"It was not a pleasant story," he said. "I ought not to have told it to you."
They scarcely spoke1 at all as they descended2. He did not understand his own unreasoning happiness. What reason was there for it, after all? If he had argued the matter, he was in the mood to have said that what he gained in the strange sweetness of the flying moments could only hurt himself, and was enough in itself to repay him for any sense of pain and loss which might follow. But he did not argue at all. In Laurence Arbuthnot's place he would scarcely have given himself the latitude3 he was giving himself now.
"It is safe enough for me," was the sharp-edged thought which had cut through all others once or twice. "It is safe enough for me to be as happy as I may."
But he forgot this as they went down the hill, side by side. For the time being he only felt, and each glance he turned upon Bertha's downcast face gave him cause to realize, what intensity4 his feelings had reached, and wakened him to that sudden starting of pulse and heart which is almost a pain. When they reached the house Bertha went in search of Janey. She remained with her for about half an hour, and then came out to the hammock with her work-basket. The carnations5 at her waist were crushed a little, and something of the first freshness of her holiday air was gone. She held a letter in her hand, which she had evidently been reading. She had not returned it to its envelope, and it was still half open.
"It is from Richard," she said, after she had taken[Pg 209] her seat in the hammock. "It was brought in from the post-office at Lowville about an hour ago."
"From Richard?" he said. "He is coming home, I suppose."
"No," she answered, looking down at the closely written sheets,—"he is not coming yet. He was wise enough not to take a serious view of Janey's case. He is very encouraging, and expresses his usual confidence in my management."
There was nothing like bitterness in her voice, and it struck him that he had never seen so little expression of any kind in her face. She opened the letter and looked over the first page of it.
"He has a great many interesting things to say," she went on; "and he is very enthusiastic."
"About what?" Tredennis asked. She looked up.
"About the Westoria lands," she answered. "He finds all sorts of complications of good fortune connected with them. I don't understand them all, by any means. I am not good at business. But it seems as though the persons who own the Westoria lands will be able to command the resources of the entire surrounding country,—if the railroad is carried through; of course it all depends upon the railroad."
"And the railroad," suggested Tredennis, "depends upon"—
"I don't know," she replied. "On several people, I suppose. I wish it depended on me."
"Why?" said Tredennis.
She smiled slightly and rather languidly.
"I should like to feel that anything so important depended on me," she said. "I should like the sense of power. I am very fond of power."
"I once heard it said that you had a great deal of it," Tredennis said; "far more than most women."
She smiled again, a trifle less languidly.
"That is Laurence Arbuthnot," she observed. "I always recognize his remarks when I hear them. He[Pg 210] did not mean a compliment exactly, either, though it sounds rather like one. He has a theory that I affect people strongly, and he chooses to call that power. But it is too trivial. It is only a matter of pleasing or displeasing6, and I am obliged to exert myself. It does not enable me to bestow7 things, and be a potentate8. I think that to be a potentate might console one for a great many things,—and for the lack of a great many. If you can't take, it must distract your attention to be able to give."
"I do not like to hear you speak as if the chief thing to be desired was the ability to distract one's self," Tredennis said.
She paused a second.
"Then," she said, "I will not speak so now. To-day I will do nothing you do not like." Then she added, "As it is your last day, I wish to retrieve9 myself."
"What have you to retrieve?" he asked.
"Myself," she answered, "as I said."
She spread the letter upon her lap, and gave her attention to it.
"Isn't it rather like Richard," she said, "that, when he begins to write, he invariably writes a letter like that? Theoretically he detests10 correspondence, but when he once begins, his letter always interests him, and even awakens11 him to a kind of enthusiasm, so that instead of being brief he tells one everything. He has written twelve pages here, and it is all delightful12."
"That is a wonderful thing to do," remarked Tredennis; "but it does not surprise me in Richard."
"No," she replied, "Richard can always interest himself; or, rather, he does not interest himself,—it is that he is interested without making an effort; that is his strong point."
