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LIV. The God and the Pedestal
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 1
 
FOR some hours after sending his reply to Rose-Ann, Felix kept his mind steeled against any realization1 of its consequences. He was in a peculiar2 state of righteousness—like one who has struck a fatal blow and keeps insisting that he has been struck first. To him, his letter to Rose-Ann appeared but the reflex of her own—and she, as it were, the author of both letters. Yes, the crime was hers!
 
But just what this crime was, he still managed to keep from realizing—even when, after mailing his letter and sitting for an hour in a kind of stupour at his desk, he rose, took a book from the shelf, and went away to find a room. The book was “The Bab Ballads3.”
 
He took the Illinois Central in, and a north side elevated train out again, as though seeking to be as far as possible from the studio. He got off, at a venture, at Wilson Avenue, and within an hour found a small apartment of two rooms and bath, furnished “for light-housekeeping,” situated4 over a coffee-and-tea store, three flights up. It had a fairly large sitting room at the front. He noticed a small book case filled with sets of “The Ivanhoe Novels” and “The Complete Works of Bulwer-Lytton.” Felix told the fat middle-aged5 woman from the store who showed it to him that he would want the bookcase for books of his own, but not immediately; he remarked that he would probably buy some of her coffee in the morning to make his breakfast on; and assured her that he would not set the hot cup on the bare table-top, which she said was real mahogany and had been left her by a deceased roomer whom she had looked 354after when he was sick. When she had gone, leaving him the keys, Felix put the Bab Ballads in between the Waverly Novels and the Complete Works of Bulwer-Lytton, and sat down in an old plush-upholstered chair, to make himself at home.
 
In a few minutes there was a knock—it was the fat woman from the store, who had brought him up a pound of her best coffee.
 
“Not that I want to bother you,” she said. “You needn’t be afraid I’ll be knocking at your door and keeping watch of your comings and goings—live and let live, is what I say. But I knew from the way you spoke6 of coffee that you really liked it, and I just thought I’d bring you some for your breakfast. A man that makes his own coffee knows what coffee is—isn’t that so!”
 
He thanked her, and sat down to look out of the window. The interest of the room itself had been exhausted7; it was empty equally of memories and of hopes; it was just so many dismal8 square feet of space. He had uprooted9 himself from the place in which he had lived for months that were like years, and years that were like lifetimes; he had lived in that studio—really lived in it; he was living there now, in his thoughts; it would take longer to uproot10 his mind from that place than it had his body. And yet—he could foresee the time, incredible though it was, when that studio life with Rose-Ann would be only a memory, a part of his past ... like his life with his Iowa sweetheart during their brief idyl, years ago. Yes, the time would come when all this, that was now so warm and near, would be dim and remote; a time when it would no longer hurt him to think about it all....
 
As he sat there facing the window, looking out unseeingly at the lighted facade11 of the building opposite, the strains of dance music reached him, and he saw couples float past the windows of the hall on the floor opposite his own. He watched and listened with a kind of dull fascination12, for a long time.... He was very tired. He thought of going to bed. But that music from across the street would never 355stop—it would keep on with its silly gaiety hour after hour.
 
He rose at last and went out. He was going to his work-room. He could spend several hours cleaning up there—destroying manuscripts he didn’t want to keep, reducing the amount of things to be moved to a minimum.
 
Phyllis might be in her room.... He thought of her there, and the thought comforted him. He saw her again, in his thoughts, as he had seen her first—serene and kind and strong. It was good to think of her.
 
Still his mind did not quite encompass13 the situation. It was as though something had happened to him—something stupendous, terrible, and almost unbearable14, like the death of a beloved friend—something not wholly to be realized. And it had the resistlessness of some such event; he did not conceive it as something within his power to alter or prevent—nor in any sense as something which he had done himself. If he had thought of himself as having done this thing, he might have thought of undoing15 it. But it was a thing which had happened, like an earthquake....
 
In his room he gathered up fragments of manuscript—jottings of ideas, efforts, experiments, unfinished things—and tore them up after a casual glance. There would be little to take with him. That was good.... He had the feeling that a new life had begun for him, a life at which he still stared in vague bewilderment, like a creature painfully new-born into an uncomprehended world.
 
