All this conflict of sentiment was conscious, which made matters worse: for all the time Matty was never quite clear of the idea that she was a humbug14, and even in her truest impulse of feeling kept perpetually finding herself out. If Colin had been able to appear downstairs, her position would have been more and more embarrassing; as it was, she saw, as clearly as any one, that the intercourse15 which she had hitherto kept up with the tutor must absolutely come to an end now, when he had a claim so much stronger and more urgent upon the gratitude16 of the family. And, the more closely she perceived this, the more did Matty grudge17 the necessity of throwing aside the most graceful18 of all her playthings. Things might have gone on in the old way for long enough but for this most unnecessary and perplexing accident, which was entirely19 Harry’s fault. Now she dared not any longer play with Colin’s devotion, and yet was very reluctant to give up the young worshipper, who amused and interested and affected her more than any other in her train. With this in her mind, Miss Matty, as may be supposed, was a little fitful in her{187} spirits, and felt herself, on the whole, an injured woman. The ordinary homage20 of the drawing-room felt stale and unprofitable after Colin’s poetic21 worship; and the wooing of Harry, who felt he had a right to her, and conducted himself accordingly, made the contrast all the more distinct. And in her heart, deep down beyond all impulses of vanity, there lay a woman’s pity for the sufferer, a woman’s grateful but remorseful22 admiration23 for the man who had given in exchange for all her false coin a most unquestionable heart.
It will thus be apparent that Matty did not suspect the change that had come over Colin’s sentiments; perhaps she could not by any effort of her understanding have realized the sudden revolution which these few weeks had worked in his mind. She would have been humbled24, wounded, perhaps angry, had she known of his disenchantment. But, in her ignorance, a certain yearning25 was in the young lady’s mind. She was not reconciled to give him up; she wanted to see him again—even, so mingled26 were her sentiments, to try her power upon him again, though it could only be to give him pain. Altogether, the business was complicated to an incredible extent in the mind of Matty, and she had not an idea of the simple manner in which Colin had cut the knot and escaped out of all its entanglements27. When the accident was discussed downstairs the remarks of the general company were insufferable to the girl who knew more about Colin than any one else did; and the sharpness of her criticism upon their talk confounded even Lady Frankland, whose powers of observation were not rapid. “My dear, you seem to be losing your temper,” said the astonished aunt; and the idea gave Lady Frankland a little trouble. “A woman who loses her temper will never do for Harry,” she said in confidence to Sir Thomas. “And, poor fellow, he is very ready to take offence since this unfortunate accident. I am sure I am quite willing to acknowledge how much we owe to Mr. Campbell; but it is very odd that nothing has ever happened to Harry except in his company,” said the aggrieved28 mother. Sir Thomas, for his part, was more reasonable.
“A very lucky thing for Harry,” said the baronet. “Nobody else would have gone into that canal after him. I can’t conceive how Harry could be such a confounded ass,” Sir Thomas added, with a mortified29 air. “But as for Campbell, poor fellow, anything that I can do for him—. By Jove, Mary, if he were to die I should never forgive myself.” On the whole, it will be seen that the agitations31 occasioned by Colin were not confined to{188} his own chamber32. As for Harry, he kept silence on the subject, but did not the less feel the inferior position in which his misfortune had left him. He was grateful so far, that, if he could have persuaded Colin to accept any recompense, or done him any overwhelming favour, he would have gladly given that evidence of thankfulness. But, after the first shock of horror with which he heard of the tutor’s danger, it is certain that the mortification33 of feeling that his life had been saved at the risk of another man’s life, produced in young Frankland anything but a friendly sentiment. To accept so vast an obligation requires an amount of generosity34 of which Harry was not capable. The two young men were, indeed, placed in this singular relationship to each other, without the existence of a spark of sympathy between them. Not only was the mind of the saved in a sore and resentful, rather than a grateful and affectionate, state; but even the other, from whom more magnanimity might have been expected, had absolutely no pleasure in thinking that he had saved the life of a fellow-creature. That sweet satisfaction and approval of conscience which