LETTER XII.

ON DRESS, MANNERS, AND LANGUAGE.

Dress should be conformed to means and to occupations. Rules of good manners.

My Friends:

I have shown you, in a former letter, that the chief reason why so much difference is made, between domestics and other members of the family, is their deficiencies in education, dress and manners. If domestics were universally well educated and well bred, and if they paid a proper attention to their dress and persons, then parents would feel that their example would be useful instead of injurious to children, while their presence would be agreeable and not offensive to visitors.

It is therefore very desirable, on your own account, and that you may raise the respectability of your station, (as well as on account of parents and children,) that you pay great attention to these particulars.

[143] I will therefore point out some of those respects, in which you need to attend to your manners, in order to be a good example to children, and to be fitted to appear well in any society in which in after life you may appear.

Good manners are the outward expression of kindness and good will, by which we endeavour to promote the enjoyment¹ of others, and to avoid all that gives needless pain. Good manners lead us to avoid every thing that offends the taste of others, and to regard all the rules of politeness and propriety². Good manners lead us to avoid all rude and coarse language or actions, and to refrain from all remarks that would trouble those about us in any way.

I will now point out some particulars. In the first place, there are rules of good manners in regard to our superiors in age, character, station or office, which demand attention. In addressing such, it is proper to speak in a respectful tone and manner, and to add “sir” and “ma’am” to “yes” and “no” when we reply to them. This should be done by young persons to older ones, by children to parents, by scholars to teachers, and by domestics to their [144]employers, and to visitors in the family. At the same time, it is proper to offer the best accommodations of all kinds to one who is thus to be treated as a superior.

Another rule of good manners is, to return thanks to any person who does us any kindness. It is deemed very ill bred to receive a present, or any little act of attention, without any manifestation³ of pleasure or gratitude⁴.

Another rule is, never to use what belongs to another without asking leave, and never to ask questions about the business or dress, or concerns of other people, unless we are on intimate terms with them. Another rule of good breeding is, never to make remarks to others on their personal defects, or dress, or faults, and never to speak in such a way of their opinions, or their friends, as to vex⁵ or mortify⁶ them.

Always, when persons speak to you, look them in the face, and reply in a courteous⁷ manner. Never laugh or whisper in company so that others cannot hear, lest they may imagine that you are ridiculing⁸ them, or speaking against them. Loud laughing and [145]talking in company, and whispering, and smiling at church, are deemed rude and vulgar. Interrupting a person when talking, and flatly contradicting, are considered rude.

There are some personal tricks which should be avoided, as vulgar and offensive, such as fingering the hair, picking the teeth, or cleaning the nails, picking the nose, spitting on the floor, snuffing, instead of using the handkerchief, or using the handkerchief in a disgusting manner, fingering the shoes, throwing about the feet, lolling on chairs, tipping chairs backward, staring at people, calling persons by nicknames, running out bareheaded into the street, calling to persons in the street, running in the street, and eating in the street, or in a public assembly.

Another branch of good breeding relates to table manners. When at table, avoid all these things: reaching over the plates of others; standing⁹ up to reach articles; instead of asking to have them passed to you; using your own knife for butter or salt, when it is the custom of the family to use a butter knife and salt spoon; setting dripping cups on the table cloth [146]when cup mats, or plates, are provided; using the table cloth instead of your handkerchief; eating fast, and in a noisy manner; putting large pieces in the mouth; looking, and eating as if you were very hungry, or very anxious to get at certain dishes; sitting too far from the table, or too near to it; projecting your elbows when using the knife and fork; dropping food in your lap; laying the knife and fork on the table cloth, instead of on the bread, or your plate; putting your own knife or fork into the dishes, instead of asking to be helped; taking too large a share of some favourite article; making a noise in sipping¹⁰ tea, or eating soups; leaning on the table with your elbows; lolling back in your chair at table, and taking food with your own fork from the dishes, instead of asking to be helped.

In regard to dress, the great rule of propriety and good taste is, always to dress clean and tidy, and always to have your dress suited to your means, and your employment.

This is the rule that regulates persons of good sense and good taste, in all classes and [147]ranks. If a woman wears ever so elegant and expensive clothing, and yet her hair is in disorder¹¹ and her dress untidy, every one feels that she is dressed in bad taste. If a woman has a small income, and yet appears in dresses and ornaments¹² that are suitable only for persons of great wealth, every one pities or laughs at her for her want of taste and propriety.

If a woman puts on expensive and handsome dresses to work in, no matter how rich she is, every one feels that it looks vulgar and improper¹³. There is nothing that more surely marks the well bred, well educated woman, than the style of her dress. If she has small means she will dress simply and economically, if she is very wealthy, she will wear rich and handsome clothing, but not tawdry finery or loads of ornaments. If she is doing work that soils clothing, she puts on dark and cheap articles, if she is going on a journey, she puts on a dress that dust will not injure, and leaves off all her ornaments. If she is going out in the cold and wet, she puts on stout¹⁴ and warm covering for her feet and person.

