window had been extinguished nor did Kitty decline to take a glass of wine when Carew at last pressed her to be sociable44.
"Because you're growing up," he said with a foolish laugh—"'getting a big girl now'!"
She swept him a mock obeisance45 in the centre of the floor, shaking back the hair that was still worn loose about her shoulders.
"Sherry," she said, "if mother says her popsy may? Because I'm 'getting a big girl now,' mother!"
The bar was in darkness, and this necessitated46 investigation47 with a box of matches. When the bottle was produced, it proved to be empty; the girl's pantomime of despair was received with loud guffaws48. Everybody had drunk more than was advisable, and the proprietress again attempted to restrain the hilarity49 by feeble allusions51 to her licence.
"The sherry's in the cupboard down the passage," she exclaimed; "won't you have something else instead? Now, do make less noise, there's good boys; you'll get me into trouble!"
"I'll go and get it," said Kitty, breaking into a momentary52 step-dance, with uplifted arms. "Trust me with the key?"
"And I'll go and see she doesn't rob you," cried Carew. "Come along, Kit23!"
"No you won't," said her mother; "she'll do best alone!" But the remonstrance53 was unheeded, and, as the girl ran out into the passage, he followed; and, as they reached the cupboard and stood fumbling54 at the lock, he caught her round the waist and kissed her.
They came back with the bottle together, in the girl's bearing an assertion of complacent55 womanhood evoked56 by the indignity57. Carew applied58 himself to the liquor with renewed diligence; and by the time the party dispersed59 circumspectly60 through the private door, his eyes were glazed61.
The sleeping town stretched before his uncertain footsteps blanched62 in moonlight as he bade the others a thick "good-night." His apartments were a mile, and more, distant, and, muddled63 by drink, he struck into the wrong road, pursuing and branching from it impetuously, till Westport wound about him in the confusion of a maze64. Once he halted, in the thought that he heard someone approaching. But the sound receded65; and feeling dizzier every minute, he wandered on again, ultimately with no effort to divine his situation. The sun was rising when, partially66 sobered, he passed through the cottage-gate. The sea lapped the sand gently under a flushing sky; but in the bedroom a candle still burned, and it was in the flare67 of the candle that the little servant confronted him with a frightened face.
"Master Archie, sir!" she faltered68; "I've been up with him all night—he's ill!"
"Ill?" He stood stupidly on the threshold. "What do you mean by ill? What is it?"
"I don't know; I don't know what I ought to do; I think he ought to have a doctor."
He pushed past her, with a muttered ejaculation, to the bed where the child lay whimpering.
"What's the matter, Archie? What is it, little chap?"
"It's his neck he complains of," she said; "you can see, it's all swollen69. He can't eat anything."
Carew looked at it dismayed. A sudden fear of losing the child, a sudden terror of his own incompetence70 seized him.
"Fetch a doctor," he stammered71, "bring him back with you. You should have gone before; it wasn't necessary to wait for me to come in to tell you that if the child was taken ill, he needed a doctor! Go on, girl, hurry! You'll find one somewhere in the damned place. Wait a minute, ask the landlady—wake her up and ask which the nearest doctor is! Tell him he must come at once. If he won't, ring up another—a delay may make all the difference. Good God! why did I have him down here?"
The waiting threatened to be endless. A basin of water was on the washhand-stand, and he plunged73 his head into it. The stir of awakening74 life was heard in the quietude. Through the window came the clatter75 of feet in a neighbouring yard, the rattle76 of a pail on stone. He contemplated77 the child, conscience-stricken by his own condition, and strove to allay78 his anxiety by repeated questions, to which he obtained peevish79 and unsatisfactory replies.
It was more than two hours before the girl returned. She was accompanied by a medical man who seemed resentful. Carew watched his examination breathlessly.
"Is it serious?"
"It looks like diphtheria; it's early yet to say. He's got a first-rate constitution; that's one thing. Mother a good physique?... So I should have thought! Are you a resident?"
"I'm an actor; I'm in an engagement here; my wife's abroad. Why do you ask?"
"The child had better be removed—there's danger of infection with diphtheria; lodgings80 won't do. Take him to the hospital, and have him properly looked after. It'll be best for him in every way."
