Canon I. “Estates go to the issue (item) Of him last seized in infinitum; Like cow-tails, downwards5, straight they tend, But never, lineally, ascend6.
Canon II. This gives the preference to males, At which a lady justly rails. [Pg 135]
Canon V. When lineal descendants fail, Collaterals7 the land may nail; So that they be (and that a bore is) De sanguine8 progenitores.”
Little better is the style of most wills which have appeared in verse. Of these the rhyming will of Will Jackett (1789), who died in North Place, Islington, is well known:—
“I leave and bequeath When I’m laid underneath9, To my two loving sisters most dear, The whole of my store, Were it twice as much more, Which God’s goodness has granted me here.
And that none may prevent This my will and intent, Or occasion the least of law racket; With a solemn appeal I confirm, sign, and seal, This the true Act and Deed of Will Jackett.”
Such wills have naturally been seized upon by collectors of verse and oddities. But for the most part they are scarcely worth transcription in full, so that space and time may be saved by quoting a few fragments only. A will, “found in the house of an old Batchelor lately deceased” according to “The Muses12’ Mirror” (1783), begins thus:—
“With a mind quite at ease, in the evening of life, Unencumbered with children, relations, or wife; Not in friendship with one single creature alive, I make my last will, in the year sixty-five; [Pg 136] How I leave my affairs, though I care not a straw, Lest a grocer should start up my true heir-at-law; Or of such in default, which would prove a worse thing, My land unbequeathed should revert13 to the king, I give and bequeath, be it first understood, I’m a friend, and a firm friend to the general good, And odd as I seem, was remarked from my youth, A stickler14 at all times for honour and truth....”
Four years later Nathaniel Lloyd, Esquire, of Twickenham, followed the “old Batchelor’s” example.
“What I am going to bequeath, When this frail15 part submits to death; But still I hope the spark divine With its congenial stars will shine: My good executors fulfil, I pray ye, fairly, my last will, With first and second codicil16!... Unto my nephew, Robert Longdon, Of whom none says he e’er has wrong done; Tho’ civil law he loves to hash, I give two hundred pounds in cash.... To Sally Crouch17 and Mary Lee, If they with Lady Poulet be, Because they round the year did dwell In Twick’nham House, and served full well, When Lord and Lady both did stray Over the hills and far away; The first ten pounds, the other twenty, And, girls, I hope that will content ye. In seventeen hundred and sixty-nine, This with my hand I write and sign; The sixteenth day of fair October, In merry mood, but sound and sober; Past my threescore and fifteenth year, With spirits gay and conscience clear; [Pg 137] Joyous18 and frolicksome, tho’ old, And, like this day, serene19 but cold; To foes20 well-wishing, and to friends most kind, In perfect charity with all mankind.”
More modern, but in its touches of human nature not of this age only, is the will of one Sarah Smith.
“I, Sarah Smith, a spinster lone21, With little here to call my own, Few friends to weep at my decease, Or pray my soul may rest in peace, Do make my last and only will, (Unless I add a codicil,) My brother Sam to see it done For he’s the right and proper one. I give the kettle that I use At tea-time, and the little cruse That holds hot posset for a guest To Martha, for she’s homeliest; Perhaps she’d like the picture too In needlework of Auntie Loo (So like her,) and of Uncle Jim, She always was so fond of him. Then there’s the parlour chair and table, I give them both to you, dear Mabel, With love, and when you sit thereat Remember there your Sarah sat. My poor old spectacles will be More use to you, alas23, than me, So take them, Polly, and they may Perhaps sometimes at close of day Grow dim when memories arise Of how they suited Sally’s eyes. Pussy24 will not be with you long, But while she lives do her no wrong, A mug of milk beside the fire Will be the most that she’ll desire. [Pg 138] There’s little else I have to mention, For, when I’ve spent my old-age pension, Not many crowns disturb my sleep, But what there is is Sam’s to keep: He’s been a brother kind and good In all my days of solitude25. And so farewell: no word of ill Shall stain my last and only will; But, friends, be just and gentle with The memory of Sarah Smith.”