2
 
He could hear Phyllis moving about on the other side of the partition. He finished his work; the wastebasket was full of torn manuscript, and his Roget’s Thesaurus and his favourite penholder lay together on the table, ready to take to his new home. He no longer had need of a work-room, a special refuge from the distracting intimacies16 of marriage. He was free from all that. Yes—think of that—free!... He laughed out loud.
 
Presently Phyllis would come and knock on his door. She had heard him enter, she knew he was there. He 356wanted to see her, he wanted the comfort of her eyes, her hands. He wanted her serenity17, her kindness, her strength. But he lacked even the energy to ask for it. He could only sit and wait until she came to him.
 
He felt as though the last strength he possessed18 were being used up in some terrific effort—an effort that would cease when she came. Then it would make no difference that he had no strength left—her courage and kindness would sustain him.
 
The impossible had happened—yes, the impossible. For it was unthinkable that Rose-Ann should have destroyed their marriage. But she had.... And now in this strange world there was only one certainty left—Phyllis’s eyes, her arms, her understanding love. Here was reality, here firm ground amidst a reeling chaos19 of fantastic madness.... Phyllis!
 
He could hear, as in a dream, the bubbling of coffee, could taste the fragrance20 of its odour stealing through the door.... Presently, very soon, she would come....
 
He heard her knock, and he thought he answered, but it seemed not, for she knocked again, and then opened the door. He sat there limply in his chair, glad she had come.
 
“Did I disturb you?” she asked.
 
He shook his head.
 
“You’re tired!” she said, and came quickly to him and put her hand on his forehead. “I’ve made some coffee,” she said. “It will be good for you.”
 
“Yes,” he said, and rose.
 
She led the way into her room, and pointed21 to the couch. “Lie down and rest,” she said. “I’ll give you your coffee in a moment.”
 
She busied herself with cups and saucers, and he watched her from the couch. She came toward him, a cup of coffee in her hand, her arm bare to the elbow, and above it her eyes shining under a tangle22 of soft brown hair.
 
“Here!” she said.
 
When he made no effort to take the cup, she set it down on the stool beside the bed. He took her hand, and drew 357her toward him. She yielded to his gesture and sat down beside him on the couch, looking at him with a kind of startled amusement as he took her arm and pressed his cheek against it.
 
“You’re very tired, aren’t you?” she said sympathetically, and touched his shoulder with her other hand.
 
He clung to her arm. It was cool against his cheek. All the beauty, all the peace, all the rest in the world seemed to be in that cool white flesh. Was it because it was hers—or because it was a girl’s arm, promising23 rest and comfort? He did not know. He only clung to it.
 
“Is it your work—are you having difficulties?” she asked.
 
He laughed. His work!
 
That laugh seemed to reassure24 her in some way. She smiled down at him, bent25 over him, her hair blinded him, and then her lips brushed his.
 
“Dear!” she said.
 
He held her close to him, and their lips met—hungrily, thirstily. At first all her body relaxed into the embrace, and it seemed to him that the peace he needed flowed into him from her kiss, from her arms, her body—rest, the infinite sweetness of rest.... And then she seemed to grow frightened. She held herself away from him, she looked at him questioningly.
 
But, again reassured26, she bent again, and surrendered herself to the embrace. But something in the exigence of his mood came to her even in this surrender, and once more, suddenly and coolly, she drew herself away.
 
“What is the matter?” she demanded, looking at him with alien eyes. She bent, not tenderly, and took his shoulder, as if to shake his secret out of him.
 
“The matter is,” said Felix, “that my marriage has gone to hell.”
 
3
 
“What!” The exclamation27 came in a tone of utter incredulous astonishment28 from the girl at his side, who sat there, rigid29, as though frozen by that news.
 
358“Yes, I tell you!” he cried. “We’ve—busted up everything—for good and all.”
 
And feeling himself uncontrollably about to cry, he turned his face against the couch, and lay shaken with convulsive strangling sobs30.
 
The girl sprang up, and looked down at him. She had never seen him cry. She had not known that he could cry. As a matter of fact, he had not cried very many times in his life, and he did not know how, and did it badly.
 
He looked up at last, brushing his eyes with his coatsleeve. He wanted her pity.
 
He saw her looking at him with haughty31 anger. Her whole gesture was one of outrage32. When she saw him look up, she clenched33 her fists, and said,
 
“You never told me—”
 
“Never told you?” His anger burst out against her, anger mixed with self-pity. “What did you expect?”
 
