Thus we have seen that the direction of the child's affection to the parent of the opposite sex rather than to the one of his own sex is probably determined9 largely by the extent of the affection which the child in his turn receives from the two parents respectively; the heterosexual inclinations10 of the parents causing them on the whole, and in the absence of any powerful factors tending to produce an opposite result, to give their love most freely towards those of their children who are of the opposite sex to their own. We have seen too that the nature and duration of the feelings of envy, jealousy11 and hate which a child is liable to experience towards one or other of its parents are to a very considerable extent dependent on the behaviour of this parent towards the child. It is evident[157] also from our previous considerations that there is likely to be a quantitative12 as well as a qualitative13 correspondence between the love and hate which a child may feel towards its parents and the manifestation14 of corresponding emotions in the parents themselves. All that is left for us to do in this direction is to look a little more closely into some of the factors which determine the nature and extent of the affective reactions of the parent towards the child.
It is now pretty generally agreed among psychologists The instinctive15 love of parents to children that the love of parents to their children takes place in virtue16 of the formation of a sentiment[200] or organisation17 of instinctive dispositions19 about an idea (in this case the idea of the child), and it is further usually supposed that in this sentiment a leading part is played by a particular instinctive disposition18—a disposition which manifests itself in consciousness in an emotion of more or less specific quality, to which McDougall, following Ribot, has given the now familiar term "tender emotion." Now there are clear indications that the energy involved in this disposition (like that of all other instinctive dispositions) can play a part—and normally does play a part—in many other sentiments besides that which is concerned in The love of parents to children stands in reciprocal relationship to the parents' other interests and affections the love of a parent towards his (or her) child. For this reason the emotional outflow along the lines of this latter sentiment varies to some extent in inverse20 proportion to the outflow along the lines of other sentiments. Thus the amount of love which a parent can bestow21 upon a child is limited by the amount of the affection and interest which he bestows22 upon other persons and other things. The parent who has no other occupation in life than the care of his or her children is usually bound to these children by emotional ties of a much closer, more intimate and more intensive nature than is one whose energies are partially23 absorbed by outside interests and occupations. The parent of a single child will, as a rule, be more strongly attached to that child than the parent of many children will be to any[158] one of his. Again, the parent whose sexual emotions and tendencies have but little opportunity for discharge will be apt to lavish24 a greater amount of affection on his children than one who is leading a more active sexual life. Thus it is that widowers25, widows and those who are unhappily married[201] frequently display a more than normal degree of attachment26 to their children, the latter receiving, in addition to the love that would ordinarily fall to their share, the displaced affection which would otherwise find its outlet27 in the love of wife or husband. For this reason the tie between such parents and their children is apt to be more than usually close; and all psychological characteristics which are produced by such a tie will occur more readily in these cases than in others. In order to avoid this emotional overloading28 of the filio-parental tie, it will usually be necessary for such parents to find compensation elsewhere for the energy which cannot be directed to its normal goal, and for the measures undertaken with a view to the prevention of undue29 fixation of the children's love upon their parents to be prosecuted30 with more than usual care and energy.
The fact that the love available for offspring and for spouse31 The consequent jealousy between parent and child respectively stand thus to some extent in reciprocal relation to one other, renders inevitable32 a certain amount of competition for this love, whenever the demands from both sides are strong and persistent33. We have already seen how from this source jealousy may arise in the child towards the parent of his or her own sex. A similarly conditioned jealousy will often arise also in the parent, though in this case the hostile feelings will frequently be confined to the Unconscious and will be discoverable only indirectly through their manifestations34 or through a process of analysis. This jealousy may nevertheless be productive of much harm in family life; and, when present in high intensity35, may lead to permanent estrangement36 and bitterness between parents and children just as surely as may corresponding feelings on the part of the child.
