In the processes of his uncertainty4 he was so innocuous and distant, for the moment. His first visit. There he was: so far, a stranger. Why should these little obstacles of strangeness—which gate to enter, which bell to ring—be taken away from this particular individual? He should remain “stranger” for her, where he came from. But he had burrowed5 his way through, was at the bell already, and would soon be at herself. She found here, in her room, was very different from she found outside, in restaurant or street. The clothing of this décor was a nakedness.
She struggled for a moment up from the obstinate[175] dream, made of artificial but tenacious6 sentiments, shaped by contretemps of all sorts that had been accumulating like a snowball ever since her last interview with Tarr. Still somewhat wrapt in this interview she rolled in its nightmarish, continually metamorphosed, substance through space. Where would it land her, this electric, directionless, vital affair? This invasion of Indifference7 and Difference had floated her, successfully, away in some direction.
The bell rang again. She could see him, almost, through the wall, standing9 phlegmatic10 and erect11. They had not spoken yet. But they had been some minutes “in touch.”
Perhaps he was mad! Elsa, cold, matter-of-fact, but with warnings for her, came into her mind. However much she resisted the facts, there was very little reason for this meeting. It was a now unnecessary, exploded, and objectless impulse, sapped by Anastasya. She was going through with something from laziness and obstinacy12 mixed, that no longer meant anything.
Already dressed, she walked to the door as the bell rang a third time. Kreisler was serious and a little haggard; different from the day before. He had expected to be asked in. Instead, hardly saying anything, she came out on the narrow landing and closed the door behind her. Surprised, he felt for the first stair. It was eight in the evening, very dark on the staircase, and he stumbled several times. Bertha felt she could not say a single word to him. It was just as though some lawyer’s clerk had come to fetch her for a tragic13 disagreeable interview, and she, having been sitting fully8 dressed for unnecessary hours in advance, were now urging him silently and violently before her, following.
That afternoon she had received a second letter from Sorbert.
“My dear Bertha.—Excuse me for the blague I wrote the other day. There is nothing to be gained in conforming to our old convention of vagueness. I[176] think we had better say, finally, that we will try and get used to not seeing each other, and give up our idea of marriage. Do you agree with me? As you will see, I am still here, in Paris. I am going to England this afternoon.
“Toujours affectueusement,
“Votre Sorbert.”
On the receipt of this letter—as on the former occasion a little—she first of all behaved as she would have done had Sorbert been there. She acted silent resignation and going about her work as usual for the benefit of the letter, as though it had been a living person. The reply to this, written an hour or so before Kreisler arrived, had been an exaggerated acquiescence14. “Of course, Sorbert: far better that we should part!” But soon this letter began to worry her and threaten her mannerisms. She was just going to take up a book and read, when, as though something had called her attention, she put it down, got up, her head turned over her shoulder, and then suddenly flung herself on the sofa as though it had been rocks and she plunging15 on them from a high cliff. She sobbed16 until she had tired herself out.
So Kreisler and she walked up the street as though compelled by some very strange circumstances, only, to be in each other’s company.
He appeared depressed17, and to have come also under the spell of some sort of meaningless duty. His punctuality suggested, too, fatigued18 and senseless waiting, careful timing19. His temporary destination reached, he delivered himself up indifferently into her hands. He said something about its being hot. They said hardly anything, but walked on away from her house. They showed no pudeur about this peculiar20 state of mind and their manners.
Before they got to the Café de l’Observatoire Kreisler was attempting to make up for his lapse21 into strangeness, discovering, however, in a little, that he had not been alone.
[177]
Bertha looked at the clock inside as they took up their place on the quieter terrasse. When she asked herself how long she would stop she was astonished.
“Who is that, then?” Kreisler asked, after some moments of gradually changing silence, when Anastasya began to be mentioned by Bertha. He showed no interest.
This meeting had been the only event of the day for him. He had looked forward to it a little at first. But as it approached he got fidgety, began counting the time, and from being a blessed something, it became a burden. The responsibility of this meeting even seemed too much for him. He began to ask himself what useless errand he was on now? The effort of this simple affair worked lamentably22 on his nerves. He would not have gone, only the appointment being made and fixed23 in his mind, and he having felt it in the distance all day, he knew it would irk him more if he did not go. He was compelled, in short, to go, to have done with it. The worrying obsession24 of not having done it intimidated25 him. In the empty evening he would have been at the mercy of this thing-not-done, like an itch26.
