"I am Philanthropos, and love mankind. And, what is more than you do, barber, I trust them."
Here the barber, casually4 recalled to his business, would have replenished5 his shaving-cup, but finding now that on his last visit to the water-vessel6 he had not replaced it over the lamp, he did so now; and, while waiting for it to heat again, became almost as sociable7 as if the heating water were meant for whisky-punch; and almost as pleasantly garrulous8 as the pleasant barbers in romances.
"Sir," said he, taking a throne beside his customer [361] (for in a row there were three thrones on the dais, as for the three kings of Cologne, those patron saints of the barber), "sir, you say you trust men. Well, I suppose I might share some of your trust, were it not for this trade, that I follow, too much letting me in behind the scenes."
"I think I understand," with a saddened look; "and much the same thing I have heard from persons in pursuits different from yours—from the lawyer, from the congressman9, from the editor, not to mention others, each, with a strange kind of melancholy10 vanity, claiming for his vocation11 the distinction of affording the surest inlets to the conviction that man is no better than he should be. All of which testimony12, if reliable, would, by mutual13 corroboration14, justify15 some disturbance16 in a good man's mind. But no, no; it is a mistake—all a mistake."
"Glad to hear that," brightening up.
"Not so fast, sir," said the barber; "I agree with you in thinking that the lawyer, and the congressman, and the editor, are in error, but only in so far as each claims peculiar18 facilities for the sort of knowledge in question; because, you see, sir, the truth is, that every trade or pursuit which brings one into contact with the facts, sir, such trade or pursuit is equally an avenue to those facts."
"How exactly is that?"
"Why, sir, in my opinion—and for the last twenty years I have, at odd times, turned the matter over some in [362] my mind—he who comes to know man, will not remain in ignorance of man. I think I am not rash in saying that; am I, sir?"
"Well, sir," with some self-complacency, "the barber has always been held an oracle, but as for the obscurity, that I don't admit."
"But pray, now, by your account, what precisely20 may be this mysterious knowledge gained in your trade? I grant you, indeed, as before hinted, that your trade, imposing21 on you the necessity of functionally22 tweaking the noses of mankind, is, in that respect, unfortunate, very much so; nevertheless, a well-regulated imagination should be proof even to such a provocation23 to improper24 conceits25. But what I want to learn from you, barber, is, how does the mere26 handling of the outside of men's heads lead you to distrust the inside of their hearts?
"What, sir, to say nothing more, can one be forever dealing27 in macassar oil, hair dyes, cosmetics28, false moustaches, wigs30, and toupees31, and still believe that men are wholly what they look to be? What think you, sir, are a thoughtful barber's reflections, when, behind a careful curtain, he shaves the thin, dead stubble off a head, and then dismisses it to the world, radiant in curling auburn? To contrast the shamefaced air behind the curtain, the fearful looking forward to being possibly discovered there by a prying32 acquaintance, with the cheerful assurance and challenging pride with which [363] the same man steps forth33 again, a gay deception34, into the street, while some honest, shock-headed fellow humbly35 gives him the wall! Ah, sir, they may talk of the courage of truth, but my trade teaches me that truth sometimes is sheepish. Lies, lies, sir, brave lies are the lions!"
"You twist the moral, barber; you sadly twist it. Look, now; take it this way: A modest man thrust out naked into the street, would he not be abashed36? Take him in and clothe him; would not his confidence be restored? And in either case, is any reproach involved? Now, what is true of the whole, holds proportionably true of the part. The bald head is a nakedness which the wig29 is a coat to. To feel uneasy at the possibility of the exposure of one's nakedness at top, and to feel comforted by the consciousness of having it clothed—these feelings, instead of being dishonorable to a bold man, do, in fact, but attest38 a proper respect for himself and his fellows. And as for the deception, you may as well call the fine roof of a fine chateau39 a deception, since, like a fine wig, it also is an artificial cover to the head, and equally, in the common eye, decorates the wearer.—I have confuted you, my dear barber; I have confounded you."
"Pardon," said the barber, "but I do not see that you have. His coat and his roof no man pretends to palm off as a part of himself, but the bald man palms off hair, not his, for his own."
"Not his, barber? If he have fairly purchased his hair, the law will protect him in its ownership, even [364] against the claims of the head on which it grew. But it cannot be that you believe what you say, barber; you talk merely for the humor. I could not think so of you as to suppose that you would contentedly40 deal in the impostures you condemn41."
"Ah, sir, I must live."
"And can't you do that without sinning against your conscience, as you believe? Take up some other calling."
"Wouldn't mend the matter much, sir."
