Kreisler’s windows had been incandescent3 with steady saffron rays, coming over the roofs of the[180] quarter. His little shell of a room had breasted them with pretence4 of antique adventure. The old boundless5 yellow lights streamed from their abstract El Dorado. They were a Gulf6 Stream for our little patch of a world, making a people as quiet as the English. Men once more were invited to be the motes7 in the sunbeam, to play in the sleepy surf on the edge of remoteness.
Now, from within, his windows looked as suddenly harsh and familiar. Unreasonable8 limitation gave its specific colour to thin glass.
The clock was striking eight. Like eight metallic9 glittering waves dashing discordantly10 together in a cavern11, its strokes rushed up and down in Bertha’s head. She was leaning on the mantelshelf, head sunk forward, with the action of a person about to be sick. She had struggled up from the bed a moment before—the last vigour12 at her disposal being spent in getting away from the bed at all costs.
“Oh schwein! schwein! Ich hass es—ich hass dich! Schwein! Scheusal! schensslicher Mensch!”
All the hatred13 and repulsion of her being, in a raw, indecent heat, seemed turned into this tearful sonority14, gushing15 up like blood. An exasperated16 falling, deepening sing-song in the “schensslicher Mensch!” something of the disgusting sound of the brutal17 relishing18 and gobbling of food. Hatred expresses itself like the satisfaction of an appetite. The outrage19 was spat20 out of her body on to him. As she stood there she looked like some one on whom a practical joke had been played, of the primitive21 and physical order, such as drenching22, in some amusing manner, with dirty water. She had been decoyed into swallowing something disgusting. Her attitude was reminiscent of the way people are seen to stand bent23 awkwardly forward, neck craned out, slowly wiping the dirt off their clothes, or spitting out the remains24 of their polluted drink, cursing the joker.
This had been, too, a desperate practical joke in its madness and inconsequence. But it was of the solemn and lonely order. At its consummation there[181] had been no chorus of intelligible25 laughter. An uncontrolled Satyr-like figure had leapt suddenly away: Bertha, in a struggle that had been outrageous26 and extreme, fighting with the silence of a confederate beneath the same ban of the world. A joke too deep for laughter, parodying27 the phrase, alienating28 sorrow and tears, had been achieved. The victim had been conscious of an eeriness29.
A folded blouse lay on the corner of Kreisler’s trunk. Bertha’s arms and shoulders were bare, her hair hanging in wisps and strips, generally—a Salon30 picture was the result. For purposes of work (he had asked her to sit for him), the blouse had been put aside. A jagged tear in her chemise over her right breast also seemed the doing of a Salon artist of facile and commercial invention.
Kreisler stood at the window. His eyes had a lazy, expressionless stare, his lips were open. Nerves, brain and the whole body were still spinning and stunned31, his muscles teeming32 with actions not finished, sharp, when the actions finished. He was still swamped and strung with violence. His sudden immobility, as he stood there, made the riot of movement and will rise to his brain like wine from a weak body. Satisfaction had, however, stilled everything except this tingling33 prolongation of action.
The inanity34 of what had happened to her showed as her unique, intelligible feeling. Her being there at all, her eccentric conduct of the last week, what disgusting folly35! Ever since she had known Tarr, her “sentiment” had been castigating36 her. A watchful37 fate appeared to be inventing morals to show her the folly of her perpetual romancing. And now this had happened. It was senseless. There was not a single atom of compensation anywhere. She was not one of those who, were there any solid compensation of sentiment and necessity (such as, in the most evident degree, was the case with Tarr), would draw back from natural conclusions. Then conclusive38 physical matters were a culmination39 of her romance, and not a separate and disloyal gratification. It never occurred[182] to her that they could be arrived at without traversing the romance.