Just as in the case of children the hostile emotions towards Conflicting interests of parents and children the parents that arise from jealousy are liable to be powerfully[159] reinforced by those due to more general interference with the child's desires, so too in the case of the parents, any ill-feelings that they may bear towards their children as a result of jealousy are likely to be complicated by other causes of hostility37. If it be to some extent inevitable that children should come to regard their parents as obstacles to the full attainment39 of their own desires and as unwelcome causes of interference with their most cherished activities, parents have at least equal reason to complain similarly of their children. The responsibility, The sacrifices involved in parenthood the effort, the anxiety, involved in rearing children, diminish very considerably40 the time and energy available for more directly personal occupations and enjoyments41. To some extent the individual inevitably43 sacrifices himself in becoming a parent, in accordance with the general biological law which Spencer has designated the antagonism44 between individuation and genesis; and this sacrifice of personal comforts, pleasures, satisfactions and ambitions does not as a rule take place without some degree of resentment45 being felt against those whose existence necessitates46 the sacrifice. Even where—owing to robust47 health, abundant energy, ample means, state relief or other circumstances—children demand but little sacrifice of the major aims and occupations of life, the very considerable difference between the points of view of children and those of adults and the largely incompatible48 nature of the conditions and activities that appeal to their respective minds tend to make the constant presence of children, especially within the confines of a small home, inevitably to some extent a cause of annoyance49 to the parents. As Bernard Shaw[202] so well points out, children are indeed to some extent necessarily and unavoidably a nuisance to grown-up persons; with their illregulated and impulsive50 energy and their disregard of the habits and conventions to which their seniors have become accustomed, they constitute an ever present menace to the comfort and tranquillity51 of adult life—a menace from which even the most devoted52 parent must sometimes wish that he could free himself.
The mother, owing to the greater demands which children Their influence on the mother make upon her time and health and energy is perhaps that one of the parents to experience most keenly such hostile[160] feelings, though the existence of a strong counter-impulse towards maternal53 love will often insure repression54 of these feelings into the unconscious; so that it usually requires a process of analysis to reveal the often strong resentment that a mother may entertain towards the child who so seriously interferes55 with her more directly individual needs and aspirations[203].
The interference of children with the activities and desires On the father of the father is usually less direct and the ill-will which fathers bear towards their children is therefore more apt to be aroused in consequence of jealousy than is the corresponding feeling of the mother. Nevertheless, in the case of the father too, there almost always sooner or later arises some degree of interference with his pleasure, his comfort, his work or his ambitions; so that he feels that his children constitute a burden which seriously hampers57 his individual progress or enjoyment42.
The hostile feelings of parents towards their children which Identification of the child with its grandparent take their origin from one or more of these sources are often powerfully stimulated59 and reinforced by an unconscious process in virtue of which the child is identified with the parent's own parent (the child's grandparent). This tendency to identify child with grandparent is one which would seem to be deeply implanted in the human mind[204]. Thus in several parts of the[161] world grandparents are supposed to become re-incarnated in their grandchildren—a belief which is probably responsible for the widespread practice (observed among others by the ancient Greeks) of naming a child after its grandparent, especially in the case of eldest60 sons who frequently receive the name of their paternal61 grandfather[205].
For the grounds of this belief and the tendencies which Causes of this similarity of parent-child to previous child-parent relationship have given rise to it, it is probable that we must look to the similarities between the relations of parent to child and those which had existed a generation earlier between child and parent. As we have just seen, the feelings that are liable to be evoked62 by these relationships are in certain respects not dissimilar, and it would appear as though the situation in which an individual is placed when he becomes a parent serves to call up in him some of the partially forgotten and partially outgrown63 emotions and tendencies which he had experienced in his own childhood and to direct them now upon his child in the same way as he had formerly64 directed them upon his parent. Thus the new position in which a father finds himself in competition with his son for the affection of his wife revives in the Unconscious a memory of the former situation in which as a child he competed with his father for the love of his mother.
The identification of child with grandparent would seem to be helped also by the intimate connection with a curious but not infrequent product of imagination which has been called by Ernest Jones "the phantasy of the reversal of The "phantasy of the reversal of generations" generations[206]." According to this phantasy—to which attention had also been called by psychologists other than those of the psycho-analytic school, notably65 by Sully[207]—it is supposed that, as children grow bigger and finally attain38 to adult stature66, their parents, as they increase in age, undergo a corresponding diminution67; so that eventually a complete reversal of size as regards the two generations is attained68, those who were once parents being now reduced to a position very similar to that of children, while the original children, through their increase[162] in size and power, are themselves able to behave in a quasi-parental manner to their parents. The ultimate psychological foundations of this quaint69 belief are as yet not clearly understood, though it is fairly certain that the notions of personal immortality70 and of metempsychosis, together with the great emotional significance in the child's mind of the ideas connected with bodily size, play an important part in this connection. Whatever be the origin of this phantasy, the persistence71 of some remnants of it in the Unconscious is admirably adapted to serve as a means whereby an individual may identify his children with his parents and then direct upon the former the hostile emotions aroused in connection with the latter. The fact that such an individual is now possessed72 of superior strength and power, whereas formerly he had been relatively73 weak and helpless, makes it tempting74 for him to use this opportunity for taking revenge for the real or supposed injuries he had suffered in his childhood[208]. In this way children are liable to become sometimes the innocent victims of bullying75 or nagging76 which, according to the principles of justice, are due to their grandparents rather than to themselves. When combined with a violent parent hatred77, such identification of children with their grandparents may take on tragic78 proportions and lead to the direst consequences; and it is probable that in the majority if not in all of those sad cases, where a parent conceives a permanent and unreasoning antipathy79 to one or more of his children, the foundations of the dislike are to be found in such a combination of unconscious or semi-conscious factors.
