But pity now thy servant here."
For a while they sat in silence looking into the fire. Indeed it was hard for the Queen-mother to know how to begin. Let it be said at once frankly2, she and Turbo had loved each other. It was long ago now, and far away—in fair Castile,—when he was the brilliant and accomplished3 young secretary of her father. He was no mere4 clerk, but a youth of noble family, an aspirant5 to the great offices of the state, who had taken the post to learn the business of administration.
Thus there was no reason why he should not openly show his adoration6 for his chief's beautiful daughter, or why she should seek to hide her love for him. Daily they met, and daily his passion grew. He loved her with all the ardour of which his hot Spanish blood was capable, so that it maddened him to see how cold and calm was her northern heart, loving as it was, beside the fever that consumed him.
[Pg 27]
Yet he was happy in the knowledge of her love, and all went well till one night her father entertained an officer to whom he had taken a liking7. He was a man of brilliant wit, but known as a greedy duellist8. Yet Margaret was amused, and laughed and talked gaily9 with him till he departed. Turbo accompanied him to a tavern10 hard by for a parting cup. The place was full of gentlemen, many of whom the officer knew. They fell to talking, then to boasting, till in an evil hour the man vaunted his new conquest, and let fall a little light word with Margaret's name. In a moment he had the lie and a stinging blow on the mouth from Turbo's glove.
All efforts of the young secretary's friends to save him from his quixotic folly11 were in vain. He would listen to no explanation. He would receive no apology. The least he could do, it seemed to him, to show himself worthy12 of his treasured love, was to chastise13 the man who had breathed ever so faintly on his mistress's name.
They fought on horseback, with pistols and swords. It was all the youth's friends could do in order to equalise the chances. Yet the affair was little better than murder. The first shot hit Turbo in the knee, the second tore across his lips. Half choking with blood he fell on with his sword; but no sooner were they engaged than a fearful gash14 across the face blinded him. In the[Pg 28] agony of the moment he checked his rearing horse sharply, and the frantic15 animal fell over on the top of him.
For months he lay in the hospital almost between life and death. Every day came flowers and a little loving note from Margaret, overflowing16 with pity and gratitude17. It made him bear his terrible suffering with a gay heart to see how much his courage had won him. His chief came constantly to his bedside, and spoke18 to him as a son-in-law; but ere he was fully19 recovered, and clear of the pestilential air of the hospital, he was taken with the small-pox. Another terrible period of waiting and suffering ensued, and by the time he was able to leave the hospital, Margaret and her father had sailed for the Canaries.
Without a moment's delay he followed them, and at length the longed-for moment was to come, when he should hold his love in his arms once more. She burst into the room with a glad cry when they told her he was come, but no sooner did she set eyes on his mangled20 form than she stopped transfixed with horror, and with a terrible scream fell to the ground.
The shock threw her into a dangerous illness, and when she recovered nothing more was said of a marriage. Turbo accepted his fate, but with a bitterness that poisoned his whole nature. His love was no less than before, and it was only by the nursing of a[Pg 29] bitter contempt for its object, and all the daughters of Eve, that he could make his life endurable.
And yet he could not tear himself from her side. The months went by, and still he remained at his old post, and when Margaret left to become Queen of Oneiria, he accepted the place which Kophetua XII.—the present king's father—offered him out of admiration21 for his abilities, and pity for his miserable22 story.
When the young prince was born, so great was the esteem23 in which Turbo was held, that he was appointed his governor; and as soon as the boy was old enough to be out of the nurse's hands, Turbo began to win a surprising influence over him. So great was the affection that grew up between the ill-assorted pair, that when the king died it was found that Turbo was named guardian24 in the will, and it was from this post that he had been elevated to the chancellorship25 as soon as the boy came of age.
With such a pricking27 memory in her mind it is not to be wondered at that the poor Queen sat looking long into the fire before she spoke; especially as all her own, and, what was more, all her son's happiness seemed to hang on the result of the interview.
"Do you mean to thwart28 me again, Chancellor26?" she said at last abruptly29.
"I trust I have never willingly thwarted30 your majesty31 in anything," he answered.
[Pg 30]
"Nay32, I cry a truce33 on courtly fictions," said the Queen, a little impatiently. "Let us be frank for once."
"As your majesty pleases," answered the Chancellor, without the least unbending.
"To-morrow the Marquis de Tricotrin will arrive with his daughter. You know?" began the unhappy Queen.
"I have heard so unofficially."
"And you know why she is coming?"
"I have permitted myself to hazard a guess."
"Then what do you mean to do?"
"Like your majesty, my duty, modified by circumstances."
"What do you mean?"
"Merely that as heretofore I shall advise his majesty on the whole circumstances of the case, if and when I am consulted."
"Chancellor," cried the Queen impatiently, "I have urged you to be frank. To what end is all this? I have come a long way to you, will you not make one step to meet me? Well," she continued, as the Chancellor made no reply, "I at least can be open. I ask you, do you mean to make my son refuse again?"