She turned half away from him in disdain34.
 
“Not this!” she said.
 
“No!” he said, sitting up. “No, you little idiot, I suppose you didn’t.... And I didn’t either. Well—you see.”
 
She looked back over her shoulder with repugnance35, as if she were looking at something sick, wounded, or diseased.
 
“Yes,” she said doubtfully, “I see....”
 
She turned back to him, her hostility36 gone, and a mournful look in her eyes.
 
“I never supposed,” she said haltingly, “that you—”
 
She paused, and then went on,
 
“—You too—”
 
Under her glance he straightened up, ashamed of himself. He rose. He must, he supposed, have looked silly....
 
“I’m sorry,” he said.
 
“I’m sorry too—Felix,” she answered, and there was in her tone the quality of a farewell.
 
There was something bracing37 at this moment in her scornful silence as she let him walk out of the room.... He went to the bathroom and washed his face; looked at himself in the mirror: was the face he saw there the one that 359had been twisted in grotesque38 sobbing39 a few minutes ago? No one would have guessed it.... He looked hard at that face, for some sign of weakness. But it seemed to him that the weakness had been burned out of it by the fire of a girl’s scorn. It was a face indifferent and aloof40 from sorrow, with amused eyes and jauntily41 smiling mouth. Yes, that was Felix Fay as he should be.
 
He went back to his room, tossed his Roget’s Thesaurus and his favourite penholder into the wastebasket with the torn manuscripts, put on his hat—and then noticed his stick in the corner.
 
He picked it up, hung it over his arm, turned out the gas, and went out whistling.

