“That is just what I can't do. I cannot afford to wait.”
Arthur Agar drew in his neatly-shod little feet, and leant back in the deep chair which was always set aside as his in the Stagholme drawing-room.
Mother and son were alone in the vast, somewhat gloomy apartment. Arthur had been home six hours, and the subject of their conversation was, of course, Dora.
Sister Cecilia was absent, only in obedience1 to a very unmistakable hint in one of Arthur's recent letters to his mother.
“Only a little while,” pleaded Mrs. Agar. “Of course, dear, it will all come right. I feel convinced of that. Only you see, dear, girls do not like to be hurried in such an important step. I am quite sure she cares for you; only you must give her a little time.”
“But I can't, I can't,” he repeated anxiously. And his face wore that strangely accentuated2 look of trouble which almost amounted to dread—dread of something in life which had not come yet.
“Why not?” inquired Mrs. Agar. “You are both young enough, I am sure.”
“Oh, yes, we are young enough.”
He stirred his tea with an effeminate appreciation3 of fine Coalport and a dainty Norwegian spoon.
“Then why should you not wait?”
Arthur was silent; he looked very small and frail4, almost childlike, in his silk-faced evening coat. Spoilt boy was writ5 large all over his person. “Arthur,” said Mrs. Agar, “you are keeping something from me.”
He shook his feeble head feebly.
“You are, I know you are. What is it?”
This was the only person in all the world who had stirred the heart of Anna Agar to something like a lasting6 affection. Once—years before—she had loved Seymour Michael with a sudden volcanic7 passion which had as suddenly turned to hatred8. But under no circumstances could such a love have endured. Consistency9, constancy, singleness of purpose were quite lacking in this woman's composition. It is rare, but when a woman does fail in this respect, her failure is more complete, more miserable10 than the failure of men, inconstant as they are.
Her affection for Arthur, coupled with that suspicion which always goes with a cheap cunning, had put her on the right scent11.
“Tell me,” she said, “I insist on knowing.”
“Well, then,” she cried, “don't ask me to help you to win Dora, that is all!”
There was a pause; in the silence of the great house the wind moaned softly. It always moaned in the drawing-room, whether in calm or storm, from some undiscovered draught13 in the high ventilated ceiling.
“I sometimes think,” said Arthur at length, in an awestruck voice, “that Jem may not be dead.”
“Not dead! Arthur, how can you be so stupid?”
She was not at all awestruck. Her denser14, more sordid15 nature was proof against the silence or the humming wind. The greed of gain has power to kill superstition16.
His face puzzled her. Suddenly he cast himself back and hid his face in his hands.
“Oh!” he muttered, “I can't do it, I can't do it!”
“Yes,” he confessed in a whisper at length.
“He was not killed in the disaster,” admitted Arthur. In his heart he was still clinging to the other hope subtly held out by Seymour Michael—the hope that in his simple intrepidity20 Jem had gone to his death.
“Then where is he—where is he, Arthur? Tell me quickly!”
Mrs. Agar was white and breathless. It was as if she had bartered21 her soul, and after payment, had been tricked out of her share of the bargain. She trembled with a fear which seemed to fill her world and extend to the other world to come.
“He escaped from that action,” said Arthur, who, now that the truth was out, grew voluble like a child making a confession22, “by being sent on in front with a few men. They escaped notice, while the larger body was attacked and massacred.”
“Who told you this?”
“I do not know. I cannot tell you his name.”
“Oh yes,” he replied, “it is all right. I know what I am saying, though sometimes I scarcely believe it myself. If it was a hundred years ago one might believe it easily enough, but now it seems unreal.”
“Then where is Jem? Was he taken prisoner? Those men are savages25, aren't they? They kill—people when they take them prisoners.”
“No, he was not taken prisoner,” said Arthur. Sometimes he lost patience in a snappy, feminine way with his mother.
“I will, if you will let me. It appears that Jem had made himself a name out there for knowing the country and the people, which is useful to the Government, because Russia and England both want the country, or something like that; I don't quite understand it.”