"I'm much obliged for your advice," said Carew. But the idea was intimidating81. "I shall be here, myself, for another week at least," he added, in allusion50 to the fee. "Is it safe to move him, do you think?"
"Oh yes, no need to fear that. Wrap him up, and take him away in a fly this morning. The sooner the better.... That's all right. Good-day."
He departed briskly, with an appetite for breakfast.
"Archie will have a nice drive," said Carew in a tone of dreary encouragement—"a nice drive in a carriage with papa."
"I'm sleepy," said the child.
"A nice drive in the sunshine, and see the sea. Nursie will put on your clothes."
"I don't want!"
His efforts to resist strengthened Carew's dislike to the proposed arrangement. It was not in the first few minutes that this abrupt82 presentment of the hospital recalled to the man's mind Mary's connection with it; and when the connection flashed upon him his spirits lightened. If the boy had to be laid up, away from his mother's relatives in London, the mischance could hardly occur under happier conditions than where——The reflection faded to a question-point. Would she be of use? Could he expect, or dare to ask for tenderness from Mary Brettan—and to the other woman's child? He doubted it.
In the revulsion of feeling that followed that leaping hope, he almost determined to withhold83 the request. Many children were safe in a hospital; why not his own child? He would pay for everything. And then the thought of Archie forsaken84 among strangers made him tremble; and the little form seemed to him, in its lassitude, to have become smaller still, more fragile.
Again and again, in the jolting85 cab, he debated an appeal to Mary, wrestling with shame for the sake of his boy. Without knowing what she could do, he was sensible that her interest would be of value. He clung passionately86 to the idea of leaving the hospital with the knowledge that it contained a friend, an individual who would spare to the child something more than the patient's purchased and impartial87 due.
The cab stopped with a jerk, and he carried him into the empty waiting-room. It was a gaunt, narrow apartment on the ground-floor, with an expanse of glass, like the window of a shop, overlooking the street. He put him in a corner of one of the forms against the walls, and, pending88 the appearance of the house-surgeon, murmured encouragement. The minutes lagged. It occurred to him that the ailment89 might be pronounced trivial, but the hope deserted90 him almost as it came, banished91 by the surroundings. The bare melancholy92 of the walls chilled him anew, and the suggestion of poverty about the place intensified93 his misgivings94. He thought he would speak to her. If she refused, it would have done no harm. And she would not refuse, she was too good. Yes, she had always been a good woman. He remembered——
The door-knob turned, and he rose in the presence of Kincaid. The eyes of the two men met questioningly.
"Your child?" said Kincaid, advancing.
"Yes; it's his neck. I was advised to bring him here, because I'm only in lodgings. I'd like——"
"Let me see!"
Carew resumed his seat. His gaze hung on the doctor's movements; every detail twanged his nerves. A nurse was called in to take the temperature. He watched her with suspense95, and smiled feebly at the child across her arm.
"Diphtheritic throat. We'll put him to bed at once. Take him away, Nurse—put him into a special ward30."
"I should like——" said Carew huskily; "I know one of the nurses here. Might I see her?"
"Yes, certainly. Which one?"
"Her name is 'Brettan—Mary Brettan.'" He stooped to pat the tearful face, and missed Kincaid's surprise. "If I might see her now——?"
"Ask if Nurse Brettan can come down, please! Say she is wanted in the waiting-room."
A brief pause ensued. The closing of the door left them alone. The father's imagination pursued the figures that had disappeared; Kincaid's was busy with the fact of the man's being an acquaintance of Mary's—the only acquaintance that had crossed his path. Surprise suggested his opening remark:
"You're a visitor here, you say? Your little son's sickness has come at an unfortunate time for you."
"It has—yes, very. I'm at the theatre—and my apartments are none too good."
He mentioned the address; the doctor made some formal inquiries96. Carew asked how often he would be permitted to see the boy; and when this was arranged, silence fell again.
It was broken in a few seconds. The sound of a footstep on the stairs was caught by them simultaneously97. Simultaneously both men looked round. The footsteps were succeeded by the faint rustle98 of a skirt, and Nurse Brettan crossed the threshold. She started visibly—controlled herself, and acknowledged Carew's greeting by a slight bow.
