Somehow or another, matters did not go on satisfactorily at all. He was obliged to resign two or three appointments in a very short space of time: the duties were in his opinion rather onerous5 and mean. It must be observed that Tchichikoff was a man of such unexceptionable propriety6, it would have been difficult to meet with another like him anywhere in the broad Russian Empire. Although he had been obliged to wind his way through the midst of a sullied society, yet he had always succeeded in keeping his heart and his person dean; he was fond of holding an appointment in an office where the tables were well polished, and where gentlemanly habits were strictly7 regarded. He was never guilty of coarse expressions in his conversation, but was always offended when others omitted to show due respect to rank and position.
It will perhaps be interesting to our reader to know, that he had the habit of changing his linen8 every other day, and in summer, during the excessive heat, even every day; the least odour gave offence to his olfactory9 nerves. For this very reason, whenever his servant Petruschka came to undress him and take off his boots, he used to hold a smelling-bottle to his nose, whilst in many other instances his nerves were as sensitive as those of a young girl; and for this reason it was all the more difficult to him to accustom4 himself again to the habits of those who were addicted10 to the use of strong spirits, and generally displayed unbecoming manners. However much he tried to exert himself to keep up a good spirit within him, he nevertheless could not help pining away, and becoming even of a lemon-coloured complexion11 from the reverses of fortune.
He had already begun to grow corpulent and assume those pleasant and round forms, in which the reader found our hero at the commencement of the acquaintance with him, and more than once he had smiled at himself whilst looking at his face in the mirror and whilst whispering many a pleasant and insinuating12 smile; but now when he happened to look at himself furtively13 into the looking glass, he could not help exclaiming: "Holiest mother! how ugly I look to be sure!" And after this he would not venture to examine himself for a long while. However he endured and conquered the vicissitudes14 man-folly and patiently, and—at last entered the government service again, as a custom-house officer, in the frontier town of Bialystock.
We must here observe, that the custom-house service had been already for a considerable time the secret object of his wishes and speculation15, because that particular branch of administration constitutes the chief revenue of the Empire, and consequently allowed the best pay to the officers employed in the service. But this was not the only reason for his giving the preference to a custom-house appointment. He saw with what exquisite16 articles of refinement17 all the custom-house officers used to parade in town, what fine china and linens18 they all sent to their sweethearts, sisters and cousins. And many a time he had already exclaimed, whilst heaving a deep sigh: "Oh, how I should like to get an appointment in the custom-house! the frontier is not far off, the people seem all more enlightened, and especially, what an excellent chance to provide one-self with fine linen!"
We must add, that at the same time, he also thought of the expensive French soaps, which had the virtue19 to increase and preserve the complexion! what its particular denominations20 was, heavens only knew, but accordingly to his suppositions, it would certainly absolutely be found at the frontier. And he therefore had long felt a desire to get himself an appointment in the custom-house; but he was prevented from sending in an application, on account of the advantageous21 profits which he derived22 from the building-committee, and in this his judgment23 was correct. Whatever the advantages of a custom-house appointment might offer in spe, they were nevertheless like a lark24 in the skies, whilst the building-committee was like an owl25 in his hands. Now was his time to exert himself to the utmost, and obtain the long wished for appointment in the custom-house, and really he at last obtained his wish.
He started upon his new duties with an unusual eagerness. Such abilities, penetration26 and application as he displayed in his new functions had not only never been witnessed before, but even never heard of. In less then three or four weeks after his appointment to office, he had so perfectly27 rendered himself master of everything, that his equal could not be found; he knew and understood all—he had no necessity either to weigh or measure anything, but knew from the invoices28 how many arschines a piece of cloth or silk contained; or on taking a piece of goods in his hands, he could say exactly how many pounds it weighed.
As regarded the regular business of an excise-man, namely, "searching," he displayed as his colleagues used to express themselves, the scent29 of a pointer; it was perfectly impossible not to be surprised, on seeing how he could display so much patience and trouble to touch and examine even every button, but all this was done with a killing30 coolness and an incredible politeness. And at the time, when the persons thus exposed to his "researches," were annoyed to madness, and lost their temper, and felt a wicked inclination31 to smash his pleasant countenance32, he would, without changing either the expression of his face, or his polite manners, only add: "Would you, perhaps, have any objection to incommode yourself a little by rising from your seat?" or, "Would your ladyship have the kindness to step into the other room?" (even the ladies are not spared the annoyances33 of custom-house officers in Russia.) "There your ladyship will find the wife of one of our officials, who will have the honour to explain to you the regulations of the custom-house," or, "Will you allow me to rip up with this small pen-knife a little of the wadding of your cloak?" and saying this, and suiting the action to the word, he would produce from there, shawls and dresses as coolly as if he was taking them out of his own portmanteau.
His superiors even pronounced their opinion about him in the following terms, "that he was the devil himself and not a man:" he made his "researches" in carriage wheels, harness, and even in the ears of the horses, and heaven knows where he did not search for contraband34 goods; at any rate, an author would never hit upon the idea of searching in those places, where a custom-house officer has the right to pry35.