She replaced the letter in the envelope and laid it in the basket, from which she took a strip of lace-work, beginning to employ herself with it in a manner more suggestive of graceful13 leisure than of industrious14 [Pg 211]intention. It seemed to accentuate15 the fact that they had nothing to do but let the day drift by in luxurious16 idleness.
But Tredennis could not help seeing that for a while the tone of her mood, so to speak, was lowered. And yet, curiously17 enough, nothing of his own dreamy exaltation died away. The subtle shadow which seemed to have touched her, for a moment, only intensified18 his feeling of tenderness. In fact there were few things which would not have so intensified it; his mental condition was one which must advance by steady, silent steps of development to its climax19. He was not by nature a reckless man, but he was by no means unconscious that there was something very like recklessness in his humor this last day.
As for the day itself, it also advanced by steady steps to its climax, unfolding its beauties like a perfect flower. The fresh, rain-washed morning drifted into a warm, languorous20 noon, followed by an afternoon so long and golden that it seemed to hold within itself the flower and sun, shade and perfume, of a whole summer. Tredennis had never known so long an afternoon, he thought, and yet it was only lengthened21 by the strange delight each hour brought with it, and was all too short when it was over. It seemed full of minute details, which presented themselves to his mind at the time as discoveries. Bertha worked upon her lace, and he watched her, waiting for the moment when she would look up at him, and then look down again with a quick or slow droop22 of the lids, which impressed itself upon him as a charm in itself. There was a little ring she wore which made itself a memory to him,—a simple turquoise23, which set upon the whiteness of her hand like a blue flower. He saw, with a new sense of recognition, every fold and line of her thin, white drapery, the slight, girlish roundness of her figure, the dashes of brightness in the color of her hair, the smallness of the gold thimble on her finger, her grace when she rose or[Pg 212] sat down, or rested a little against the red cushions in her hammock, touching24 the ground now and then with her slender slipper25 and swaying lightly to and fro.
"Do you know," he said to her once, as he watched her do this, "do you know,"—with absorbed hesitation,—"that I feel as if—as if I had never really seen you until to-day—until this afternoon. You seem somehow to look different."
"I am not sure," she answered, "that I have ever seen you before; but it is not because you look different."
"Why is it?" he asked, quite ready to relinquish26 any idea of his own in the pursuit of one of hers.
She looked down a moment.
"To-day," she said, "I don't think you have anything against me."
"You think," he returned, "that I have usually something against you?"
"Yes," she answered.
"Will you tell me what you think it is?"
"I do not need to tell you," she said. "You know so well—and it would rather hurt me to put it into words."
"Hurt you?" he repeated.
"I should be harder than I am," she returned, "if it had not hurt me to know it myself—though I would not tell you that at any other time than now. I dare say I shall repent27 it to-morrow," she said.
"No," he answered, "you won't repent it. Don't repent it."
He felt the vehemence28 of his speech too late to check it. When he ended she was silent, and it was as if suddenly a light veil had fallen upon her face, and he felt that, too, and tried to be calmer.
"No," he repeated, "you must not repent. It is I who must repent that I have given you even a little pain. It is hard on me to know that I have done that."
The afternoon stretched its golden length to a sunset[Pg 213] which cast deep, velvet29 shadows upon the grass and filled the air with an enchanted30 mellow31 radiance. Everything took a tinge32 of gold,—the green of the pines and the broad-leaved chestnut33 trees, the gray and brown of their trunks, the red of the old house, the honeysuckle and Virginia creeper clambering about it, the birds flying homeward to their nests. When the rich clearness and depth of color reached its greatest beauty Bertha folded her strip of lace and laid it in the little basket.
"We ought simply to sit and watch this," she said. "I don't think we ought even to speak. It will be all over in a few minutes, and we shall never see it again."
"No," said Tredennis, with a sad prescience; "nor anything at all like it."
"Ah!" was Bertha's rejoinder, "to me it has always seemed that it is not the best of such hours that one does see others like them. I have seen the sun set like this before."
"I have not," he said.
