As for Colin himself, he was aiming at a special end, which made his course distinct for him among his more careless companions; he was bent11 on the highest honours attainable12 by hard work and powers much above the average; and this determination would have acted as a moral shield to him against the meaner temptations of the place, even if he had not already been by disposition13 and habits impervious14 to them. The higher danger—the many temptations to which Colin, like other young men, was exposed, of contenting himself with a brilliant unproductive social reputation—was warded15 off from him by the settled determination with which he entered upon his work. For Scotch sentiment is very distinct on this question; and Colin understood perfectly16 that, if he returned with only a moderate success, his Alma Mater would be utterly17 disgusted with her pet student, and his reputation would fall to a considerably18 lower ebb19 than if he had been content to stay at home. He came upon that tranquil20 academic scene in the true spirit of an invader21; not unfriendly—on the contrary, a keen observer of everything, an eager and interested spectator of all the peculiar habitudes of the foreign country—but chiefly bent upon snatching the laurel, as soon as that should be possible, and carrying home his spoil in triumph. He entered Oxford, in short, as the Czar Peter, had he been less a savage22, might have been supposed to establish himself in the bosom23 of the homely English society of his time, seeing, with eyes brightened by curiosity and the novelty of the spectacle, various matters in a ridiculous light{346} which were performed with the utmost gravity and unconsciousness by the accustomed inhabitants; and, on the other hand, discovering as many particulars from which he might borrow some advantage to his own people. Certainly, Czar Peter, who was at once an absolute monarch24 and the most enlightened man of his nation, stood in a somewhat different position from the nameless Scotch student, between whom and other Scotch students no ordinary observer could have discovered much difference; but the aspirations25 of young men of Colin’s age are fortunately unlimited26 by reason, and the plan he had conceived of working a revolution in his native Church and country, or, at least, aiming at that to the highest extent of his powers, was as legitimate27, to say the least, as the determination to make a great fortune, with which other young men of his nation have often confronted the world.
Colin frequented the Oxford churches as he had frequented those in Rome, with his paramount28 idea in his mind, and listened to the sermons in them with that prevailing29 reference to the audience which he himself looked forward to, which gave so strange an aspect to much that he heard. To be sure, it was not the best way to draw religious advantage for himself from the teachings he listened to; but yet the process was not without its benefits to the predestined priest. He seemed to himself to be looking on while the University preacher delivered his dignified30 periods, not to the actual assembly, but to a shrewd and steady Scotch congregation, not easily moved either to reverence31 or enthusiasm, and with a national sense of logic32. He could not help smiling to himself when, in the midst of some elaborate piece of reasoning, the least little step aside landed the speaker upon that quagmire33 of ecclesiastical authority which with Colin’s audience would go far to neutralize34 all the argument. The young man fancied he could see the elders shake their heads, and the rural philosophers remark to each other, “He maun have been awfu’ ill off for an argument afore he landed upon yon.” And, when the preacher proceeded to “our Church’s admirable arrangements,” and displayed with calm distinctness the final certainty that perfection had been absolutely attained35 by that venerated36 mother, the young Scotchman felt a prick37 of contradiction in his heart on his own account as well as that of his imaginary audience. He thought to himself that the same arguments employed on behalf of the Church of Scotland would go a long way towards unsettling the national faith, and smiled within himself at the undoubting assumption which his{347} contradictory38 northern soul was so far from accepting. He was not a bad emblem39 of his nation in this particular, at least. He consented without a remonstrance40 to matters of detail, such as were supposed, by anybody who had curiosity enough to inquire into the singular semi-savage religious practices of Scotland, to be specially41 discordant42 to the ideas of his country; but he laughed at “our Church’s admirable arrangements” in such a manner as to set the hair of the University on end. The principles of apostolic succession and unbroken ecclesiastical descent produced in this daring young sceptic, not indignation nor argument, which might have been tolerated, but an amused disregard which was unbearable43. He was always so conscious of what his Scotch audience, buried somewhere among the hills in the seclusion44 of a country parish, would think of such pretensions45, and laughed not at the doctrine46 so much as at the thought of their reception of it. In this respect the young Scotchman, embodying47 his country, was the most contradictory of men.