The poor traveller who happened to leave or enter the Empire on that particular frontier, was sure to feel for some minutes at least, after the custom-house officer had performed his duty, the cold perspiration36 run down all over his body, and exclaim perhaps whilst crossing himself; "This is rather carrying custom-house regulations too far!" The position of a traveller who had the misfortune to fall in the hands of Tchichikoff, must have been similar to that of a schoolboy rushing out of the master's room, where he had entered under the impression that he would receive a simple reprimand, and where he had unexpectedly met with a sound thrashing.
In the course of a very short season indeed, those persons, who were in the habit of carrying on a regular system of contraband trade were completely ruined by his watchfullness. He was the terror and ruin of the whole of the Polish Jew race. His faith and honesty were unimpeachable—almost unnatural37. He even declined to accept a portion of such monies as were the result of sales of the various confiscated38 goods or trifling39 sundry40 articles, which were not accounted for to the Crown, in order to avoid loss of time and expense.
Such zealous41 and disinterested42 service could not fail to become the subject of general admiration43 and surprise, and found at last its recompense with the higher authorities. He was knighted and elevated to the rank of Councillor of State, and soon after be submitted a project for capturing all contrabandists, asking only the favour to be appointed the executor of his scheme and for the necessary means. He was immediately invested with unlimited44 power, and the privilege of search wherever he thought proper. This was all he could wish for. At that time a large and powerful contraband society had been formed, based upon a regular system of fraud upon the Crown; more than a million worth of goods secretly imported into the Empire, yielded double the amount to this bold enterprize.
Tchichikoff had had long since an idea of this organization, and had even twice already repelled45 the envoys46 who had been sent to bribe47 him; but he refused to listen to any of their proposals, adding dryly, "It is not yet time." But scarcely had he obtained uncontrolled authority in everything, when he in the next moment after his confirmation48, sent word to the secret associations, saying: "Now is the time."
His calculations were but too just. Now he stood a chance of gaining in one year, that which he could perhaps have never acquired otherwise in twenty. At the beginning of the foundation of this society, he would not have anything to do with them; because he was nothing else but a simple custom-house officer, consequently, besides perhaps compromising himself, his share in the transactions would have been insignificant49; but now, now it was quite a different affair altogether; he was a Councillor of State, and could therefore fix his own terms.
In order to ensure speed and complete success, he even gained over another colleague of his, who could not resist the luring50 temptation, although he was already a greyhaired man. The conditions between the two contracting parties, namely the imperial employés and the contrabandists, were securely fixed51, and the smuggling52 association began its operations.
The beginning of their operations was brilliant; some of our readers might perhaps have heard some time ago of the long-forgotten history of the wise Spanish sheep, who went out travelling in double coats; well, these very same Spanish sheep with a double fleece, imported on this occasion, Brussels lace of nearly one million roubles value. This was the first operation upon the interests of the Crown in which Tchichikoff played a prominent part. Had he presided over and led this undertaking53 himself, not even the cleverest and acutest Jew in the world would have ever succeeded in carrying out such a daring enterprize. After three or four journeys of the Spanish sheep across the frontier line, both chief custom-house officers had realized a capital of about four hundred thousand roubles each. It was even said, that Tchichikoff's share in the enterprize exceeded half a million roubles, because he was so much more daring.
Heaven knows to what incalculable amount these already very round and handsome sums of money would have increased in the course of time, if some evil spirit had not crossed in a fatal moment their path. The devil set the two chief officers by the ears; to speak intelligibly54 and simply, the two employés picked a quarrel about a mere55 nothing. Somehow or another, perhaps in a moment of excitement, and perhaps even while under the influence of a glass or two of good wine, Tchichikoff happened to call his worthy56 colleague a staròver (dissenter), and the other, though he really was a staròver, it is impossible to say why, felt horribly insulted, and answered him there and then, immediately, loudly, and in an unusually cutting tone of voice, as follows: "You lie! I am a Privy57 Councillor of State, and not a staròver; but as for you, you are a staròver!" And then he also added, a few minutes later, and as if to spite his friend: "Yes, take that and all!"
Though he had in this manner shaved the other, as it were, by retorting on him the appellation58 applied59 to himself, and though the expression of "Yes, take that and all!" might have had a powerful meaning; not satisfied with this, he sent in to government a secret information against Tchichikoff. However, it was said, that besides this quarrel, there was another cause of difference between them; and it was rumoured60 about, that it was concerning a woman, young, fresh, and healthy as a sweet beet-root, according to the expressions of the other custom-house officials; it was also known that some bravos had been hired to give a sound thrashing to our hero, which had really happened on a certain fine evening; but that, in the end, both superior's friends had been made fools of by the fair woman, and that a certain Stabz-Capit?n Schamschareff gained the day over them, and succeeded in carrying the fair Brise?s off before their very noses.