Kincaid, in a manner, presented him to her—courteously, constrainedly99.
"This gentleman has been waiting to see you. I'll wish you good-morning, sir."
Mary moved to the window, and stood there without speaking. In the print and linen100 costume of the house she recalled with increased force to Carew the time when he had seen her first.
"Archie has got diphtheria," he said; "he's just been taken upstairs."
"I'm sorry," she said. "Why have you asked for me?"
"They told me I couldn't keep him at home—that I must bring him here.... Mary, you will do what you can for him?"
She raised her head calmly.
"He is sure of careful nursing," she answered; "no patient is neglected."
"I know. I know all that. I thought that you——"
"I'm not in the children's ward," she said; "there isn't anything I can do."
He looked at her dumbly. Mere72 indifference101 his agitation102 would have found vent103 in combating, but the conclusiveness104 of the reply left him nothing to urge.
"I must be satisfied without you, then," he said at last. "I thought of you directly."
"He'll have every attention; you needn't doubt that."
"Such a little chap—among strangers!"
"We have very young children in the wards105."
"And perhaps to be dangerously ill!"
"You must try to hope for the best."
"Ah, you speak like the hospital nurse to me!" he cried; "I was remembering the woman."
"I speak as what I am," she returned coldly; "I am one of the nurses. I have no remembrances, myself."
"You could remember this week, when we met again. And once you wouldn't have found it so impossible to spare a minute's kindness to my boy!"
She moved towards the door, paler, but self-contained.
"I must go now," she said; "I can't stay away long."
"You choose to forget only when something is asked of you!"
"I have told you," she said, turning, "that it is out of my power to do anything."
"And you are glad you can say it!"
"Perhaps. No reminder106 of my old disgrace is pleasant to me."
"Your reformation is very complete," he answered bitterly; "the woman I used to know would have been unable to retaliate107 upon a helpless child."
The sting of the retort roused her to refutation. Her hand, extended towards the door, dropped to her side; she faced him swiftly.
"You find me what you made me," she said with white lips. "I neither retaliate nor pity. What is your wife's child to me, that you ask me to care for it? If I'm hard, it was you who taught me to be hard before he was born."
"It's my child I asked you to care for. And I brought myself to ask it because he's my dearest thing on earth. I thank God to learn he won't be in your charge!"
She shivered, and for a moment looked at him intently. Then her eyelids108 drooped109, and she left him without a word.
She went out into the corridor—her hand was pressed against her breast. But her duties were not immediately resumed. She made her way into the children's wing, moving with nothing of indecision in her manner, but like one who proceeds to fulfil a purpose. The two rows of beds left a passage down the floor, and she scanned the faces till she reached the nurses' table.
By chance, she spoke110 to the nurse that Kincaid had summoned.
"There's a boy just been brought in with diphtheria, Sophie; do you know where he is?"
"Yes, I'm going back to him in a minute. He's in a special ward."
"Let me see him!"
"Have you got permission?"
"No."
Nurse Gay hesitated.
"I shall get into trouble," she said. "Why don't you ask for it?"
"I don't want to wait; I want to see him now."
"I've been in hot water once this week already——"
"Sophie, I know the mite111, and—and his people. I must go in to him!"
The girl glanced at her keenly.
"Oh, if it's like that!" she said. "It's only a wigging—go!" And she told her where he was.
He lay alone in the simple room, when Mary entered—a diminutive112 patient for whom the narrow cot looked large. The nurse had been showing him a picture-book, and this yawned loosely on the quilt, where it had slid from his listless hold. At the sound of Mary's approach, he turned. But he did not recognise her. A doubtful gaze appraised113 her intentions.
At first she did not speak. She stooped over the pillow, smoothing and re-smoothing it mechanically, a hand trembling closer to the disordered curls. Her own gaze deepened and hung upon him; her lips parted. Her hands crept timidly nearer. Her face was bent114 till her mouth was yielding kisses on his cheek. She yearned115 over him through wet lashes116, a wondering smile always on her face.
"Archie," she murmured; "Archie, baby-boy, is it comfy for you? Won't you see the pictures—all the pretty people in the book?"