"Do you think, then, barber, that, in a certain point, all the trades and callings of men are much on a par37? Fatal, indeed," raising his hand, "inexpressibly dreadful, the trade of the barber, if to such conclusions it necessarily leads. Barber," eying him not without emotion, "you appear to me not so much a misbeliever, as a man misled. Now, let me set you on the right track; let me restore you to trust in human nature, and by no other means than the very trade that has brought you to suspect it."
"You mean, sir, you would have me try the experiment of taking down that notification," again pointing to it with his brush; "but, dear me, while I sit chatting here, the water boils over."
With which words, and such a well-pleased, sly, snug42, expression, as they say some men have when they think their little stratagem43 has succeeded, he hurried to the copper44 vessel, and soon had his cup foaming46 up with white bubbles, as if it were a mug of new ale.
Meantime, the other would have fain gone on with [365] the discourse47; but the cunning barber lathered48 him with so generous a brush, so piled up the foam45 on him, that his face looked like the yeasty crest49 of a billow, and vain to think of talking under it, as for a drowning priest in the sea to exhort50 his fellow-sinners on a raft. Nothing would do, but he must keep his mouth shut. Doubtless, the interval51 was not, in a meditative3 way, unimproved; for, upon the traces of the operation being at last removed, the cosmopolitan52 rose, and, for added refreshment53, washed his face and hands; and having generally readjusted himself, began, at last, addressing the barber in a manner different, singularly so, from his previous one. Hard to say exactly what the manner was, any more than to hint it was a sort of magical; in a benign54 way, not wholly unlike the manner, fabled55 or otherwise, of certain creatures in nature, which have the power of persuasive56 fascination57—the power of holding another creature by the button of the eye, as it were, despite the serious disinclination, and, indeed, earnest protest, of the victim. With this manner the conclusion of the matter was not out of keeping; for, in the end, all argument and expostulation proved vain, the barber being irresistibly58 persuaded to agree to try, for the remainder of the present trip, the experiment of trusting men, as both phrased it. True, to save his credit as a free agent, he was loud in averring59 that it was only for the novelty of the thing that he so agreed, and he required the other, as before volunteered, to go security to him against any loss that might ensue; but still the fact remained, that he engaged to trust men, a thing he had before said he [366] would not do, at least not unreservedly. Still the more to save his credit, he now insisted upon it, as a last point, that the agreement should be put in black and white, especially the security part. The other made no demur60; pen, ink, and paper were provided, and grave as any notary61 the cosmopolitan sat down, but, ere taking the pen, glanced up at the notification, and said: "First down with that sign, barber—Timon's sign, there; down with it."
This, being in the agreement, was done—though a little reluctantly—with an eye to the future, the sign being carefully put away in a drawer.
"Now, then, for the writing," said the cosmopolitan, squaring himself. "Ah," with a sigh, "I shall make a poor lawyer, I fear. Ain't used, you see, barber, to a business which, ignoring the principle of honor, holds no nail fast till clinched62. Strange, barber," taking up the blank paper, "that such flimsy stuff as this should make such strong hawsers63; vile64 hawsers, too. Barber," starting up, "I won't put it in black and white. It were a reflection upon our joint65 honor. I will take your word, and you shall take mine."
"But your memory may be none of the best, sir. Well for you, on your side, to have it in black and white, just for a memorandum66 like, you know."
"That, indeed! Yes, and it would help your memory, too, wouldn't it, barber? Yours, on your side, being a little weak, too, I dare say. Ah, barber! how ingenious we human beings are; and how kindly67 we reciprocate68 each other's little delicacies69, don't we? What better [367] proof, now, that we are kind, considerate fellows, with responsive fellow-feelings—eh, barber? But to business. Let me see. What's your name, barber?"
"William Cream, sir."
Pondering a moment, he began to write; and, after some corrections, leaned back, and read aloud the following:
"Agreement
Between
Frank Goodman, Philanthropist, and Citizen of the World,
and
William Cream, Barber of the Mississippi steamer, Fidèle.
"The first hereby agrees to make good to the last any loss that may come from his trusting mankind, in the way of his vocation, for the residue70 of the present trip; provided that William Cream keep out of sight, for the given term, his notification of No Trust, and by no other mode convey any, the least hint or intimation, tending to discourage men from soliciting71 trust from him, in the way of his vocation, for the time above specified72; but, on the contrary, he do, by all proper and reasonable words, gestures, manners, and looks, evince a perfect confidence in all men, especially strangers; otherwise, this agreement to be void.
"Done, in good faith, this 1st day of April 18—, at a quarter to twelve o'clock, p. m., in the shop of said William Cream, on board the said boat, Fidèle."