Was this to be explained as the boulevard incident had been explained by her? Was she to proceed with her explanations and her part? But this time it would be to herself that the explanations would have to be made. That was a different audience; a dim feeling found its way into her, with a sort of sickening malice40. She had a glimpse too of Kreisler’s Bertha—the woman that you couldn’t shake off, who, for some unimaginable reason, was always hanging on to you. She even had the strength to admit, distantly, the logic41 of this act—what had happened to her—still more disgusting and hateful than its illogic. The only thing that might have been found to mitigate42, in some sense, the dreary43, sudden madness of it, was that she felt practically nothing at all for Kreisler. It was like some violent accident of the high road, the brutality44 of a tramp. And—as that too would—it partook of the unreality of nightmare.
A few minutes before he had been tranquilly45 working away at a drawing, she sitting in some pose she had taken up with quick ostentatious intelligence. Startled at his request to draw her shoulders she had immediately condemned46 this feeling. She had come to sit for him; the mere47 idea that there was any danger was so repulsive48 that she immediately consented. He was an artist, too, of course. While he was working they had not talked. Then he had put down his paper and chalk, stretched, and said:
“Your arms are like bananas!” A shiver of warning had penetrated49 her at this. But still he was an artist: it was natural—even inevitable50—that he should compare her arms to bananas.
“Oh! I hope you’ve made a good drawing. May I see?” She intended to emphasize the reason of this exposure.
He had got up, and before she knew what he was doing caught hold of her above the elbow, chafing51 her arm, saying:
“You have pins and needles, Fr?ulein?” The[183] “Fr?ulein” used here had some disquieting52 sound. She drew herself away, now serious and on the defence.
“No, thank you. Now I will put my blouse on, if you have finished.”
They had looked at each other uncertainly for a moment, he with a flushed rather silly fixed smile. She was afraid, somehow, to move away.
“Let me rub your arm.” Then with the fury of a man waking up to some insult, he had seized her. Her tardy53 words, furious struggling and all her contradictory54 emotions disappeared in the whirlpool towards which they had, with a strange deliberateness and yet aimlessness, been steering55.
He was standing56 there at the window now as though wishing to pretend that he had done nothing; she “had been dreaming things” merely. The long silence and monotony of the posing had prepared her for the strangeness now. It had been the other extreme out of which she had been flung and into which, at present, she was again flung. She saw side by side and unconnected the silent figure drawing her and the other one full of blindness and violence. Then there were two other figures, one getting up from the chair, yawning, and the present lazy one at the window—four in all, that she could not bring together somehow, each in a complete compartment57 of time of its own. It would be impossible to make the present idle figure at the window interest itself in these others. A loathsome58, senseless event, of no meaning, naturally, to that figure there. It had quietly, indifferently, talked: it had drawn59: it had suddenly flung itself upon her and taken her, and now it was standing idly there. It could do all these things. It appeared to her in a series of precipitate60 states. It resembled in this a switchback, rising slowly, in a steady insouciant61 way to the top of an incline, and then plunging62 suddenly down the other. Or a mastiff’s head turning indolently for some seconds and then snapping at a fly, detached again the next moment. Her fury and animal hostility[184] did not last more than a few minutes. She had come there, got what she did not expect, and now must go away again. There was positively63 nothing more to be said to Kreisler. She had spasmodic returns of raging. They did not pass her dourly64 active mind. There never had been anything to say to him. He was a mad beast.
She now had to go away as though nothing had happened. It was nothing. After all what did it matter what became of her now? Her body was of little importance—ghosts of romantic consolations65 here! What was the good (seeing what she knew and everything) of storming against this man? She saw herself coming there that afternoon, talking with amiable66 affectation of interest in his work, in him (in him!), sitting for him; a long, uninterrupted stream of amiability67, talk, suddenly the wild few minutes, then the present ridiculous hush68.
The moral, heavily, too heavily, driven in by her no doubt German fate, found its mark in her mind. What Tarr laughed at her for—that silly and vulgar mush, was the cause of all this. Well!
She had done up her hair; her hat was once more on her head. She went towards the door, her face really haggard, inevitable consciousness of drama too in it. Kreisler turned round, went towards the door also, unlocked it, let her pass without saying anything, and, waiting a moment, closed it indifferently again. She was let out as a workman would have been, who had been there to mend a shutter69 or rectify70 a bolt.