This process of identification is not however operative only with regard to hatred. It may exert also a powerful influence upon the direction of love and is often of special importance[163] where parents definitely select a favourite from among their children, this favourite child being then invested with the love that was formerly directed to the favourite parent[209]. For this reason too parents may often be desirous that their children should adopt the profession, mode of life, beliefs or habits of their (the childrens') grandparents[210].
In all cases where a parent resents the coming into being The effect of parent-child love on the attitude of parents to each other or the presence of children, and especially in those where the resentment is based largely upon jealousy, some degree of displeasure is apt to be directed upon the other parent, who is regarded as responsible for the existence of the unwelcome intruder or as transferring to him an undue proportion of attention and affection. In this respect the situation recalls in the parents mind the earlier one in which, in his own childhood, he resented the love of his parents for each other, and in consequence of which the love which he himself bore to one of his parents became converted into, or was mixed with, hatred and contempt (cp. p. 110). Thus a father may experience towards his wife something of those feelings of outraged80 jealousy which he had formerly harboured towards his mother—a resuscitation81 and transference of feelings of this kind being rendered all the easier by the fact that his wife is very probably already to some extent unconsciously identified with his mother, so that the whole original situation is lived through again with the substitution of wife for mother and of child (especially of course in the case of a boy) for father.
It has recently been shown by Reik[211] that this last mentioned The Couvade factor of the resentment against the wife together with the previously82 discussed jealousy and hatred of the child are capable of throwing a very considerable amount of light upon certain customs practised amongst primitive83 peoples upon the occasion of the birth of a child—customs the origin and nature of which it appears at first sight very difficult to understand. To these customs we may well devote a brief consideration here, since they seem peculiarly adapted to bring out some of the most important aspects of the unconscious feelings of parents toward their offspring and—incidentally—toward one another. The customs in question are generally comprehended under the single term Couvade and may be divided, following Frazer, into two main groups:—
(1) the pre-natal or pseudo-maternal Couvade, which aims primarily and ostensibly at a magical transference of the mother's labour pains on to the person of the father, the father pretending to undergo what the mother experiences in reality;
(2) the post-natal or dietetic Couvade, in which the father pretends to be weak or ailing84 for a certain time after the birth of his child, during which time he keeps to his bed and refrains from eating certain foods.
As regards the pre-natal Couvade, it is obvious that the The pre-natal Couvade as an expression of ambivalent85 feelings towards the wife occasion of his wife's labour is one which is liable to arouse strong, and to some extent conflicting, emotions in the father. The danger and distress86 to which the mother is exposed naturally tend to arouse in the father feelings of sympathy and anxiety together with a desire to help and to alleviate87 the suffering to the best of his ability—an attitude which finds expression in an attempt to transfer the pain according to the principles of homoeopathic magic. At the same time the position of the mother is such as to stimulate58 in the father any hostile and cruel wishes he may entertain towards her, and, though such wishes will generally be confined entirely88 or principally to the Unconscious, they will usually be present in a greater or a less degree; since, besides any general cause of hostility and any tendency to Sadism (both of which are probably at work to some extent), there is liable to occur the more specific resentment connected with the bringing into existence of a rival, who may usurp89 much of the mother's care and affection which the father had hitherto enjoyed alone. There is reason to suppose therefore that at certain levels of the father's mind there is often present an actual enjoyment in the contemplation of the mother's sufferings and even a wish that she may die. In taking upon himself the mother's pains, the father is therefore, at one and the same time, doing his best to help the mother, subjecting himself to a talion punishment for desiring the mother to feel pain, and placing himself in a position more thoroughly90 to express and realise her suffering.