"Not nice pictures," he complained.
"You shall have nicer ones this afternoon," she said; "this afternoon, when I go out. Let me show you these now! Look, here's a little boy in bed, like you! His name was 'Archie,' too; and one day his papa took him to a big house, where papa had friends, and——
"Papa! I want papa!"
"Oh, my darling," she said, "papa is coming! He'll come very, very soon. The other little boy wanted papa as well, and he wasn't happy at first at all. But in the big house everybody was so kind, and glad to have Archie there, that presently he thought it a treat to stop. It was so nice directly that it was better than being at home. They gave him toys, lots and lots of toys; and there were oranges and puddings—it was beautiful!"
She could not remain, she was needed elsewhere; and when Kincaid made his round she was on duty. But she ascertained117 developments throughout the day, and by twilight118 she knew that the child was grievously ill. She did not marvel119 at her interest; it engrossed120 her to the exclusion121 of astonishment122. If she was surprised at all, it was that Carew could have believed in her neutrality. Yet she was thankful that he had believed in it; and at the same time, rejoiced that his first impulse had been to put faith in her good heart. She did not analyse her sympathy, ashamed of the cause from which it sprang. When she had gazed, during the intervening years, at the faded photograph, she had reproached herself and wept; now it all seemed natural. She sought neither to reason nor to euphemise. The feeling was spontaneous, and she went with it. She called it by no wrong word, because she called it nothing. She was borne as it carried her, blindly, unresistingly, without pausing to name it, or to define its source. It seemed natural. She inquired about Archie when she had risen next morning, and a little later, contrived123 another flying visit to the room. But he was now too ill to notice her.
In the afternoon, Carew came again. She learnt it while he was there, and gathered something of his wretchedness. She heard how he besieged124 the nurse with questions: "Had she seen so bad a case before—well, often before? Had those who recovered been so young as Archie? Was there nothing else that could be tried?" She listened, with her head bowed, imagining the scene that she could not enter; deploring125, remembering, re-living—praying for "Tony's child."
Not till the man had gone, however, was everything related to her. She was sitting at the extremity126 of the ward, sewing, shortly to be free for the night. It was the hour when the quiet of the hospital deepened into the hush127 that preluded128 the extinction129 of the patients' lights. The supper-trays had long since been removed from the bedsides. Through the apertures130 of curtain, a few patients, loath131 to waive132 the privilege while they held it, were to be seen reading books and magazines; others were asleep already, and even the late-birds of the ward who dissipated in wheel-chairs, to the envy of the rest, had made their final excursion for the day. The Major had stopped his chair to utter his last wish for "a comfortable night, sir." The chess champion had concluded his conquest on a recumbent adversary's quilt. Where breakfast comes at six o'clock, grown men resume some of the customs of their infancy, and the day that begins so early closes soon. It was very peaceful, very still; and she was sitting in the lamp-rays, sewing.
She looked round as the Matron joined her. It was known that the case interested her, and in subdued133 tones they spoke of it.
"How is he?"
"He's been dreadfully bad. The worst took place before the father left; Dr. Kincaid had to come up."
"What?—tell me!"
"He had to perform tracheotomy. The father was there all the time; Dr. Kincaid told him what was going to be done, but he wouldn't go. The child was blue in the face and there wasn't any stopping to argue. When the cut in the throat was made and the tube put in, I thought the man was going to faint. He was standing134 just by me. 'Good God! Is this an experiment?' he said. I told him it was the only way for the child to breathe, but he didn't seem to hear me. And when the fit of coughing came—oh, my goodness! You know what the coughing's like?"
"Go on!"
"He made sure it was all over; he burst out sobbing135, and the doctor ordered him out of the room. 'If you're fond of your child, keep quiet here, sir,' he said, 'or go and compose yourself outside!' I think he was sorry he'd spoken so sternly afterwards, though he was quite right, for——"
"Oh!" shuddered136 Mary. "Did you see him again?"
"Yes; I told him he'd had no business to stop. He said, 'If the worst happens, I shall think it right I was there.' I said he must try to believe that only the best would happen now; though whether I ought to have said it I don't know. When it comes to tracheotomy in diphtheria, the child's chance is slim. Still, this one's as fine a little chap as ever I saw; he's got the strength of many a pair we get here—and the man was in such a state. He's coming back to-night—he's to see me, anyhow; he had to hurry off to the theatre to act. I can't imagine how he'll get through."