is said to attend acts of benevolence35 did not make itself felt in the bosom36 of Colin. He was rather irritated than gratified by the consciousness of having preserved Harry Frankland from a watery37 grave, as the apothecary38 said. The entire household was possessed39 by sensations utterly40 unlike those which it ought to have felt when, on the day succeeding his consultation41 with Lauderdale, Colin for the first time came down stairs. There were still some people in the house giving full occupation to Lady Frankland’s powers of hospitality, and Matty’s of entertainment; but both the ladies heard in a minute or two after his appearance that Mr. Campbell had been seen going into the library. “Perhaps it would be best if you were to go and speak to him, Matty,” said Lady Frankland. “There is no occasion for being too enthusiastic; but you may say that I am very much occupied, or I would have come myself to welcome him. Say anything that is proper, my dear, and I will try and induce Harry to go and shake hands, and make his acknowledgments. Men have such a horror of making a fuss,” said the perplexed42 mother. As for Matty, she went upon her errand with eagerness and a little agitation30. Colin was in the library, seated at the table beside Sir Thomas, when she went in. The light was shining full upon him, and it did not subdue43 the beatings of Matty’s contradictory44 little heart to see how changed he was, and out of caves how deep those eyes looked which had taken new meanings unintelligible{189} to her. She had been, in her secret heart, a little proud of understanding Colin’s eyes; and it was humiliating to see the new significations which they had come to during his sickness, and to which she had no clue. Sir Thomas was speaking when she came in; so Matty said nothing, but came and stood by him for a moment, and gave her hand to Colin. When their eyes met, they were both somewhat excited by it, though they were not in love with each other; and then Matty drew a chair to the other side of the table, and looked remorsefully45, pitifully, tenderly, on the man whom she supposed her lover. She was surprised that he did not seek her eye, or show himself alive to all her movements, as he used to do; and at that moment, for the first time, it occurred to Matty to wonder whether the absolute possession of Colin’s heart might not be worth a sacrifice. She was tired of Harry, and, to tell the truth, of most other people just then. And the sight of this youth—who was younger than she was, who was so much more ignorant and less experienced than she, and who had not an idea in his head about settlements and establishments, but entertained visions of an impossible life, with incomprehensible aims and meanings in it,—had a wonderfully sudden effect upon her. For that instant Matty was violently tempted;—that is to say, she took it into consideration as actually a question worth thinking of, whether it might not be practicable to accept Colin’s devotion, and push him on in the world, and make something of him. She entertained the idea all the more, strangely enough, because she saw none of the old pleadings in Colin’s eyes.
“I hope you will never doubt our gratitude, Campbell,” said Sir Thomas. “I understand that the doctor has said you must not remain in this climate. Of course you must spend the spring in Nice, or somewhere. It’s charming scenery thereabouts. You’ll get better directly you get into the air. And in summer, you know, there’s no place so good as England—you must come back here. As for expenses, you shall have a travelling allowance over your salary. Don’t say anything; money can never repay——”
“As long as I was Charley’s tutor,” said Colin, “money was natural. Pardon me—I can’t help the change of circumstances; there is no bond between us now—only kindness,” said the young man with an effort. “You have all been very good to me since I fell ill. I came to thank you, and to say I must give up——”
“Yes, yes,” said Sir Thomas; “but you can’t imagine that I{190} will let you suffer for your exertions46 on my son’s behalf, and for the regard you have shown to my family?”
“I wish you would understand,” said Colin, with vexation. “I have explained to Lady Frankland more than once. It may seem rude to say so, but there was no regard for your family involved in that act, at least. I was the only one of the party who saw that your son had gone down. I had no wish to go down after him—I can’t say I had any impulse, even; but I had seen him, and I should have felt like his murderer if I had not attempted to save him. I am aware it is an ungracious thing to say, but I cannot accept praise which I don’t deserve,” said Colin, his weakness bringing a hot sudden colour over his face; and then he stopped short, and looked at Sir Thomas, who was perplexed by this interruption, and did not quite know how to shape his reply.