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 realization nTwxS     
n.实现;认识到,深刻了解
参考例句:
  • We shall gladly lend every effort in our power toward its realization.我们将乐意为它的实现而竭尽全力。
  • He came to the realization that he would never make a good teacher.他逐渐认识到自己永远不会成为好老师。
2 peculiar cinyo     
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的
参考例句:
  • He walks in a peculiar fashion.他走路的样子很奇特。
  • He looked at me with a very peculiar expression.他用一种很奇怪的表情看着我。
3 ballads 95577d817acb2df7c85c48b13aa69676     
民歌,民谣,特别指叙述故事的歌( ballad的名词复数 ); 讴
参考例句:
  • She belted out ballads and hillbilly songs one after another all evening. 她整晚一个接一个地大唱民谣和乡村小调。
  • She taught him to read and even to sing two or three little ballads,accompanying him on her old piano. 她教他读书,还教他唱两三首民谣,弹着她的旧钢琴为他伴奏。
4 situated JiYzBH     
adj.坐落在...的,处于某种境地的
参考例句:
  • The village is situated at the margin of a forest.村子位于森林的边缘。
  • She is awkwardly situated.她的处境困难。
5 middle-aged UopzSS     
adj.中年的
参考例句:
  • I noticed two middle-aged passengers.我注意到两个中年乘客。
  • The new skin balm was welcome by middle-aged women.这种新护肤香膏受到了中年妇女的欢迎。
6 spoke XryyC     
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说
参考例句:
  • They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
  • The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
7 exhausted 7taz4r     
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的
参考例句:
  • It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长,到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
  • Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。
8 dismal wtwxa     
adj.阴沉的,凄凉的,令人忧郁的,差劲的
参考例句:
  • That is a rather dismal melody.那是一支相当忧郁的歌曲。
  • My prospects of returning to a suitable job are dismal.我重新找到一个合适的工作岗位的希望很渺茫。
9 uprooted e0d29adea5aedb3a1fcedf8605a30128     
v.把(某物)连根拔起( uproot的过去式和过去分词 );根除;赶走;把…赶出家园
参考例句:
  • Many people were uprooted from their homes by the flood. 水灾令许多人背井离乡。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The hurricane blew with such force that trees were uprooted. 飓风强烈地刮着,树都被连根拔起了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
10 uproot 3jCwL     
v.连根拔起,拔除;根除,灭绝;赶出家园,被迫移开
参考例句:
  • The family decided to uproot themselves and emigrate to Australia.他们全家决定离开故土,移居澳大利亚。
  • The trunk of an elephant is powerful enough to uproot trees.大象的长鼻强壮得足以将树木连根拔起。
11 facade El5xh     
n.(建筑物的)正面,临街正面;外表
参考例句:
  • The entrance facade consists of a large full height glass door.入口正面有一大型全高度玻璃门。
  • If you look carefully,you can see through Bob's facade.如果你仔细观察,你就能看穿鲍勃的外表。
12 fascination FlHxO     
n.令人着迷的事物,魅力,迷恋
参考例句:
  • He had a deep fascination with all forms of transport.他对所有的运输工具都很着迷。
  • His letters have been a source of fascination to a wide audience.广大观众一直迷恋于他的来信。
13 encompass WZJzO     
vt.围绕,包围;包含,包括;完成
参考例句:
  • The course will encompass physics,chemistry and biology.课程将包括物理、化学和生物学。
  • The project will encompass rural and underdeveloped areas in China.这项工程将覆盖中国的农村和不发达地区。
14 unbearable alCwB     
adj.不能容忍的;忍受不住的
参考例句:
  • It is unbearable to be always on thorns.老是处于焦虑不安的情况中是受不了的。
  • The more he thought of it the more unbearable it became.他越想越觉得无法忍受。
15 undoing Ifdz6a     
n.毁灭的原因,祸根;破坏,毁灭
参考例句:
  • That one mistake was his undoing. 他一失足即成千古恨。
  • This hard attitude may have led to his undoing. 可能就是这种强硬的态度导致了他的垮台。
16 intimacies 9fa125f68d20eba1de1ddb9d215b31cd     
亲密( intimacy的名词复数 ); 密切; 亲昵的言行; 性行为
参考例句:
  • He is exchanging intimacies with his friends. 他正在和密友们亲切地交谈。
  • The stiffness of the meeting soon gave way before their popular manners and more diffused intimacies. 他们的洒脱不羁和亲密气氛的增加很快驱散了会场上的拘谨。
17 serenity fEzzz     
n.宁静,沉着,晴朗
参考例句:
  • Her face,though sad,still evoked a feeling of serenity.她的脸色虽然悲伤,但仍使人感觉安详。
  • She escaped to the comparative serenity of the kitchen.她逃到相对安静的厨房里。
18 possessed xuyyQ     
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的
参考例句:
  • He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
  • He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。
19 chaos 7bZyz     
n.混乱,无秩序
参考例句:
  • After the failure of electricity supply the city was in chaos.停电后,城市一片混乱。
  • The typhoon left chaos behind it.台风后一片混乱。
20 fragrance 66ryn     
n.芬芳,香味,香气
参考例句:
  • The apple blossoms filled the air with their fragrance.苹果花使空气充满香味。
  • The fragrance of lavender filled the room.房间里充满了薰衣草的香味。