"Really your majesty flatters me. The King will use his own discretion34."
"No, he will use yours. Do you think I do not know why it is that girl after girl has come hither in vain. In every way they were fitted to be his queen, and he refused[Pg 31] even to be kind to one. It was you that made him do it. He gives not a thought to me. It is you that are all in all to him. His whole soul is but a little bit of yours. You have absorbed him, you have taken him all from me."
"I assure your majesty," said the Chancellor imperturbably35, "we do not ever discuss the subject together. It is entirely36 his own inclination37 that guides him."
"You say that," said the Queen, with increasing agitation38. "You say that, and if it is true it is worse than I thought. You have taught him, like yourself, to hate women. That is why he speaks of them as he does. But still you can undo39 your work. If not for my sake or for his, at least for the country's you should administer the antidote40. If you have poisoned, it is you alone who can cure. See the pass we have come to. What will happen if he is not married this year? He will lose his kingdom; but that is a little thing to what I am losing. Cannot you understand what it is for me to see the ruin of my one son's life, to see his soul starving for want of a woman's love, to long unsatisfied to see his great nature ripened41 with a husband's and a father's joys, to hold his children on my knee, and know once more the holiest love a woman ever feels? Think, think what you do, and hold your hand before it is too late. You cannot be all stone. If you have one tender spot left[Pg 32] give him back to me. Turbo, in the name of our old love, give him back to me!"
She leaned forward towards him, her hands outstretched with a pleading gesture that was inexpressibly touching42 and tender. But Turbo remained immovable, save that his snarl43 grew more cruel. It was more than she could bear. She felt her eyes filling with tears, and she bowed her head in her hands. There was a silence between them for a minute, and then Turbo's cold voice spoke unchanged.
"By what right," said he, "do you conjure44 me by our old love? You, who threw me away like a soiled glove."
"I have no right," she murmured, without looking up. "It was a great sin, and none can know how I have suffered for it. But the crime was not his. At least you may have mercy on him."
"And what right have you," he continued as coldly as ever, "to crave45 mercy for him? Did you show any to me? What is he to you that I was not a thousandfold? When did he ever love you more than his dogs? and I have burned for you like a fire! What devotion has he ever shown you? and I crawled to you like a slave! What has he ever sacrificed for you? and I gave more than my life for a little piece of your honour. How will you find reward for me, if to him you would give so much?"
"You know not," she answered piteously,[Pg 33] "you cannot know, what he is to me. All you say is true, yet God has made him more to me than all the world. Turbo, he is my son, my only child, and you will not understand."
"Nor will you understand what I have felt," answered Turbo. "Yet I will tell you, Gretchen; try and conceive it. Think what I was when I crawled hither in your train to be a thing of loathing46 to every woman in the Court, and all because I had been too jealous of your honour. Think what a sweet reward of chivalry47 it was to lick up the crumbs48 you threw me to ease your tormenting50 conscience. I know what it cost you to invite me here. I know how you detested51 the sight of me. You did it as a penance52, and I saw you saying, as you shuddered53 by me, 'God will forgive my sin, because I cast my broken meats to this Lazarus, and suffer my dogs to lick his sores.'"
He paused a little, looking down on the crouching54 form without pity, while she shrank and sobbed55 with her hands before her face.
"And whose silent voice was this?" he pursued. "It was my love that spoke. It was she who once had met me with a blush of mantling56 delight; it was she whose soft form I had clasped unresisting in my arms; it was her heart that had beaten warm and fast against mine; it was her lips that had[Pg 34] drunk my kisses like sweet wine. You—you, who knew best how my heart could feel, what think you was in it then? But I bore it all uncomplaining, because I could not conceive of life away from you. I bore it and waited for some solace57 to come."
"But why do you say all this?" the Queen broke in as he stopped again. "What good can it do to gall58 your wounds and mine like this?"
"Listen, Gretchen. I will tell you all now you have driven me to begin. I say I waited for a solace to come. It was weary, hopeless work, but the solace came at last. I had won your husband's esteem. He believed the fine sentiments I always had ready for his ear. I believed them once myself. He did not see I was changed, and gave me his boy to make a man of. Then I saw in my grasp a thing to sweeten the bitterness of my life. I used to look at my charge, and see him beautiful as the daylight. I knew he would grow up a man that women would look on and love helplessly; and it was I—I, who was to make him worthy of their love! Can you not see what sweet solace there was for me there? 'They shall love him,' I said, 'they shall love him, but he shall never return their love. I will show him what they are. He shall know from his childhood what I learnt too late.' I swore they should never rejoice in the love of such a man as I would make him. I pictured them longing59 for him[Pg 35] and eating their hearts. Was it not a gentle solace?"
"It was revenge!" she cried bitterly; "it was unmanly revenge!"