"I must go! I must go to the ward!" She rose, clasping her hands convulsively. "I can, can't I? It's Nurse Mainwaring's time to relieve me—why isn't she here?"
The Matron calmed her.
"Hush! you can go as soon as she comes. Don't take on like that, or I shall be sorry I told you. Nurse Bradley has complained of feeling ill—I expect that's what it is."
Mary raised a faint smile, deprecating her vehemence137.
"I'm very fond of the boy," she said, with apology in her voice. "It was very kind of you to tell me; I thank you very much."
Nurse Mainwaring appeared now.
"Nurse Bradley can't get up, madam," she announced.
"Nonsense! what is it?"
"A sick-headache; she can't see out of her eyes."
It was the moment of dismay in which a hospital realises that its staff, too, is flesh and blood—the hitch138 in the human machinery139.
"Then we're short-handed to-night. You relieve here, Nurse Mainwaring?"
"Yes, madam."
"And Nurse Gay—who should relieve her?"
"Nurse Bradley."
"I'll relieve her," cried Mary; "I'd like to!"
"You need your night's rest as much as most. And there's no napping with trachy—it means watching all the time."
"I shan't nap; I shan't want to. Somebody must lose her night's rest—why not I?"
"I think we can manage without you."
"It'll be a favour to me—I'm thankful for the chance."
"Well, then, you shall halve140 it with someone. You can take the first half, and——"
"No, no," she urged, "that's rough on the other and not enough for me. Give it me all!"
The Matron yielded:
"Nurse Brettan relieves Nurse Gay!"
In the room the boy lay motionless as if already dead. From the mouth breath no longer passed; only by holding a hand before the orifice of the tube inserted in the throat could one detect that he now breathed at all. As Mary took the seat by his side, the force of professional training was immediately manifest. She had begged for the extra work with almost feverish141 excitement; she entered upon it collected and self-controlled. A stranger would have said: "A conscientious142 woman, but experience has blunted her sensibilities."
On the table were some feathers. With these, from time to time throughout the night, she had to keep the tube free from obstruction143. Even the briefest indulgence to drowsiness144 was impossible. Unwavering attention to the state of the passage that admitted air to the lungs was not merely important, the necessity was vital. A continuous, an inflexible145 vigilance was required. It was to this that the nurse, already worn by the usual duties of the day, had pledged herself in place of the absentee.
At half-past nine she had cleansed146 the tube twice. At ten o'clock Kincaid came in.
"I am relieving Nurse Gay," she said, rising; "Nurse Bradley's head is very bad."
He went to the bed and ascertained that all was well.
"It'll be very trying for you; wasn't there anyone to divide the work?"
"I wanted to do it all myself."
"Ah, yes, I understand; you know the father."
It was the only reference that he had made to the father's asking for her, and she was sensible of inquiry147 in his tone. She nodded. And, alone together for the first time since her appointment, they stood looking at Carew's child.
She had no wish to speak. On him the situation imposed restraint. But to be with her thus had a charm, for all that. It was not to be uttered, not to be dwelt on, but, due in part to the prevailing148 silence of the house, there was an illusion of confidential149 intercourse150 that he had not felt with her here before.
While they looked, the boy gave a quick gasp151. The tube had become clogged152.
She started and threw out her hand towards the feathers. But Kincaid had picked one up already, favoured by his position.
"All right!" he said; "I'll free it."
He leant over the pillow, feather in hand. She watched him with eyes widening in terror, for she saw that his endeavours were futile and he could not free it.
The waxen placidity153 of the upturned face vanished as she watched. It regained154 the signs of life to struggle with the gripe of death—distorted in an instant, and distorted frightfully. The average woman would have wept aloud. The nurse, to all intents and purposes, preserved her calmness still.
It was Kincaid who gave the first token of despondence.
"The thing's blocked!" he exclaimed; "I can't clear it!"