21 pointed Il8zB4     
adj.尖的,直截了当的
参考例句:
  • He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
  • She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。
22 tangle yIQzn     
n.纠缠;缠结;混乱;v.(使)缠绕;变乱
参考例句:
  • I shouldn't tangle with Peter.He is bigger than me.我不应该与彼特吵架。他的块头比我大。
  • If I were you, I wouldn't tangle with them.我要是你,我就不跟他们争吵。
23 promising BkQzsk     
adj.有希望的,有前途的
参考例句:
  • The results of the experiments are very promising.实验的结果充满了希望。
  • We're trying to bring along one or two promising young swimmers.我们正设法培养出一两名有前途的年轻游泳选手。
24 reassure 9TgxW     
v.使放心,使消除疑虑
参考例句:
  • This seemed to reassure him and he continued more confidently.这似乎使他放心一点,于是他更有信心地继续说了下去。
  • The airline tried to reassure the customers that the planes were safe.航空公司尽力让乘客相信飞机是安全的。
25 bent QQ8yD     
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的
参考例句:
  • He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
  • We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。
26 reassured ff7466d942d18e727fb4d5473e62a235     
adj.使消除疑虑的;使放心的v.再保证,恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词)
参考例句:
  • The captain's confidence during the storm reassured the passengers. 在风暴中船长的信念使旅客们恢复了信心。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
  • The doctor reassured the old lady. 医生叫那位老妇人放心。 来自《简明英汉词典》
27 exclamation onBxZ     
n.感叹号,惊呼,惊叹词
参考例句:
  • He could not restrain an exclamation of approval.他禁不住喝一声采。
  • The author used three exclamation marks at the end of the last sentence to wake up the readers.作者在文章的最后一句连用了三个惊叹号,以引起读者的注意。
28 astonishment VvjzR     
n.惊奇,惊异
参考例句:
  • They heard him give a loud shout of astonishment.他们听见他惊奇地大叫一声。
  • I was filled with astonishment at her strange action.我对她的奇怪举动不胜惊异。
29 rigid jDPyf     
adj.严格的,死板的;刚硬的,僵硬的
参考例句:
  • She became as rigid as adamant.她变得如顽石般的固执。
  • The examination was so rigid that nearly all aspirants were ruled out.考试很严,几乎所有的考生都被淘汰了。
30 sobs d4349f86cad43cb1a5579b1ef269d0cb     
啜泣(声),呜咽(声)( sob的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • She was struggling to suppress her sobs. 她拼命不让自己哭出来。
  • She burst into a convulsive sobs. 她突然抽泣起来。
31 haughty 4dKzq     
adj.傲慢的,高傲的
参考例句:
  • He gave me a haughty look and walked away.他向我摆出傲慢的表情后走开。
  • They were displeased with her haughty airs.他们讨厌她高傲的派头。
32 outrage hvOyI     
n.暴行,侮辱,愤怒;vt.凌辱,激怒
参考例句:
  • When he heard the news he reacted with a sense of outrage.他得悉此事时义愤填膺。
  • We should never forget the outrage committed by the Japanese invaders.我们永远都不应该忘记日本侵略者犯下的暴行。
33 clenched clenched     
v.紧握,抓紧,咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He clenched his fists in anger. 他愤怒地攥紧了拳头。
  • She clenched her hands in her lap to hide their trembling. 她攥紧双手放在腿上,以掩饰其颤抖。 来自《简明英汉词典》
34 disdain KltzA     
n.鄙视,轻视;v.轻视,鄙视,不屑
参考例句:
  • Some people disdain labour.有些人轻视劳动。
  • A great man should disdain flatterers.伟大的人物应鄙视献媚者。
35 repugnance oBWz5     
n.嫌恶
参考例句:
  • He fought down a feelings of repugnance.他抑制住了厌恶感。
  • She had a repugnance to the person with whom she spoke.她看不惯这个和她谈话的人。
36 hostility hdyzQ     
n.敌对,敌意;抵制[pl.]交战,战争
参考例句:
  • There is open hostility between the two leaders.两位领导人表现出公开的敌意。
  • His hostility to your plan is well known.他对你的计划所持的敌意是众所周知的。
37 bracing oxQzcw     
adj.令人振奋的
参考例句:
  • The country is bracing itself for the threatened enemy invasion. 这个国家正准备奋起抵抗敌人的入侵威胁。
  • The atmosphere in the new government was bracing. 新政府的气氛是令人振奋的。
38 grotesque O6ryZ     
adj.怪诞的,丑陋的;n.怪诞的图案,怪人(物)
参考例句:
  • His face has a grotesque appearance.他的面部表情十分怪。
  • Her account of the incident was a grotesque distortion of the truth.她对这件事的陈述是荒诞地歪曲了事实。
39 sobbing df75b14f92e64fc9e1d7eaf6dcfc083a     
<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的
参考例句:
  • I heard a child sobbing loudly. 我听见有个孩子在呜呜地哭。
  • Her eyes were red with recent sobbing. 她的眼睛因刚哭过而发红。
40 aloof wxpzN     
adj.远离的;冷淡的,漠不关心的
参考例句:
  • Never stand aloof from the masses.千万不可脱离群众。
  • On the evening the girl kept herself timidly aloof from the crowd.这小女孩在晚会上一直胆怯地远离人群。
41 jauntily 4f7f379e218142f11ead0affa6ec234d     
adv.心满意足地;洋洋得意地;高兴地;活泼地
参考例句:
  • His straw hat stuck jauntily on the side of his head. 他那顶草帽时髦地斜扣在头上。 来自辞典例句
  • He returned frowning, his face obstinate but whistling jauntily. 他回来时皱眉蹙额,板着脸,嘴上却快活地吹着口哨。 来自辞典例句


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