A similar attitude is indicated by the beliefs and practices The belief in demons91 with regard to demons which are frequently found associated with the Couvade. Demons are, from the psychological point of view, merely projections92 of thoughts and tendencies of the unconscious mind, and the demons who are supposed to be inflicting94 pain upon the mother are therefore an expression of the unconscious desire to inflict93 such pain. This desire manifests itself also in not a few of the measures which are taken to drive away the demons, measures which, though ostensibly undertaken for the benefit of the mother are in reality calculated to cause her fright, pain or discomfort95, such as shooting, shouting, lighting96 fires in her proximity97, playing with swords or even beating her.
While the pre-natal Couvade is thus principally the manifestation The post-natal Couvade results principally from hostile feelings towards the child of repressed hostility towards the mother, the post-natal Couvade would seem to arise chiefly as the result of a similar attitude towards the child. This is shown by the fact that the practices associated with this aspect of the Couvade are held to be necessary for, or at least conducive98 to, the life and health of the newly born infant, who is regarded as peculiarly liable to be affected99 by injudicious behaviour on the part of the father; it is also shown by the fact that the father is often held responsible for any evil that may befall the child during the first days of its existence; thus indicating an appreciation100 of the real unconscious tendency of the father to do the child some harm. As regards the prohibition101 of certain foods, it would seem that this is ultimately traceable to a repression of the tendency to kill and eat the child (and through him the grandfather whom he represents) a tendency which we considered in the last chapter, and one to which most, if not[166] all, taboos102 on foods would appear in the last resort very largely to depend. The father's imaginary illness is also to some extent influenced by his hostile feelings against the mother:—negatively, in that by keeping to his bed he is prevented from doing her harm; positively103, in that by compelling her to attend on him in his pretended helplessness, he forces her to work at a time when rest and freedom from trouble would have been more welcome.
Certain other students of the Couvade, such as Bachofen, The Couvade as an assertion of the father's rights are probably to some extent right too in maintaining that the practice represents an assertion by the father of his rights and privileges, being connected thus with the transition from mother-descent to father-descent. Certain it is that through the practice the father emphasises his share of the parenthood and thus effectually prevents any tendency to regard the mother as the sole, or even as the chief, producer and guardian104 of the child. In so doing, he also, we may suspect, endeavours to produce a compensation for the lack of attention from which he might otherwise suffer at this time, owing to the fact that the mother's share of parenthood is at the moment of birth by nature so much more prominent than that of the father.
This feeling of inferiority is frequently shared by fathers The corresponding attitude in modern life in modern civilised societies, who at the birth of their children are often unpleasantly impressed by their own uselessness and unimportance, and are easily led to complain of neglect or inattention, sometimes even going so far as unconsciously to produce in themselves some more or less psycho-genetic malady105, in order to claim care and sympathy from those about them and to prevent a too exclusive preoccupation with the mother. In other ways too it is evident that many of the mental tendencies which underlie106 the practices connected with the Couvade are still rife107 in modern life. By his exaggerated excitement and anxiety, a father will often betray the conflicting nature of the emotions that beset108 him at the time of the birth of his child; while the manifold crude superstitions109 and practices and the numerous unreasonable110 beliefs and attitudes that are connected with pregnancy111 and birth serve further to demonstrate the archaic112, and therefore fundamental, nature of the ideas and feelings that centre round these events[212].
The hostility which a parent may harbour towards his child or children from the causes we have been considering Parent-child hostility in later life will, under happy conditions of individual and family development, tend naturally to diminish as time passes and permits of adjustment to the new circumstances occasioned by the existence of the children. More especially of course, the feelings of hatred and jealousy, which may originally have been aroused, will usually be overcome, or at least adequately held in check, by the feelings of parental love which are brought into play by contact with the child and by the process of providing for its needs. Even in the most devoted parents there usually remains113 however some remnant of jealousy or resentment that lurks114 in the Unconscious and can be detected by the process of Psycho-Analysis. This is especially the case as regards the relations of parents to the children of their own sex, where the motive115 of jealousy is liable to be added to the other motives116 that arise as a result of the sacrifices that have to be incurred117 by the parent. In general however it may be safely asserted that in no case does the very real antagonism that exists between the activities and enjoyments of the father and mother as individuals and as parents respectively fail to manifest itself in some degree of mental conflict, and that in no case are the hostile feelings against the children that result from this antagonism entirely abolished from the mind.
As time proceeds and children grow up, two new factors New factors influencing the attitude of parents to children in later life of great importance are liable to be added to those that determine the attitude of parents towards their children, although in many cases one or both of these factors may have been present in germinal form from the beginning. Both factors are connected with the biological truth that in the history of the race the child is the natural successor and substitute of the parent; but while having this much in common, they differ markedly in their psychological and social nature and effects, one factor tending to produce envy and hatred towards the children, the other love, pride and joy in their success.