As he stood silent in the stillness and glow a faint, rather bitter, smile touched his lips and faded out. He found himself, he fancied, face to face with Laurence Arbuthnot again. He was sharing the sunset with him; there were ten chances against one that he had shared the day with him also.
Bertha sat in the deepening enchanted light with a soft, dreamy look. He thought it meant that she remembered something; but he felt that the memory was one to which she yielded herself without reluctance34, or that she was happy in it. At last she lifted her eyes to his, and their expression was very sweet in its entire gentleness and submission35 to the spell of the moment.
"See!" she said, "the sun has slipped behind the pines already. We have only a few seconds left."
And then, even as they looked at the great fire, made brighter by the dark branches through which they saw it, it sank a little lower, and a little lower, and with an expiring flame was gone.
[Pg 214]
Bertha drew a quick breath, there was a second or so of silence, and then she stirred.
"It is over," she said; "and it has been like watching some one die, only sadder."
She took up the little work-basket and rose from her seat.
"It seems a pity to speak of mundane36 things," she said; "but I think we must go in to tea."
When the children were taken upstairs for the night Bertha went with them. It had been her habit to do this during their sojourn37 in the country, and naturally Janey had been her special care of late.
"I cannot often do such things when I am in Washington," she had explained once to Tredennis. "And I really like it as much as they do. It is part of the holiday."
As he sat on the porch in the starlight Tredennis could hear her voice mingling38 with the children's. The windows were wide open; she was moving from one room to the other, and two or three times she laughed in answer to some childish speech.
It was one of these laughs which, at last, caused Tredennis to leave his seat and go to the place under the trees where the hammocks were swung, and which was far more the place of general rendezvous39 than the parlor40 windows. From this point he could see the corner of the brightly lighted room, near the window where it was Bertha's custom to sit in her low chair, and rock Janey to sleep when she was restless.
She was doing it to-night. He could see the child's head lying on her bosom41, and her own bent42 so that her cheek rested against the bright hair. In a few moments all was quiet, and she began to sing, and as she sang, swaying to and fro, Tredennis looked and listened without stirring.
But, though it was gay no longer, he liked to hear her song, and to his mind the moments in which he[Pg 215] stood in the odorous dark, looking upward at the picture framed by the vine-hung window, were among the tenderest of the day. It was his fate to be full of a homely43 sentiment, which found its pleasure in unsophisticated primary virtues44 and affections. Any deep passion he might be moved by would necessarily have its foundation in such elements. He was slow at the subtle analysis whose final result is frequently to rob such simplicities45 of their value. His tendency was to reverence46 for age, tenderness to womanhood and childhood, faithfulness to all things. There was something boyish and quixotic in his readiness to kindle47 in defence of any womanly weakness or pain. Nothing he had ever said, or done, had so keenly touched and delighted Professor Herrick as his fiery48 denunciation, one night, of a man who was the hero of a scandalous story. There had been no qualifications of his sweeping49 assertion that in such cases it must be the man who had earned the right to bear the blame.
"It is always the man who is in the wrong," he had cried, flushing fiercely, "coward and devil—it is in the nature of things that he should be. Let him stand at the front and take what follows, if he has ever been a man for an hour!" And the professor had flushed also,—the fainter flush of age,—and had given some silent moments to reflection afterwards, as he sat gazing at the fire.
It was these primitive50 beliefs and sentiments which stirred within him now. He would not have lost one low note of the little song for the world, and he had left his seat only that he might see what he saw now,—her arm about her child, her cheek pressed against its hair.
It was not long before her little burden fell asleep he saw, but she did not rise as soon as this happened. She sat longer, and her song went on, finally dying away into brooding silence, which reigned51 for some time before she moved.
At length she lifted her face gently. She looked[Pg 216] down at the child a few seconds, and slowly changed the position in which she lay, with an indescribably tender and cautious movement. Then she rose, and after standing52 an instant, holding her in her folding arms, crossed the room and passed out of sight.