Genuine wills in rhyme are naturally rare, but literature is full of imaginary or fantastic testaments26, as well in prose as in verse. To such a one Sir Walter Scott refers in a letter to Lady Anne Hamilton: “I always remind myself of the bequest27 which once upon a time the wren28 made to the family of Hamilton. This magnanimous, patriotic29 bird, after disposing of his personal property to useful and public services, such as one of his legs to prop22 the bridge of Forth30 and the other to prop the bridge of Tay, at length instructs his executors thus:—
“And then ye’ll take my gallant31 bill, My bill that pecks the corn, And give it to the Duke of Hamilton To be a hunting horn.”
Whether in prose or in verse—verse not seldom prosaic—a striking similarity of idea runs through them, from the will of the cochon of the fourth century, who gives his teeth to the quarrelsome, his ears to the deaf, his muscles to the weak, down to the will of Chatterton in [Pg 139] the eighteenth century, who gives “all my vigour32 and fire of youth to Mr. George Catcott, being sensible he is most in want of it,” and “from the same charitable motive33 ... unto the Rev10. Mr. Camplin, senior, all my humility34.”
On earth all things decay and have their period, so all things may make their wills.
“Omnia tempus edax depascitur, omnia carpit, Omnia sede movet, nil35 sinit esse diu.”
The idea may be indefinitely extended. Among the writings of Thomas Nash, for instance, is a fantasy entitled “Summer’s Last Will and Testament.”
Summer loquitur.
“Enough of this, let me go make my will.... The surest way to get my will performed Is to make my executor my heir, And he, if all be given him, and none else, Unfallibly will see it well performed. Lions will feed, though none bid them fall to, Ill grows the tree affordeth ne’er a graft36.
This is the last stroke my tongue’s clock must strike My last will, which I will that you perform: My crown I have disposed already of. Item, I give my withered37 flowers and herbs Unto dead corpses38, for to deck them with; My shady walks to great men’s servitors, Who in their masters’ shadows walk secure; My pleasant open air, and fragrant39 smells, To Croydon and the grounds abutting40 round; My heat and warmth to toiling41 labourers, My long days to bondmen and prisoners— My fruits to Autumn, my adopted heir, [Pg 140] My murmuring springs, musicians of sweet sleep, To murmuring malcontents, with their well-tuned ears, Channelled in a sweet falling quatorzain, Do lull42 their ears asleep, listening themselves....”
Peignot, in his “Choix de Testaments” (1829) made a beginning of a bibliography43 of imaginative or imaginary wills, among which he cites the last will of the Ligue in the “Satyre Ménippée.” It has eloquent44 and poignant45 passages.
“Plus, suivant la coutume et anciennes lois, Je fais mon heritier tout46 le peuple fran?ois; Je lui laisse les pleurs, le sang, les pilleries, Les meurtres, assassins, insignes voleries, Les veuves, orphelins, et les violemens, Les larmes, les regrets, et les ran?onnemens, Les ruines des bourgs, des villes, des villages, Des chateaux, des maisons et tant de brigandages, Les ennuis, les douleurs et tous les maux re?us Par11 surprise ou assauts, par les flammes et feux, Bref de son cher pays les cendreuses reliques, Reste de mes labeurs et secrètes pratiques.”
Peignot showed what possibilities lay in this research; perhaps of poetic47 wills his countryman Villon’s “Testaments” are the most noteworthy. English literature, too, has many poems of this nature, and John Donne’s poem called “The Will” is characteristic of its author and of its kind.
“Before I sigh my last gasp49, let me breathe, Great Love, some legacies50; I here bequeath Mine eyes to Argus, if mine eyes can see; If they be blind, then, Love, I give them thee, My tongue to Fame; to ambassadors mine ears; [Pg 141] To women or the sea, my tears: Thou, Love, hast taught me heretofore By making me serve her who had twenty more, That I should give to none, but such as had too much before:
My constancy I to the planets give; My truth to them who at the court do live; Mine ingenuity51 and openness, To Jesuits; to buffoons52 my pensiveness53; My silence to any who abroad hath been: My money to a Capuchin: Thou, Love, taught’st me, by appointing me To love there, where no love received can be, Only to give to such as have an incapacity....”