He was not very much more satisfactory in the other region, where the best of Anglicans occasionally wander, and where men who hold with the firmest conviction the doctrine of apostolic succession sometimes show a strange degree of uncertainly about things more important. Colin’s convictions were vague enough on a great many matters which were considered vital on the Holy Loch; and perhaps he was not a much more satisfactory bearer in his parish church at home than he was in Oxford when there was question of the descendants of the apostles. But amidst this sea of vague and undeveloped thought, which was not so much doubt as uncertainty48, there stood up several rocks of absolute faith which were utterly impervious to assault. His mind was so far conformed to his age that he could hear even these ultimate and fundamental matters canvassed49 by the calm philosophers about him, without any undue50 theological heat or passion of defence; but it soon became evident that on these points the young Scotchman was immovable, a certainty which made him an interesting study to some of his companions and teachers. It would be foolish to say that his faith procured51 for him that awe52 and respect which the popular mind takes it for granted a company of sceptics must always feel for the one among them who retains his religious convictions. On the contrary, Colin’s world was amused by his belief. It was, itself to start with, a perfectly pious53, well-conducted world, saying its prayers like everybody else, and containing nothing within its placid54 bosom which in the least resembled the free-thinkers of{348} ancient days. The Church was not the least in the world in danger from that mild fraternity, to which every kind of faith was a thing to be talked about, to evolve lines of thought upon, and give rise to the most refined, and acute, and charming conversation. But, as for Colin, they regarded him with amused observation as a rare specimen55 of the semi-cultivated, semi-savage intelligence which is always so refreshing56 to a society which has refined itself to a point somewhat beyond nature. He was “a most interesting young man,” and they found in him “a beautiful enthusiasm,” an “engaging simplicity57.” As for Colin, he was quite aware of the somewhat unfounded admiration58 with which he was regarded, and smiled in his turn at his observers with a truer consciousness of the humour of the position than they could possibly have who saw only half of it; but he kept his shrewd Scotch eyes open all the time, and half unconsciously made himself acquainted with a great many new developments of that humanity which was to be the material of all the labours of his life. He had it in his power to remark the exact and delicate points at which Anglicanism joined on to the newer fashion of intellectualism, and to note how a morsel59 of faith the less might be now and then conciliated and made up for by a morsel of observance the more. And, at the same time, he became aware of the convenient possibility of dividing a man, and making him into two or three different “beings,” as occasion required; so that the emotional being—having sundry60 natural weaknesses, such as old association and youthful habit, and a regard to the feelings of others, not to speak of the affectionate prejudices of a good Churchman—was quite free to do his daily service at chapel61, and say his prayers, even at the very moment when the intellectual being was busy with the most delicate demonstration62 that prayer in a universe governed by absolute law was an evident absurdity63 and contradiction of all reason. Colin for his part looked on at this partition, and smiled in his turn. He was not shocked, as perhaps he ought to have been; but then, as has been said, he too was a man of his age, and found many things which were required by absolute orthodoxy unnecessary impedimenta, as Lauderdale had called them.
But, with all this, the young man had never been able to cut himself in half, and he could not learn to regard the process as one either advantageous64 or even honourable65 now.