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1
superstitious
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| adj.迷信的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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incandescent
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| adj.遇热发光的， 白炽的，感情强烈的 | |
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4
pretence
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| n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰 | |
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boundless
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| adj.无限的；无边无际的；巨大的 | |
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gulf
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| n.海湾；深渊，鸿沟；分歧，隔阂 | |
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motes
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| n.尘埃( mote的名词复数 )；斑点 | |
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8
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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9
metallic
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| adj.金属的；金属制的；含金属的；产金属的；像金属的 | |
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10
discordantly
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| adv.不一致地，不和谐地 | |
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cavern
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| n.洞穴，大山洞 | |
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vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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13
hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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14
sonority
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| n.响亮，宏亮 | |
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15
gushing
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| adj.迸出的；涌出的；喷出的；过分热情的v.喷，涌( gush的现在分词 )；滔滔不绝地说话 | |
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16
exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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18
relishing
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| v.欣赏( relish的现在分词 )；从…获得乐趣；渴望 | |
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19
outrage
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| n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒 | |
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20
spat
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| n.口角，掌击；v.发出呼噜呼噜声 | |
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21
primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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22
drenching
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| n.湿透v.使湿透( drench的现在分词 )；在某人（某物）上大量使用（某液体） | |
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23
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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24
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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25
intelligible
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| adj.可理解的，明白易懂的，清楚的 | |
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26
outrageous
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| adj.无理的，令人不能容忍的 | |
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27
parodying
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| v.滑稽地模仿，拙劣地模仿( parody的现在分词 ) | |
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28
alienating
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| v.使疏远( alienate的现在分词 )；使不友好；转让；让渡（财产等） | |
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29
eeriness
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| n.怪诞，胆怯，阴森 | |
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30
salon
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| n.[法]沙龙；客厅；营业性的高级服务室 | |
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31
stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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32
teeming
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| adj.丰富的v.充满( teem的现在分词 )；到处都是；（指水、雨等）暴降；倾注 | |
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33
tingling
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| v.有刺痛感( tingle的现在分词 ) | |
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34
inanity
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| n.无意义，无聊 | |
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35
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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36
castigating
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| v.严厉责骂、批评或惩罚（某人）( castigate的现在分词 ) | |
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37
watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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38
conclusive
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| adj.最后的，结论的；确凿的，消除怀疑的 | |
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39
culmination
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| n.顶点；最高潮 | |
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40
malice
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| n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋 | |
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41
logic
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| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
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42
mitigate
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| vt.（使）减轻，（使）缓和 | |
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43
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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44
brutality
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| n.野蛮的行为，残忍，野蛮 | |
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45
tranquilly
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| adv. 宁静地 | |
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46
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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47
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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48
repulsive
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| adj.排斥的，使人反感的 | |
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49
penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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50
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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51
chafing
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| n.皮肤发炎v.擦热（尤指皮肤）( chafe的现在分词 )；擦痛；发怒；惹怒 | |
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52
disquieting
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| adj.令人不安的，令人不平静的v.使不安，使忧虑，使烦恼( disquiet的现在分词 ) | |
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53
tardy
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| adj.缓慢的，迟缓的 | |
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54
contradictory
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| adj.反驳的，反对的，抗辩的；n.正反对，矛盾对立 | |
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55
steering
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| n.操舵装置 | |
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56
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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57
compartment
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| n.卧车包房，隔间；分隔的空间 | |
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58
loathsome
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| adj.讨厌的，令人厌恶的 | |
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59
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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60
precipitate
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| adj.突如其来的；vt.使突然发生；n.沉淀物 | |
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61
insouciant
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| adj.不在意的 | |
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62
plunging
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| adj.跳进的，突进的v.颠簸( plunge的现在分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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63
positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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64
dourly
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65
consolations
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| n.安慰，慰问( consolation的名词复数 )；起安慰作用的人（或事物） | |
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66
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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67
amiability
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| n.和蔼可亲的，亲切的，友善的 | |
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68
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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69
shutter
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| n.百叶窗；(照相机)快门；关闭装置 | |
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70
rectify
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| v.订正，矫正，改正 | |
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