The first of these two factors consists in the unwelcome Envy of childrens' superiority realisation that the child will shortly be, or perhaps already is, the equal or even the superior of the parent in certain of the more important of life's aspects. Thus the father may become painfully aware of the fact that he is being gradually but certainly outmatched by his son in strength or skill or learning; while the mother may similarly find herself becoming outrivalled by her daughter in beauty, charm, accomplishments119 or intellectual power. This awareness120 on the parent's part of the increasing failure of their own powers relatively to those of their children is naturally liable to increase the bitterness that they may already feel towards their children for other reasons. Just as the self-interests of the parents formerly caused them to grudge121 the care, attention and effort which the existence of the children demanded, so now their pride and self-love may cause them to grudge their children that superiority which nature in the course of time bestows upon them.
It might well seem indeed as though some degree of Parents' identification of themselves with their children ill-feeling on these grounds would be inevitable in all parents in whom the self-regarding sentiments were strongly or even normally developed. Fortunately however it would appear that there exists a way by which the hatred and unhappiness arising from this source can to a very large extent be converted into feelings of an opposite and socially more satisfactory character. It is here that there comes into play the second of the two factors mentioned above. This factor consists of the process whereby the parent identifies himself with his child, as it were incorporates the child into his larger self and is thus able to take pleasure in the increasing powers of the child as if they were his own. We have already had occasion to study the corresponding process of identification in the mind of the child; the child tends naturally to identify himself with his parents or their substitutes, seeking thereby122 an increase of his own power and satisfaction. For precisely123 similar reasons the parent, as old age approaches (and even before then), will tend to identify himself with his child, endeavouring thus to find compensation for the diminution of his own personal capacity. Thus a father may regard the successes and failures of his son in his scholastic124 and professional career with the same personal interest, the same intimate emotional response[169] as if they were his own, while the mother often follows her daughters' erotic ambitions and adventures, her matrimonial and parental life with a similar intensity of feeling.
This identification plays moreover a further and perhaps This identification as a means of obtaining immortality still more important part inasmuch as it affords a means of overcoming the finality of individual death, and insures the parent, through his children and ultimately through their descendants, the nearest approach to material immortality that can be hoped for here on earth. The love of children and interest in their welfare which springs from the altruistic125 and object-loving tendencies involved in the parental instincts may thus become fused with the strongly egoistic tendencies grouped together under the self-preserving and self-regarding instincts and sentiments; that dearest and most powerful wish of the individual, qua individual—the desire for immortality—thus obtaining satisfaction in the same way and at the same time as the strongest and most distinctive126 of all altruistic impulses—those which minister to the needs of the race through the love and care which is bestowed127 upon children by their parents. A reconciliation128 of the egoistic and the altruistic, of the personal and the racial trends, is thus brought about—a reconciliation which may be of the greatest value to the individual, to the family and to the larger social organism of which they both form a part.
Not only is a parent capable of obtaining through his children the satisfaction attendant upon a prolongation of his own existence; he may also through them enjoy vicariously benefits, privileges, successes and pleasures of which he himself has been deprived or has failed to reap advantage. What Vicarious enjoyments of children's pleasures and successes the pessimist129 von Hartmann has styled the third stage of humanity's illusion with regard to the possibility of happiness—the idea that the pleasures which we have ourselves failed to find may nevertheless be enjoyed by those that come after us—is nowhere more strongly rooted than in the minds of parents when they think of the future of their offspring. Whether the underlying130 hope be illusory or not, there can be no doubt that many parents (and these on the whole of the nobler minded sort) are willing to labour that their children may enjoy the result of their efforts, to amass131 riches that their children may have the power that wealth confers, or even to[170] acquiesce132 in personal failure, if only their children may thereby be brought nearer to success.
This aspect of the process of identification is one which, Its sociological significance we may very reasonably expect, will tend to play an increasing r?le as mental development proceeds and men come to work more and more with distant ends in view. If this expectation is correct, the aspect in question is probably one of very great biological and sociological importance, for even under present conditions it is clearly of much value in stimulating133 effort and in fostering thoroughness, far-sightedness and care. If a man realises that on his labours are dependent not only his own happiness and well being but those of his children and his children's children, he possesses one of the highest but at the same time one of the most efficient incentives134 to truly moral conduct to which the developed human mind is open[213].
