Chapter V

Cecile was alone; the children had gone upstairs to tidy themselves for dinner. She tried to get back her distant vistas¹, fading into the pale horizon; she tried to recover the silvery endlessness which had shot through her as a vision of light. But instead her brain was all awhirl with a kaleidoscope of very recent petty memories: the children, Quaerts, Emerson, Jules, Suzette, Amélie. How strange, how strange life was!... The outer life; the coming and going of people about us; the sounds of words which they utter in strange accents; the endless interchange of phenomena²; the concatenation of those phenomena, one with the other; strange, too, the presence of a soul somewhere inside us, like a god [75]within us, never to be known in our own essence. Often, as indeed now, it seemed to Cecile that all things, even the most commonplace things, were strange, very strange, as if nothing in the world were absolutely commonplace, as if everything were strange: the strange form and outward expression of a deeper life that lies hidden behind everything, even the meanest objects; as if everything displayed itself under an appearance, a mask of pretence³, while the reality, the very truth, lay underneath⁴. How strange, how strange life was!... For it seemed to her as if she, under that very usual afternoon tea, had seen something very unusual; she did not know what, she could not express it nor even think it thoroughly⁵; it seemed to her as if beneath the coming and going of those people something had glittered: a reality, an ultimate truth under the appearance of that casual afternoon tea. [76]

“What is it? What is it?” she wondered. “Am I deluding⁶ myself, or is it so? I feel that it is so....”

It was all very vague and yet so very clear.... It seemed to her as though there were a vision, a haze⁷ of light behind all that had happened there, behind Amélie and Jules and Quaerts and the book which he had picked up from the floor and held in his hand for a moment.... Did that vision, that haze of light mean anything, or....

But she shook her head:

“I am dreaming, I am giving way to fancy,” she laughed, within herself. “It was all very simple; I only make it complex because it amuses me to do so.”

But she had no sooner thought this than she felt something which denied the thought absolutely, an intuition which should have made her guess the essence of the truth, but did not quite succeed. [77]Surely there was something, something behind it all, hiding away, lurking⁸ as the shadow lurked⁹ behind the thing; and the shadow appeared to her as a vision and haze of light....

Her thoughts still wandered over all those people and finally halted at Taco Quaerts. She saw him sitting there again, bending slightly forward in her direction, his hands folded and hanging between his knees, as he looked up to her. A barrier of aversion had stood between them like an iron bar. She saw him sitting there again, though he was gone. That again was past: how quickly everything moved; how small was the speck¹⁰ of the present!

She rose, sat down at her writing-table and wrote:

“Beneath me flows the sea of the past; above me drifts the ether of the future; and I stand midway upon the one speck of [78]reality, so small that I must press my feet firmly together lest I lose my hold. And from the speck of the present my sorrow looks down upon the sea and my longing¹¹ up to the sky.

“It is scarcely life to stand upon this speck, so small that I hardly appreciate it, hardly feel it beneath my feet; and yet to me it is the one reality. I am not greatly occupied about it: my eyes only follow the rippling¹² of those waves towards distant horizons, the gliding¹³ of those clouds towards distant spheres, vague manifestations¹⁴ of endless change, translucent¹⁵ ephemeras, visible incorporeities. The present is the only thing that is, or rather that seems to be. The speck is, or at least appears to be, but not the sea below nor the sky above, for the sea is but a memory and the air but an illusion. Yet memory and illusion are everything: they are the wide inheritance of the soul, which [79]alone can escape from the speck of the moment to float upon the sea towards the horizons which retreat, to drift upon the clouds towards the spheres which retreat and retreat....”

Then she reflected. How was it that she had written all this and why? How had she come to write it? She went back upon her thoughts: the present, the speck of the present, which was so small.... Quaerts, Quaerts’ very attitude, rising up before her just now. Was he in any way concerned with her writing down those sentences? The past a sorrow; the future an illusion.... Why, why illusion?

“And Jules, who likes him,” she thought. “And Amélie, who spoke¹⁶ of him ... but she knows nothing.... What is there in him, what lurks¹⁷ behind him: his visionary image? Why did he [80]come here? Why do I dislike him so? Do I dislike him? I cannot see into his eyes....”

She would have liked to do this once; she would have liked to make sure that she disliked him or that she did not: one or the other. She was curious to see him once more, to know what she would think and feel about him then....

She had risen from her writing-table and now lay at full length on the sofa, with her arms folded behind her head. She no longer knew what she dreamt, but she felt peacefully happy. She heard Dolf and Christie come down the stairs. They came in, it was dinner-time.