Tredennis turned and began mechanically to arrange the cushions in the hammock. He felt sure she would come to-night and talk to him, for a little while at least.
It was not very long before he recognized her white figure in the door-way, and went toward it.
"They are all asleep," she said, in a voice whose hushed tone seemed to belong half to the slumber53 she had left and half to the stillness of the hour.
"Will you come out to the hammock," he said, "or will you sit here?"
She came forward and descended the steps.
"I will sit in the hammock," she replied. "I like the trees above me."
They went down the path together, and reaching the hammock she took her usual seat among its cushions, and he his upon a rough rustic54 bench near her.
"I was thinking before you came," he said, "of what you said this afternoon of my having something against you. I won't deny that there has been something in my thoughts of you that often has been miserable55, and you were right in saying it was not in them to-day. It has not been in them for several days. What I was thinking just now was that it could never be in them again."
She did not stir.
"Don't you see," he went on, "I can't go back. If there had been nothing but to-day, I could not go back—beyond to-day. It would always be a factor in my arguments about you. I should always say to myself when things seemed to go wrong: 'There was no mistake about that day,—she was real then,' and I should trust you against everything. To-day—and in the other days too—I have seen you as you are, and[Pg 217] because of that I should trust you in spite of everything."
"Oh!" she cried. "Don't trust me too much!" There was anguish56 in the sound, and he recognized it.
"I can't trust you too much," he answered, with obstinacy57. "No honest human being can trust another honest human being too much."
"Am I an honest human being?" she said.
"I shall believe you one until the end," he returned.
"That is saying a great deal," was her reply.
"Listen," he said. "You know I am not like Arbuthnot and the rest. If I were to try to be like them I should only fail. But, though you never told me that I could be of any use to you, and you never will, I shall know if the time should come—and I shall wait for it. Have we not all of us something that belongs to ourselves, and not to the world,—it may be a pleasure or a pain, it does not matter which?"
"No," she put in, "it does not matter which."
"It does not matter to those on the outside," he went on; "it only matters to us, and I think we all have it to bear. Even I"—
"What," she said, "you, too?"
"Yes," he answered, "I, too; but it does not matter, if no one is hurt but ourselves."
"There are so many things that 'do not matter,'" she said. "To say that, only means that there is no help."
"That is true," was his reply, "and I did not intend to speak of myself, but of you."
"No," she said, "don't speak of me,—don't speak of me!"
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because I tell you that you are trusting me too much."
"Go on," he said.
She had covered her face with her hands, and held[Pg 218] them so for a little while, then she let them fall slowly to her lap.
"If I tell you the truth," she said, "it will not be my fault if you still trust me too much. I don't want it to be my fault. The worst of me is, that I am neither bad nor good, and that I cannot live without excitement. I am always changing and trying experiments. When one experiment fails, I try another. They all fail after a while, or I get tired of them."
"Poor child!" he said.
She stirred slightly; one of the flowers fell from her belt upon her lap, and she let it lie there.
"It does not matter," she answered. "All that matters is, that you should know the truth about me,—that I am not to be depended upon, and that, above all, you need not be surprised at any change you see in me."
"When we meet again in Washington?" he suggested.
She hesitated a moment and then made her response.
"When we meet again in Washington, or at any time."
"Are you warning me?" he inquired.
"Yes," was her reply, and he recognized that in spite of her effort it was faintly given. "I am warning you."
He looked down at the grass and then at her. The determined58 squareness of chin, which was one of the chief characteristics of his face, struck her as being more marked than she had ever seen it.
"It is unnecessary," he said. "I won't profit by it."
He rose abruptly59 from his seat, and there was meaning in the movement, and in his eyes looking down upon her deep and dark in the faint light.
"You cannot change me," he said. "And you would have to change me before your warning would carry weight. Change yourself as you like—try as many experiments as you like—you cannot change the last ten days."
Even as the words were uttered, the day was ended for them as they had never once thought of its ending. There fell upon the quiet the sound of horses' feet [Pg 219]approaching at a rapid pace and coming to a stop before the gate. The dogs came bounding and baying from the house, and above their deep-mouthed barking a voice made itself heard, calling to some one to come out,—a voice they both knew.