In order that the benefits and compensations attendant The development of the child requires a corresponding readjustment of the parents' attitude upon an identification of this sort may be achieved, it is necessary that there should take place a gradual change of attitude towards the child on the part of the parent—a change which is very necessary also upon other grounds. In the fourth and fifth chapters of this book we studied the manner in which the successful development of the child requires an ever increasing degree of emancipation135 from the ties of affection and dependence136 which bind137 him to the parent. The proper carrying out of this emancipation requires a corresponding loosening of the ties that bind the parent to the child, involving a readjustment in the direction of the parent's interests and affections. If the parent continues to lavish on the child, as he grows up, the same amount of attention and affection that he required in infancy138, the normal development of the child's love impulses is liable to be very seriously impeded139; and should the child, in spite of this difficulty, attain the stage of directing his love outside the family, the parent is bound to suffer disappointment at what appears to him (or at least to his unconscious mind) to be the thanklessness and faithlessness of his child, and to feel jealousy and hatred towards the person who has supplanted140 This is as necessary for the parent as for the child him in the child's affection. Similarly, should the parent too long or too extensively afford protection to the child, exercise authority over him or take over responsibility from him, the child will inevitably find it difficult to acquire the necessary degree of emancipation from the parent's care and jurisdiction141; and should he after all succeed in acquiring such emancipation, the parent will certainly suffer as the result of being deprived all too suddenly and unwillingly142 of the directive power over the child which he had hitherto enjoyed, and of the outlet for his interests and emotional tendencies, which the care of a child had hitherto afforded. The extreme demands on the energies and affections of the parents (particularly on those of the mother) caused by the utter helplessness of the human infant grow progressively less as the child develops. The natural course of events demands therefore on the part of the parents a gradual modification143, redistribution and redirection of the emotions and interests that centred round the child in its early life; an undue prolongation of the tendencies natural to the[172] early days of parenthood must necessarily in the long run be detrimental144 to the true interest both of child and parent.
Obvious as these considerations may well seem to be, the Difficulty and importance of this readjustment logical carrying out of the conclusions to which they point is often far from easy. In practice it is often as hard for parents to wean themselves from their primitive attitude towards their children, as it is for the children themselves to acquire the necessary mental and moral independence of their parents. The intense and profound emotions stirred up in the parent by his relation to the child are not readily displaced into any other channel, and fixation at a level only suited to the early stages of the filio-parental relation may easily result. The consequent struggle of the parent to keep possession of the child gives rise to some of the most serious and tragic problems of family life. It is one of the chief causes of the friction145 that so often exists between the older and younger generations of the same family; it tends, as we have seen, to hamper56 the mental and moral development of children and to foster in them psychical146 conflicts which may produce permanently147 evil effects upon their character: in the parents themselves it often favours selfishness and real disregard for the children's welfare, under the guise148 of altruistic tenderness and care; and finally it causes much unhappiness to the parents when, as inevitably happens to some extent, they observe that, in spite of all their efforts, their children are in one manner or another drifting from them, as by coming under the influence of friends who are outside the circle of the parents' acquaintance, by the adoption149 of habits, interests or careers that are opposed to family tradition, or by marriage to persons who to the parents' eyes appear to be unsuitable[214].
The question of marriage is, under existing conditions The attitude of parents to the marriage of their children one of special importance in this connection, since nothing else (with the exception perhaps of permanent separation in space) tends to cut off individuals to an equal extent from the direct influence and contact of their parents. Parents who ardently150 desire to retain a strong influence over their children are therefore as a rule opposed to the marriage of the latter, and usually display marked antagonism to their sons or daughters-in-law: an antagonism which is the source of very frequent domestic unhappiness. Since the marriage of their children is however in many cases difficult or impossible to avert151, such parents will often seek to minimise the disturbing effect of marriage by arranging that their children shall live near them after marriage or that they shall marry a partner whom they regard as suitable. In estimating suitability for this purpose, they are usually guided by the extent to which the partner in question is likely to constitute a serious obstacle to the operation of their own (the parents') influence. Hence it often comes about that the persons selected are sexually unattractive, of weak character or deficient152 in intellectual power[215].
The avoidance of the evils consequent upon the insufficient153 Means of avoiding insufficient parental re-adjustment readjustment of the parents attitude towards their children is one of the most pressing tasks of an enlightened hygiene154 of family life. In the accomplishment118 of this task it would seem that there are two factors which are of great importance: in the first place, the happiness of the relationship between the two parents themselves (for, as we have seen, it is especially in cases when marriage is unsuccessful that there is likely to be an excessive outflow of emotion in the direction of the children); in the second place, the maintenance of outside interests, hobbies or occupations throughout the period of parenthood and the gradual reinforcement of such interests as the growth of the children renders the demand upon the parent's energy less extensive and continuous. Where the circumstances in these two respects are satisfactory, they usually permit of the necessary readjustment of parental energies with the minimum of friction and suffering.