"There, barber; will that do?"
"That will do," said the barber, "only now put down your name."
Both signatures being affixed73, the question was started by the barber, who should have custody74 of the instrument; which point, however, he settled for himself, by proposing that both should go together to the captain, [368] and give the document into his hands—the barber hinting that this would be a safe proceeding75, because the captain was necessarily a party disinterested76, and, what was more, could not, from the nature of the present case, make anything by a breach77 of trust. All of which was listened to with some surprise and concern.
"Why, barber," said the cosmopolitan, "this don't show the right spirit; for me, I have confidence in the captain purely78 because he is a man; but he shall have nothing to do with our affair; for if you have no confidence in me, barber, I have in you. There, keep the paper yourself," handing it magnanimously.
Though the mention of that word, or any of its singularly numerous equivalents, in serious neighborhood to a requisition upon one's purse, is attended with a more or less noteworthy effect upon the human countenance81, producing in many an abrupt82 fall of it—in others, a writhing83 and screwing up of the features to a point not undistressing to behold84, in some, attended with a blank pallor and fatal consternation—yet no trace of any of these symptoms was visible upon the countenance of the cosmopolitan, notwithstanding nothing could be more sudden and unexpected than the barber's demand.
"You speak of cash, barber; pray in what connection?"
"In a nearer one, sir," answered the barber, less blandly85, "than I thought the man with the sweet voice [369] stood, who wanted me to trust him once for a shave, on the score of being a sort of thirteenth cousin."
"Indeed, and what did you say to him?"
"I said, 'Thank you, sir, but I don't see the connection,'"
"How could you so unsweetly answer one with a sweet voice?"
"Because, I recalled what the son of Sirach says in the True Book: 'An enemy speaketh sweetly with his lips;' and so I did what the son of Sirach advises in such cases: 'I believed not his many words.'"
"What, barber, do you say that such cynical86 sort of things are in the True Book, by which, of course, you mean the Bible?"
"Yes, and plenty more to the same effect. Read the Book of Proverbs."
"That's strange, now, barber; for I never happen to have met with those passages you cite. Before I go to bed this night, I'll inspect the Bible I saw on the cabin-table, to-day. But mind, you mustn't quote the True Book that way to people coming in here; it would be impliedly a violation87 of the contract. But you don't know how glad I feel that you have for one while signed off all that sort of thing."
"No, sir; not unless you down with the cash."
"Cash again! What do you mean?"
"Why, in this paper here, you engage, sir, to insure me against a certain loss, and——"
"Certain? Is it so certain you are going to lose?"
"Why, that way of taking the word may not be [370] amiss, but I didn't mean it so. I meant a certain loss; you understand, a certain loss; that is to say, a certain loss. Now then, sir, what use your mere writing and saying you will insure me, unless beforehand you place in my hands a money-pledge, sufficient to that end?"
"I see; the material pledge."
"Yes, and I will put it low; say fifty dollars."
"Now what sort of a beginning is this? You, barber, for a given time engage to trust man, to put confidence in men, and, for your first step, make a demand implying no confidence in the very man you engage with. But fifty dollars is nothing, and I would let you have it cheerfully, only I unfortunately happen to have but little change with me just now."
"But you have money in your trunk, though?"
"To be sure. But you see—in fact, barber, you must be consistent. No, I won't let you have the money now; I won't let you violate the inmost spirit of our contract, that way. So good-night, and I will see you again."
"Stay, sir"—humming and hawing—"you have forgotten something."
"Handkerchief?—gloves? No, forgotten nothing. Good-night."
"Stay, sir—the—the shaving."
"Ah, I did forget that. But now that it strikes me, I shan't pay you at present. Look at your agreement; you must trust. Tut! against loss you hold the guarantee. Good-night, my dear barber." [371]
But it holding true in fascination as in natural philosophy, that nothing can act where it is not, so the barber was not long now in being restored to his self-possession and senses; the first evidence of which perhaps was, that, drawing forth his notification from the drawer, he put it back where it belonged; while, as for the agreement, that he tore up; which he felt the more free to do from the impression that in all human probability he would never again see the person who had drawn89 it. Whether that impression proved well-founded or not, does not appear. But in after days, telling the night's adventure to his friends, the worthy80 barber always spoke90 of his queer customer as the man-charmer—as certain East Indians are called snake-charmers—and all his friends united in thinking him quite an Original.