It can be seen how readily the mock will lends itself to satire54 or wit; but as a last example of poetic wills may be quoted one of quite another nature, one which savours of the piety55 and the spirit of seventeenth-century testaments.
“Here in the presence of my God While yet He spares me from His rod, Of perfect memory and mind And wholly to His will resigned, Not knowing how my lot shall be, Or if my soul may suddenly The summons hear to haste away Unto the realms of deathless day, Ere mortal flesh and spirit faint Or sickness all the senses taint56, Before I lose the good intent, I make my will and testament. And first my soul to God I give, In whom all souls and spirits live, That He would set it in the place Prepared of His eternal grace, [Pg 142] Though stained with many a spot it be, Nor fit for saints’ society, Until my Saviour57 wash it white And worthy48 of its Maker’s sight: Sweet Jesu, may this faith prevail, Nor at the last Thy Presence fail. My body to the fire or earth I give, without remorse58 or mirth, That without pomp or any pride The trammels may be laid aside That hemmed59 the soul in, but with meet Solemnity in church and street, Due reverence60 that moves the heart Of him who sees the dead depart, And tells the living he must come At last himself unto the tomb. And since there have been granted me Some goods of this world’s currency, (An earnest as I hope and trust Of goods that perish not in dust,) And since of higher weight and worth, The first felicity of earth, There has been granted me a wife With ecstasy61 to crown my life, To calm my spirit in distress62 And put a term to loneliness, I give, devise, bequeath, dispone, All that I have or call my own, (Though only for the meanwhile lent,) My goods, my stock, my tenement63, Unto her use that she may crave64 No substance when I reach the grave: Though would that it were thrice the more To bless her with an ampler store. Item. The essays of my pen, All thoughts or poems, all that then May perfect or imperfect be, The records and remains65 of me, I give her to destroy or keep, The chaff66 to burn, the grain to reap, [Pg 143] I give her all sweet thoughts that passed Betwixt us from first days to last, All words of soft and tender guise67, All tears and smiles of heart or eyes, To brood on and to dream upon When I the unknown way am gone. Item. I give, all else above, My fervent68 and unchanging love To have and hold without restraint To her own use, not far and faint, But near and burning, not removed With the dear presence that she loved. Therefore her spirit I entrust69 To God’s tuition, till the dust And scales of earth fall from her eyes, And she awake in Paradise. Lastly, revoking70 every will, Without a wish or thought of ill, Praying for pardon from the great, Nor less from those of less estate, For word or deed, that I may be Remembered but with amity71, Praying beyond all and above Pardon of His unbounded love, In perfect charity with all, Awaiting the great change and call, Hereto I set my seal and hand, That at the last my will may stand Inviolate72, and none contest My mind and meaning manifest.”
That sweet spirit Eugénie de Guérin, at the entry in her Journal for March 31, 1838, suddenly muses on the making of a will: “Let us see how I would make my will. To you, my Journal, my pen-knife, the ‘Confessions’ of Saint Augustine. To Father, my poems; to érembert, [Pg 144] Lamartine; to Mimi, my rosary, my little knife, ‘The Way to Calvary,’ ‘The Meditations73 of Father Judde.’ To Louise, ‘The Spiritual Conflict’; to Mimi also my ‘Imitation’; to Antoinette, ‘The Burning Soul.’ To you also my little strong box for your secrets, on condition that you burn all mine, if there should be any in it. What would you do with them? They are affairs of conscience, some of those matters that lie between the soul and God, some letters of counsel from M. Bories and that good Norman curé whom I have mentioned. I keep them as a souvenir, and because I require them; they are my papers, which, however, must not see the light of day. If, then, what I write here for amusement should come to pass, if you become my heir, remember to burn all the contents of this box.”