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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psychic
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| n.对超自然力敏感的人；adj.有超自然力的 | |
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parental
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| adj.父母的；父的；母的 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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genetic
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| adj.遗传的，遗传学的 | |
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converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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emanating
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| v.从…处传出，传出( emanate的现在分词 )；产生，表现，显示 | |
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indirectly
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| adv.间接地，不直接了当地 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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inclinations
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| 倾向( inclination的名词复数 )； 倾斜； 爱好； 斜坡 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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quantitative
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| adj.数量的，定量的 | |
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qualitative
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| adj.性质上的，质的，定性的 | |
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manifestation
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| n.表现形式；表明；现象 | |
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instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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16
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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organisation
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| n.组织，安排，团体，有机休 | |
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18
disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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dispositions
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| 安排( disposition的名词复数 )； 倾向； （财产、金钱的）处置； 气质 | |
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inverse
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| adj.相反的，倒转的，反转的；n.相反之物；v.倒转 | |
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21
bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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22
bestows
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的第三人称单数 ) | |
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23
partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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24
lavish
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| adj.无节制的；浪费的；vt.慷慨地给予，挥霍 | |
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25
widowers
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| n.鳏夫( widower的名词复数 ) | |
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26
attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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27
outlet
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| n.出口/路；销路；批发商店；通风口；发泄 | |
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28
overloading
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| 过载，超载，过负载 | |
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29
undue
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| adj.过分的；不适当的；未到期的 | |
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30
prosecuted
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| a.被起诉的 | |
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31
spouse
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| n.配偶(指夫或妻) | |
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32
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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33
persistent
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| adj.坚持不懈的，执意的；持续的 | |
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34
manifestations
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| n.表示，显示（manifestation的复数形式） | |
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35
intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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36
estrangement
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| n.疏远，失和，不和 | |
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37
hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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38
attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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39
attainment
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| n.达到，到达；［常pl.］成就，造诣 | |
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40
considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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41
enjoyments
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| 愉快( enjoyment的名词复数 )； 令人愉快的事物； 享有； 享受 | |
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42
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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43
inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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44
antagonism
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| n.对抗，敌对，对立 | |
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45
resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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46
necessitates
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| 使…成为必要，需要( necessitate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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47
robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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48
incompatible
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| adj.不相容的，不协调的，不相配的 | |
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49
annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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50
impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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51
tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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52
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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53
maternal
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| adj.母亲的，母亲般的，母系的，母方的 | |
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54
repression
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| n.镇压，抑制，抑压 | |
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55
interferes
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| vi. 妨碍，冲突，干涉 | |
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56
hamper
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| vt.妨碍，束缚，限制；n.(有盖的)大篮子 | |
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57
hampers
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| 妨碍，束缚，限制( hamper的第三人称单数 ) | |
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58
stimulate
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| vt.刺激，使兴奋；激励，使…振奋 | |
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59
stimulated
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| a.刺激的 | |
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60
eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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61
paternal
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| adj.父亲的，像父亲的，父系的，父方的 | |
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62
evoked
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| [医]诱发的 | |
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63
outgrown
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| 长[发展] 得超过（某物）的范围( outgrow的过去分词 )； 长[发展]得不能再要（某物）； 长得比…快； 生长速度超过 | |
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64
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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65
notably
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| adv.值得注意地，显著地，尤其地，特别地 | |
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66
stature
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| n.（高度）水平，（高度）境界，身高，身材 | |
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67
diminution
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| n.减少；变小 | |
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68
attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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69
quaint
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| adj.古雅的，离奇有趣的，奇怪的 | |
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70
immortality
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| n.不死，不朽 | |
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71
persistence
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| n.坚持，持续，存留 | |
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72
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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73
relatively
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| adv.比较...地，相对地 | |
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74
tempting
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| a.诱人的, 吸引人的 | |
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75
bullying
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| v.恐吓，威逼( bully的现在分词 )；豪；跋扈 | |
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76
nagging
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| adj.唠叨的，挑剔的；使人不得安宁的v.不断地挑剔或批评（某人）( nag的现在分词 )；不断地烦扰或伤害（某人）；无休止地抱怨；不断指责 | |
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77
hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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78
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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79
antipathy
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| n.憎恶；反感，引起反感的人或事物 | |
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80
outraged
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| a.震惊的，义愤填膺的 | |