Such, apart from the work which was necessary in obedience66 to his grand original impulse, were the studies he pursued in Oxford. At the same time he had another occupation in hand,{349} strangely out of accord at once with those studies and with his own thoughts. This was the publication of poor Meredith’s book, the “Voice from the Grave,” at which he had laboured to the latest moment of his life. In it was represented another world, an altogether contradictory type of existence. Between Colin’s intellectual friends, to whom the “Hereafter” was a curious and interesting but altogether baffling subject of investigation67, and the dying youth who had gone out of this world in a dauntless primitive68 confidence of finding himself at once in the shining streets and endless sunshine of the New Jerusalem, the difference was so great as to be past counting. As for the young editor, his view of life was as different from Meredith’s as it was from that of his present companions. The great light of heaven was to Colin, as to many others, as impenetrable as the profoundest darkness; he could neither see into it, nor permit himself to make guesses of what was going on beyond; and, consequently, he had little sympathy with the kind of piety69 which regards life as a preparation for death. Sometimes he smiled, sometimes he sighed over the proofs as he corrected them; sometimes, but for knowing as he did the utter truthfulness70 with which the dead writer had set forth71 his one-sided and narrow conception of the world, Colin would have been disposed to toss into the fire those strange warnings and exhortations72. But when he thought of the young author, dead in his youth, and of all the doings and sayings of those months in which they lived together, and, more touching73 still, of those conversations that were held on the very brink74 of the grave, and at the gate of heaven, his heart smote75 him. And then his new friends broke in upon him, and discussed the book with opinions so various that Colin could but admire and wonder. One considered them a curious study of the internal consciousness, quite worthy76 the attention of a student of mental phenomena77. Another was of opinion that such stuff was the kind of nutriment fit for the uneducated classes, who had strong religious prejudices, and no brains to speak of. When Colin found his own sentiments thrown back to him in this careless fashion, he began to see for the first time the conceit78 and self-importance of his judgment79; and many discussions followed, as might be supposed.
“When religion becomes a matter of self-interest,” said one of the young men met in his rooms on one such occasion, “I don’t see any attraction in it. I don’t understand what you can see in this rubbish, Campbell. Inflated80 humbug81 and sordid82 calculations{350}——”
“Hush!” said Colin, with a sparkle in his eyes, “the writer was of the kind of man that saints were once made of—and I believe in saints for my part.”
“Well, yes,” said his interlocutor; “I don’t mean to be vulgar: one can’t help to a certain extent believing in saints—though our wise fathers you know thought otherwise.” Perhaps the young speaker would not have thought it necessary to be civil to them, if it had not been that a former generation had made fun of the saints.
“And as for self-interest,” said Colin, “I don’t see how a man can have an altogether generous and patronizing love for God. A child’s love for his father is always interested in a kind of way. The love that has no self-regard in it, is pity or patronage83 rather than love.”
“Oh, love!” said Colin’s friend, who had not been altogether thinking of that; and then another speaker broke in.
“For my part, it is the emotional aspect of religion that chiefly interests me,” he said; “in a philosophical84 point of view, you know. But the only way you can influence the masses is by working on their feelings. It would be different, of course, with a set of fellows like you.”
“We are superior to that sort of thing,” said Colin. “Perhaps we have no feelings. When a man becomes a Don, I don’t see what use he has for such superfluities.”
“You are going to be a Don yourself, I suppose,” said some one. “You are sure of your Fellowship, of course.”
Upon which Colin smiled with the pleasant arrogance85 of his age. “Something better than that,” he said. “I am not the kind of stuff that Dons are made of. I am going home to Scotland to the Kirk.”
Though his friends were all aware of this magnanimous intention, they could not but open their eyes at every new repetition of it.
“If you have set your heart on being a parson,” one of his companions said, “go into the Church, at least. Hang it! Campbell, don’t go and bind86 yourself to a conventicle,” said his anxious acquaintance; “a man has always a chance of doing something in the Church.”