His voice had the repressed despair of a surgeon, who is an enthusiast155, too, opposed by a higher force. Under the test of his defeat her composure broke down. Confronted by a danger in which her interest was vivid and personal she—as the father had done before her—became agitated156 and unstrung.
"You must," she said. "Doctor, for Heaven's sake!"
He was trying still, but with scant157 success.
"I'm doing my best; it seems no good."
"You must save this life," she repeated.
"You will?"
"I tell you I can't do any more."
"You will—you shall!" she persisted wildly. The very passion of motherhood suffused158 her features. "Doctor, it is his child!"
He looked at her—their gaze met, even then. It was only in a flash. Abruptly159 the gasps160 of the dying baby became horrible to witness. The eyeballs rolled hideously161, and seemed as if they would spring from their sockets162. The tiny chest heaved and fell in agonising efforts to gain air, while in its convulsive battle against suffocation163 the frail164 body almost lifted itself from the mattress165.
"Go away," said the man; "there's nothing you can do."
She refused to stir. She appealed to him frantically166.
"Help him!" she stammered.
"There's no way."
"You, the doctor, tell me there's no way?"
"None."
"But I know there is a way," she cried; "I can suck that tube!"
"Mary! My God! it might kill you!"
She flung forward, but the conflict ceased as he pulled her back. A small quantity of the mucus had been dislodged by the paroxysm that it had produced. Nature had done—imperfectly, but still done—what science had failed to effect. The boy breathed.
The outbreak was followed by complete exhaustion167, and again it seemed that life was extinct. Kincaid assured himself that it lingered still, and turned to her gravely.
"You were about to do a wicked, and a foolish thing. After what it has gone through, nothing under Heaven can save the child; you ought to know as much as that. At best you could only hope to prolong life for two or three hours."
Tears were dripping down her cheeks.
"'Only!'" she said; "do you think that's nothing to me? An hour longer, and his father will be here—to find him living, or dead. Do you suppose I can't imagine—do you suppose I can't feel—what he feels, there on the stage, counting the seconds to release? In an hour the curtain 'll be down and he'll have rushed here praying to be in time. If it were revealed that I should do nothing but prolong the life by sacrificing my own, I'd sacrifice it! Gladly, proudly—yes, proudly, as God hears! You could never have prevented me—nothing should prevent me. I'd risk my life ten times rather than he should arrive too late."
"This," drearily168 murmured the man who loved her, "is the return you would make for his sin?"
"No," she said; "it is the atonement I would offer for mine."
He stood dumbly at the head of the cot; the woman trembled at the foot. But they saw the change next minute simultaneously. Once more the passage had become hopelessly clogged. With a broken cry, she rushed to the cot's vacant side. This time he could not pull her back. He spoke.
"Stop! Nurse Brettan, I order you to leave the ward!"
The voice was imperative169, and an instant she wavered; but it was the merest instant. The woman had vanquished170 the nurse, and the woman was the stronger now. A glance she threw of mingled171 supplication172 and defiance173, and, casting herself on the bed, she set her lips to the tube.