Tredennis turned toward it with a sharp movement.
"Do you hear that?" he exclaimed.
"Yes," said Bertha; and suddenly her manner was calm almost to coldness,—"it is Laurence Arbuthnot, and papa is with him. Let us go and meet them."
And in a few seconds they were at the gate, and the professor was explaining their unexpected appearance.
"It is all Mr. Arbuthnot's fault, my dear," he said; "he knew that I wished to see you, and, having an idea that I was not strong enough to make the journey alone, he suddenly affected60 to have business in this vicinity. It was entirely61 untrue, and I was not in the least deceived; but I humored him, as I begin to find it best to do, and allowed him to bring me to you."
Arbuthnot had dismounted, and was fastening his horse to the gate, and he replied by one of the gayest and most discriminatingly pitched of the invaluable62 laughs.
"It is no use," he said; "the professor does not believe in me. He refuses to recognize in me anything but hollow mockery."
Bertha went to him. There was something hurried in her movement; it was as if she was strangely, almost feverishly63, glad to see him. She went to his horse's head and laid her hand on the creature's neck.
"That takes me back to Washington," she said: "to Washington. It was like you to come, and I am glad, but—you should have come a little sooner."
And, as she stood there, faintly smiling up at him, her hand was trembling like a leaf.
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收听单词发音
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1
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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latitude
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| n.纬度，行动或言论的自由(范围)，(pl.)地区 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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carnations
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| n.麝香石竹，康乃馨( carnation的名词复数 ) | |
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6
displeasing
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| 不愉快的，令人发火的 | |
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bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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potentate
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| n.统治者；君主 | |
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retrieve
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| vt.重新得到，收回；挽回，补救；检索 | |
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10
detests
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的第三人称单数 ) | |
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11
awakens
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的第三人称单数 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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12
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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13
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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industrious
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| adj.勤劳的，刻苦的，奋发的 | |
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15
accentuate
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| v.着重，强调 | |
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luxurious
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| adj.精美而昂贵的；豪华的 | |
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curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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18
intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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climax
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| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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languorous
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| adj.怠惰的，没精打采的 | |
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lengthened
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| （时间或空间）延长，伸长( lengthen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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droop
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| v.低垂，下垂；凋萎，萎靡 | |
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turquoise
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| n.绿宝石；adj.蓝绿色的 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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slipper
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| n.拖鞋 | |
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relinquish
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| v.放弃，撤回，让与，放手 | |
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repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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enchanted
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| adj. 被施魔法的，陶醉的，入迷的 动词enchant的过去式和过去分词 | |
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31
mellow
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| adj.柔和的；熟透的；v.变柔和；(使)成熟 | |
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32
tinge
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| vt.(较淡)着色于，染色；使带有…气息；n.淡淡色彩，些微的气息 | |
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chestnut
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| n.栗树，栗子 | |
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reluctance
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| n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿 | |
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submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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mundane
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| adj.平凡的；尘世的；宇宙的 | |
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sojourn
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| v./n.旅居，寄居；逗留 | |
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mingling
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| adj.混合的 | |
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rendezvous
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| n.约会，约会地点，汇合点；vi.汇合，集合；vt.使汇合，使在汇合地点相遇 | |
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parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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41
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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42
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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43
homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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44
virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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45
simplicities
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| n.简单，朴素，率直( simplicity的名词复数 ) | |
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46
reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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kindle
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| v.点燃，着火 | |
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48
fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的 | |
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sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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51
reigned
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| vi.当政，统治（reign的过去式形式） | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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rustic
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| adj.乡村的，有乡村特色的；n.乡下人，乡巴佬 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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57
obstinacy
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| n.顽固；（病痛等）难治 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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61
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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62
invaluable
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| adj.无价的，非常宝贵的，极为贵重的 | |
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feverishly
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| adv. 兴奋地 | |
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