“Oh, never mind! Go on!” interrupted Mrs. Agar, with characteristic impatience27.
“And at any rate the men on the other side—the Russians or some one, I don't know who—were in the habit of watching Jem so as to prevent his going up into this unexplored country. Well, when the report of his death was put in the newspapers it was left uncontradicted, so that these men should think he was dead, and not be on the look-out for him. Do you understand?”
Mrs. Agar had raised her head, with listening, attentive28 eyes. It seemed as if a voice had come to her across the years from the distant past. A voice telling an old story, which had never been forgotten, but merely laid aside in the memory among those things that never are forgotten.
Finding Arthur's troubled gaze upon her, she seemed to recollect29 herself with a little gesture of her hand to her breast as if breathing were difficult.
“That does not sound like a thing Jem would do,” she said, with one of those flashes of shrewd observation which sometimes come to inconsequent people, and make it difficult for those around them to be sure how much they see and how much passes unobserved.
“It was not Jem, it was this other man.”
“Which other man?” Mrs. Agar gave a little gasp30, as if she had found something she feared to find.
“The man who told me—he was Jem's superior officer.”
“When did he tell you—where?”
“He came to see me at Cambridge, and brought those things of Jem's,” replied Arthur. So far from feeling guilty at thus revealing all that he had promised to keep secret, he was now beginning to experience some pangs31 of conscience at the recollection of a concealment32 which, by a supreme33 effort, had been made to extend to four months.
There was a sly gleam in Mrs. Agar's eyes. A close observer knowing her well could have seen the cunning written on her face, for it was cheap and obvious.
“Oh!” she said indifferently, “and what sort of man was he?”
Arthur pondered with a deliberation that almost maddened her.
“Oh!” he replied at length, “a small man, dark, with a sunburnt face; a Jew, I should think. He was rather well dressed—in the military style, of course.”
“Yes,” muttered Mrs. Agar. “Yes.”
There was a long silence, during which Mrs. Agar reflected, as deeply, perhaps, as she had ever reflected in her life.
Then she discovered something for herself which had of necessity been pointed34 out to her son—a subtle divergence35 of character.
“But,” she said, “of course Jem may never come back from this expedition. It must be very dangerous.”
“It is very dangerous.”
Mrs. Agar's sigh of relief was quite audible. It is thus that nature sometimes betrays human nature.
“Did he say that? Did he think that of it?”
Seymour Michael's opinion still had value in her eyes.
“Yes,” the reply came slowly; “he said that we might almost look upon Jem as a dead man.”
Mother and son looked at each other and said nothing. Heredity is a strange thing, and one alternately aggrandised and slighted. Blood is a very powerful force, but the little lessons taught in childhood's years bear a wondrous36 crop of good or evil fruit in later days.
Left alone, Arthur Agar's natural tendency was towards good. Probably because he was timid, and goodness seems the safer course. There are many who have not the courage to forsake37 goodness, even for a moment. But under the influence of a stronger will—that is to say, under the influence of four out of every five persons crossing his path—Arthur was liable to be led in any direction. He would rather have sinned in company than have cultivated virtue38 in the solitude39 usually accorded to that state.
Somehow, in his mother's presence it did not seem so very wrong to keep back the truth respecting Jem and to turn it to his own ends. It did not seem either mean or cowardly to take advantage of a rival's absence and gain his object, by deception40. So, perhaps, it was in the beginning, when the world was young. In those days also a mother and son helped each other in deception, and so since then have many thousands of mothers (incompetent or vicious) led their children to ruin.
“Of course,” said Mrs. Agar, “if Jem goes and does things of that description he must take the consequences.”
Arthur said nothing in reply to this. The thought had been his for some months, but he had never put it into shape.
“We are perfectly41 justified,” she went on, “in acting42 as if Jem were dead until he deigns43 to advise us to the contrary.”
This also was putting a long-cherished thought into form.
Arthur knew that he ought to have told his mother then and there that Jem had taken every step in his power to advise him as soon as possible of the falseness of the news transmitted to the newspapers. But something held him silent, some taint44 of hereditary45 untruthfulness.