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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motiveless
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| adj.无动机的，无目的的 | |
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3
receding
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的现在分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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4
speculative
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| adj.思索性的，暝想性的，推理的 | |
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5
fretted
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| 焦躁的，附有弦马的，腐蚀的 | |
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6
landlady
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| n.女房东，女地主 | |
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7
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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8
mashed
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| a.捣烂的 | |
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9
soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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10
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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11
meditations
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| 默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想 | |
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12
unfamiliarity
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13
infancy
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| n.婴儿期；幼年期；初期 | |
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14
vagaries
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| n.奇想( vagary的名词复数 )；异想天开；异常行为；难以预测的情况 | |
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15
scrambled
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| v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞 | |
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16
moodily
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| adv.喜怒无常地；情绪多变地；心情不稳地；易生气地 | |
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17
futile
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| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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18
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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19
promenade
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| n./v.散步 | |
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20
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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21
countenances
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| n.面容( countenance的名词复数 )；表情；镇静；道义支持 | |
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22
impelled
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| v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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23
kit
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| n.用具包，成套工具；随身携带物 | |
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24
flirt
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| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
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25
sentimentally
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| adv.富情感地 | |
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26
lapses
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| n.失误，过失( lapse的名词复数 )；小毛病；行为失检；偏离正道v.退步( lapse的第三人称单数 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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27
assuage
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| v.缓和，减轻，镇定 | |
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28
condemnation
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| n.谴责; 定罪 | |
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29
dual
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| adj.双的；二重的，二元的 | |
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30
ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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31
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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32
burlesque
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| v.嘲弄，戏仿；n.嘲弄，取笑，滑稽模仿 | |
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33
provincial
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| adj.省的，地方的；n．外省人，乡下人 | |
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34
tonic
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| n./adj.滋补品，补药，强身的，健体的 | |
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35
gulping
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| v.狼吞虎咽地吃，吞咽( gulp的现在分词 )；大口地吸（气）；哽住 | |
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36
glum
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| adj.闷闷不乐的，阴郁的 | |
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37
morosely
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| adv.愁眉苦脸地，忧郁地 | |
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38
compassionating
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| v.同情（compassionate的现在分词形式） | |
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39
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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40
sipping
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| v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的现在分词 ) | |
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41
garrulous
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| adj.唠叨的，多话的 | |
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42
enjoining
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| v.命令( enjoin的现在分词 ) | |
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43
averse
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| adj.厌恶的；反对的，不乐意的 | |
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44
sociable
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| adj.好交际的，友好的，合群的 | |
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45
obeisance
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| n.鞠躬，敬礼 | |
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46
necessitated
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| 使…成为必要，需要( necessitate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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47
investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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48
guffaws
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| n.大笑，狂笑( guffaw的名词复数 )v.大笑，狂笑( guffaw的第三人称单数 ) | |
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49
hilarity
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| n.欢乐；热闹 | |
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50
allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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51
allusions
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| 暗指，间接提到( allusion的名词复数 ) | |
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52
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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53
remonstrance
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| n抗议，抱怨 | |
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54
fumbling
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| n. 摸索,漏接 v. 摸索,摸弄,笨拙的处理 | |
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55
complacent
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| adj.自满的；自鸣得意的 | |
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56
evoked
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| [医]诱发的 | |
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57
indignity
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| n.侮辱，伤害尊严，轻蔑 | |
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58
applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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59
dispersed
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| adj. 被驱散的, 被分散的, 散布的 | |
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60
circumspectly
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| adv.慎重地，留心地 | |
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61
glazed
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| adj.光滑的，像玻璃的；上过釉的；呆滞无神的v.装玻璃( glaze的过去式)；上釉于，上光；（目光）变得呆滞无神 | |
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62
blanched
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| v.使变白( blanch的过去式 )；使（植物）不见阳光而变白；酸洗（金属）使有光泽；用沸水烫（杏仁等）以便去皮 | |
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63
muddled
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| adj.混乱的；糊涂的；头脑昏昏然的v.弄乱，弄糟( muddle的过去式)；使糊涂；对付，混日子 | |
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64
maze
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| n.迷宫，八阵图，混乱，迷惑 | |
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65
receded
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的过去式和过去分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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66
partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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67
flare
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| v.闪耀，闪烁；n.潮红；突发 | |
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68
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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69
swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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70
incompetence
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| n.不胜任，不称职 | |
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71
stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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72
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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73
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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74
awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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75
clatter
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| v./n.(使)发出连续而清脆的撞击声 | |
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76
rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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77
contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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78
allay
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| v.消除，减轻(恐惧、怀疑等) | |
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79
peevish
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| adj.易怒的，坏脾气的 | |
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80
lodgings
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| n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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81
intimidating
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| vt.恐吓，威胁( intimidate的现在分词) | |
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82
abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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83
withhold
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| v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡 | |
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84
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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85
jolting
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| adj.令人震惊的 | |
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86
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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87
impartial
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| adj.(in,to)公正的，无偏见的 | |
