All this was plain, while the glow of Ned's words were in her heart and the memory of his nearness alive in the fingers and lips he had kissed. And then to her terror came stealing back the torturing vision of his brother. Why, why, why could she never shut out the memory of this man!
Over and over again she repeated the angry final word:
"He isn't worth a moment's thought!"
And yet she kept on thinking, thinking, always in the same blind circle. At last came the new resolution,
"Worthy2 or unworthy, I've given my word to a better man and that settles it."
The fight had become in her inflamed3 imagination the struggle between good and evil. The younger man with his chivalrous4 boyish ideals was God, Love, Light. The older with his iron will, his fierce ungovernable passion, was the Devil, Lust5 and Darkness. She trembled with new terror at the discovery that there was something elemental deep within her own life that answered the challenge of this older voice with a strange joyous6 daring.
She had just risen from her knees where she had prayed for strength to fight and win this battle when the maid knocked on her door. She had left the hospital and returned home for a week's rest, tottering7 on the verge8 of a nervous collapse9 since her return from the meeting with Ned.
"A letter, Miss Betty," the maid said with a smile.
She tore the envelope with nervous dread10. It bore no postmark and was addressed in a strange hand.
Inside was another envelope in Ned's handwriting, and around it a sheet of paper on which was scrawled11,
"Dear Miss Winter: The bearer of this letter is a trusted spy of both Governments. I have friends in Washington and in Richmond. In Richmond I am supposed to betray the Washington Government. In Washington it is known that I am at heart loyal to the union, and all my correspondence from Richmond to the Confederate agents in Canada and the North I deliver to the President and Stanton. This one is an exception. I happened to have met Mr. Ned. Vaughan and like him. I deliver this letter to you unopened by any hand. I've a sweetheart myself."
With a cry of joy, Betty broke the seal and read Ned's message. It was written just after the battle of Gettysburg.
"Dearest: I am writing to you to-night because I must—though this may never reach you. The whole look of war has changed for me since that wonderful hour we spent in the moonlight beside the river and you promised me your life. It's all a pitiful tragedy now, and love, love, love seems the only thing in all God's universe worth while! I don't wish to kill any more. It hurts the big something inside that's divine. I'm surprised at myself that I can't see the issues of National life as I saw them at first. Somehow they have become dwarfed12 beside the new wonder and glory that fills my heart. And now like a poor traitor13, I am praying for peace, peace at any price. Oh, dearest, you have brought me to this. I love you so utterly14 with every breath I breathe, every thought of mind and every impulse of soul and body, how can I see aught else in the world?
"In every scene of these three days of horror through which we've just passed, my thought was of you. The signal gun that called the men to die boomed your name for me. I heard it in the din15 and roar and crash of armies. The louder came the call of death, the sweeter life seemed because life meant you. Life has taken on a new and wonderful meaning. I love it as I never loved it before and I've grown to hate death and I whisper it to you, my love, my own—to hate war! I want to live now, and I'm praying, praying, praying for peace. My mind is yet clear in its conviction of right or I could not stay here a moment longer. But I'm longing16 and hoping and wondering whether God will not show us the way out of your tragic17 dilemma18.
"During the battle I found a handsome young Federal officer who had fallen inside out lines. With his last strength he was trying to write a message to his bride who was waiting for him behind the union lines. I couldn't pass by. I stopped and got his name, gave him water and made him as comfortable as possible. I got permission from my General while the battle raged and sent his message with a flag of truce19 to his wife. She came flying to his side at the risk of her life, got to the rear and saved him. Perhaps I wasn't an ideal soldier in that pause in my fight. But I had to do it, dearest. It was your sweet spirit that stopped me and sent the white flag of love and mercy.
"And the strangest of all the things of the war happened that night. I spent six hours among the wounded, helping20 the poor boys all I could—both blue and grey—and I suddenly ran into John at the same pitiful work. It's curious how all the bitterness is gone out of my heart.
"I grabbed him and hugged him, and we both cried like two fools. We sat down between the lines in the brilliant moonlight and talked for an hour. I told him of you, dearest, and he wished me all the happiness life could give, but with a queer hitch21 in his voice, and after a long silence, which made me wonder if he, too, had not been loving you in secret. I shouldn't wonder if every man who sees you loves you. The wonder to me is they don't.
"Our band is playing an old-fashioned Southern song that sets my heart to beating with joyous madness again. I'm dreaming through that song of the home I'm going to build for you somewhere in the land of sunshine. Don't worry about me. I'm not going to die. I know I'm immortal22 now. I had faith once. Now I know—because I love you and time is too short to tell and all too short to live my love.
"Ned."
She read it over twice through eyes that grew dim with each foolish, sweet extravagance. And then she went back and read for the third time the line about John, threw herself across her bed and burst into tears.
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收听单词发音
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1
fragrant
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| adj.芬香的，馥郁的，愉快的 | |
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2
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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3
inflamed
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| adj.发炎的，红肿的v.（使）变红，发怒，过热( inflame的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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4
chivalrous
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| adj.武士精神的；对女人彬彬有礼的 | |
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5
lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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6
joyous
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| adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的 | |
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7
tottering
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| adj.蹒跚的，动摇的v.走得或动得不稳( totter的现在分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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9
collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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10
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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scrawled
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| 乱涂，潦草地写( scrawl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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12
dwarfed
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| vt.（使）显得矮小（dwarf的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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13
traitor
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| n.叛徒，卖国贼 | |
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14
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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15
din
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| n.喧闹声，嘈杂声 | |
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16
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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18
dilemma
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| n.困境，进退两难的局面 | |
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19
truce
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| n.休战，(争执，烦恼等的)缓和；v.以停战结束 | |
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20
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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21
hitch
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| v.免费搭(车旅行)；系住；急提；n.故障；急拉 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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