Kenneth Grahame, forgetting for a moment his Eugénie de Guérin, asks in “Dream Days”: “Who in search of relaxation74, would ever dream of choosing the drawing-up of a testamentary disposition75 of property?” But this sudden craze he gives to little Harold. He was shy of showing his “death-letter,” as he called it, but it came out after a tussle76. It was not the first will to cause dissension. “My dear Edward, when I die I leave all my muny to you my walkin sticks wips my crop my sord and gun bricks forts and all things i have goodbye my dear charlotte when i die I leave you my wach and cumpus and pencel case my salors and camperdown my picteres and evthing goodbye your loving brother armen my [Pg 145] dear Martha I love you very much i leave you my garden my mice and rabets my plants in pots when I die please take care of them my dear—”
But will-making may have a sinister77 attraction, a suspicion of something hardly sane78. Fragments of Chatterton’s will have already been quoted. Apprenticed79 to an attorney, he strove to get free, and as a last means to induce his master to dismiss him, he left in the office this strange document, dated April 14, 1770, in which his approaching suicide was announced. It had the effect desired. “All this wrote between 11 and 2 o’clock Saturday, in the utmost distress of mind. April 14, 1770. This is the last will and testament of me, Thomas Chatterton, of the city of Bristol; being sound in body, or it is the fault of my last surgeon, the soundness of my mind, the coroner and jury are to be judges of, desiring them to take notice that the most perfect masters of human nature in Bristol distinguish me by the title of the Mad Genius; therefore, if I do a mad action, it is conformable to every action of my life, which all savoured of insanity80.” There follow directions for tomb and tablets, and bequests81 of satirical or bitter humour. “I leave also my religion to Dr. Cutts Barton, Dean of Bristol, hereby empowering the Sub Sacrist to strike him on the head when he goes to sleep in church.... I leave my moderation to the politicians on both sides of the question.... I give my abstinence to the company of the Sheriff’s annual feast in general, more particularly [Pg 146] to the Aldermen.... I leave the young ladies all the letters they have had from me, assuring them that they need be under no apprehension83 from the appearance of my ghost, for I die for none of them.... I leave my mother and sister to the protection of my friends, if I have any. Executed in the presence of Omniscience84 this 14th day of April, 1770.”
But probably of imaginative and fantastic wills the most remarkable85 is one said to be the work of a lunatic in America, more surprising for its beauty than are others for their satiric82 or malicious86 inventiveness.[2]
“ ... I leave the children for the term of their childhood the flowers, fields, blossoms, and woods, with the right to play among them freely, warning them at the same time against thistles and thorns. I devise to the children the banks, the brooks87, and the golden sands beneath waters thereof, and the white clouds that float high over the giant trees, and I leave to the children long long days to be merry in, and the night and the moon and the train of the Milky88 Way to wonder at.
“I devise to the boys jointly89 all the useful fields, all the pleasant waters where one may swim, all the streams where one may fish or where, [Pg 147] when grim winter comes, one may skate, to have and hold the same for the period of their boyhood.... I give to the said boys each his own place by the fireside at night, with all the pictures that may be seen in the burning wood, to enjoy without let or hindrance90 and without any encumbrance91 or care.
“To lovers I devise their imaginary world with whatever they may need, as stars, sky, red roses by the wall, the bloom of the hawthorn92, the sweet strains of music, and aught else they may desire.... To the loved ones with snowy crowns I bequeath happiness, old age, the love and gratitude93 of their children, until they fall asleep.”
FOOTNOTE
[2] A few passages are here quoted from this will as it appeared in the Daily Telegraph. It seems that its appellation94 “The Lunatic’s Will” is erroneous and that it was a deliberate literary composition. See Harris’s “Ancient, Curious, and Famous Wills” referred to in the Preface. In that book it is quoted in full and its real origin given.