“Well, well,” said the baronet; “I don’t exactly understand you, and I daresay you don’t understand yourself. Most people that are capable of doing a brave action give queer explanations of it. That’s what you mean, I suppose. No fellow that’s worth anything pretends to fine motives47, and so forth48. You did it because you could not help it. But that does not interfere49 with my gratitude. When you are ready to go, you will find a credit opened for you at my bankers, and we must see about letters of introduction, and all that; and I advise you, if you’re going to Italy, to begin the language at once if you don’t know it. Miss Matty used to chatter50 enough for six when we were there. I daresay she’d like nothing better than to teach you,” said Sir Thomas. He was so much relieved by the possibility of turning over his difficult visitor upon Matty, that he forgot the disadvantages of such a proposal. He got up, delighted to escape and to avoid any further remonstrance51, and held out his hand to Colin. “Delighted to see you downstairs again,” said the baronet; “and I hope you’ll bring your friend to dinner with you to-night. Good-bye just now; I have, unfortunately, an engagement—”
“Good-bye,” said Colin. “I will write to you all about it.” And so the good-hearted Squire52 went away, thinking everything was settled. After that it was very strange for the two who had been so much together to find themselves again in the same room, and alone. As for Colin, he did not well know what to say. Almost the last time he had been by Matty’s side without any witnesses, was the time when he concluded that it was only his life that he was throwing away for her sake. Since that time{191} what a wonderful change had passed over him! The idea that he had thought her smile, a glance of her eye, worth such a costly53 sacrifice, annoyed Colin. But still her presence sent a little thrill through him when they were left alone together. And, as for Miss Matty, there was some anxiety in her face as she looked at him. What did he mean? was he taking a desperate resolution to declare his sentiments? or what other reason could there be for his unusual silence? for it never occurred to her to attribute it to its true cause.
“My uncle thinks you have consented to his plan,” said Matty; “but I suppose I know what your face means better than he does. Why are you so hard upon us, I wonder? I know well enough that Harry and you never took to each other; but you used to like the rest of us—or, at least, I thought so,” said the little siren. She gave one of her pretty glances at him under her eyelashes, and Colin looked at her across the table candidly54, without any disguise. Alas55! he had seen her throw that same glance at various other persons, while he stood in the corner of the drawing-room observing everything; and the familiar artillery56 this time had no effect.
“I have the greatest respect for everybody at Wodensbourne,” said Colin; “you did me only justice in thinking so. You have all been very good to me.”
“I did not say anything about respect,” said Miss Matty, with pouting57 lips. “We used to be friends, or, at least, I thought so. I never imagined we were to break off into respect so suddenly. I am sure I wish Harry had been a hundred miles away when he came to disturb us all,” said the disarmed58 enchantress. She saw affairs were in the most critical state, and her words were so far true that she could have expressed her feelings best at that moment by an honest fit of crying. As this was impracticable, Miss Matty tried less urgent measures. “We have caused you nothing but suffering and vexation,” said the young lady, dropping her voice and fixing her eyes upon the pattern of the table-cover, which she began to trace with her finger. “I do not wonder that we have become disagreeable to you. But you should not condemn59 the innocent with the guilty,” said Miss Matty, looking suddenly up into his eyes. A touch of agitation, the slightest possible, gave interest to the face on which Colin was looking; and perhaps all the time he had known her she had never so nearly approached being beautiful; as certainly, all the time, she had never so narrowly escaped being true. If things had been with Colin as they once were, the probability{192} is that, moved by her emotion, the whole story of his love would have poured forth at this emergency; and, had it done so, there is a possibility that Matty, carried away by the impulse of the moment, might have awoke next morning the affianced wife of the farmer’s son of Ramore.
Providence60, however, was kinder to the pair. Colin sat on the other side of the table, and perceived that she was putting her little delicate probe into his wound. He thought he saw all the asides and stage directions, and looked at her with a curious, vicarious sense of shame. Colin, indeed, in his new enlightenment, was hard upon Matty. He thought it was all because she would not give up her power over the victim, whom she intended only to torture, that she had thus taken the trouble to re-open the ended intercourse. He could no more have believed that at this moment, while he was looking at her, such a thing was possible as that Matty might have accepted his love, and pledged her life to him, than he could have believed the wildest nonsense that was ever written in a fairy tale. So the moments passed, while the ignorant mortal sat on the opposite side of the table—which was a very fortunate thing for both parties. Nevertheless, it was with a certain sense of contempt for him, as, after all, only an ordinary blind male creature, unconscious of his opportunities, mingled with a thrill of excitement, on her own part, natural to a woman who had just escaped a great danger, that Miss Matty listened to what Colin had to say.