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81
resuscitation
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| n.复活 | |
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82
previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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83
primitive
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|
| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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84
ailing
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| v.生病 | |
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85
ambivalent
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| adj.含糊不定的；(态度等)矛盾的 | |
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86
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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87
alleviate
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| v.减轻，缓和，缓解(痛苦等) | |
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88
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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89
usurp
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| vt.篡夺，霸占；vi.篡位 | |
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90
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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91
demons
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| n.恶人( demon的名词复数 )；恶魔；精力过人的人；邪念 | |
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92
projections
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| 预测( projection的名词复数 )； 投影； 投掷； 突起物 | |
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93
inflict
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| vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担 | |
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94
inflicting
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的现在分词 ) | |
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95
discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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96
lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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97
proximity
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| n.接近，邻近 | |
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98
conducive
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| adj.有益的，有助的 | |
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99
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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100
appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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101
prohibition
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| n.禁止；禁令，禁律 | |
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102
taboos
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| 禁忌( taboo的名词复数 )； 忌讳； 戒律； 禁忌的事物（或行为） | |
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103
positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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104
guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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105
malady
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| n.病，疾病(通常做比喻) | |
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106
underlie
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| v.位于...之下，成为...的基础 | |
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107
rife
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| adj.(指坏事情)充斥的，流行的，普遍的 | |
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108
beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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109
superstitions
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| 迷信，迷信行为( superstition的名词复数 ) | |
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110
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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111
pregnancy
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| n.怀孕，怀孕期 | |
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112
archaic
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| adj.(语言、词汇等)古代的，已不通用的 | |
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113
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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114
lurks
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| n.潜在，潜伏；（lurk的复数形式）vi.潜伏，埋伏（lurk的第三人称单数形式） | |
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115
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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116
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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117
incurred
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| [医]招致的，遭受的； incur的过去式 | |
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118
accomplishment
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| n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能 | |
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119
accomplishments
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| n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就 | |
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120
awareness
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| n.意识，觉悟，懂事，明智 | |
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121
grudge
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| n.不满，怨恨，妒嫉；vt.勉强给，不情愿做 | |
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122
thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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123
precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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124
scholastic
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| adj.学校的，学院的，学术上的 | |
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125
altruistic
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| adj.无私的，为他人着想的 | |
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126
distinctive
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| adj.特别的，有特色的，与众不同的 | |
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127
bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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128
reconciliation
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| n.和解，和谐，一致 | |
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129
pessimist
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| n.悲观者；悲观主义者；厌世 | |
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130
underlying
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| adj.在下面的，含蓄的，潜在的 | |
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131
amass
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| vt.积累，积聚 | |
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132
acquiesce
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| vi.默许，顺从，同意 | |
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133
stimulating
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| adj.有启发性的，能激发人思考的 | |
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134
incentives
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| 激励某人做某事的事物( incentive的名词复数 )； 刺激； 诱因； 动机 | |
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135
emancipation
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| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
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136
dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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137
bind
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| vt.捆，包扎；装订；约束；使凝固；vi.变硬 | |
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138
infancy
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| n.婴儿期；幼年期；初期 | |
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139
impeded
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| 阻碍，妨碍，阻止( impede的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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140
supplanted
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| 把…排挤掉，取代( supplant的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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141
jurisdiction
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| n.司法权，审判权，管辖权，控制权 | |
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142
unwillingly
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| adv.不情愿地 | |
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143
modification
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| n.修改，改进，缓和，减轻 | |
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144
detrimental
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| adj.损害的，造成伤害的 | |
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145
friction
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| n.摩擦，摩擦力 | |
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146
psychical
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| adj.有关特异功能现象的；有关特异功能官能的；灵魂的；心灵的 | |
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147
permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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148
guise
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| n.外表，伪装的姿态 | |
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149
adoption
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| n.采用，采纳，通过；收养 | |
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150
ardently
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| adv.热心地，热烈地 | |
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151
avert
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| v.防止，避免；转移(目光、注意力等) | |
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152
deficient
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| adj.不足的，不充份的，有缺陷的 | |
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153
insufficient
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| adj.(for，of)不足的，不够的 | |
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154
hygiene
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| n.健康法，卫生学 （a.hygienic） | |
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