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1
illuminated
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| adj.被照明的；受启迪的 | |
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meditatively
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| adv.冥想地 | |
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meditative
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| adj.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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5
replenished
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| 补充( replenish的过去式和过去分词 )； 重新装满 | |
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vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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7
sociable
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| adj.好交际的，友好的，合群的 | |
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garrulous
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| adj.唠叨的，多话的 | |
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9
Congressman
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| n.（美）国会议员 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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11
vocation
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| n.职业，行业 | |
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testimony
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| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
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13
mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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corroboration
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| n.进一步的证实，进一步的证据 | |
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justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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16
disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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17
assented
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| 同意，赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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19
oracle
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| n.神谕，神谕处，预言 | |
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20
precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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21
imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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22
functionally
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| adv.机能上地，官能地 | |
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provocation
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| n.激怒，刺激，挑拨，挑衅的事物，激怒的原因 | |
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24
improper
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| adj.不适当的，不合适的，不正确的，不合礼仪的 | |
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25
conceits
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| 高傲( conceit的名词复数 )； 自以为； 巧妙的词语； 别出心裁的比喻 | |
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26
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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27
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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28
cosmetics
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| n.化妆品 | |
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29
wig
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| n.假发 | |
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30
wigs
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| n.假发，法官帽( wig的名词复数 ) | |
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31
toupees
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| n.男用假发，遮秃假发( toupee的名词复数 ) | |
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32
prying
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| adj.爱打听的v.打听，刺探（他人的私事）( pry的现在分词 )；撬开 | |
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33
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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34
deception
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| n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计 | |
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35
humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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36
abashed
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| adj.窘迫的，尴尬的v.使羞愧，使局促，使窘迫( abash的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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37
par
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| n.标准，票面价值，平均数量；adj.票面的，平常的，标准的 | |
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38
attest
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| vt.证明，证实；表明 | |
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39
chateau
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| n.城堡，别墅 | |
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40
contentedly
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| adv.心满意足地 | |
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41
condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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42
snug
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| adj.温暖舒适的，合身的，安全的；v.使整洁干净，舒适地依靠，紧贴；n.（英）酒吧里的私房 | |
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43
stratagem
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| n.诡计，计谋 | |
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44
copper
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| n.铜；铜币；铜器；adj.铜(制)的；(紫)铜色的 | |
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45
foam
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| v./n.泡沫，起泡沫 | |
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46
foaming
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| adj.布满泡沫的；发泡 | |
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47
discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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48
lathered
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| v.（指肥皂）形成泡沫( lather的过去式和过去分词 )；用皂沫覆盖；狠狠地打 | |
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49
crest
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| n.顶点；饰章；羽冠；vt.达到顶点；vi.形成浪尖 | |
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50
exhort
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| v.规劝，告诫 | |
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51
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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52
cosmopolitan
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| adj.世界性的，全世界的，四海为家的，全球的 | |
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53
refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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54
benign
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| adj.善良的，慈祥的；良性的，无危险的 | |
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55
fabled
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| adj.寓言中的，虚构的 | |
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56
persuasive
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| adj.有说服力的，能说得使人相信的 | |
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57
fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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58
irresistibly
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| adv.无法抵抗地，不能自持地；极为诱惑人地 | |
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59
averring
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| v.断言( aver的现在分词 )；证实；证明…属实；作为事实提出 | |
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60
demur
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| v．表示异议，反对 | |
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61
notary
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| n.公证人，公证员 | |
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62
clinched
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| v.（尤指两人）互相紧紧抱[扭]住( clinch的过去式和过去分词 )；解决（争端、交易），达成（协议） | |
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63
hawsers
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| n.（供系船或下锚用的）缆索，锚链( hawser的名词复数 ) | |
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64
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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65
joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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memorandum
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| n.备忘录，便笺 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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reciprocate
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| v.往复运动；互换；回报，酬答 | |
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delicacies
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| n.棘手( delicacy的名词复数 )；精致；精美的食物；周到 | |
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residue
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| n.残余，剩余，残渣 | |
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71
soliciting
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| v.恳求( solicit的现在分词 )；（指娼妇）拉客；索求；征求 | |
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specified
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| adj.特定的 | |
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affixed
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| adj.[医]附着的，附着的v.附加( affix的过去式和过去分词 )；粘贴；加以；盖（印章） | |
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custody
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| n.监护，照看，羁押，拘留 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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77
breach
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| n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破 | |
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purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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writhing
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的现在分词 ) | |
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84
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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85
blandly
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| adv.温和地，殷勤地 | |
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86
cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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violation
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| n.违反(行为)，违背(行为)，侵犯 | |
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maze
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| n.迷宫，八阵图，混乱，迷惑 | |
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89
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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