“I do not see,” she said, “that this news can, therefore, make much difference. There is no reason to alter any of our plans. To begin with, I am certain that he is dead. We must have heard by this time if he had been living.”
Arthur gave a little nod of acquiescence46.
“And also,” pursued Mrs. Agar, with characteristic inconsistency, “he evidently does not care about us or our feelings.”
Arthur knew what she meant, and he descended47 as low in the moral scale as ever he went during his life.
“But,” he said, “there is, all the same, no time to lose.”
“Well, dear,” said his mother soothingly49, “I will see Ellen Glynde to-morrow, and try to make her say something to Dora. A girl's mother has always more influence than her father.”
This idiotic50 axiom seemed to satisfy Arthur, probably because he knew no better, and he rose to take his bedroom candlestick.
Mrs. Agar was a person utterly51 incapable52 of harbouring two thoughts at the same moment. She never even got so far as to place two sides of a question upon an equal footing in her mind. All her questions had but one side. She was not thinking of Arthur when she went to her room. She was not thinking of him when she lay staring at the daylight, which had crept up into the sky before she closed her eyes.
She tossed and turned and moaned aloud with a childish impatience. Her mind could find no rest; it could not throw off the deadly knowledge that Seymour Michael had come back into her life. And somehow she was no longer Anna Agar, but Anna Hethbridge. She was no longer the fond mother whose whole world was filled by thoughts of her son—a miserable, thoughtless, haphazard53 world it was—but again she was the wronged woman, moved by the one great passion that had stirred her sordid soul, a fearsome hatred for Seymour Michael.
She was not an analytical54 woman; she had never thought about her own thoughts; she was as superficial as human nature can well be. That is to say, she was little more than an animal with the gift of speech, added to one or two small items of knowledge which divide men from beasts. But she knew that this was not the end. She never doubted for a moment that it was merely a beginning, that Seymour Michael was coming back into her life.
Like a child she tossed and tumbled in her bed, muttering half-consciously, “Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do?”
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1
obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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accentuated
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| v.重读( accentuate的过去式和过去分词 )；使突出；使恶化；加重音符号于 | |
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appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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writ
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| n.命令状，书面命令 | |
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lasting
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| adj.永久的，永恒的；vbl.持续，维持 | |
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volcanic
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| adj.火山的；象火山的；由火山引起的 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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consistency
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| n.一贯性，前后一致，稳定性；(液体的)浓度 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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obstinate
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| adj.顽固的，倔强的，不易屈服的，较难治愈的 | |
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draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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denser
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| adj. 不易看透的, 密集的, 浓厚的, 愚钝的 | |
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sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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superstition
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| n.迷信，迷信行为 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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hissed
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| 发嘶嘶声( hiss的过去式和过去分词 )； 发嘘声表示反对 | |
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hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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intrepidity
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| n.大胆，刚勇；大胆的行为 | |
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bartered
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| v.作物物交换，以货换货( barter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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savages
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| 未开化的人，野蛮人( savage的名词复数 ) | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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attentive
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| adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的 | |
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recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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gasp
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| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
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pangs
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| 突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 )； 悲痛 | |
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concealment
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| n.隐藏, 掩盖，隐瞒 | |
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supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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divergence
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| n.分歧，岔开 | |
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wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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forsake
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| vt.遗弃，抛弃；舍弃，放弃 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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deception
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| n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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deigns
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| v.屈尊，俯就( deign的第三人称单数 ) | |
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taint
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| n.污点；感染；腐坏；v.使感染；污染 | |
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hereditary
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| adj.遗传的，遗传性的，可继承的，世袭的 | |
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acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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48
sleek
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| adj.光滑的，井然有序的；v.使光滑，梳拢 | |
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soothingly
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| adv.抚慰地，安慰地；镇痛地 | |
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50
idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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51
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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52
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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53
haphazard
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| adj.无计划的，随意的，杂乱无章的 | |
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54
analytical
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| adj.分析的；用分析法的 | |
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