“Jules was really naughty just now, wasn’t he, Mummy?” Christie asked again, with a grave face.

She drew the frail¹⁸ little fellow gently to her, took him tightly in her arms and [81]fondly kissed his moist, pale-raspberry lips:

“No, really not, darling!” she said. “He wasn’t naughty, really....”

1 vistas   

长条形景色( vista的名词复数 )； 回顾； 展望； （未来可能发生的）一系列情景

参考例句：

• This new job could open up whole new vistas for her. 这项新工作可能给她开辟全新的前景。
• The picture is small but It'shows broad vistas. 画幅虽然不大，所表现的天地却十分广阔。

2 phenomena   

n.现象

参考例句：

• Ade couldn't relate the phenomena with any theory he knew.艾德无法用他所知道的任何理论来解释这种现象。
• The object of these experiments was to find the connection,if any,between the two phenomena.这些实验的目的就是探索这两种现象之间的联系，如果存在着任何联系的话。

3 pretence   

n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰

参考例句：

• The government abandoned any pretence of reform. 政府不再装模作样地进行改革。
• He made a pretence of being happy at the party.晚会上他假装很高兴。

4 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

5 thoroughly   

adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地

参考例句：

• The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。
• The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。

6 deluding   

v.欺骗，哄骗( delude的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• They used Teresa's desolation as another proof that believers are deluding themselves. 他们用德肋撒嬷嬷的孤寂再一次论证信徒们是在蒙蔽自己。 来自互联网
• There is, for instance, a self-deluding interpretation of the contemporary world situation. 比如说有一些对当代世界时局自我欺骗式的阐释。 来自互联网

7 haze   

n.霾，烟雾；懵懂，迷糊；vi.(over)变模糊

参考例句：

• I couldn't see her through the haze of smoke.在烟雾弥漫中，我看不见她。
• He often lives in a haze of whisky.他常常是在威士忌的懵懂醉意中度过的。

8 lurking   

潜在

参考例句：

• Why are you lurking around outside my house? 你在我房子外面鬼鬼祟祟的，想干什么？
• There is a suspicious man lurking in the shadows. 有一可疑的人躲在阴暗中。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

9 lurked   

vi.潜伏，埋伏（lurk的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• The murderers lurked behind the trees. 谋杀者埋伏在树后。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Treachery lurked behind his smooth manners. 他圆滑姿态的后面潜伏着奸计。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

10 speck   

n.微粒，小污点，小斑点

参考例句：

• I have not a speck of interest in it.我对它没有任何兴趣。
• The sky is clear and bright without a speck of cloud.天空晴朗，一星星云彩也没有。

11 longing   

n.（for）渴望

参考例句：

• Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
• His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。

12 rippling   

起涟漪的，潺潺流水般声音的

参考例句：

• I could see the dawn breeze rippling the shining water. 我能看见黎明的微风在波光粼粼的水面上吹出道道涟漪。
• The pool rippling was caused by the waving of the reeds. 池塘里的潺潺声是芦苇摇动时引起的。

13 gliding   

v. 滑翔 adj. 滑动的

参考例句：

• Swans went gliding past. 天鹅滑行而过。
• The weather forecast has put a question mark against the chance of doing any gliding tomorrow. 天气预报对明天是否能举行滑翔表示怀疑。

14 manifestations   

n.表示，显示（manifestation的复数形式）

参考例句：

• These were manifestations of the darker side of his character. 这些是他性格阴暗面的表现。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• To be wordly-wise and play safe is one of the manifestations of liberalism. 明哲保身是自由主义的表现之一。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

15 translucent   

adj.半透明的；透明的

参考例句：

• The building is roofed entirely with translucent corrugated plastic.这座建筑完全用半透明瓦楞塑料封顶。
• A small difference between them will render the composite translucent.微小的差别,也会使复合材料变成半透明。

16 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

17 lurks   

n.潜在，潜伏；（lurk的复数形式）vi.潜伏，埋伏（lurk的第三人称单数形式）

参考例句：

• Behind his cool exterior lurks a reckless and frustrated person. 在冷酷的外表背后，他是一个鲁莽又不得志的人。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Good fortune lies within Bad, Bad fortune lurks within good. 福兮祸所倚，祸兮福所伏。 来自互联网

18 frail   

adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的

参考例句：

• Mrs. Warner is already 96 and too frail to live by herself.华纳太太已经九十六岁了，身体虚弱，不便独居。
• She lay in bed looking particularly frail.她躺在床上，看上去特别虚弱。