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1
wrest
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| n.扭，拧，猛夺；v.夺取，猛扭，歪曲 | |
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testament
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| n.遗嘱；证明 | |
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rumoured
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| adj.谣传的；传说的；风 | |
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prosaic
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| adj.单调的，无趣的 | |
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downwards
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| adj./adv.向下的（地），下行的（地） | |
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ascend
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| vi.渐渐上升，升高；vt.攀登，登上 | |
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collaterals
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| n.附属担保品( collateral的名词复数 ) | |
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sanguine
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| adj.充满希望的，乐观的，血红色的 | |
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underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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rev
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| v.发动机旋转，加快速度 | |
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par
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| n.标准，票面价值，平均数量；adj.票面的，平常的，标准的 | |
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muses
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的第三人称单数 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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revert
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| v.恢复，复归，回到 | |
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stickler
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| n.坚持细节之人 | |
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frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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codicil
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| n.遗嘱的附录 | |
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crouch
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| v.蹲伏，蜷缩，低头弯腰；n.蹲伏 | |
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joyous
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| adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的 | |
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serene
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| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
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foes
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| 敌人，仇敌( foe的名词复数 ) | |
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lone
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| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
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prop
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| vt.支撑；n.支柱，支撑物；支持者，靠山 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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pussy
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| n.(儿语)小猫，猫咪 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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testaments
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bequest
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| n.遗赠；遗产，遗物 | |
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wren
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| n.鹪鹩；英国皇家海军女子服务队成员 | |
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patriotic
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| adj.爱国的，有爱国心的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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gallant
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| adj.英勇的，豪侠的；(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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nil
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| n.无，全无，零 | |
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graft
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| n.移植，嫁接，艰苦工作，贪污；v.移植，嫁接 | |
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withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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corpses
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| n.死尸，尸体( corpse的名词复数 ) | |
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fragrant
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| adj.芬香的，馥郁的，愉快的 | |
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abutting
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| adj.邻接的v.（与…）邻接( abut的现在分词 )；（与…）毗连；接触；倚靠 | |
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toiling
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| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的现在分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
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lull
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| v.使安静，使入睡，缓和，哄骗；n.暂停，间歇 | |
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bibliography
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| n.参考书目；(有关某一专题的)书目 | |
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eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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poignant
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| adj.令人痛苦的，辛酸的，惨痛的 | |
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tout
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| v.推销，招徕；兜售；吹捧，劝诱 | |
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poetic
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| adj.富有诗意的，有诗人气质的，善于抒情的 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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gasp
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| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
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legacies
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| n.遗产( legacy的名词复数 )；遗留之物；遗留问题；后遗症 | |
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ingenuity
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| n.别出心裁；善于发明创造 | |
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52
buffoons
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| n.愚蠢的人( buffoon的名词复数 )；傻瓜；逗乐小丑；滑稽的人 | |
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pensiveness
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| n.pensive（沉思的）的变形 | |
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satire
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| n.讽刺，讽刺文学，讽刺作品 | |
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piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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56
taint
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| n.污点；感染；腐坏；v.使感染；污染 | |
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saviour
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| n.拯救者，救星 | |
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58
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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hemmed
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| 缝…的褶边( hem的过去式和过去分词 )； 包围 | |
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reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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tenement
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| n.公寓；房屋 | |
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crave
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| vt.渴望得到，迫切需要，恳求，请求 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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chaff
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| v.取笑，嘲笑；n.谷壳 | |
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guise
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| n.外表，伪装的姿态 | |
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fervent
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| adj.热的，热烈的，热情的 | |
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entrust
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| v.信赖，信托，交托 | |
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revoking
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| v.撤销，取消，废除( revoke的现在分词 ) | |
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amity
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| n.友好关系 | |
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inviolate
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| adj.未亵渎的，未受侵犯的 | |
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meditations
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| 默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想 | |
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relaxation
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| n.松弛，放松；休息；消遣；娱乐 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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tussle
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| n.&v.扭打，搏斗，争辩 | |
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sinister
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| adj.不吉利的，凶恶的，左边的 | |
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sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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apprenticed
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| 学徒，徒弟( apprentice的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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insanity
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| n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐 | |
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bequests
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| n.遗赠( bequest的名词复数 )；遗产，遗赠物 | |
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satiric
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| adj.讽刺的，挖苦的 | |
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apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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omniscience
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| n.全知，全知者，上帝 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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malicious
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| adj.有恶意的，心怀恶意的 | |
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brooks
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| n.小溪( brook的名词复数 ) | |
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milky
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| adj.牛奶的，多奶的；乳白色的 | |
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jointly
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| ad.联合地，共同地 | |
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hindrance
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| n.妨碍，障碍 | |
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encumbrance
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| n.妨碍物，累赘 | |
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hawthorn
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| 山楂 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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appellation
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| n.名称，称呼 | |
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