“There is neither guilty nor innocent that I know of,” said Colin; “you have all been very kind to me. It is very good of you to take the pains to understand me. I don’t mean to take advantage of Sir Thomas Frankland’s kindness; but I am not such a churl61 as to fling it back in his teeth as if it was pride alone that made me refuse it. It is not pride alone,” said Colin, growing red, “but a sense of justice; for what I have done has been done by accident. I will write and explain to Sir Thomas what I mean.”
“Write and explain?” said Matty. “You have twice said you would write. Do you mean that you are going away?”
“As soon as it is possible,” said Colin; and then he perceived that he was speaking with rude distinctness. “Indeed, I have been taking advantage of your uncle’s kindness too long. I have been a useless member of the household for six weeks at least. Yes, I must go away.”
“You speak very calmly,” said Matty. She was a little{193} flushed, and there were tears in her eyes. If they had been real tears she would have hidden them carefully, but as they were only half real she had no objection to let Colin see that she was concealing62 them. “You are very composed about it, Mr. Campbell. One would think you were going away from a place distasteful to you; or, at least, which you were totally indifferent about. I daresay that is all very right and proper; but I have a good memory, and it appears rather strange to me.”
It was altogether a trying situation for Colin. If she had been able to seduce63 him into a little recrimination she might have succeeded in dragging the reluctant captive back again into her toils64; which, having by this time entirely recovered her senses, was all Miss Matty wanted. Her downcast, tearful eyes, the faltering65 in her voice, were wonderfully powerful weapons, which the young man was unable to combat by means of mere66 indifference67. Colin, however, being a man of impulses, was never to be calculated on beforehand for any particular line of conduct; and, on the present occasion, he entirely overleaped Miss Matty’s bounds.
“Yes, it is strange,” said Colin. “Perhaps nothing but the sight of death, who has been staring into my eyes for some time, could have shown me the true state of affairs. I have uttered a great deal of nonsense since I came to Wodensbourne, and you—have listened to it, Miss Frankland; and, perhaps, rather enjoyed seeing my tortures and my delights. But nothing could come of that; and when death hangs on behind everything but love flies before him,” said Colin. “It was pleasant sport while it lasted; but everything, except love, comes to an end.”
“Except love,” said Miss Matty. She was terribly piqued68 and mortified on the surface, and a little humbled and sorrowful within. She had a sense, too, that, for one moment, at the beginning of this interview, she had almost been capable of that sentiment which Colin exalted69 so highly: and that, consequently, he did her injustice70 in speaking of it as something with which she had nothing to do. “I remember hearing you talk of that sometimes, in the midst of what you call nonsense now. If you did not understand yourself, you can’t expect that I should have understood you,” she went on. To tell the truth, Miss Matty was very near crying. She had experienced the usual injustice of human affairs, and been punished for her vanity just at the moment when she was inclined to do better; and her heart cried out against such cruel usage. This time, however, she kept her tears quite in subjection and did not show them,{194} but only repeated, “You could not expect that I should understand you, if you did not understand yourself!”
“No; that is true at least,” said Colin, with eyes that strayed beyond her, and had gone off into other regions unknown to Matty. This which had piqued her even at the height of their alliance gave her an excuse for her anger now.