The nearer particulars of this affair are wrapped in obscurity, and we therefore leave it to our courteous61 reader to imagine the details according to their own taste. The most important of all was, that the secret connection between our hero and the smugglers became known to the superior authorities. And though the Privy Councillor of State had ruined the simple Councillor of State through his infamous62 denunciation, he did not escape the due punishment himself, but was immediately degraded and dismissed.
Tchichikoff and his coadjutor were arrested and brought up to judgment, all their property was confiscated for the benefit of the Crown, and their misfortune and disgrace broke over them like a thunder-storm. When the storm was over, and when they began to recover again a little, they seemed quite horror-struck when they looked upon what they had been guilty of. The Privy Councillor could not resist the shock, and died soon after, but the simple Councillor of State bore up more manfully. He had succeeded in secreting63 a considerable amount of his fortune, notwithstanding the strictest investigations64 of the Court of Inquiry65 that was held over them. He used the finest diplomacy66 the human mind is capable of to extricate67 himself as advantageously as possible from his disgraceful position, and his experience assisted him in this most powerfully, for he knew already well enough of what stuff the men with whom he had to deal were made; he employed the greatest circumspection68, his politest manners, the most touching69 and persuasive70 terms, burnt incense71 and confused his judges by a profusion72 of flattery, which did not in the least injure his position; he even went so far as to consider money no object, provided he could succeed in extricating73 himself; in a word, he turned the tables so well in his favour, that he could reappear again in the world, at least not so much disgraced as his more unfortunate colleague, for he ultimately succeeded, though narrowly, in escaping from being sent to Siberia.
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1
amend
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| vt.修改，修订，改进；n.[pl.]赔罪，赔偿 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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armour
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| （=armor）n.盔甲；装甲部队 | |
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accustom
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| vt.使适应，使习惯 | |
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onerous
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| adj.繁重的 | |
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propriety
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| n.正当行为；正当；适当 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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8
linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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olfactory
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| adj.嗅觉的 | |
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addicted
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| adj.沉溺于....的，对...上瘾的 | |
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complexion
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| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
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insinuating
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| adj.曲意巴结的，暗示的v.暗示( insinuate的现在分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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furtively
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| adv. 偷偷地, 暗中地 | |
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14
vicissitudes
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| n.变迁，世事变化；变迁兴衰( vicissitude的名词复数 )；盛衰兴废 | |
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speculation
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| n.思索，沉思；猜测；投机 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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linens
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| n.亚麻布( linen的名词复数 )；家庭日用织品 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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denominations
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| n.宗派( denomination的名词复数 )；教派；面额；名称 | |
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advantageous
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| adj.有利的；有帮助的 | |
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derived
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| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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23
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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lark
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| n.云雀，百灵鸟；n.嬉戏，玩笑；vi.嬉戏 | |
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owl
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| n.猫头鹰，枭 | |
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penetration
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| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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invoices
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| 发票( invoice的名词复数 )； （发货或服务）费用清单； 清单上货物的装运； 货物的托运 | |
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29
scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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32
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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annoyances
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| n.恼怒( annoyance的名词复数 )；烦恼；打扰；使人烦恼的事 | |
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contraband
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| n.违禁品，走私品 | |
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pry
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| vi.窥(刺)探，打听；vt.撬动(开，起) | |
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perspiration
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| n.汗水；出汗 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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confiscated
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| 没收，充公( confiscate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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zealous
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| adj.狂热的，热心的 | |
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42
disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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43
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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45
repelled
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| v.击退( repel的过去式和过去分词 )；使厌恶；排斥；推开 | |
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46
envoys
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| 使节( envoy的名词复数 )； 公使； 谈判代表； 使节身份 | |
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47
bribe
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| n.贿赂；v.向…行贿，买通 | |
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48
confirmation
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| n.证实，确认，批准 | |
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49
insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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50
luring
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| 吸引，引诱（lure的现在分词形式） | |
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51
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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52
smuggling
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| n.走私 | |
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53
undertaking
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| n.保证，许诺，事业 | |
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54
intelligibly
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| adv.可理解地，明了地，清晰地 | |
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55
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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56
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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57
privy
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| adj.私用的；隐密的 | |
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58
appellation
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| n.名称，称呼 | |
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59
applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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rumoured
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| adj.谣传的；传说的；风 | |
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61
courteous
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| adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的 | |
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62
infamous
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| adj.声名狼藉的，臭名昭著的，邪恶的 | |
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63
secreting
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| v.（尤指动物或植物器官）分泌( secrete的现在分词 )；隐匿，隐藏 | |
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64
investigations
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| （正式的）调查( investigation的名词复数 )； 侦查； 科学研究； 学术研究 | |
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65
inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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66
diplomacy
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| n.外交；外交手腕，交际手腕 | |
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67
extricate
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| v.拯救，救出；解脱 | |
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68
circumspection
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| n.细心，慎重 | |
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69
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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70
persuasive
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| adj.有说服力的，能说得使人相信的 | |
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71
incense
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| v.激怒；n.香，焚香时的烟，香气 | |
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72
profusion
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| n.挥霍；丰富 | |
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73
extricating
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| v.使摆脱困难，脱身( extricate的现在分词 ) | |
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