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88
pending
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| prep.直到，等待…期间；adj.待定的；迫近的 | |
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89
ailment
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| n.疾病，小病 | |
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90
deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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91
banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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92
melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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93
intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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94
misgivings
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕；疑虑，担心，恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 )；疑惧 | |
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95
suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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96
inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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97
simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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98
rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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99
constrainedly
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| 不自然地，勉强地，强制地 | |
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100
linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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101
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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102
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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103
vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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104
conclusiveness
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| n.最后； 释疑； 确定性； 结论性 | |
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105
wards
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| 区( ward的名词复数 )； 病房； 受监护的未成年者； 被人照顾或控制的状态 | |
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106
reminder
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| n.提醒物，纪念品；暗示，提示 | |
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107
retaliate
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| v.报复，反击 | |
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108
eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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109
drooped
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| 弯曲或下垂，发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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110
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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111
mite
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| n.极小的东西；小铜币 | |
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112
diminutive
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| adj.小巧可爱的，小的 | |
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113
appraised
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| v.估价( appraise的过去式和过去分词 )；估计；估量；评价 | |
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114
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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115
yearned
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| 渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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116
lashes
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| n.鞭挞( lash的名词复数 )；鞭子；突然猛烈的一击；急速挥动v.鞭打( lash的第三人称单数 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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117
ascertained
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| v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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118
twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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119
marvel
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| vi.(at)惊叹vt.感到惊异；n.令人惊异的事 | |
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120
engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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121
exclusion
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| n.拒绝，排除，排斥，远足，远途旅行 | |
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122
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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123
contrived
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| adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的 | |
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124
besieged
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| 包围，围困，围攻( besiege的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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125
deploring
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| v.悲叹，痛惜，强烈反对( deplore的现在分词 ) | |
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126
extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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127
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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128
preluded
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| v.为…作序，开头（prelude的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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129
extinction
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| n.熄灭，消亡，消灭，灭绝，绝种 | |
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130
apertures
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| n.孔( aperture的名词复数 )；隙缝；（照相机的）光圈；孔径 | |
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131
loath
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| adj.不愿意的；勉强的 | |
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132
waive
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| vt.放弃，不坚持(规定、要求、权力等) | |
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133
subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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134
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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135
sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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136
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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137
vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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138
hitch
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| v.免费搭(车旅行)；系住；急提；n.故障；急拉 | |
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139
machinery
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| n.(总称)机械，机器；机构 | |
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140
halve
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| vt.分成两半，平分；减少到一半 | |
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141
feverish
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| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
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142
conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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143
obstruction
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| n.阻塞，堵塞；障碍物 | |
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144
drowsiness
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| n.睡意；嗜睡 | |
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145
inflexible
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| adj.不可改变的，不受影响的，不屈服的 | |
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146
cleansed
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| 弄干净，清洗( cleanse的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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147
inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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148
prevailing
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| adj.盛行的；占优势的；主要的 | |
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149
confidential
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| adj.秘（机）密的，表示信任的，担任机密工作的 | |
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150
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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151
gasp
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| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
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152
clogged
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| （使）阻碍( clog的过去式和过去分词 )； 淤滞 | |
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153
placidity
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| n.平静，安静，温和 | |
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154
regained
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| 复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地 | |
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155
enthusiast
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| n.热心人，热衷者 | |
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156
agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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157
scant
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| adj.不充分的，不足的；v.减缩，限制，忽略 | |
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158
suffused
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| v.（指颜色、水气等）弥漫于，布满( suffuse的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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159
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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160
gasps
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| v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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161
hideously
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| adv.可怕地，非常讨厌地 | |
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162
sockets
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| n.套接字，使应用程序能够读写与收发通讯协定(protocol)与资料的程序( Socket的名词复数 )；孔( socket的名词复数 )；（电器上的）插口；托座；凹穴 | |
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163
suffocation
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| n.窒息 | |
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164
frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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165
mattress
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| n.床垫，床褥 | |
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166
frantically
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| ad.发狂地, 发疯地 | |
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167
exhaustion
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| n.耗尽枯竭，疲惫，筋疲力尽，竭尽，详尽无遗的论述 | |
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168
drearily
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| 沉寂地，厌倦地，可怕地 | |
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169
imperative
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| n.命令，需要；规则；祈使语气；adj.强制的；紧急的 | |
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170
vanquished
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| v.征服( vanquish的过去式和过去分词 )；战胜；克服；抑制 | |
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171
mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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172
supplication
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| n.恳求，祈愿，哀求 | |
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173
defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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