“That is precisely87 my idea,” said Colin, “though you fellows seem to think it the last possibility. And, besides, it is the only thing I can do. I can’t be a statesman, as you have the chance of being, and I have not an estate to manage. What else would you have me do?{351}”
“My dear fellow,” said another of his friends, “you are as sure of your Fellowship as any man ever was. Go in for literature, and send your old Kirk to Jericho—a fellow like you has nothing to do in such a place. One knows the sort of thing precisely; any blockhead that can thump88 his pulpit, and drone out long prayers—”
“Many thanks for your advice,” said Colin; “but I prefer my own profession, literature is all very well when a man is born to it, but life is better than literature at its best; and my own trade should be good for something, if any profession ever was.”
“Well, now, taking it at the very best, how much do you think you are likely to have a-year?—a hundred and fifty perhaps? No, I don’t mean to say that’s final;—but, of course, a thoughtful fellow like you takes it into consideration,” said Colin’s adviser89; “everything is badly paid now-a-days—but, at all events, there are chances. If a man is made of iron and brass90, and has the resolution of an elephant, he may get to be something at the Bar, you know, and make a mint of money. And, even in the Church, to be sure, if he’s harmless and civil, something worth having may come in his way; but you are neither civil nor harmless, Campbell. And, by Jove! it’s not the Church you are thinking of, but the Kirk, which is totally different. I’ve been in Scotland,” continued the Mentor91, with animation92; “it’s not even one Kirk, which would be something. But there’s one at the top of the hill and one at the bottom, and I defy any man to tell which is which. Come, Campbell, don’t be a Quixote—give it up!”
“You might as well have told my namesake to give up the Queen’s service after he had lost a battle,” said Colin. “Though I don’t suppose Sir Colin ever did lose a battle, by the way. I tell you I am not the sort of stuff for a Don—the atmosphere is too much rarified up here—I can’t breathe in it. Men who come of my race must work or die.”
“I can’t say that I feel the force of the alternative,” said Colin’s friend. “A man must think; it is the first condition of existence; but as for the other two— What have you in common with the unreasoning multitude?” asked the young philosopher. There were plenty of voices to take the other side of the question, but Colin’s mind was not political to speak of, and he had no inclination93 to take the democratic side.
“A few things,” Colin said, with a smile, “that don’t exist among the Illuminati. For instance, ignorance and want and some other human attributes; and we can help each other on{352} down below, while you are thinking it all out above. The worst is that we will probably find time to live and die before you come to any conclusion. Let us talk it over ten years hence,” said this young prince of the future, with royal confidence. And this was how a great many such conversations came to an end.
Ten years was like to be an eventful period to the young men who were standing94 on the verge95 of life; but they all made very light of it, as was natural. As for Colin, he did not attempt to make out to himself any clear plan of what he attempted to do and to be in ten years. Certainly, he calculated upon having by that time reached the highest culmination96 of which life was capable. He meant to be a prince in his own country without, at the same time, following anything for his own glory or advantage; for in reality, the highest projects that could move the spirit of a man were in Colin’s mind. He had no thought of becoming a popular preacher, or the oracle97 of a coterie98. What he truly intended indeed was not quite known to himself, in the vague but magnificent stirrings of his ambition. He meant to take possession of some certain corner of his native country, and make of it an ideal Scotland, manful in works and steadfast99 in belief; and he meant from that corner to influence and move all the land in some mystical method known only to the imagination. Such are the splendid colours in which fancy, when sufficiently100 lively, can dress up even such a sober reality as the life of a Scotch minister. While he planned this he seemed to himself so entirely101 a man of experience, ready to smile at the notions of undisciplined youth, that he succeeded in altogether checking and deceiving his own inevitable102 good sense—that watchful103 monitor which warns even an imaginative mind of its extravagance. This was the great dream which, interrupted now and then by lighter104 fancies, had accompanied Colin more or less clearly through all his life. And now the hour of trial was about to come, and the young man’s ambition was ready to accomplish itself as best it might.