“And when you go off into sentiment I never understand you,” said the young lady. “I will levo l’incomodo, as the Italians say. That shall be your first lesson in the language which my uncle says I am to teach you,” and she turned away with a glance half-spiteful, half-wistful, which had more effect upon Colin than a world of words. He got up to open the door for her, weak as he was, and took her hand and kissed it as she went away. Then Colin took himself laboriously71 upstairs, having done his day’s work. And so unreasonable72 was the young man, that Matty’s last glance filled his heart with gentler thoughts of the world in general, though he was not in love any longer. “I was not such a fool after all,” he said to himself; which was a great consolation73. As for Matty, she cried heartily74 when she got to her room, and felt as if she had lost something. Nor did she recover until after luncheon75, when some people came to call, and it was her duty to be entertaining, and relieve Lady Frankland. “I hope you said everything that was proper to Mr. Campbell, my dear,” said the lady of the house when lunch was over. And so that chapter came to an end.
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1
poignancy
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| n.辛酸事，尖锐 | |
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destitute
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| adj.缺乏的；穷困的 | |
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aggravated
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| 使恶化( aggravate的过去式和过去分词 )； 使更严重； 激怒； 使恼火 | |
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harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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courageous
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| adj.勇敢的，有胆量的 | |
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upbraided
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| v.责备，申斥，谴责( upbraid的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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chivalrous
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| adj.武士精神的；对女人彬彬有礼的 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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harass
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| vt.使烦恼，折磨，骚扰 | |
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thraldom
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| n.奴隶的身份，奴役，束缚 | |
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sneers
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| 讥笑的表情（言语）( sneer的名词复数 ) | |
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humbug
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| n.花招，谎话，欺骗 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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grudge
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| n.不满，怨恨，妒嫉；vt.勉强给，不情愿做 | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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homage
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| n.尊敬，敬意，崇敬 | |
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poetic
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| adj.富有诗意的，有诗人气质的，善于抒情的 | |
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remorseful
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| adj.悔恨的 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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humbled
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| adj. 卑下的，谦逊的，粗陋的 vt. 使 ... 卑下，贬低 | |
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yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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entanglements
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| n.瓜葛( entanglement的名词复数 )；牵连；纠缠；缠住 | |
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aggrieved
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| adj.愤愤不平的，受委屈的；悲痛的；（在合法权利方面）受侵害的v.令委屈，令苦恼，侵害( aggrieve的过去式)；令委屈，令苦恼，侵害( aggrieve的过去式和过去分词) | |
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mortified
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| v.使受辱( mortify的过去式和过去分词 )；伤害（人的感情）；克制；抑制（肉体、情感等） | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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agitations
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| （液体等的）摇动( agitation的名词复数 )； 鼓动； 激烈争论； （情绪等的）纷乱 | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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mortification
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| n.耻辱，屈辱 | |
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generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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benevolence
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| n.慈悲，捐助 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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watery
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| adj.有水的，水汪汪的；湿的，湿润的 | |
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apothecary
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| n.药剂师 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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consultation
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| n.咨询；商量；商议；会议 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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subdue
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| vt.制服，使顺从，征服；抑制，克制 | |
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contradictory
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| adj.反驳的，反对的，抗辩的；n.正反对，矛盾对立 | |
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remorsefully
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| adv.极为懊悔地 | |
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exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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remonstrance
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| n抗议，抱怨 | |
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52
squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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costly
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| adj.昂贵的，价值高的，豪华的 | |
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candidly
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| adv.坦率地，直率而诚恳地 | |
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55
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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56
artillery
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| n.(军)火炮，大炮；炮兵(部队) | |
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57
pouting
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| v.撅（嘴）( pout的现在分词 ) | |
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58
disarmed
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| v.裁军( disarm的过去式和过去分词 )；使息怒 | |
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condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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60
providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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churl
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| n.吝啬之人；粗鄙之人 | |
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62
concealing
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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63
seduce
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| vt.勾引，诱奸，诱惑，引诱 | |
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64
toils
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| 网 | |
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65
faltering
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| 犹豫的，支吾的，蹒跚的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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68
piqued
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| v.伤害…的自尊心( pique的过去式和过去分词 )；激起（好奇心） | |
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69
exalted
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| adj.(地位等)高的，崇高的；尊贵的，高尚的 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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71
laboriously
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| adv.艰苦地；费力地；辛勤地；（文体等）佶屈聱牙地 | |
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72
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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73
consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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74
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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75
luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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