Bertha, for her part, recovered. Kreisler’s complete abstraction and indifference were soothing27. He seemed to know as little why he was there as she, or less, and be only waiting for her to disappear again. No slight was implied. Her vanity stirred a little. She perhaps came through this to bring Fr?ulein Vasek on the boards as she had originally intended. As to there being anything compromising in this meeting, that might be disposed of. He did not look like suggesting another.—His manner on the day before would not have warranted complete calm. And Elsa’s description of his conduct with women had stuck in her mind. As the hour of meeting approached it helped her uneasiness. But now she felt refreshingly28 relieved. This was the man who had caused her fresh misgivings29! When a dog or cow has passed a trembling child without any signs[178] of mischief30, the child sometimes is inclined to step after it and put forth31 a caressing32 hand.
By his manner and its reflection on her feelings he had created a situation not unlike that of the dance night. There they sat, she pressing a little, he civilly apathetic33. It seemed for all the world as though Bertha had run after him somewhere and forced a meeting on him, to which he had grudgingly34 come. She was back in what would always be for him her characteristic r?le. And so now—and again later continually—she appeared to be following him up, to the discomfort35 of both, for some unguessable reason.
“No, I don’t know who you mean,” he said, replying to descriptions of Anastasya. “A tall girl you say? No, I can’t bring to mind?”
He liked fingering over listlessly the thought of Anastasya, but as a stranger. This subject gave him a little more interest in Bertha, just as, for her, it had a similar effect in his favour. She was immediately convinced that Fr?ulein Vasek had been guilty of the most offensive, self-complacent mistake.
Kreisler had not energy enough left to continue his pursuit of his bespangled dream.
Bertha now had achieved a simplification of the whole matter as follows:
Anastasya, a beautiful and swankily original girl, had arrived, bespangled and beposed, on the scene of her (Bertha’s) simple little life. She had discovered her kissing and being kissed by a ridiculous individual in the middle of the street. Bertha had disengaged herself rapidly, and explained that she had been doing that because he had awoken her pity by his miserable36 and half-starved appearance; that, even then, he had assaulted her, and she had been found in that delicate situation entirely37 independent of her own will. Anastasya’s lip had curled, and she had received these explanations in silence. Then, at their nervous repetition, she had said negligently38: “You were no doubt being hugged by Herr Kreisler in the middle of the pavement, the motives39 the ordinary[179] ones. You might have waited till—But that’s your own business. On the other hand, the reason of his eccentric appearance this evening was this. He had the incredible impudence40 to wish to make up to me. I sent him about his business, and he ‘manifested’ in the way you know.”
Reducing all the confused material of this affair to such essential situation, Bertha saw clearly the essence of her action.
Definite withdrawal41 from the circle of her friends was now essential. It was accomplished42 with as much style as possible. Kreisler provided the style.
Her instinct now was to wallow still more in the unbecoming situation in which she had been found, with defiance43. She wanted to be seen with Kreisler. The meanness, strangeness, and certain déchéance or come-down, in consorting44 with this sorry bird, must be heightened into poetry and thick and luscious45 fiction. They had driven her to this. They were driving her! Very well. She was lasse! She would satisfy them. She would satisfy Sorbert. It was what he wanted, was it not?
Kreisler, of course, was the central, irreducible element in this mental pie. He was the egg-cup that kept up the crust. She tried to interest herself in Kreisler and satisfy Tarr, her friends, the whole world, more thoroughly46.
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1
visualize
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| vt.使看得见，使具体化，想象，设想 | |
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speculation
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| n.思索，沉思；猜测；投机 | |
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3
ambushed
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| v.埋伏( ambush的过去式和过去分词 )；埋伏着 | |
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4
uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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5
burrowed
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| v.挖掘（洞穴），挖洞( burrow的过去式和过去分词 )；翻寻 | |
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tenacious
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| adj.顽强的，固执的，记忆力强的，粘的 | |
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7
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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8
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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phlegmatic
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| adj.冷静的，冷淡的，冷漠的，无活力的 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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12
obstinacy
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| n.顽固；（病痛等）难治 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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14
acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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15
plunging
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| adj.跳进的，突进的v.颠簸( plunge的现在分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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16
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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18
fatigued
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| adj. 疲乏的 | |
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timing
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| n.时间安排，时间选择 | |
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20
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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lamentably
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| adv.哀伤地，拙劣地 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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obsession
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| n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感) | |
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intimidated
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| v.恐吓；威胁adj.害怕的；受到威胁的 | |
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itch
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| n.痒，渴望，疥癣；vi.发痒，渴望 | |
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soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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refreshingly
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| adv.清爽地，有精神地 | |
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29
misgivings
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕；疑虑，担心，恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 )；疑惧 | |
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30
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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31
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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32
caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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apathetic
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| adj.冷漠的，无动于衷的 | |
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grudgingly
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discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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negligently
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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40
impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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41
withdrawal
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| n.取回，提款；撤退，撤军；收回，撤销 | |
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42
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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43
defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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44
consorting
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| v.结伴( consort的现在分词 )；交往；相称；调和 | |
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45
luscious
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| adj.美味的；芬芳的；肉感的，引与性欲的 | |
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46
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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