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Oxford
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| n.牛津（英国城市） | |
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piquant
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| adj.辛辣的，开胃的，令人兴奋的 | |
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scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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akin
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| adj.同族的，类似的 | |
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homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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riotous
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| adj.骚乱的；狂欢的 | |
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stimulated
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| a.刺激的 | |
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absurdities
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| n.极端无理性( absurdity的名词复数 )；荒谬；谬论；荒谬的行为 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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attainable
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| a.可达到的，可获得的 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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impervious
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| adj.不能渗透的，不能穿过的，不易伤害的 | |
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warded
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| 有锁孔的，有钥匙榫槽的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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ebb
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| vi.衰退，减退；n.处于低潮，处于衰退状态 | |
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tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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invader
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| n.侵略者，侵犯者，入侵者 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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monarch
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| n.帝王，君主，最高统治者 | |
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aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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paramount
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| a.最重要的，最高权力的 | |
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prevailing
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| adj.盛行的；占优势的；主要的 | |
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dignified
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| a.可敬的，高贵的 | |
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reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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logic
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| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
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quagmire
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| n.沼地 | |
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neutralize
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| v.使失效、抵消，使中和 | |
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attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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venerated
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| 敬重（某人或某事物），崇敬( venerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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prick
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| v.刺伤，刺痛，刺孔；n.刺伤，刺痛 | |
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contradictory
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| adj.反驳的，反对的，抗辩的；n.正反对，矛盾对立 | |
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emblem
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| n.象征，标志；徽章 | |
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remonstrance
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| n抗议，抱怨 | |
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specially
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| adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地 | |
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discordant
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| adj.不调和的 | |
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unbearable
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| adj.不能容忍的；忍受不住的 | |
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seclusion
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| n.隐遁，隔离 | |
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pretensions
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| 自称( pretension的名词复数 )； 自命不凡； 要求； 权力 | |
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doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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embodying
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| v.表现( embody的现在分词 )；象征；包括；包含 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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canvassed
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| v.（在政治方面）游说( canvass的过去式和过去分词 )；调查（如选举前选民的）意见；为讨论而提出（意见等）；详细检查 | |
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undue
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| adj.过分的；不适当的；未到期的 | |
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procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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specimen
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| n.样本，标本 | |
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refreshing
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| adj.使精神振作的，使人清爽的，使人喜欢的 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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morsel
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| n.一口，一点点 | |
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sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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chapel
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| n.小教堂，殡仪馆 | |
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demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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advantageous
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| adj.有利的；有帮助的 | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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truthfulness
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| n. 符合实际 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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exhortations
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| n.敦促( exhortation的名词复数 )；极力推荐；（正式的）演讲；（宗教仪式中的）劝诫 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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brink
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| n.(悬崖、河流等的)边缘，边沿 | |
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smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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phenomena
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| n.现象 | |
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conceit
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| n.自负，自高自大 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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inflated
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| adj.（价格）飞涨的；（通货）膨胀的；言过其实的；充了气的v.使充气（于轮胎、气球等）( inflate的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）膨胀；（使）通货膨胀；物价上涨 | |
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humbug
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| n.花招，谎话，欺骗 | |
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sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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patronage
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| n.赞助，支援，援助；光顾，捧场 | |
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philosophical
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| adj.哲学家的，哲学上的，达观的 | |
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arrogance
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| n.傲慢，自大 | |
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bind
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| vt.捆，包扎；装订；约束；使凝固；vi.变硬 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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thump
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| v.重击，砰然地响；n.重击，重击声 | |
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adviser
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| n.劝告者，顾问 | |
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brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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mentor
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| n.指导者，良师益友；v.指导 | |
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animation
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| n.活泼，兴奋，卡通片／动画片的制作 | |
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inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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culmination
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| n.顶点；最高潮 | |
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oracle
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| n.神谕，神谕处，预言 | |
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coterie
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| n.(有共同兴趣的)小团体，小圈子 | |
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steadfast
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| adj.固定的，不变的，不动摇的；忠实的；坚贞不移的 | |
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sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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lighter
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| n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级 | |
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