"Call it what you will," he continued; "perhaps you are right, I do not pretend to be anything but what I am. Yet I had another motive60 for what I did, and perhaps I am not wholly bad."
"No, no, Turbo," she said eagerly, as though his words gave her a hope to clutch at. "God knows you are not that."
"And yet," he went on, without interruption, "I think I am as bad as a man can be; perhaps a woman might be worse. You try to think as well of me as you can. It is only natural. I owe you no thanks for it; for it was you alone that made me what I am. It has been wisely said that no one can act from a wholly bad motive. That is all I mean. I loved the boy a little—as much indeed as I can love anything again—and perhaps I thought to save him from what I had suffered. To love a woman was my curse. Perhaps I strove a little to bless him with such a wisdom as would save him from that. That is what I have done for your son, Gretchen; and now, when I turn over the pages of my miserable life, there is at least one pleasant chapter where I may linger."
She saw it was hopeless now, and rose to her feet. The one ray of light was gone[Pg 36] again, but before she dismissed him she longed to know one thing. So she drew up her stately figure and faced him with the courage of a woman who felt she was being punished beyond her crime. He was a coward to her now.
"Is that all you have to say to me, Chancellor?" she said, looking straight in his face.
"It was your majesty who sought the interview," he replied. "It can end when you wish."
"Is there nothing you have kept back? Have you not one blow in reserve?" He did not answer, so she went on, "I ask because you tell me that you have taught my son to look on women as the basest creatures of God. I, his mother, am the type in your eyes. Have you told him this too?"
"Does your majesty insist on an answer?"
"I insist on nothing. I am powerless to do so. I only thought you would not be coward enough to add this new torment49 to my punishment."
"I am only what your majesty has made me."
"Then God help us both," she said, checking an angry outburst that was on her lips. "You may retire."
Her attempt had failed. It was her first thought when he was gone, as she sank into her chair again. She had failed, and only added to her load the terrible uncertainty[Pg 37] whether her son had been told of her crime. Yet she knew she had gained something which she least expected to find. Till now she had pitied her old lover, and that had prevented her giving way to open hostility61. She had stood in awe62 of him, too, but now it seemed different. He was a pitiless and craven bully63. Why should she feel for him, who had no spark of sympathy for her? He was a thing to despise and not to fear. So when they entered to announce the supper-hour, she rose up calmly, knowing she had found a new courage for the struggle before her.
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1
whit
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| n.一点，丝毫 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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aspirant
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| n.热望者；adj.渴望的 | |
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adoration
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| n.爱慕，崇拜 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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duellist
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| n.决斗者；[体]重剑运动员 | |
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9
gaily
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| adv.欢乐地，高兴地 | |
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tavern
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| n.小旅馆，客栈；小酒店 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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12
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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chastise
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| vt.责骂，严惩 | |
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14
gash
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| v.深切，划开；n.(深长的)切(伤)口；裂缝 | |
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15
frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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16
overflowing
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| n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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17
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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mangled
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| vt.乱砍（mangle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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chancellorship
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| 长官的职位或任期 | |
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chancellor
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| n.(英)大臣；法官；(德、奥)总理；大学校长 | |
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pricking
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| 刺，刺痕，刺痛感 | |
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28
thwart
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| v.阻挠，妨碍，反对；adj.横(断的) | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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thwarted
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| 阻挠( thwart的过去式和过去分词 )； 使受挫折； 挫败； 横过 | |
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majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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32
nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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truce
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| n.休战，(争执，烦恼等的)缓和；v.以停战结束 | |
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discretion
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| n.谨慎；随意处理 | |
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imperturbably
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| adv.泰然地，镇静地，平静地 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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38
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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undo
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| vt.解开，松开；取消，撤销 | |
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40
antidote
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| n.解毒药，解毒剂 | |
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41
ripened
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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42
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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43
snarl
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| v.吼叫，怒骂，纠缠，混乱；n.混乱，缠结，咆哮 | |
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conjure
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| v.恳求，祈求；变魔术，变戏法 | |
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45
crave
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| vt.渴望得到，迫切需要，恳求，请求 | |
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46
loathing
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| n.厌恶，憎恨v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的现在分词)；极不喜欢 | |
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47
chivalry
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| n.骑士气概，侠义；（男人）对女人彬彬有礼，献殷勤 | |
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48
crumbs
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| int. (表示惊讶)哎呀 n. 碎屑 名词crumb的复数形式 | |
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49
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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50
tormenting
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| 使痛苦的，使苦恼的 | |
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51
detested
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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52
penance
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| n.（赎罪的）惩罪 | |
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53
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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54
crouching
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的现在分词 ) | |
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55
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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56
mantling
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| 覆巾 | |
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57
solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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58
gall
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| v.使烦恼，使焦躁，难堪；n.磨难 | |
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59
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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60
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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61
hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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62
awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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63
bully
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| n.恃强欺弱者，小流氓；vt.威胁，欺侮 | |
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