Now there is no point where domestics so [148]often show their want of good education and good taste, as in the choice of their dress. Every one knows that the income of a domestic is very small, and that they are daily employed in work that soils a dress. When, therefore, domestics appear in dresses suitable only for persons who have wealth, and employments that do not soil dresses, every one feels, that for want of a good education, they are deficient¹⁵ in good taste and a sense of propriety. The same opinion is formed of all persons who have small means, and who labour for a support, when they rig out in showy and expensive dresses.

A domestic who has good sense and good taste, will always dress neatly¹⁶, plainly, and in materials suitable to the work she performs.

There are few things more annoying to visitors, or to the master and mistress of a family, than to have food served at table, by domestics whose hands, hair, and dress are untidy. I have repeatedly known the gentleman of the house whisper to his wife to send the person waiting on table out of the room, because he had rather wait on himself, than to have such a disgusting object before his eyes.

[149] I would therefore earnestly recommend, that always before you come down in the morning, you put your hair in neat order, and that you so braid or tie it up, that it will not get out of order while you are at work. Also, that you take pains to have dark clothing for your work, and that it always be kept neat and tidy. It is a good plan, also, to keep a supply of large, clean aprons¹⁷, to slip on when you cannot change your dress, and yet wish to go into the parlour.

And I pray you not to spend all your earnings¹⁸ in showy dresses, that, to all sensible people, make you appear foolish and ignorant of all propriety. It is far better to buy strong, and plain dresses, and lay up your earnings to buy furniture, if you ever become a housekeeper¹⁹, or to support you in sickness, or old age, if you never marry. There are Savings²⁰ Banks in almost all our cities, where you can lay up small earnings, and receive interest for them, so as to increase their value every year; and there is less risk in putting money into these banks, than in any other way, because their business is arranged for the purpose of making them safe.

[150] There is another point, to which I would especially urge attention, and that is, to the improvement of your mind by reading, and when you can do so, by study.

The greatest disadvantages domestics have to meet, are caused by their want of a good education. It is owing to the want of such advantages, that they are so apt to be untidy in appearance, rude and disrespectful in manner, and vulgar in their pronunciation and language. Now, though you may be in such a situation that you cannot go to a school, yet if you will be diligent²¹ and economical in time and dress, you can do a great deal to improve your education. There are few families where there is not some lady, who would be willing to hear you read, or recite a lesson for half an hour every day, if you expressed a wish so to do. And you would also be provided with books to read and study, at little or no expense, if you appeared to be anxious to learn, and were faithful and diligent, in order to gain time.

And the more you read and study, the more your character, manners, and habits will be likely to improve. Some persons imagine that [151]a good education injures persons in your station, by making them proud and discontented. But this is a great mistake. The most faithful, diligent, agreeable, and respectable domestics I ever saw, were those who had the best education, while those who are ignorant, have not sense and information enough, to see the propriety of conforming to their situation and duties.

If this country were thrown into the situation in which the shipwrecked company were, and every one had to draw lots to decide who should be employers and who domestics, there would be some well educated and some very ignorant persons put together in the class of domestics. In this case I should much prefer to hire a well educated person, for I should expect that such a one would be far more likely to have respectful and courteous manners, and that she would conform to the duties of her lot with far more propriety than an ignorant and vulgar person.

I hope, therefore, that you will improve every opportunity you can gain to read and study, and I would advise you also to notice [152]how well educated persons pronounce, and try to acquire a similar way of speaking.

In selecting books to read, get some judicious²² friend to choose for you, and in studying, never be so foolish as to study French, or Latin, or try to play the piano, or any such accomplishment²³, which is suitable only for persons who have wealth and leisure.

By following this advice about your manners, dress and language, and by faithfully endeavouring to perform all your duties to God and your fellow creatures, you will find, that every day, you will gain in the esteem²⁴ and good will of all around you, and that few will be found with that silly pride which will make them shun²⁵ your society because you are a domestic. On the contrary, your employers and their children, will love and respect you, and be pleased to procure²⁶ for you all the comforts and advantages they can secure, consistently with the convenience and prosperity of the family.

1 enjoyment   

n.乐趣；享有；享用

参考例句：

• Your company adds to the enjoyment of our visit. 有您的陪同，我们这次访问更加愉快了。
• After each joke the old man cackled his enjoyment.每逢讲完一个笑话，这老人就呵呵笑着表示他的高兴。

2 propriety   

n.正当行为；正当；适当

参考例句：

• We hesitated at the propriety of the method.我们对这种办法是否适用拿不定主意。
• The sensitive matter was handled with great propriety.这件机密的事处理得极为适当。

3 manifestation   

n.表现形式；表明；现象

参考例句：

• Her smile is a manifestation of joy.她的微笑是她快乐的表现。
• What we call mass is only another manifestation of energy.我们称之为质量的东西只是能量的另一种表现形态。

4 gratitude   

adj.感激，感谢

参考例句：

• I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
• She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。

5 vex   

vt.使烦恼，使苦恼

参考例句：

• Everything about her vexed him.有关她的一切都令他困惑。
• It vexed me to think of others gossiping behind my back.一想到别人在背后说我闲话，我就很恼火。

6 mortify   

v.克制，禁欲，使受辱

参考例句：

• The first Sunday,in particular,their behaviours served to mortify me.到了这里第一个星期，她们的行为几乎把我气死。
• For if ye live after the flesh,ye shall die:but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body,ye shall live.你们若顺从肉体活着必要死。若靠着圣灵治死身体的恶行必要活着。

7 courteous   

adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的

参考例句：

• Although she often disagreed with me,she was always courteous.尽管她常常和我意见不一，但她总是很谦恭有礼。
• He was a kind and courteous man.他为人友善，而且彬彬有礼。

8 ridiculing   

v.嘲笑，嘲弄，奚落( ridicule的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Proxmire has made himself quite a reputation out of ridiculing government expenditure he disagrees with. 普罗克斯迈尔对于他不同意花的政府开支总要取笑一番，他因此而名声大振。 来自辞典例句
• The demonstrators put on skits ridiculing the aggressors. 游行的人上演了活报剧来讽刺侵略者。 来自互联网

9 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

10 sipping   

v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• She sat in the sun, idly sipping a cool drink. 她坐在阳光下懒洋洋地抿着冷饮。
• She sat there, sipping at her tea. 她坐在那儿抿着茶。

11 disorder   

n.紊乱，混乱；骚动，骚乱；疾病，失调

参考例句：

• When returning back,he discovered the room to be in disorder.回家后，他发现屋子里乱七八糟。
• It contained a vast number of letters in great disorder.里面七零八落地装着许多信件。

12 ornaments   

n.装饰( ornament的名词复数 )；点缀；装饰品；首饰v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• The shelves were chock-a-block with ornaments. 架子上堆满了装饰品。
• Playing the piano sets up resonance in those glass ornaments. 一弹钢琴那些玻璃饰物就会产生共振。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 improper   

adj.不适当的，不合适的，不正确的，不合礼仪的

参考例句：

• Short trousers are improper at a dance.舞会上穿短裤不成体统。
• Laughing and joking are improper at a funeral.葬礼时大笑和开玩笑是不合适的。

15 deficient   

adj.不足的，不充份的，有缺陷的

参考例句：

• The crops are suffering from deficient rain.庄稼因雨量不足而遭受损害。
• I always have been deficient in selfconfidence and decision.我向来缺乏自信和果断。

16 neatly   

adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地

参考例句：

• Sailors know how to wind up a long rope neatly.水手们知道怎样把一条大绳利落地缠好。
• The child's dress is neatly gathered at the neck.那孩子的衣服在领口处打着整齐的皱褶。

17 aprons   

围裙( apron的名词复数 )； 停机坪，台口（舞台幕前的部份）

参考例句：

• Many people like to wear aprons while they are cooking. 许多人做饭时喜欢系一条围裙。
• The chambermaid in our corridor wears blue checked gingham aprons. 给我们扫走廊的清洁女工围蓝格围裙。

18 earnings   

n.工资收人；利润，利益，所得

参考例句：

• That old man lives on the earnings of his daughter.那个老人靠他女儿的收入维持生活。
• Last year there was a 20% decrease in his earnings.去年他的收入减少了20%。

19 housekeeper   

n.管理家务的主妇，女管家

参考例句：

• A spotless stove told us that his mother is a diligent housekeeper.炉子清洁无瑕就表明他母亲是个勤劳的主妇。
• She is an economical housekeeper and feeds her family cheaply.她节约持家，一家人吃得很省。

20 savings   

n.存款，储蓄

参考例句：

• I can't afford the vacation,for it would eat up my savings.我度不起假，那样会把我的积蓄用光的。
• By this time he had used up all his savings.到这时，他的存款已全部用完。

21 diligent   

adj.勤勉的，勤奋的

参考例句：

• He is the more diligent of the two boys.他是这两个男孩中较用功的一个。
• She is diligent and keeps herself busy all the time.她真勤快，一会儿也不闲着。

22 judicious   

adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的

参考例句：

• We should listen to the judicious opinion of that old man.我们应该听取那位老人明智的意见。
• A judicious parent encourages his children to make their own decisions.贤明的父亲鼓励儿女自作抉择。

23 accomplishment   

n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能

参考例句：

• The series of paintings is quite an accomplishment.这一系列的绘画真是了不起的成就。
• Money will be crucial to the accomplishment of our objectives.要实现我们的目标，钱是至关重要的。

24 esteem   

n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• The veteran worker ranks high in public love and esteem.那位老工人深受大伙的爱戴。

25 shun   

vt.避开，回避，避免

参考例句：

• Materialists face truth,whereas idealists shun it.唯物主义者面向真理，唯心主义者则逃避真理。
• This extremist organization has shunned conventional politics.这个极端主义组织有意避开了传统政治。

26 procure   

vt.获得，取得，促成；vi.拉皮条

参考例句：

• Can you procure some specimens for me?你能替我弄到一些标本吗？
• I'll try my best to procure you that original French novel.我将尽全力给你搞到那本原版法国小说。